Taxi Driver
I watched "Taxi Driver" again. I know I shouldn't have, I know it. But I did, with Jahn. That movie scares me. It scares me because of how accurate it is. I am just like that taxi driver. I can't communicate sometimes. I get so lonely and I get so confused and angry and I try to connect with people and I just can't. And everything Travis does in the movie, it makes sense to me. I wouldn't kill anyone, I promise, but it makes sense what he does.
I don't want to grow up and get a job and be enveloped by horror. Travis tries to be a cab driver but he can't, he is still himself and he can't lose himself, and he tries to fake and pretend like he's a regular cab driver but he isn't. I am one of those people who can't become anything other than what I am already, and I just hope I remember never to try, no matter how bad I feel. But the problem is that everybody wants you to try. Everybody wants you to grow up and stop being you and start being something serious. Part of me wants to but I don't think I ever could, and I think if I tried I might end up like Travis, and like that guy who robs the convenience store in that movie, and like so many people end up in the cities or anywhere, just losing themselves completely and getting enveloped.
Violence is not the answer. I have to remind myself of that because it seems so often like it is, like it really is the answer. I have to remember the truth.
I don't want to grow up and get a job and be enveloped by horror. Travis tries to be a cab driver but he can't, he is still himself and he can't lose himself, and he tries to fake and pretend like he's a regular cab driver but he isn't. I am one of those people who can't become anything other than what I am already, and I just hope I remember never to try, no matter how bad I feel. But the problem is that everybody wants you to try. Everybody wants you to grow up and stop being you and start being something serious. Part of me wants to but I don't think I ever could, and I think if I tried I might end up like Travis, and like that guy who robs the convenience store in that movie, and like so many people end up in the cities or anywhere, just losing themselves completely and getting enveloped.
Violence is not the answer. I have to remind myself of that because it seems so often like it is, like it really is the answer. I have to remember the truth.