(no subject)

[rahr_says_i]

i keep trying to think about what the most painful part is. is it feeling that the last three years of loving him has been rendered meaningless and absurd and wasteful? is it feeling cast aside, discarded, worthless, foolish? is it feeling that the one person in the world i thought that i knew the best is now a complete stranger? is it thinking of him trying to stop loving me, wanting me, missing me? is it the thought of him succeeding? is it losing respect for someone who you once respected the most? is it the disappointment? is it the fact that in the end i still want to be with him? that he could hurt me this much and i could still love him? is it the fact that something that i thought was worth pouring out heart and soul for ended up being something that he could just put down and walk away from? is it the fact that in the end he was just another stereotypical, cowardly boy?

i think the truth is, though, that the most painful part is missing him. every day, in every part of me. it's like someone broke my faith in god.