(no subject)
i have magically managed to lose only the last 8pages or so of the only article in my entire course reader i actually wanted to use on my final paper. YES. wonder student strikes again.
on top of that it's rainy grey and all i want to do is write and write for me, not for class.
i am doing so so well but every once in awhile it's like i'm peering over the edge and i could lose it all, just go back to where i started and have no choice.
sometimes i think i'm just kidding myself. i'm not going anywhere. there's no amazing adventure at the end of these four years, just disappointment and another relationship behind me. 18 months tomorrow.....Nik has been amazing and our relationship has completely redefined my concept of being loved. But honestly? I get back from these two months away, we continue on in our happy way, then he leaves for four months and then what? then i sit and think about what the fuck i'm doing. some part of me always craves that unhappiness, that rocking the boat that is idiocy. do i honestly think i could last four months, this time the one left behind in the familiar place while he galavants around asia? i don't know. should i even be thinking about it when it's five months away? no.
no, the answer is no.
taking sport seriously! what's the point? time to write my paper.
on top of that it's rainy grey and all i want to do is write and write for me, not for class.
i am doing so so well but every once in awhile it's like i'm peering over the edge and i could lose it all, just go back to where i started and have no choice.
sometimes i think i'm just kidding myself. i'm not going anywhere. there's no amazing adventure at the end of these four years, just disappointment and another relationship behind me. 18 months tomorrow.....Nik has been amazing and our relationship has completely redefined my concept of being loved. But honestly? I get back from these two months away, we continue on in our happy way, then he leaves for four months and then what? then i sit and think about what the fuck i'm doing. some part of me always craves that unhappiness, that rocking the boat that is idiocy. do i honestly think i could last four months, this time the one left behind in the familiar place while he galavants around asia? i don't know. should i even be thinking about it when it's five months away? no.
no, the answer is no.
taking sport seriously! what's the point? time to write my paper.