Best Friends
What exactly is a best friend? Webster's Dictionary defines "friend" as (1) a person whom one knows well and is fond of; (2) an ally, supporter, or sympathizer. And it defines "best" as (1) of GOOD; (2) most excellent; (3) most suitable, desirable, etc.; (4) largest. And those are the definitions of best when used as an adjective.
So is a "best friend" the most excellent ally? The most suitable supporter? Or how about the largest person one is fond of? Now, granted, I am skewing these definitions and using them in the wrong context, but I'd still like to know what makes a best friend. What are the qualifications that make certain friends better than the others?
Last night I took a poll to see what people thought qualified a person as a best friend. I polled 25 people and asked them "What are three qualities you'd say make a best friend?". These are my results...
18 Trustworthy
12 Loyalty
10 Good Listener/Communication
8 Sense of Humor/Fun to be around
6 Dependability
5 Honesty
5 Shared Interests
5 Understanding
5 Caring
5 Comforter/Encourager
1 Forgiveness
1 Humility
1 Courage
1 Respect
1 Good in bed
I don't know the person who said "good in bed". It was a friend of a friend, but none-the-less it was said and is therefore part of my poll. Also, some gave more than three qualities while others gave only one or two.
So let's see... the four highest qualities were trustworthy (18), loyalty (12), good listener/communication (10), and sense of humor/fun to be around (8). Sounds good, right? Well, let's test that.
Jamie (forgive me for using you as an example) is my friend. Do I trust her? Of course. Otherwise I wouldn't invite her to my house or do things with her. Is she loyal? I'm pretty sure Jamie's never abandoned me for someone else. Is she a good listener? Sure. I tell her stuff. Does she have a sense of humor or is she fun to be around? Of course! Who wants to hang out with a boring person?
So does this make Jamie my best friend? No. Why? I don't know. Why do I classify Jamie as a "friend" and Danielle a "best friend" when they both have all four of those qualities?
Some people might say that your best friend is the one you've known the longest. Well, I've known Jamie for 8 years and I've known Danielle for about half that.
Some people might say that your best friend is the one who stuck by your side through the hardest times in your life. That would qualify because Danielle was there when my dad had cancer, and Jamie and I weren't really talking at that time (and it was no one's fault).
I bet y'all are wondering what brought this up, huh? I was talking to someone who I consider to be a best friend. I will admit that I got a little mouthy towards him last night and did give him a bit of an attitude. So before he signed off in a huff, he said that if I ever wanted to talk to my best friend again, I'd watch my attitude. Might I add that this past week (during the whole situation with my butt), he's been suspiciously absent. He didn't answer my texts or calls or even get online to see if I was still alive. He disappeared, and I felt extremely lonely and neglected.
In my eyes, he hasn't exactly been acting like a best friend. I don't see any of those qualities in him right now. He's not dependable, he's not a good listener, he's not forgiving, he's not a comforter... and due to past events he's proven he isn't honest, loyal, and he doesn't respect me as a person.
So am I justified in questioning this friendship? Is this guy "qualified" enough to be my best friend when the qualifications themselves are very unclear? Or am I being stupid and making a mountain out of a mole hill? Am I simply acting out and saying these things about him because I'm hurt? I mean, I love him. He's a good friend when he wants to be, but he can also be extremely hurtful, and I don't think he realizes just how much he hurts me.
So I dunno. Just ignore this. I guess it's kind of a rant with no cussing and no true anger behind it... just hurt.
Thank you to everyone who put up with my polling last night. I appreciate it.
So is a "best friend" the most excellent ally? The most suitable supporter? Or how about the largest person one is fond of? Now, granted, I am skewing these definitions and using them in the wrong context, but I'd still like to know what makes a best friend. What are the qualifications that make certain friends better than the others?
Last night I took a poll to see what people thought qualified a person as a best friend. I polled 25 people and asked them "What are three qualities you'd say make a best friend?". These are my results...
18 Trustworthy
12 Loyalty
10 Good Listener/Communication
8 Sense of Humor/Fun to be around
6 Dependability
5 Honesty
5 Shared Interests
5 Understanding
5 Caring
5 Comforter/Encourager
1 Forgiveness
1 Humility
1 Courage
1 Respect
1 Good in bed
I don't know the person who said "good in bed". It was a friend of a friend, but none-the-less it was said and is therefore part of my poll. Also, some gave more than three qualities while others gave only one or two.
So let's see... the four highest qualities were trustworthy (18), loyalty (12), good listener/communication (10), and sense of humor/fun to be around (8). Sounds good, right? Well, let's test that.
Jamie (forgive me for using you as an example) is my friend. Do I trust her? Of course. Otherwise I wouldn't invite her to my house or do things with her. Is she loyal? I'm pretty sure Jamie's never abandoned me for someone else. Is she a good listener? Sure. I tell her stuff. Does she have a sense of humor or is she fun to be around? Of course! Who wants to hang out with a boring person?
So does this make Jamie my best friend? No. Why? I don't know. Why do I classify Jamie as a "friend" and Danielle a "best friend" when they both have all four of those qualities?
Some people might say that your best friend is the one you've known the longest. Well, I've known Jamie for 8 years and I've known Danielle for about half that.
Some people might say that your best friend is the one who stuck by your side through the hardest times in your life. That would qualify because Danielle was there when my dad had cancer, and Jamie and I weren't really talking at that time (and it was no one's fault).
I bet y'all are wondering what brought this up, huh? I was talking to someone who I consider to be a best friend. I will admit that I got a little mouthy towards him last night and did give him a bit of an attitude. So before he signed off in a huff, he said that if I ever wanted to talk to my best friend again, I'd watch my attitude. Might I add that this past week (during the whole situation with my butt), he's been suspiciously absent. He didn't answer my texts or calls or even get online to see if I was still alive. He disappeared, and I felt extremely lonely and neglected.
In my eyes, he hasn't exactly been acting like a best friend. I don't see any of those qualities in him right now. He's not dependable, he's not a good listener, he's not forgiving, he's not a comforter... and due to past events he's proven he isn't honest, loyal, and he doesn't respect me as a person.
So am I justified in questioning this friendship? Is this guy "qualified" enough to be my best friend when the qualifications themselves are very unclear? Or am I being stupid and making a mountain out of a mole hill? Am I simply acting out and saying these things about him because I'm hurt? I mean, I love him. He's a good friend when he wants to be, but he can also be extremely hurtful, and I don't think he realizes just how much he hurts me.
So I dunno. Just ignore this. I guess it's kind of a rant with no cussing and no true anger behind it... just hurt.
Thank you to everyone who put up with my polling last night. I appreciate it.