Love less than perfect
A lot of people who ship Spike/Buffy do so on the basis of Spike's speech in "Touched" - he's seen Buffy at her best and her worst, and still loves her, without expecting anything from her in return. His love for her is pure and selfless. What I sometimes wonder, though, is... does Buffy return the favor?
That's not to say that I think Buffy should be down with the blithely-killing-people-for-a-century part of Spike's history. But if Buffy loved Spike in canon, many fans assume that she only realized it in the five minutes just before he died, when he was at his most heroic and self-sacrificing. I would agree that in that moment, she did love him - indeed, the tragic romantic irony of that scene depends on it.
But no one can sustain that level of heroic self-sacrifice forever. Buffy loves the Spike who got a soul for her and gave his life for her and lavishes emotional support on her while asking nothing of her, and that's great as far as it goes.... but. Leave the vampire thing aside: Does Buffy love the Spike who leaves wet towels on the floor and writes crappy, embarrassing poetry? The Spike who's snarky and bad-tempered and emotionally needy and occasionally childish and jealous, who might selfishly desire some commitment from her in return for his devotion, even if he never feels entitled to request it? (God knows, a lot of fans don't love that Spike, and prefer to believe that any indication he still exists post-soul is bad writing.) Does Buffy love Spike, or an image of Spike as idealized and unreal as the image of Angel she's enshrined in memory?
Maybe that's what Spike meant by "No, you don't."
That's not to say that I think Buffy should be down with the blithely-killing-people-for-a-century part of Spike's history. But if Buffy loved Spike in canon, many fans assume that she only realized it in the five minutes just before he died, when he was at his most heroic and self-sacrificing. I would agree that in that moment, she did love him - indeed, the tragic romantic irony of that scene depends on it.
But no one can sustain that level of heroic self-sacrifice forever. Buffy loves the Spike who got a soul for her and gave his life for her and lavishes emotional support on her while asking nothing of her, and that's great as far as it goes.... but. Leave the vampire thing aside: Does Buffy love the Spike who leaves wet towels on the floor and writes crappy, embarrassing poetry? The Spike who's snarky and bad-tempered and emotionally needy and occasionally childish and jealous, who might selfishly desire some commitment from her in return for his devotion, even if he never feels entitled to request it? (God knows, a lot of fans don't love that Spike, and prefer to believe that any indication he still exists post-soul is bad writing.) Does Buffy love Spike, or an image of Spike as idealized and unreal as the image of Angel she's enshrined in memory?
Maybe that's what Spike meant by "No, you don't."