mindless ranting from a broken woman
i would not go as far as to say my live sucks. I do believe i have the lousiest luck any one could have. I m still broken up about losing two friends last week, but know i get more shit thrown my way. I am right now in the most self hating moment of my life. I let a man who had hurt me so much in the past, do what he pleased. I did not care for myself. I guess in a way i wanted to commit a slow suicide. Now i'm broken up because i acted the way i did. I feel disgust whith myself and its so fucking hard to look into my friends eyes and not think if they were to know, they would abandon me, they would run away like everyone else in my life, with the exception of my three people until now: my mom, granma and aunt candy. I have one good friend i have told and even though she is not abandoning me , she is disappointed. I betrayed her opinion of me and i let her down. I said i was one thing and ended being completly different. A real hipocrite if you can believe.
I wish i could fall asleep and never wake up. I wish i could let out all i feel inside, but i cant. I feel restricted by a part of me. Its like if i where to let everything out and allow myself to fall into pieces i would have to accept what has happened. But if i dont , i can still deny its effects on my. This somehow seems like what i want to accept, that im not the person whom i have recently shown o be. that all is well and it was a dream or an ilusion.
I wish i could fall asleep and never wake up. I wish i could let out all i feel inside, but i cant. I feel restricted by a part of me. Its like if i where to let everything out and allow myself to fall into pieces i would have to accept what has happened. But if i dont , i can still deny its effects on my. This somehow seems like what i want to accept, that im not the person whom i have recently shown o be. that all is well and it was a dream or an ilusion.