(no subject)
Yeah, George called again this morning after Rachel told him never to again. I can't help but get mad. I can't believe this weekend. I need a vacation from my life for a few days maybe a year. I need to stop this shit. I get mad at Rachel but she didn't call him, She didn't do anything wrong. I hate myself, I puked this morning. I feel worthless to her. I feel helpless, poor, tired, hated, and I just wish Rachel would kill him....just tell him that he never deserved her and that he's a piece of infectios human waste that can't get over the fact that I have her heart and she has mine and that I love her more than life itself....I'm nothing without you baby. I have nothing but you and I was even afraid that I might lose you this morning. I'm so sorry for all of this. It isn't fair that you have to nicely tell him that you don't want him around...I want you to break him. I want you to tell him something so hurtful that he absolutely breaks. I want you to be mine and I want to make love to you again. This morning was not what I wanted. It shouldn't have happened. I won't do it again untill it feels right again...it didn't feel right this morning. I don't feel your love, I'm too stressed out about everything. I hope you enjoyed it but I still feel empty about this whole thing. Last night then George calling again like having two of my worst nightmares come true in the last 15 hours. I miss you so much. I hate this feeling, please hold on to me and tell me you love me please don't let my emotionless face drive you away. I need you more than air right now. I want you to love me because looking back on the past couple of hours I can't see how you are with me....I'm pathetic.....I couldn't do it last night....I'm not comfortable like that....I couldn't stop George from calling you even after all of this shit recently....I'm failing you...you are so beautiful and you are not dirty or a slut.... I don't even care about last night it's over now and I can't ever see that happening again...I felt like they were doing it for you more than me....I hated it...I miss you and me alone without all of this shit without george without lauren and lewis...This waas the worste weekend for our love life. I need you so badly I can feel the wind blowing through the hole inside of me where your heart should be, hold me..love me...please.