Really. I don't care. But it changes suprising little about me.
Honesty:
I stopped believing in god and a soul a while ago, and ever since then, all of my fantasies which were previously based on the afterlife have become based on time machines, amassing large quantities of wealth and girls/guys/fame. I don't think i believe in time travel though. I also don't think I will/will-ever-want-to-be really rich, so no they're probably all going to be about girls/guys, friends, and fame. I guess that's cool. I feel myself slipping into philosophical nihilism(not in my actions). I just have a hard time caring about much anymore. So everything I do has been based around pleasure and maximizing the profits of non-zero-sum situations. (I don't believe in altruism or any objective "good", so I seem to have been reduced to making myself look good, which more often than not benefits people, and working for the good of others without rewards when it takes no more/a negligible ammount of effort of my own). I take joy in doing things for other people, but I believe it's just a function of the mind based on evolution, and sucess gained from cooperation of humans. I've lost my zest for life.
Here's an example.
I only feel bad about feeling this way because I think other people will think of me negatively because of it. It's really fucking hard to care when you can't look at somthing as good or bad.
It really doesn't make me function any different than I used to though. Deeper than that, I feel that everyone would feel the same way if they looked deep inside, but I worry that people will look down on me because they don't feel that way, or they don't want to believe they feel that way, or they've never put though into it, or they think everyone expects them to look down of me. My motivation for my actions isn't at all "good" in the classic sense of the word. But I don't believe in that word So I shouldn't care. Do I just feel because about doing good for others because people who felt good about helping others in the past had a better chance of survival? Evolutionary psycholgoy and all? Fuck, I don't know.
My only relavent inner turmoil is finding the perfect balance of a joyful life and a long life. I honestly don't know if I'd rather live 1000 shitty fucking torturous years, or 10 awesome fame filled years. I also put some value in the legacy I leave behind, but I still have doubts about that. What's the point if yr dead? Is it really worth anything to live on in people's minds after you die? I don't believe I'd ever know the difference. How much joy-time is worth how much un-joy time? It's imeasurable, I think. It sucks that there is no way to look at life objectively, because that seems to be the only way to solve my problem here. Am I stuck forever? Am I going to be wondering this until I die? Am I a dick for thinking this? I'm rambling now I guess.
I'm hesitent to post this though (once again, because I worry what people will think.) Comment and let me know how you think, whoever you are. I'd reallllly want someone to make me think otherwise. It's kind of a bummer, ya know? But I don't really imagine myself thinking any other way.
End Honesty:
I'm a great guy.
I stopped believing in god and a soul a while ago, and ever since then, all of my fantasies which were previously based on the afterlife have become based on time machines, amassing large quantities of wealth and girls/guys/fame. I don't think i believe in time travel though. I also don't think I will/will-ever-want-to-be really rich, so no they're probably all going to be about girls/guys, friends, and fame. I guess that's cool. I feel myself slipping into philosophical nihilism(not in my actions). I just have a hard time caring about much anymore. So everything I do has been based around pleasure and maximizing the profits of non-zero-sum situations. (I don't believe in altruism or any objective "good", so I seem to have been reduced to making myself look good, which more often than not benefits people, and working for the good of others without rewards when it takes no more/a negligible ammount of effort of my own). I take joy in doing things for other people, but I believe it's just a function of the mind based on evolution, and sucess gained from cooperation of humans. I've lost my zest for life.
Here's an example.
I only feel bad about feeling this way because I think other people will think of me negatively because of it. It's really fucking hard to care when you can't look at somthing as good or bad.
It really doesn't make me function any different than I used to though. Deeper than that, I feel that everyone would feel the same way if they looked deep inside, but I worry that people will look down on me because they don't feel that way, or they don't want to believe they feel that way, or they've never put though into it, or they think everyone expects them to look down of me. My motivation for my actions isn't at all "good" in the classic sense of the word. But I don't believe in that word So I shouldn't care. Do I just feel because about doing good for others because people who felt good about helping others in the past had a better chance of survival? Evolutionary psycholgoy and all? Fuck, I don't know.
My only relavent inner turmoil is finding the perfect balance of a joyful life and a long life. I honestly don't know if I'd rather live 1000 shitty fucking torturous years, or 10 awesome fame filled years. I also put some value in the legacy I leave behind, but I still have doubts about that. What's the point if yr dead? Is it really worth anything to live on in people's minds after you die? I don't believe I'd ever know the difference. How much joy-time is worth how much un-joy time? It's imeasurable, I think. It sucks that there is no way to look at life objectively, because that seems to be the only way to solve my problem here. Am I stuck forever? Am I going to be wondering this until I die? Am I a dick for thinking this? I'm rambling now I guess.
I'm hesitent to post this though (once again, because I worry what people will think.) Comment and let me know how you think, whoever you are. I'd reallllly want someone to make me think otherwise. It's kind of a bummer, ya know? But I don't really imagine myself thinking any other way.
End Honesty:
I'm a great guy.