I shouldn't have insulted the universe...
...because it found new ways to torment me.
I woke this morning after a few hours of sleep, drenched with fever sweat, to a strange tickling on my upper lip. I brush it off and open my eyes, only to discover a spider had been crawling on my face. After a brief moment of UGH I humanely capture the spider and set it free to The Great Outdoors, but then discover I can't go back to sleep do to a sudden and particularly nasty urinary tract infection. So, aching and fevered, I dress myself at 7:30am and head to the Student Health Services. I then discover that someone sideswiped my car in the middle of the night and damaged my left mirror. So I drive half blind, but get safely to the hospital, where I shell out my last 65 bucks in cash for a five minute appointment to pee in a cup. According to my doctor: "Wow! There's lots of blood and bacteria in your urine!"
So I get a prescription for antibiotics, and off I trot to the pharmacy. The pharmacy is closed. Off I trot to the other pharmacy and wait and wait and wait while the very nice but overworked pharmacist takes over twenty minutes to fill a prescription of six pills. I stagger up to the counter to pay and lo! my credit card is declined.
The best way to find out you're flat broke is trying to pay for a 15 dollar prescription at the pharmacy.
There was no other recourse. Off I trot back to my car, drive home, steal money from my roommate (thanks for the advance rent payment, Gerritt. At least your money is going straight to my bladder, and not in the alcohol way). Then I drive all the way back to the pharmacy where our dear overworked pharmacist takes forever to get back to me. Then they didn't have change for a hundred dollar bill so I wait some more while they figure that out. At this point I'm considering giving up on medication and letting the bacteria have my body, because obviously it wants it more than I do, but then I realized Death By Urinary Tract Infection would be an awful way to go.
Finally I get my prescription in my hot little hands and drive home, arriving almost exactly three hours after I left the first time this morning.
So let's recap this last week. I catch cold sores from Steve, something I've done my best to avoid until now. I catch this horrendous flu fever thing that may or may not be mumps. I think I was immunized, but who knows with these sneaky hyper strains. Somebody hit my car, a spider crawled on my face, I got a urinary tract infection, and I've got negative money.
What more do you want from me, cruel fate? You already killed my cat two months ago. Want one of my limbs? My firstborn son? Oh god, I'm probably pregnant now just for saying that.
Ugh. And now I get to be worried about my boyfriend's testicles in the event that we actually have mumps. Apparently it causes complications for the men. Hang in there, little guys! But hey, with my current luck it's probably not mumps, just cancer.