No fire in our eyes, no steel in our hearts, no magic in our songs...
my life sucks. i'm gonna be put on prozac soon. am i really that fucked up? I guess i never really noticed it before but it once again proves that EVERYTHING is relative. I went to get my license today(finally, 10 months after i turned 16) and i can't even take the test because the benz has a busted headlight. i was trying so hard not to lash out but luckily im very good at bottling up my emotions. so after talking to the supervisor of the Penndot center, i get to come back tomorrow since our headlight's fixed as of tonite. wow just great. tonite was burr's surprise bday party. im really happy for him and im glad he had a great time. i, unfotunately, did not. i have become so enstranged from the PC crowd that I dont even really relate to them anymore. i mean burr and baldy are still my friends, but kohn, becki, gina, ellen and koolpe are really not what they used to be in my book. i know tha i used to be good friends with them, last year especially, but homeschooling has really taken its toll. i admit that maybe it wasnt the best decision to leave penn charter, but that could just be my depression talking. i can never seem to win with school, it just seems that i always have to suffer under the system and there is absolutely no end to the yoke. i have to take the fuckin PSATs tomorrow and i cant even dirve to school by my fucking self cuz somebody didnt get the headlight fixed. why the fuck do i have to pay the price all the time? why is it that i have to suffer and fail and never experience the happiness that everyone else seems to enjoy? why must my life constantly suck? ive come to the conclusion that people like me are made to suffer, people who have no place on this earth and really cannot function in society. i dont belong anywhere, and i do, i have yet to find that place. it wasnt penn charter, it sure as hell isnt community college, and i know that its not gonna get any easier for me. every time i try to suceed, every time i try to feel good and every time i try to make something of myself, life shovels fucking shit in my face and i take the trip down that all too familiar path. theres no end. my life is going nowhere. someone tell me im worth something and ill believe it. its been so long since i meant something to anyone, even myself. for the first time in my life, i need something from someone else and i hope to get it. were goin to eastern state penitentary tomorrow night at 8 and everyone is welcome to go, tickets are 25 bucks, it would be great if everyone could go. this is gettin too long, im done. ill cya all tomorrow morning.