(no subject)
Okay so confessions of an adolescent beauty queen (that'd be me, k so not really)
I realized tonight, although I always kind of figured anyhow, that I am terrified of failure. Not so much even failure, but not being completely awesome. I applied for 3 interships online tonight and my confidence sucks so bad that it convinced me that I will not get them. Yes, I know that I chose an extremely competitive career field (journalism, fyi) and there really is no hope of me turning back because I just WANT WANT WANT to do it. I don't know, I just don't think I'll get anywhere with it. I have never been one of those people who just "get" things or have them fall into their lap, and you all know the people I'm talking about. There are people who I have met in college and I am so freaking envious of them because I can just tell that they are going to be something awesome. I really would like to be one of those people.
It's like I have this selfishness/impatience about me that I hate. I don't want to work my way from the bottom to the top. I want to land a kick-ass internship that leads to kick-ass job offers that leads to a kick-ass life in a kick-ass city. The problem is, I have the motivation and I really know that I could do the job just as well as any other person, it's just the confidence in getting there that I lack. Take the Washington Post Summer Experience, for instance. Pretty much the BEST newspaper internship ever, honestly. I'm reading over the qualifications and the requirements and what-have-you and I'm like OH AWESOME I have all of these pretty much, but then my mind starts blabbering like "Well, there's about 4293840932890 applicants that probably have stories 100x more interesting and relevant to the experience than you," and it makes me contemplate not even applying. IT WON'T HAPPEN, I WILL APPLY. I guess I feel like since I'm really quite moderate and not that into politics, that applying for a news internship in the D.C. area is kind of dumb. Not dumb, but I think that my experience and writing will seem insufficient to them.
And then it's like "WELL WTF HOW DO I JUST GET CARRIE BRADSHAW'S JOB?" and on that note, I'm out. Sorry, my thoughts are little bit scattered tonight, to say the least.
I realized tonight, although I always kind of figured anyhow, that I am terrified of failure. Not so much even failure, but not being completely awesome. I applied for 3 interships online tonight and my confidence sucks so bad that it convinced me that I will not get them. Yes, I know that I chose an extremely competitive career field (journalism, fyi) and there really is no hope of me turning back because I just WANT WANT WANT to do it. I don't know, I just don't think I'll get anywhere with it. I have never been one of those people who just "get" things or have them fall into their lap, and you all know the people I'm talking about. There are people who I have met in college and I am so freaking envious of them because I can just tell that they are going to be something awesome. I really would like to be one of those people.
It's like I have this selfishness/impatience about me that I hate. I don't want to work my way from the bottom to the top. I want to land a kick-ass internship that leads to kick-ass job offers that leads to a kick-ass life in a kick-ass city. The problem is, I have the motivation and I really know that I could do the job just as well as any other person, it's just the confidence in getting there that I lack. Take the Washington Post Summer Experience, for instance. Pretty much the BEST newspaper internship ever, honestly. I'm reading over the qualifications and the requirements and what-have-you and I'm like OH AWESOME I have all of these pretty much, but then my mind starts blabbering like "Well, there's about 4293840932890 applicants that probably have stories 100x more interesting and relevant to the experience than you," and it makes me contemplate not even applying. IT WON'T HAPPEN, I WILL APPLY. I guess I feel like since I'm really quite moderate and not that into politics, that applying for a news internship in the D.C. area is kind of dumb. Not dumb, but I think that my experience and writing will seem insufficient to them.
And then it's like "WELL WTF HOW DO I JUST GET CARRIE BRADSHAW'S JOB?" and on that note, I'm out. Sorry, my thoughts are little bit scattered tonight, to say the least.