(no subject)
my new goal is to be mindful...of myself. lol. and my mind. and everything i guess, but mostly myself. it's an interesting perspective to take. and i think the best part of my anxiety issues and things that i've been dealing with in the past few months is that I have an actual interest on these topics, so experiencing it in a way is so...i dunno how to describe it. I guess it's like heart break. Everyone seems to experience that, yet I never have until I lost my Baxter. and I can now pseudo understand. lol. I guess it might just increase my compassion? i dunno. The weirdest part about anxiety and panic attacks is that I've always known what they are, and what happens when someone experiences them, and now that I'm experiencing them, even knowing what it is, there is just this fear and this feeling of wow this is so real and I really feel like something is happening to me. Strange almost how the mind can take control even when you know what's going on. Am I explaining myself or am I just saying the same thing over and over again? lol. whatever.
Anyway, back to be being mindful. I was asked by my therapist the other day what goes on in my mind, what I think about etc. And I didn't have much of an answer. And he said, 'what were you thinking when you looked at that fountain a few minutes ago.' and I had no answer. lol. So in order to not be stuck in that situation again, I started to pay more attention to what was going on in my mind...i.e. being mindful. So, I was able to detect the things I was thinking about before my last panic attack. It was interesting.
Being mindful...I like it.
In other news, not much. lol. Just been sitting around since I got back. Going to work about once a week, and the rest of the time I sleep in, and I work out. And that's basically it. I went to hang out with my girls on the 4th of July. And then I had a nice lunch with my man posse on July 5th. lol.
I'm going to try and organize my room in the next week or so. I have papers shoved everywhere. And my backpack still has shit in it from when I left school in march lol. Then next weekend I'm hangin out with some folks on Friday night, and then on Saturday we are having our first annual get together...a way to keep us all together and in touch since we are mostly graduated and heading in different directions.
After that weekend I'll probably start getting boxes and start packing my shit up. All my winter clothes. I'm going to be selective on shoes because there's no way I can wear the majority of them in pennsylvania being as it's cold and my shoes are all open toe. lol. But I'll figure something out. I wanna buy some cute boots too. But that isn't urgent. lol.
I already got my keys to my townhouse. Townhouse...so adult. lol. I can actually move in as of 2 days ago, but no need. I'm just gonna enjoy the cali sunshine and disgusting heat for a few more weeks.
anyway im out. tty people soon.
Anyway, back to be being mindful. I was asked by my therapist the other day what goes on in my mind, what I think about etc. And I didn't have much of an answer. And he said, 'what were you thinking when you looked at that fountain a few minutes ago.' and I had no answer. lol. So in order to not be stuck in that situation again, I started to pay more attention to what was going on in my mind...i.e. being mindful. So, I was able to detect the things I was thinking about before my last panic attack. It was interesting.
Being mindful...I like it.
In other news, not much. lol. Just been sitting around since I got back. Going to work about once a week, and the rest of the time I sleep in, and I work out. And that's basically it. I went to hang out with my girls on the 4th of July. And then I had a nice lunch with my man posse on July 5th. lol.
I'm going to try and organize my room in the next week or so. I have papers shoved everywhere. And my backpack still has shit in it from when I left school in march lol. Then next weekend I'm hangin out with some folks on Friday night, and then on Saturday we are having our first annual get together...a way to keep us all together and in touch since we are mostly graduated and heading in different directions.
After that weekend I'll probably start getting boxes and start packing my shit up. All my winter clothes. I'm going to be selective on shoes because there's no way I can wear the majority of them in pennsylvania being as it's cold and my shoes are all open toe. lol. But I'll figure something out. I wanna buy some cute boots too. But that isn't urgent. lol.
I already got my keys to my townhouse. Townhouse...so adult. lol. I can actually move in as of 2 days ago, but no need. I'm just gonna enjoy the cali sunshine and disgusting heat for a few more weeks.
anyway im out. tty people soon.