i dont want to be judged, just understood
(before u read this i kno its depressing, dont worry about me im fine, just bitching)
i feel like such a loser lately. ive been home for over a week and i havnt hung out with a single person. since its been raining ive had like 5 days off too. i hate that im so lonely. i hate that i dont have a best friend. the only friends i have r kate and sarah. and the only other people i care about besides them r my co-workers. tho i could never imagine spending time with any of them out of work, which sucks. idk itd just be akward.
i havnt been able to sleep. i cant go to bed till like 3 at the earliest every morning. and i only get to sleep in sometimes. its 5:30 now and i have to be at work at 1. i dont even think i can fall asleep. guess ill get sme coffee. least its only a 9 hour shift. ive been doing mostly 10, 11 1/2 on friday.
i find that people usually have a set output on life. an overall positive or negative...i dont. i find myself swinging between the two, fighting of the negative lifestyle. however when u have no social life, as i do, its kinda hard to stay happy.
i hate when stories have a happy ending. first of all it never ends that way, and if it does, prolly 6 months down the line your back to where u started. even when im at my happiest, in comparison my life looks like crap
i hate nice days. im a loner and i shut myself in my room. nice days remind me that other people are enjoying life while im here loathing it. i love crappy days. its quiet. its nice and dark. haha i love seeing peoples faces, wishing it was a nice day so they can go and play. theyre dissapointed...that makes me content. but most of all, it gives me an excuse. i stay inside either way, at least on a crappy day i have a reason to stay indoors. its not as lonely then
i guess it all revolves around our goals in life. some people wanna be popular, need fame. some people want to have money. some people wanna be beautiful. and some people need it all
but not me...and thats what makes me special
all i want, all i ever wanted...was to be loved. but all i feel is pain.
theres a perfectly good reason for y im so alone. some may even say i should have seen it coming. in not the type of person that needs attention from as many people as possible. i call that false love, fools gold. im the type of person that would rather take one true friend over a million aquantences. i got 2. we were inseperable the 3 of us. i would have died for them had i had to make that choice. but they fucked me. they backstabbed me like id never been before. id put all my eggs in 1 basket, and now that was gone. idk, id prolly kill them if i thought i could get away with it. not psycically, id get inside their heads. marcs never been right since sarah left him. and matts never had any potential. id just bring that to their attention. but i cant...cuz i care to much
i just need to be loved. i really dont feel that way. i just feel used and alone.
i have so much love to give. haha you wouldnt belive how deep my rivers flow. even i havnt seen all there is to see in me. i just want someone to know me for what i truly am
i dont want to be judged, just understood
i feel like such a loser lately. ive been home for over a week and i havnt hung out with a single person. since its been raining ive had like 5 days off too. i hate that im so lonely. i hate that i dont have a best friend. the only friends i have r kate and sarah. and the only other people i care about besides them r my co-workers. tho i could never imagine spending time with any of them out of work, which sucks. idk itd just be akward.
i havnt been able to sleep. i cant go to bed till like 3 at the earliest every morning. and i only get to sleep in sometimes. its 5:30 now and i have to be at work at 1. i dont even think i can fall asleep. guess ill get sme coffee. least its only a 9 hour shift. ive been doing mostly 10, 11 1/2 on friday.
i find that people usually have a set output on life. an overall positive or negative...i dont. i find myself swinging between the two, fighting of the negative lifestyle. however when u have no social life, as i do, its kinda hard to stay happy.
i hate when stories have a happy ending. first of all it never ends that way, and if it does, prolly 6 months down the line your back to where u started. even when im at my happiest, in comparison my life looks like crap
i hate nice days. im a loner and i shut myself in my room. nice days remind me that other people are enjoying life while im here loathing it. i love crappy days. its quiet. its nice and dark. haha i love seeing peoples faces, wishing it was a nice day so they can go and play. theyre dissapointed...that makes me content. but most of all, it gives me an excuse. i stay inside either way, at least on a crappy day i have a reason to stay indoors. its not as lonely then
i guess it all revolves around our goals in life. some people wanna be popular, need fame. some people want to have money. some people wanna be beautiful. and some people need it all
but not me...and thats what makes me special
all i want, all i ever wanted...was to be loved. but all i feel is pain.
theres a perfectly good reason for y im so alone. some may even say i should have seen it coming. in not the type of person that needs attention from as many people as possible. i call that false love, fools gold. im the type of person that would rather take one true friend over a million aquantences. i got 2. we were inseperable the 3 of us. i would have died for them had i had to make that choice. but they fucked me. they backstabbed me like id never been before. id put all my eggs in 1 basket, and now that was gone. idk, id prolly kill them if i thought i could get away with it. not psycically, id get inside their heads. marcs never been right since sarah left him. and matts never had any potential. id just bring that to their attention. but i cant...cuz i care to much
i just need to be loved. i really dont feel that way. i just feel used and alone.
i have so much love to give. haha you wouldnt belive how deep my rivers flow. even i havnt seen all there is to see in me. i just want someone to know me for what i truly am
i dont want to be judged, just understood