Questioning My Sexuality, a short original piece
QUESTIONING MY SEXUALITY --- A dialogue between a girl and her sexuality, written tonight by yours truly when I should've been doing homework or sleeping
Act I: Freshmen year
ME: High school! Awesome! Is it time for college yet?
MY SEXUALITY: (wakes up - stretching, yawning, looking around contemplatively)
ME: Here I am, just zoning out during lunchtime, sitting in the middle of the commons, staring off into space… which just happens to mean staring at a friend of mine. Whoops, better look somewhere else. Don't want her or anyone else to see and think I've, like, got a crush on her or something! Hahaha! Ha! Ha…
MY SEXUALITY: (barely above a whisper) Interesting.
Act II: Sophomore year
ME: Oh my God, Lost is the most amazing show ever! It's so cool! There was this plane crash, right, and all these people survived, and now they're on this island trying to figure stuff out and survive, and there's all these awesome people - like, the main cast is HUGE, and they have flashbacks all the time.
MY SEXUALITY: Most importantly, there's some hot people on this show.
ME: Fuck yeah! Jack and Sawyer and Sayid and Boone -
MY SEXUALITY: And Kate and Shannon and Claire -
ME: (flustered) Well, yes, they're all quite beautiful, and talented, too. They're attractive, yes, but that doesn't mean that I am attracted to them, you know? And I can say that because I am that Secure In My Sexuality.
MY SEXUALITY: Suuure…
ME: (clears throat) So back to the hotness that is Charlie.
Act III: Junior year
ME: I really want a boyfriend. Like, really. I mean, I'm 16 years old, for crying out loud, and I've never had a boyfriend or even been kissed!
MY SEXUALITY: What, you're just realizing this now?
ME: I'M ANGRY. I'M A BITCH. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I GET SO ANGRY AND ANGSTY, AND I DON’T KNOW WHY.
MY SEXUALITY: May I make a suggestion?
ME: NO, YOU MAY FUCKING WELL NOT. (goes off to angst on her LiveJournal)
Act IV: Senior year
ME: (defensively) Look, just because I support gay marriage and other gay rights doesn't mean I'm a lesbian!
MY SEXUALITY: That's true, but -
ME: Hush, you.
MY SEXUALITY: Look, I'm just saying that you think some women are hot -
ME: (snaps) Beautiful! There's a difference. And I am Secure In My Sexuality, damn it!
MY SEXUALITY: Whatever. And you say yourself that homosexuality isn't wrong -
ME: It's not! But that doesn't mean I am! I'm straight.
MY SEXUALITY: Heh, sure. Talk to me in a couple years. But, listen -
ME: Okay, fine. Fine! Let's entertain this notion that I'm not straight. Are there any guys I find hot?
MY SEXUALITY: Yeah, definitely, but -
ME: Then I can't be a lesbian!
MY SEXUALITY: Yes, but -
ME: No buts - I'm straight, because I find guys attractive.
MY SEXUALITY: Maybe you're bi.
ME: I'm heteroflexible!
MY SEXUALITY: Wha - bu - that's not even a real word!
ME: Shut up! It's what I am! DON’T JUDGE ME.
MY SEXUALITY: But… I'm part of you, and you - you make no sense!
ME: I'm a horny teenager, what'd you expect?
MY SEXUALITY: (facepalms)
Act V: College, freshmen year
ME: I support LGBT people, so I'm going to the Safe Zone Training. Hey, this is all really personal and is making me uncomfortable. Oh, and it turns out "heteroflexible" isn't a real word.
MY SEXUALITY: No shit, Sherlock.
ME: Wow, this is really sad. I know how these people feel…
MY SEXUALITY: Wonder why…
ME: Oh my God. Oh my God. OH MY FUCKING GOD.
MY SEXUALITY: Finally. (pauses, then) Oh, fuck. You're going to cry now, aren't you?
ME: I - I - (gasps, starts crying)
MY SEXUALITY: Oh, well, this is awkward.
ME: (continue to cry)
MY SEXUALITY: Okay, we have passed awkward and are now well on our way to embarrassing.
ME: (still crying)
MY SEXUALITY: And now we just feel kinda ashamed.
ME: (finally recovers) Wow. Wow.
MY SEXUALITY: So, uh… yeah.
ME: I'm bi.
MY SEXUALITY: Yep.
ME: I'm bi. I am bisexual. Shit.
MY SEXUALITY: Hey, now. Remember how you're a big supporter of gay rights, and there's nothing wrong with being gay, and gay guys are pretty cool, and you love slash?
ME: Yeah, it's just kind of a, you know. Huge, life-changing shock and all that.
MY SEXUALITY: I hear ya.
ME: I have to tell people.
MY SEXUALITY: No, you don't. You just take your time with this. It's a huge fucking deal to come out; don’t go rushing into anything.
ME: I should tell my two best friends.
MY SEXUALITY: Actually, that's a good idea. They'll totally support you.
ME: But will they support me?
MY SEXUALITY: Of course they will.
ME: I know - I'll write a LiveJournal entry that asks them without actually asking them what they'd think about me not being straight.
MY SEXUALITY: Is that really necessary?
ME: What do you have against LiveJournal?
MY SEXUALITY: Nothing! Except that it was on LJ that you first encountered the term "heteroflexible."
ME: Oh, hush.
Act VI: End of freshmen year
ME: Oh my God, I have to tell them already! It's been ages since I figured it out myself!
MY SEXUALITY: Hey, as long as you feel ready.
ME: Dude, I told them! Yay!
MY SEXUALITY: Good for you! How'd it feel?
ME: Anti-climactic. They were like, "Awesome! Good for you! Let's go to Culver's."
MY SEXUALITY: See? And you were worried.
ME: Yeah, I guess you were right all along.
MY SEXUALITY: Of course I was. I always am. Remember: Always follow your heart... or vagina.
THE END
Act I: Freshmen year
ME: High school! Awesome! Is it time for college yet?
MY SEXUALITY: (wakes up - stretching, yawning, looking around contemplatively)
ME: Here I am, just zoning out during lunchtime, sitting in the middle of the commons, staring off into space… which just happens to mean staring at a friend of mine. Whoops, better look somewhere else. Don't want her or anyone else to see and think I've, like, got a crush on her or something! Hahaha! Ha! Ha…
MY SEXUALITY: (barely above a whisper) Interesting.
Act II: Sophomore year
ME: Oh my God, Lost is the most amazing show ever! It's so cool! There was this plane crash, right, and all these people survived, and now they're on this island trying to figure stuff out and survive, and there's all these awesome people - like, the main cast is HUGE, and they have flashbacks all the time.
MY SEXUALITY: Most importantly, there's some hot people on this show.
ME: Fuck yeah! Jack and Sawyer and Sayid and Boone -
MY SEXUALITY: And Kate and Shannon and Claire -
ME: (flustered) Well, yes, they're all quite beautiful, and talented, too. They're attractive, yes, but that doesn't mean that I am attracted to them, you know? And I can say that because I am that Secure In My Sexuality.
MY SEXUALITY: Suuure…
ME: (clears throat) So back to the hotness that is Charlie.
Act III: Junior year
ME: I really want a boyfriend. Like, really. I mean, I'm 16 years old, for crying out loud, and I've never had a boyfriend or even been kissed!
MY SEXUALITY: What, you're just realizing this now?
ME: I'M ANGRY. I'M A BITCH. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I GET SO ANGRY AND ANGSTY, AND I DON’T KNOW WHY.
MY SEXUALITY: May I make a suggestion?
ME: NO, YOU MAY FUCKING WELL NOT. (goes off to angst on her LiveJournal)
Act IV: Senior year
ME: (defensively) Look, just because I support gay marriage and other gay rights doesn't mean I'm a lesbian!
MY SEXUALITY: That's true, but -
ME: Hush, you.
MY SEXUALITY: Look, I'm just saying that you think some women are hot -
ME: (snaps) Beautiful! There's a difference. And I am Secure In My Sexuality, damn it!
MY SEXUALITY: Whatever. And you say yourself that homosexuality isn't wrong -
ME: It's not! But that doesn't mean I am! I'm straight.
MY SEXUALITY: Heh, sure. Talk to me in a couple years. But, listen -
ME: Okay, fine. Fine! Let's entertain this notion that I'm not straight. Are there any guys I find hot?
MY SEXUALITY: Yeah, definitely, but -
ME: Then I can't be a lesbian!
MY SEXUALITY: Yes, but -
ME: No buts - I'm straight, because I find guys attractive.
MY SEXUALITY: Maybe you're bi.
ME: I'm heteroflexible!
MY SEXUALITY: Wha - bu - that's not even a real word!
ME: Shut up! It's what I am! DON’T JUDGE ME.
MY SEXUALITY: But… I'm part of you, and you - you make no sense!
ME: I'm a horny teenager, what'd you expect?
MY SEXUALITY: (facepalms)
Act V: College, freshmen year
ME: I support LGBT people, so I'm going to the Safe Zone Training. Hey, this is all really personal and is making me uncomfortable. Oh, and it turns out "heteroflexible" isn't a real word.
MY SEXUALITY: No shit, Sherlock.
ME: Wow, this is really sad. I know how these people feel…
MY SEXUALITY: Wonder why…
ME: Oh my God. Oh my God. OH MY FUCKING GOD.
MY SEXUALITY: Finally. (pauses, then) Oh, fuck. You're going to cry now, aren't you?
ME: I - I - (gasps, starts crying)
MY SEXUALITY: Oh, well, this is awkward.
ME: (continue to cry)
MY SEXUALITY: Okay, we have passed awkward and are now well on our way to embarrassing.
ME: (still crying)
MY SEXUALITY: And now we just feel kinda ashamed.
ME: (finally recovers) Wow. Wow.
MY SEXUALITY: So, uh… yeah.
ME: I'm bi.
MY SEXUALITY: Yep.
ME: I'm bi. I am bisexual. Shit.
MY SEXUALITY: Hey, now. Remember how you're a big supporter of gay rights, and there's nothing wrong with being gay, and gay guys are pretty cool, and you love slash?
ME: Yeah, it's just kind of a, you know. Huge, life-changing shock and all that.
MY SEXUALITY: I hear ya.
ME: I have to tell people.
MY SEXUALITY: No, you don't. You just take your time with this. It's a huge fucking deal to come out; don’t go rushing into anything.
ME: I should tell my two best friends.
MY SEXUALITY: Actually, that's a good idea. They'll totally support you.
ME: But will they support me?
MY SEXUALITY: Of course they will.
ME: I know - I'll write a LiveJournal entry that asks them without actually asking them what they'd think about me not being straight.
MY SEXUALITY: Is that really necessary?
ME: What do you have against LiveJournal?
MY SEXUALITY: Nothing! Except that it was on LJ that you first encountered the term "heteroflexible."
ME: Oh, hush.
Act VI: End of freshmen year
ME: Oh my God, I have to tell them already! It's been ages since I figured it out myself!
MY SEXUALITY: Hey, as long as you feel ready.
ME: Dude, I told them! Yay!
MY SEXUALITY: Good for you! How'd it feel?
ME: Anti-climactic. They were like, "Awesome! Good for you! Let's go to Culver's."
MY SEXUALITY: See? And you were worried.
ME: Yeah, I guess you were right all along.
MY SEXUALITY: Of course I was. I always am. Remember: Always follow your heart... or vagina.
THE END