Oi...
It was terrible. Or no.. Maybe it wasn't terrible, I just felt terrible. I hadn't seen Matt, (like, gone to his house or just hung out with him) in a week (and a day) so when he asked me to come over I agreed. First off, I was an hour late because I was talking to Josh, and he had to call me and ask if I was coming. So yeah, with some arguing with mommy and jingling keys I was able to go.
Anyway, I get to his house and open the door, and there's the hug. There's always the hug, even when we were just friends. Basically it's just arm wrapping stand for a minute or so and just hug. Anyway. I was in his room and I was just kinda sitting there on the floor and he was next to me, and I was thinking of Josh. I mean, not a bad thing... Definately not. I love Josh. I really really do love him, and I've been thinking of him fucking contantly! I hope Jaime doesn't find out. The thing that was 'terrible' (It only felt terrible mind you journal) is that he leaned over and kisses my neck, and instantly Josh flashed into my mind. And for the rest of the night, no matter when or where he touched me, if it was my hand or shoulder or cheek or whatever, Josh kept flashing into my mind.
It was exquisite torment. The only way I know how to describe it is that ... Well, I wanted touch, and Matt was touching me, I just wanted it to be Josh. I wanted it SO much to be Josh. Eventually I ended up growling and smacking his hand away. Matt leaves me to my weird moments, but I think I might have hurt his feelings.
-sigh-
What do I do? It's tearing me apart. I really don't know what to do....
Anyway, I get to his house and open the door, and there's the hug. There's always the hug, even when we were just friends. Basically it's just arm wrapping stand for a minute or so and just hug. Anyway. I was in his room and I was just kinda sitting there on the floor and he was next to me, and I was thinking of Josh. I mean, not a bad thing... Definately not. I love Josh. I really really do love him, and I've been thinking of him fucking contantly! I hope Jaime doesn't find out. The thing that was 'terrible' (It only felt terrible mind you journal) is that he leaned over and kisses my neck, and instantly Josh flashed into my mind. And for the rest of the night, no matter when or where he touched me, if it was my hand or shoulder or cheek or whatever, Josh kept flashing into my mind.
It was exquisite torment. The only way I know how to describe it is that ... Well, I wanted touch, and Matt was touching me, I just wanted it to be Josh. I wanted it SO much to be Josh. Eventually I ended up growling and smacking his hand away. Matt leaves me to my weird moments, but I think I might have hurt his feelings.
-sigh-
What do I do? It's tearing me apart. I really don't know what to do....