... again
constantly critiquing myself to the point of disease…
fingers aching from picking myself apart…
my chest quakes under the weight of my own breath…
lost in this fiery mirage of a maze…
concern is flooding from my voice…
as the all consuming depths of my decisions become reality…
I’m being eaten alive by something that I knew better than to do in the first place. I’ve given myself over to my vices again and ruined what little integrity I had left within myself. I heard surrender in a familiar voice and it hit me like a brick wall- what injustices have I not only done to myself, but to everyone… I’m seeking closure in my never satisfied mindset and it’s starting to psychically hurt. learning to contain this shell I call skin is not going to take me under! I refuse it! I hate that I allowed it to come to this point again. I’m tired of plucking up the weeds of my former self, just to display them like roses before bees. Why do I give myself away to these desires? I’m not capable of fixing this myself again. the patches of my handiwork have torn and eroded, because patches only cover up the problem. I’m worried about things that never even should have been a part of my life in the first place. I give up… my will to struggle is freezing and cracking, crumbling to shards of nothingness… I seen the warning signs, and I willingly strolled by them, smirking like I was above their wisdom. I’m tired of pretending not to care when it’s ripping me in half. This inner conflict- knowing what I should do and choosing not to listen, is starting to get old. Standing here, watching my hands turn the crank like a slow motion film, pouring myself out before people that are clueless of my plight. When did innocence escape me? I wish to be lit on fire and purged of this fate… I’m starting to miss freedom… I’ve lost the key to the cage I built for myself… God help me…
fingers aching from picking myself apart…
my chest quakes under the weight of my own breath…
lost in this fiery mirage of a maze…
concern is flooding from my voice…
as the all consuming depths of my decisions become reality…
I’m being eaten alive by something that I knew better than to do in the first place. I’ve given myself over to my vices again and ruined what little integrity I had left within myself. I heard surrender in a familiar voice and it hit me like a brick wall- what injustices have I not only done to myself, but to everyone… I’m seeking closure in my never satisfied mindset and it’s starting to psychically hurt. learning to contain this shell I call skin is not going to take me under! I refuse it! I hate that I allowed it to come to this point again. I’m tired of plucking up the weeds of my former self, just to display them like roses before bees. Why do I give myself away to these desires? I’m not capable of fixing this myself again. the patches of my handiwork have torn and eroded, because patches only cover up the problem. I’m worried about things that never even should have been a part of my life in the first place. I give up… my will to struggle is freezing and cracking, crumbling to shards of nothingness… I seen the warning signs, and I willingly strolled by them, smirking like I was above their wisdom. I’m tired of pretending not to care when it’s ripping me in half. This inner conflict- knowing what I should do and choosing not to listen, is starting to get old. Standing here, watching my hands turn the crank like a slow motion film, pouring myself out before people that are clueless of my plight. When did innocence escape me? I wish to be lit on fire and purged of this fate… I’m starting to miss freedom… I’ve lost the key to the cage I built for myself… God help me…