(no subject)
hey ya'll. thanks for the feedback. it wasnt about comments as much as it was to make sure that people were still listening...kind of like the radio. and since people are, i shall trudge on.
i guess it just feels to me that i'm growing up and out of the idea of a public journal. since my eating disorder is more less in remission, save some mild binges from time to time, the ed recovery communities are not something that i can relate to directly and my advice...before i even type it out...sounds overly optomistic and something that i'd blow off if i were the original poster. my main mental issue now is just this persistent mood stuff. Up and down down down and then up again. My shrink thinks its bipolar type 2 (bc i dont get full out mania) but I dont want the label.
my newest thing to help my remaining ed symptoms is purposeful self care and something called "Mindful Eating" guided by a book called 'eating mindfully' or something similar to that by Susan Albers. I've only been doing it for every meal for the last few days but I starting eating snacks here and there mindfully last fall. I find this tactic very hard because part of builimia for me was that i ate and purged to soothe myself. not to nourish myself. i didnt recognize food as food but as a way to push down (and later bring up) my feelings in order to avoid them. maybe my ed started out being about thinness but really it turned out to be a way to mainline and compartmentalize my feelings. i would have denied that statement last year but i now see this as a thruth. I can now see that. now i can admit that my therapists were right about the root cause of all but the first 5% of my e.d..
I'll post seperate on mindful eating bc its very involved.
what else? i dunno. i mean knock on wood, but i think that amy and i have a place. an apartment in Cincinnati. i'll post pictures tomrrow evening after we close the deal...don't want to jinx it. its a cute antique-y place. high ceilings, 1880's building, tall windows,working fireplace and $400 bucks a month bc its a strange place to most other people.
My Nana is in town. My dad's mom. I'm practicing my self care by keeping my distance because the tension that she brings to the room and the foul words she brings to my parents mouths behind closed doors. The other way that I am praciting self care with my Nana here is by not guilting myself over my distance. Everyone is chalking it up to my getting older anyway. Hm. Okay. I'm off to write up the mindful eating post.
i guess it just feels to me that i'm growing up and out of the idea of a public journal. since my eating disorder is more less in remission, save some mild binges from time to time, the ed recovery communities are not something that i can relate to directly and my advice...before i even type it out...sounds overly optomistic and something that i'd blow off if i were the original poster. my main mental issue now is just this persistent mood stuff. Up and down down down and then up again. My shrink thinks its bipolar type 2 (bc i dont get full out mania) but I dont want the label.
my newest thing to help my remaining ed symptoms is purposeful self care and something called "Mindful Eating" guided by a book called 'eating mindfully' or something similar to that by Susan Albers. I've only been doing it for every meal for the last few days but I starting eating snacks here and there mindfully last fall. I find this tactic very hard because part of builimia for me was that i ate and purged to soothe myself. not to nourish myself. i didnt recognize food as food but as a way to push down (and later bring up) my feelings in order to avoid them. maybe my ed started out being about thinness but really it turned out to be a way to mainline and compartmentalize my feelings. i would have denied that statement last year but i now see this as a thruth. I can now see that. now i can admit that my therapists were right about the root cause of all but the first 5% of my e.d..
I'll post seperate on mindful eating bc its very involved.
what else? i dunno. i mean knock on wood, but i think that amy and i have a place. an apartment in Cincinnati. i'll post pictures tomrrow evening after we close the deal...don't want to jinx it. its a cute antique-y place. high ceilings, 1880's building, tall windows,working fireplace and $400 bucks a month bc its a strange place to most other people.
My Nana is in town. My dad's mom. I'm practicing my self care by keeping my distance because the tension that she brings to the room and the foul words she brings to my parents mouths behind closed doors. The other way that I am praciting self care with my Nana here is by not guilting myself over my distance. Everyone is chalking it up to my getting older anyway. Hm. Okay. I'm off to write up the mindful eating post.