(no subject)
how do i feel? ive been here before...ive felt this
i needed somewhere to sort thru all my thoughts without the death of my social networks and then i remembered YOU my BABY my LJ...where almost no one can locate me and therefor are unable to shuffle through the depths of my soul at leisure!
but back to why im really here rambling...
im confused about ryan once again...i know i know i shouldnt even have that lame ass nigga in my thoughts but...hes ALWAYS on my thoughts whether im reminiscing...or hating him...or thinking of a way NOT to think of him,but he's always there.i stayed away from him for a whole year and i thought it would have made me stronger but i had one weak moment for sex and now im back in this hold that i dont understand. how can you feel this way about someone you hate as much as you used to love? how come i still want to be there for him when he's at his lowest? he wants me back...and quite frankly i wish i could just say yes and start right where we left off.but if we did wed be starting with alot of things unfinished still. i sit here and think and almost know that we will never work.but to judge something before you give it a chance isnt fair...but hes gotten so many chances i dont think it applies to him.my entire family hates him....my friends would laugh at me or disown me if he came back into my life. i would look like such a loser ass little girl with no common sense if i took him back.IF.i hate being confused.i hate that i confuse myself more than anyone else does.lierally...the only way to get over him is for him to die or move far far away and i dont think the first is an acceptable thing to hope for and the 2nd well...i doubt it will happen anytime soon.ugh.i am so whack.if only a real man could come and show me what im supposed to receiving it would all be so much easier.but he made me so fukd up i dont wish that on anyone.rambles rambles rambles i will never have a decisive answer on this bullshit and i hate it. -___- its all so damn tiring i just want to give up and go live on an island forever alone in silence
i needed somewhere to sort thru all my thoughts without the death of my social networks and then i remembered YOU my BABY my LJ...where almost no one can locate me and therefor are unable to shuffle through the depths of my soul at leisure!
but back to why im really here rambling...
im confused about ryan once again...i know i know i shouldnt even have that lame ass nigga in my thoughts but...hes ALWAYS on my thoughts whether im reminiscing...or hating him...or thinking of a way NOT to think of him,but he's always there.i stayed away from him for a whole year and i thought it would have made me stronger but i had one weak moment for sex and now im back in this hold that i dont understand. how can you feel this way about someone you hate as much as you used to love? how come i still want to be there for him when he's at his lowest? he wants me back...and quite frankly i wish i could just say yes and start right where we left off.but if we did wed be starting with alot of things unfinished still. i sit here and think and almost know that we will never work.but to judge something before you give it a chance isnt fair...but hes gotten so many chances i dont think it applies to him.my entire family hates him....my friends would laugh at me or disown me if he came back into my life. i would look like such a loser ass little girl with no common sense if i took him back.IF.i hate being confused.i hate that i confuse myself more than anyone else does.lierally...the only way to get over him is for him to die or move far far away and i dont think the first is an acceptable thing to hope for and the 2nd well...i doubt it will happen anytime soon.ugh.i am so whack.if only a real man could come and show me what im supposed to receiving it would all be so much easier.but he made me so fukd up i dont wish that on anyone.rambles rambles rambles i will never have a decisive answer on this bullshit and i hate it. -___- its all so damn tiring i just want to give up and go live on an island forever alone in silence