and it hardened, like my heart, when you left town.
i could not be happier that christmas is over.
even with all of my family bullshit, it actually seems like christmas was hard and stressful for everyone this year.
i think we can all agree that we are ready for 2016 to fucking end.
i wanted to thank everyone for the encouragement to go to sam's for christmas to not be alone (and for my safety)
i did end up going (after some crying, panic attacks, and convincing).
everything went fine. it was low key. i was quiet most of the day.
and i'm still happy all this holiday stuff is over.
after four days off i cannot say i'm thrilled to be back at work...
i really don't know what to do with myself anymore.
the more and more i think about it, and the more and more i go in circles.
i start to think that maybe i'm just not "cut out" for a career.
i mean...i've often truly thought that i'm just not "cut out" for life.
i just can't figure out what i want.
i can't not be "adult" about my decisions and responsibilites.
i can't find the solution.
anyways - i suppose i shouldn't complain given that i only have to work three days this week (off friday as well)
and the rest of the office is on vacation so i'm pretty much the only one here,
and i don't have much to do at all.
i just can't get over the overwhelming feeling that i feel exactly like i did at my first job.
and i truly believe that job took something from me that i never got, a piece of my soul/my goodness.
i use to believe in so much.
dreams, love, happiness, family.
now i don't believe in anything.