Its May 1st.
Happy May Day to all of you who celebrate it today. May 1st doesn't really mean anything to me, its just another day now. I remember when I was a kid and I used to look forward for a new month to come along. I guess to me it meant change(not neccessarily starting over with anything at all), but more like I knew different things were going to happen. But now, sadly, its all just the same, I'm not looking forward to anything...I mean I know some people are but I'm going to be in school all summer once again(go me).
I was thinking today..yes I was thinking..and I was wondering why I made everything so hard on myself these past few years...pretty much since high school I guess. And then I thought about it some more and I began to think..was there really anything that I could've done to change what has happened? Or is this just how I am. Is it my fault that I have a lot of trouble going to class but I have no problems at all going to work? I've tried to think of things that I'm doing wrong, I've tried to fix a lot of stuff, I even made a 50 dollar bet that I would've loved collecting on, but I just have nothing to motivate me.
I was talking with a good friend tonight and I told her I needed like...instant gratification almost..I guess, I don't know if I worded that properly but I'm sure you all know what I mean...If you don't let me explain it more. I think the reason that I have no problems with work is because I have a paycheck coming to me the next week. And I know you're all saying "but Tom if you go to school you can get a better job, and bla bla bla" yes i know that, no shit, but heres the thing...I have 2 1/2 years left of college, its not ending anytime soon, and at this rate it might even take a little longer. Also, the job placement for my career field right now isn't too good, its extremely hard to get a job as a Nassau/Suffolk cop, and NYPD doesn't really pay that well. I signed up to take their test but when I told my parents all I heard from them was "you're not joining the nypd, its too dangerous" and all that great bullshit. Yeah I know, I'm not even going to let that bother me when the time comes around to make a decision but right now its just something I really don't need to deal with.
So this is why I'm having a lot of trouble going to school, because...well...I really have no guarantee that I'm going to get a good job, or the job that I want. I've heard of people that have 4-year degrees in criminal justice that haven't gotten a better job than a security guard at a department store. After hearing that I was REALLY motivated, let me tell ya.
But who knows, this is just another guess at just some of my problems. It sucks because I know my parents are going to be really upset more than anything too, and thats the last thing that I want to do. But they don't understand that it's not that I don't care...and that I honestly don't know what it is. I guess and I'm wrong. I'm getting pretty personal here if you haven't noticed...and this is just the surface of it, everything else I think I'm just going to leave between a few friends and myself that I've already told. I'm not going to go on with anything else, I just kind of needed to vent a little bit a guess and see if anyone wanted to IM me or comment back with any advice that they may have. Well I think thats all for now. I'll try not to make it another month and a half until my next update.
I was thinking today..yes I was thinking..and I was wondering why I made everything so hard on myself these past few years...pretty much since high school I guess. And then I thought about it some more and I began to think..was there really anything that I could've done to change what has happened? Or is this just how I am. Is it my fault that I have a lot of trouble going to class but I have no problems at all going to work? I've tried to think of things that I'm doing wrong, I've tried to fix a lot of stuff, I even made a 50 dollar bet that I would've loved collecting on, but I just have nothing to motivate me.
I was talking with a good friend tonight and I told her I needed like...instant gratification almost..I guess, I don't know if I worded that properly but I'm sure you all know what I mean...If you don't let me explain it more. I think the reason that I have no problems with work is because I have a paycheck coming to me the next week. And I know you're all saying "but Tom if you go to school you can get a better job, and bla bla bla" yes i know that, no shit, but heres the thing...I have 2 1/2 years left of college, its not ending anytime soon, and at this rate it might even take a little longer. Also, the job placement for my career field right now isn't too good, its extremely hard to get a job as a Nassau/Suffolk cop, and NYPD doesn't really pay that well. I signed up to take their test but when I told my parents all I heard from them was "you're not joining the nypd, its too dangerous" and all that great bullshit. Yeah I know, I'm not even going to let that bother me when the time comes around to make a decision but right now its just something I really don't need to deal with.
So this is why I'm having a lot of trouble going to school, because...well...I really have no guarantee that I'm going to get a good job, or the job that I want. I've heard of people that have 4-year degrees in criminal justice that haven't gotten a better job than a security guard at a department store. After hearing that I was REALLY motivated, let me tell ya.
But who knows, this is just another guess at just some of my problems. It sucks because I know my parents are going to be really upset more than anything too, and thats the last thing that I want to do. But they don't understand that it's not that I don't care...and that I honestly don't know what it is. I guess and I'm wrong. I'm getting pretty personal here if you haven't noticed...and this is just the surface of it, everything else I think I'm just going to leave between a few friends and myself that I've already told. I'm not going to go on with anything else, I just kind of needed to vent a little bit a guess and see if anyone wanted to IM me or comment back with any advice that they may have. Well I think thats all for now. I'll try not to make it another month and a half until my next update.