Christmastime is here....
I love you all no matter where life takes us.
Know this.
I read this earlier this morning and I bawled.
This month is going to be an emotional one for me--I'm leaving a school I love so much, and I am going to another
place that terrifies me. I am up for the challenge, but sometimes I wonder when will I have enough school under
my belt to say, "I've gotten all the schooling I need!"
My guess is never. I'll always be in a classroom, either learning in one, or teaching and learning in one...It's the
path I've chosen, and it's a good one...for me.
Speaking of paths, I've had another mental wake-up call...there was an ice storm here a few days ago, and the
after effects were so beautiful--the trees looked as though they were dipped in diamond dust and then set out to
sparkle in the sun, and the homes that line my block looked like something out of a Dickens novel...I took it all
in, and decided to do something that I haven't done in a long, long time.
I decided to get it on film. I bundled up really well, took a few sandwiches with me along with some hot tea, and
drove to a place I knew I could get the shots I desired.
On the way to the woods, I began to second-guess myself....What if the place isn't what I thought
it was? What if there are creepy people around? What if I suck at this? What if something bad happens to me?
What if ?
When I got to the woods, I decided to leave the car, and go for it. I walked around, shooting pictures as I went.
I took in some ice-covered branches, sunlight sreaming through a thick clump of treetops, kitty paw prints on fresh
snow, and a lot of other beautiful things....and I smiled....all of me smiled for the first time in forever.
As I was walking back to the car, I began to panic....I heard a noise, and when I looked up to see where it was
coming from, there was a man there, and he was running towards me--I was in my car, and about to take off when
I heard him say, "Lady! You left your scarf and your mittens!"
Feeling foolish, I thanked him for giving them back to me, and I noticed he didn't have a coat. I asked him where
his coat was, and he said, "It's wet, and it's not good to wear wet things in this weather."
I then began to ask him where his home was--he waved his hand around, and said, "this is my home."
He then told me that his name was Chris, and that he worked, but he was homeless b/c he couldn't afford a place
of his own. He was living in his car until his plates expired and then he moved his car to his friend's house until he
could afford the renewal fees...he also said that he had made a lot of unwise decisions, and he was reaping the
consequences of them. He had a tent he had set up, and even though it was cold as hell now. he at least had
something to keep him completely out of the elements and he also had the benefit of having food.
We chatted for a bit, then we parted ways....
The drive home saw me in tears....I just felt like crying...not for Chris, or for his situation, although that was a rough
one, but for things I'd not done because I'd been too timid, scared, terrified, you name it, to engage in.
I pinpointed my cause for this, and I just cried and became angry.
I have become afraid to live and to explore because whenever I have done so in the past, I've come out hurt
or emotionally scarred because of it.
Today showed me that it is time I start to regain my power over me again.
And I shall.
I shall.