Heroes recap: Vol. 4, Ch. 8 “Into Asylum”
My friend in the army said the first set of these was funny, so I’m gonna keep ‘em coming! And it must be getting close to Sakura-Con, I’ve got more references to anime than usual in this thing. Cutie Honey, Death Note, FMA, Pokémon… I seem to have Pokémon on the brain this week. Can’t begin to explain why, I haven’t watched it for years or even played any of the games for months now. Also, thanks to this episode, I think Sylar & the Hunter might be taking over as my friendship-OTP for this show from Hiro & Ando. 0_o
CLAIRE: Aren’t my new bangs and your sunglasses a great disguise?
NATHAN: Shut up. We’re gonna hide out here in Mexico whether you like it or not. Ooh, a cantina! Let’s go in.
ANGELA: Ooh, a church! Let’s go in.
PETER: Wait, what? You? Church? Huh?
RAIN: *is still raining btw, omfg*
ME: Did NBC get a new rain machine and decide to show off to the other networks or something?
DEAD PAIR OF NAMELESS HENCHMEN: *are dead*
HENCHCOP: They appear to have been executed, sirs.
HUNTER: No! How could this have happened?
HRG: *facepalm* You sent them to throw down with a superhuman without any research or prep time, that’s how, Genius.
HUNTER: *goes to sulk out in the car*
SYLAR: *pops up in backseat* Peek-a-boo!
HUNTER: Gah! Where the fuck-
SYLAR: Same old thing, day after day. This world is…
HUNTER: Rotten.
SYLAR: Ah! You noticed. Start looking around you and all you see are people the world would be better off without. I’ve got a proposition for you; I’ll find the guy who killed your men and take him out for you. In fact, I could catch ‘em all for you. Whaddya say?
ME: Why do all the good-looking guys have beards today? Not complaining (hey, they look hot), but did they all get together and plan it?
HUNTER: Um, well, the dead pair of nameless henchmen are dead. And that is very sad. Go mourn or something, I’ll be in my office.
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: That was beautiful, sir!
HUNTER: God I suck at eulogies. Help me out so I don’t have to do that again.
HRG: Just start working with the supers like I’ve told you to all along.
HUNTER: I don’t know if I’m that desperate yet.
HRG: You are. Look, just think of them like that spare Magnemite you catch, teach the Flash HM to so you can get thru Rock Tunnel, and then toss in a PC box, never to be thought of again. You can use them as tools. We can do the same thing to Sylar!
HUNTER: Hmm… still not completely sold on the whole team-up thing, but while I’m thinking it over, how about you go track me down our ex-boss’ mom for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with spite?
STAR WARS CANTINA MUSIC: *is sadly not playing*
FANDOM’S DEBATE OVER STAR TREK VS STAR WARS SUPERIORITY: *is not helped by the Trekkie writing staff, missed soundtrack joke opportunity, hello?*
CLAIRE: I pawned the necklace my not-real-but-still-better-than-you-dad gave me and got far less money than I would’ve if I’d done the thing I joked about and sold a kidney or twelve (which I could totally have done).
NATHAN: *facepalm*
CLAIRE: Well, I don’t see you doing anything.
NATHAN: Shut up. *takes cash* I’m gonna go try to gamble this pocket change into more money.
ANGELA: I can’t fall asleep on my own, so I decided to go to church. I don’t expect forgiveness from God or anything like that, but I should at least get bored enough that my brain’ll start dreaming the future to entertain itself.
PETER: Uh huh. You know people can hear you, right?
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: I just wanted to tell you again how inspiring the speech you gave earlier was, and may I just say that you look lovely today?
HUNTER: Yeah, sure, whatever. Who are you again?
RANDOM CELL PHONE IN A BOX: *rings*
HUNTER: What the--? Hello?
SYLAR: Like your new phone? You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to impersonate a UPS guy. Say, you get that other thing I sentcha?
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: *loiters*
HUNTER: Are you still here?
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: *leaves*
HUNTER: You mean the severed head in a box?
SYLAR: That would be it!
HUNTER: You know, if this was supposed to be an homage to Se7en, you’re doing it wrong.
SYLAR: Interesting how you bring up the Seven Deadly Sins. Makes me think of Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist. Funny how this conversation keeps coming back to people impersonating other people.
HUNTER: What the hell are you on about now?
SYLAR: *sigh* Your guy’s a shape-shifter, asshole. He gets in and out of places by changing into someone who’s supposed to be going in or out of them. Jeez, take a fucking hint why don’t ya.
HUNTER: D8 Shit! Minions! Follow that Ditto!
SYLAR: You’re welcome, btw.
CHASE THRU TEAM ROCKET HQ PARKING GARAGE: *is loud & clumsy*
DITTO!HENCHMAN: *bumps into janitor* Sorry!
JANITOR: Huh?
DITTO!HENCHMAN: *keeps running*
HUNTER: *sees real janitor* Um, arrest him? Or something?
DITTO!HENCHMAN: *changes into Ditto!janitor & leaves*
RAIN: *will it ever fucking stop?!*
PETER: I still love you in spite of your being a bitch, Mommy.
ANGELA: That’s nice, dear. Not sure I’ve forgiven you for cutting your hair and having that lame-ass amnesia storyline in season 2 though. Whatever happened to that girl you left in the alternate-future-that-never-happened anyway?
NATHAN: I’m going to down tequila shots in a drinking contest in the hopes of winning more money! You didn’t sell your kidneys, so I think I’ll destroy my liver. *passes out*
CLAIRE: Hey, if you let me take over for my dad, I’ll bet his watch too! You wanna win a Rolex?
SEMI-DRUNK GUY: Okey-dokey.
HUNTER: I think you just want Ditto-boy’s ability to go with your little acting hobby.
SYLAR: Hey, at least I have a hobby. Besides, I have plenty of superpowers already.
HUNTER: Grr… So, tell me again why I shouldn’t just kill you here and now?
SYLAR: Oh, so you caught Ditto-boy all on your own since the last time we talked? I didn’t think so. Look, let me help now, and when it’s over, you can try to kill me.
HUNTER: Oh, all right.
PETER: Why me, God? I asked you to make me special so I could help people so the world could be a better place. I did that. Get off your ass, man!
CANDLES: *blow themselves out for dramatic effect*
PETER: Um, uh, I’m sorry, sir. You know I mean that in the politest way possible, right?
HENCHMAN: *invade the church looking for supers, obviously not caring about the whole ‘sanctuary’ thing from The Hunchback of Notre Dame*
RANDOM PRIEST ON DUTY: I am so confused right now.
HUNTER: So, you got a special superpower you can use to find our guy?
SYLAR: Even better! I haz detective skillz.
HUNTER: Oh?
SYLAR: Yup. See, just by looking through his cosplay collection and all these photos of different versions of him with different girls, I can tell that he likes pretending he’s someone who’s actually interesting so he can pick up chicks in bars. Either that, or he’s a Time Lord who regenerates and goes through companions even more often than the Doctor does.
HUNTER: Chicks in bars you say? Let’s go!
NATHAN: *is still passed out*
STAR WARS CANTINA MUSIC: *is still not playing dammit*
CLAIRE: Whee, What’s-Your-Face, I sho’ am drunk an’ dizzy!
NOW-COMPLETELY-DRUNK GUY: *is so wasted he falls off his bar stool*
CLAIRE: Not! *takes watch & money back* Let’s go, Dad! …Dad? *sigh*
PETER & ANGELA: *are hiding quietly in the confessional booths*
ANGELA: No one likes you or listens to you when you’re a prophet of doom, so I decided to become the bitch that I am today. The parties you get invited to are so much better!
PETER: *whispers* What part of ‘hiding quietly in the confessional booths’ didn’t you understand, Mom?
HRG: *peeks through little cut-outs (grating?) on the confessional’s doors* All clear, men! Guess no one’s here after all. *winks*
RANDOM NIGHTCLUB: *is dark and shiny*
SYLAR: Found him.
HUNTER: What? This music’s really loud!
SYLAR: Found! Him!
HUNTER: Quarter to twelve!
SYLAR: *sighs, turns the Hunter around, and points* FOUND HIM, YOU DIPSHIT!
DITTO!HUNTER: *is flirting with a pretty girl*
HUNTER: Oh. Oh, that fucker. I’m going over there.
SYLAR: Oh no you’re not. You’re just jealous that he’s better at being you than you are.
NATHAN: I never realized the very obvious fact tha’ yer healing ability would extend to yer liver... *hic* I’mma bad father, I missed your childhood… But I’ll fix it! I’ll fix everythin’… *snore*
CLAIRE: Aww, you’re so sweet when you’re drunk, Dad.
HUNTER: Well, Sylar, I lost him. Guess we should give up now, shouldn’t we, Sylar? *leaves nightclub*
DITTO!SYLAR: Hmm. *follows*
HUNTER: Oh, and before I forget-- *turns and shoots Ditto!Sylar in the stomach*
SYLAR: *pokes head out of the nightclub doorway* Dude! You weren’t supposed to kill him, that was gonna be my job!
HUNTER: Pssh. I totally didn’t, look. Hey, can you take his power without cutting his head all the way open?
SYLAR: Oh, I like you now. *evil grin*
HUNTER: *joins in evil grinning*
DITTO!SYLAR: O_O
NATHAN: So, yeah, what I said last night about having connections in DC that could help us? I really don’t anymore.
CLAIRE: But you said you’d fix it!
NATHAN: I was drunk, I was just lying/talking out of my ass.
CLAIRE: You were Mr. Perfect when I met you! What kind of crap superhero are you, anyway? I hate you again.
NATHAN: *feels guilty now*
ANGELA: Hey, I slept! My dream said to go find Nathan and Claire, and then go meet your aunt.
PETER: ‘Aunt’? Huh? What? Since when do we have one of those?
CLAIRE: I’m mad at you, so I’m going to take a bus back to the states and hope they don’t notice my being a fugitive from the US government and all at the border.
NATHAN: I sold my watch to get your necklace from your other dad back. Friends again?
CLAIRE: Yes, for my affections for you and forgiveness for your jackassery can be bought with shiny objects.
NATHAN & CLAIRE: *decide to fly off together in public, in the middle of a crowded street no less*
ME: Way to be subtle and avoid being sighted while on the run guys.
PETER & ANGELA: *leave the church together*
HAPPY BACKGROUND MUSIC: *is happy*
HUNTER: Surprise! I brought you a dead Sylar!
DITTO!SYLAR’S CORPSE: *has absolutely no damage to the part of the brain that is needed for the healing ability he got from Claire to work, let alone any other head trauma*
HRG: *eyes body* Right, yes. This isn’t suspicious at all.
HUNTER: Yay! I’m glad you like it. I’m gonna go sit in the car and gloat now. *leaves*
CSI LADY: *zips up body bag with Ditto!Sylar in it, leaves to join the Hunter in the car*
HUNTER: So, how does it feel to be dead? …And a woman?
CSI LADY: Honey Flash! *changes back into Sylar*
SYLAR: It’s actually rather liberating.
HUNTER & SYLAR: *drive off into the sunset*
The end.
CLAIRE: Aren’t my new bangs and your sunglasses a great disguise?
NATHAN: Shut up. We’re gonna hide out here in Mexico whether you like it or not. Ooh, a cantina! Let’s go in.
ANGELA: Ooh, a church! Let’s go in.
PETER: Wait, what? You? Church? Huh?
RAIN: *is still raining btw, omfg*
ME: Did NBC get a new rain machine and decide to show off to the other networks or something?
DEAD PAIR OF NAMELESS HENCHMEN: *are dead*
HENCHCOP: They appear to have been executed, sirs.
HUNTER: No! How could this have happened?
HRG: *facepalm* You sent them to throw down with a superhuman without any research or prep time, that’s how, Genius.
HUNTER: *goes to sulk out in the car*
SYLAR: *pops up in backseat* Peek-a-boo!
HUNTER: Gah! Where the fuck-
SYLAR: Same old thing, day after day. This world is…
HUNTER: Rotten.
SYLAR: Ah! You noticed. Start looking around you and all you see are people the world would be better off without. I’ve got a proposition for you; I’ll find the guy who killed your men and take him out for you. In fact, I could catch ‘em all for you. Whaddya say?
ME: Why do all the good-looking guys have beards today? Not complaining (hey, they look hot), but did they all get together and plan it?
HUNTER: Um, well, the dead pair of nameless henchmen are dead. And that is very sad. Go mourn or something, I’ll be in my office.
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: That was beautiful, sir!
HUNTER: God I suck at eulogies. Help me out so I don’t have to do that again.
HRG: Just start working with the supers like I’ve told you to all along.
HUNTER: I don’t know if I’m that desperate yet.
HRG: You are. Look, just think of them like that spare Magnemite you catch, teach the Flash HM to so you can get thru Rock Tunnel, and then toss in a PC box, never to be thought of again. You can use them as tools. We can do the same thing to Sylar!
HUNTER: Hmm… still not completely sold on the whole team-up thing, but while I’m thinking it over, how about you go track me down our ex-boss’ mom for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with spite?
STAR WARS CANTINA MUSIC: *is sadly not playing*
FANDOM’S DEBATE OVER STAR TREK VS STAR WARS SUPERIORITY: *is not helped by the Trekkie writing staff, missed soundtrack joke opportunity, hello?*
CLAIRE: I pawned the necklace my not-real-but-still-better-than-you-dad gave me and got far less money than I would’ve if I’d done the thing I joked about and sold a kidney or twelve (which I could totally have done).
NATHAN: *facepalm*
CLAIRE: Well, I don’t see you doing anything.
NATHAN: Shut up. *takes cash* I’m gonna go try to gamble this pocket change into more money.
ANGELA: I can’t fall asleep on my own, so I decided to go to church. I don’t expect forgiveness from God or anything like that, but I should at least get bored enough that my brain’ll start dreaming the future to entertain itself.
PETER: Uh huh. You know people can hear you, right?
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: I just wanted to tell you again how inspiring the speech you gave earlier was, and may I just say that you look lovely today?
HUNTER: Yeah, sure, whatever. Who are you again?
RANDOM CELL PHONE IN A BOX: *rings*
HUNTER: What the--? Hello?
SYLAR: Like your new phone? You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to impersonate a UPS guy. Say, you get that other thing I sentcha?
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: *loiters*
HUNTER: Are you still here?
ASS-KISSING HENCHMAN: *leaves*
HUNTER: You mean the severed head in a box?
SYLAR: That would be it!
HUNTER: You know, if this was supposed to be an homage to Se7en, you’re doing it wrong.
SYLAR: Interesting how you bring up the Seven Deadly Sins. Makes me think of Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist. Funny how this conversation keeps coming back to people impersonating other people.
HUNTER: What the hell are you on about now?
SYLAR: *sigh* Your guy’s a shape-shifter, asshole. He gets in and out of places by changing into someone who’s supposed to be going in or out of them. Jeez, take a fucking hint why don’t ya.
HUNTER: D8 Shit! Minions! Follow that Ditto!
SYLAR: You’re welcome, btw.
CHASE THRU TEAM ROCKET HQ PARKING GARAGE: *is loud & clumsy*
DITTO!HENCHMAN: *bumps into janitor* Sorry!
JANITOR: Huh?
DITTO!HENCHMAN: *keeps running*
HUNTER: *sees real janitor* Um, arrest him? Or something?
DITTO!HENCHMAN: *changes into Ditto!janitor & leaves*
RAIN: *will it ever fucking stop?!*
PETER: I still love you in spite of your being a bitch, Mommy.
ANGELA: That’s nice, dear. Not sure I’ve forgiven you for cutting your hair and having that lame-ass amnesia storyline in season 2 though. Whatever happened to that girl you left in the alternate-future-that-never-happened anyway?
NATHAN: I’m going to down tequila shots in a drinking contest in the hopes of winning more money! You didn’t sell your kidneys, so I think I’ll destroy my liver. *passes out*
CLAIRE: Hey, if you let me take over for my dad, I’ll bet his watch too! You wanna win a Rolex?
SEMI-DRUNK GUY: Okey-dokey.
HUNTER: I think you just want Ditto-boy’s ability to go with your little acting hobby.
SYLAR: Hey, at least I have a hobby. Besides, I have plenty of superpowers already.
HUNTER: Grr… So, tell me again why I shouldn’t just kill you here and now?
SYLAR: Oh, so you caught Ditto-boy all on your own since the last time we talked? I didn’t think so. Look, let me help now, and when it’s over, you can try to kill me.
HUNTER: Oh, all right.
PETER: Why me, God? I asked you to make me special so I could help people so the world could be a better place. I did that. Get off your ass, man!
CANDLES: *blow themselves out for dramatic effect*
PETER: Um, uh, I’m sorry, sir. You know I mean that in the politest way possible, right?
HENCHMAN: *invade the church looking for supers, obviously not caring about the whole ‘sanctuary’ thing from The Hunchback of Notre Dame*
RANDOM PRIEST ON DUTY: I am so confused right now.
HUNTER: So, you got a special superpower you can use to find our guy?
SYLAR: Even better! I haz detective skillz.
HUNTER: Oh?
SYLAR: Yup. See, just by looking through his cosplay collection and all these photos of different versions of him with different girls, I can tell that he likes pretending he’s someone who’s actually interesting so he can pick up chicks in bars. Either that, or he’s a Time Lord who regenerates and goes through companions even more often than the Doctor does.
HUNTER: Chicks in bars you say? Let’s go!
NATHAN: *is still passed out*
STAR WARS CANTINA MUSIC: *is still not playing dammit*
CLAIRE: Whee, What’s-Your-Face, I sho’ am drunk an’ dizzy!
NOW-COMPLETELY-DRUNK GUY: *is so wasted he falls off his bar stool*
CLAIRE: Not! *takes watch & money back* Let’s go, Dad! …Dad? *sigh*
PETER & ANGELA: *are hiding quietly in the confessional booths*
ANGELA: No one likes you or listens to you when you’re a prophet of doom, so I decided to become the bitch that I am today. The parties you get invited to are so much better!
PETER: *whispers* What part of ‘hiding quietly in the confessional booths’ didn’t you understand, Mom?
HRG: *peeks through little cut-outs (grating?) on the confessional’s doors* All clear, men! Guess no one’s here after all. *winks*
RANDOM NIGHTCLUB: *is dark and shiny*
SYLAR: Found him.
HUNTER: What? This music’s really loud!
SYLAR: Found! Him!
HUNTER: Quarter to twelve!
SYLAR: *sighs, turns the Hunter around, and points* FOUND HIM, YOU DIPSHIT!
DITTO!HUNTER: *is flirting with a pretty girl*
HUNTER: Oh. Oh, that fucker. I’m going over there.
SYLAR: Oh no you’re not. You’re just jealous that he’s better at being you than you are.
NATHAN: I never realized the very obvious fact tha’ yer healing ability would extend to yer liver... *hic* I’mma bad father, I missed your childhood… But I’ll fix it! I’ll fix everythin’… *snore*
CLAIRE: Aww, you’re so sweet when you’re drunk, Dad.
HUNTER: Well, Sylar, I lost him. Guess we should give up now, shouldn’t we, Sylar? *leaves nightclub*
DITTO!SYLAR: Hmm. *follows*
HUNTER: Oh, and before I forget-- *turns and shoots Ditto!Sylar in the stomach*
SYLAR: *pokes head out of the nightclub doorway* Dude! You weren’t supposed to kill him, that was gonna be my job!
HUNTER: Pssh. I totally didn’t, look. Hey, can you take his power without cutting his head all the way open?
SYLAR: Oh, I like you now. *evil grin*
HUNTER: *joins in evil grinning*
DITTO!SYLAR: O_O
NATHAN: So, yeah, what I said last night about having connections in DC that could help us? I really don’t anymore.
CLAIRE: But you said you’d fix it!
NATHAN: I was drunk, I was just lying/talking out of my ass.
CLAIRE: You were Mr. Perfect when I met you! What kind of crap superhero are you, anyway? I hate you again.
NATHAN: *feels guilty now*
ANGELA: Hey, I slept! My dream said to go find Nathan and Claire, and then go meet your aunt.
PETER: ‘Aunt’? Huh? What? Since when do we have one of those?
CLAIRE: I’m mad at you, so I’m going to take a bus back to the states and hope they don’t notice my being a fugitive from the US government and all at the border.
NATHAN: I sold my watch to get your necklace from your other dad back. Friends again?
CLAIRE: Yes, for my affections for you and forgiveness for your jackassery can be bought with shiny objects.
NATHAN & CLAIRE: *decide to fly off together in public, in the middle of a crowded street no less*
ME: Way to be subtle and avoid being sighted while on the run guys.
PETER & ANGELA: *leave the church together*
HAPPY BACKGROUND MUSIC: *is happy*
HUNTER: Surprise! I brought you a dead Sylar!
DITTO!SYLAR’S CORPSE: *has absolutely no damage to the part of the brain that is needed for the healing ability he got from Claire to work, let alone any other head trauma*
HRG: *eyes body* Right, yes. This isn’t suspicious at all.
HUNTER: Yay! I’m glad you like it. I’m gonna go sit in the car and gloat now. *leaves*
CSI LADY: *zips up body bag with Ditto!Sylar in it, leaves to join the Hunter in the car*
HUNTER: So, how does it feel to be dead? …And a woman?
CSI LADY: Honey Flash! *changes back into Sylar*
SYLAR: It’s actually rather liberating.
HUNTER & SYLAR: *drive off into the sunset*
The end.