Fear and Trust
I picked Daniel up a little early today and we went to the park. The sun was setting, but it was so warm and beautiful. He was a little disoriented when we first got there, as it had been months since we had played there. We played in the toddler area for awhile, but he kept eyeing the big green spiral slide where the big kids were playing. Eventually we found ourselves at the bottom of the ladder/steps of the slide. He hiked himself up and I held my hands out behind his back. My fear of (short) heights and ladders choked me as I watched him climb higher. I knew my hands were there and that I would catch him if he stumbled, but still... he had never climbed so high on his own. As soon as he reached the top, he fearlessly planted his bottom on the slide and pushed off. I ran around and met him at the bottom. He laughed, hopped off, and ran around to the ladder again. This time he held a hand up at me and said, "You stay! Don't touch!" Tough luck, buster. He tottered near the top and I swore under my breath. He was fearless, I was right there if he fell. And yet I was the one afraid!
Compare that to the baby swings a few minutes later. He was holding on tight and laughing. I pushed and he kicked his legs high. He shouted, "I'm a bird!" I said, "Hold your arms out, Daniel." He started to let go, felt himself out of control, gasped, and held on tighter. I laughed and told him he was fine (it was a baby swing, after all). "Be a bird, Daniel! Fly!" Soon he was flying, spread-eagle, and laughing. It was beautiful. Fear and trust are tricky things... the waiting hands are there, we are safe. Why don't we fly?
I finally received my official school placement today: "Your Spring placement will be in Birdville ISD at Haltom High School with Sheryl Stewart. You will report to school from Jan.20 - April 17." I called the school and talked to someone named McCanliss who was probably the nicest educationish person I have ever talked so since I started this crazy journey. She seemed absolutely ecstatic that I was coming, she complained to me about parking and construction, she told me I would love Ms. Stewart, that she teachers all sophomore English, with one pre-AP and one Gifted/Talented class. So here we go! And how wonderful it was that she was nice. Really truly. So I am taking a test drive up next week to meet this Ms. Stewart. We'll hope she isn't absolutely terrifying. I'll be at my most charming best.
There is music to discover: Fleet Foxes and Conor Oberst.
TwoListeners.org for Jan 8th: "Joy is the daughter of calm"
Compare that to the baby swings a few minutes later. He was holding on tight and laughing. I pushed and he kicked his legs high. He shouted, "I'm a bird!" I said, "Hold your arms out, Daniel." He started to let go, felt himself out of control, gasped, and held on tighter. I laughed and told him he was fine (it was a baby swing, after all). "Be a bird, Daniel! Fly!" Soon he was flying, spread-eagle, and laughing. It was beautiful. Fear and trust are tricky things... the waiting hands are there, we are safe. Why don't we fly?
I finally received my official school placement today: "Your Spring placement will be in Birdville ISD at Haltom High School with Sheryl Stewart. You will report to school from Jan.20 - April 17." I called the school and talked to someone named McCanliss who was probably the nicest educationish person I have ever talked so since I started this crazy journey. She seemed absolutely ecstatic that I was coming, she complained to me about parking and construction, she told me I would love Ms. Stewart, that she teachers all sophomore English, with one pre-AP and one Gifted/Talented class. So here we go! And how wonderful it was that she was nice. Really truly. So I am taking a test drive up next week to meet this Ms. Stewart. We'll hope she isn't absolutely terrifying. I'll be at my most charming best.
There is music to discover: Fleet Foxes and Conor Oberst.
TwoListeners.org for Jan 8th: "Joy is the daughter of calm"