Plans for 2009/"Fire by Fire"
I know it's cliche to post a "resolutions" list, so I refuse to call this a resolutions list. These are my plans.
1. I will lose the pounds I have gained since Halloween.
2. I will stop nickle-and-diming
3. I will take the GRE and apply to graduate school.
Now.. let me clarify. The 15 lbs do not rate as two steps higher than grad school on the level of importance. Given my somewhat rocky relationship with food over the last couple years, however, there are times when the two seem very comparable. I list in chronological order. I started the "since Halloween" effort today and the spending control two days ago. GRE and graduate school will be a bit of a longer process, but I started looking at schools on Sunday (before I fell asleep for a two-hour nap... we'll hope it's not a sign of my motivation level).
I have my tea and my Anne Lamott and my new book of L'Engle poetry. I have my (mostly) blank "page" in front of me. I have my plans (not resolutions), my registration number for my certification exam, I have my family and my friends and my home. I have with me my failings, my fears. I have my memories of lovelessness, of vengeful fearlessness. I have my brokenness, my tiredness, my birthing hopefulness.
"Fire by Fire" Madeleine L'Engle
My son goes down in the orchard to incinerate
Burning the day's trash, the accumulation
Of old letters, empty toilet-paper rolls, a paper plate,
Marketing lists, discarded manuscript, on occasion
Used cartons of bird seed, dog biscuit. The fire
Rises and sinks; he stirs the ashes till the flames expire.
Burn, too, old sins, bedraggled virtues, tarnished
Dreams, remembered unrealities, the gross
Should-haves, would-haves, the unvarnished
Errors of the day, burn, burn the loss
Of intentions, recurring failures, turn
Them all to ash. Incinerate the dross. Burn. Burn.
(what i see today: remembered unrealities, the unvarnished errors of the day, the loss of intentions, recurring failures. this is the daily holiness today, right? the journey, the wanting for better, for greater, for more. it's the hoping that is holy, right? i hope it is, because i don't feel i have "arrived" much of anywhere.)
1. I will lose the pounds I have gained since Halloween.
2. I will stop nickle-and-diming
3. I will take the GRE and apply to graduate school.
Now.. let me clarify. The 15 lbs do not rate as two steps higher than grad school on the level of importance. Given my somewhat rocky relationship with food over the last couple years, however, there are times when the two seem very comparable. I list in chronological order. I started the "since Halloween" effort today and the spending control two days ago. GRE and graduate school will be a bit of a longer process, but I started looking at schools on Sunday (before I fell asleep for a two-hour nap... we'll hope it's not a sign of my motivation level).
I have my tea and my Anne Lamott and my new book of L'Engle poetry. I have my (mostly) blank "page" in front of me. I have my plans (not resolutions), my registration number for my certification exam, I have my family and my friends and my home. I have with me my failings, my fears. I have my memories of lovelessness, of vengeful fearlessness. I have my brokenness, my tiredness, my birthing hopefulness.
"Fire by Fire" Madeleine L'Engle
My son goes down in the orchard to incinerate
Burning the day's trash, the accumulation
Of old letters, empty toilet-paper rolls, a paper plate,
Marketing lists, discarded manuscript, on occasion
Used cartons of bird seed, dog biscuit. The fire
Rises and sinks; he stirs the ashes till the flames expire.
Burn, too, old sins, bedraggled virtues, tarnished
Dreams, remembered unrealities, the gross
Should-haves, would-haves, the unvarnished
Errors of the day, burn, burn the loss
Of intentions, recurring failures, turn
Them all to ash. Incinerate the dross. Burn. Burn.
(what i see today: remembered unrealities, the unvarnished errors of the day, the loss of intentions, recurring failures. this is the daily holiness today, right? the journey, the wanting for better, for greater, for more. it's the hoping that is holy, right? i hope it is, because i don't feel i have "arrived" much of anywhere.)