2018 APRIL - DECEMBER ART SPAM!
2018 APRIL - DECEMBER ART SPAM!
"Of Mental Health Struggles and a NEW new Muse(s)!"
So, 2018 was not a good year for me mental health-wise.
I've been struggling with depression my whole life, so low-grade depression is pretty much my default setting, but last May I had a meltdown that came outta nowhere. Nothing bad had happened beforehand, no one got sick or died, work was okay, life was simple and going pretty well, but then one day I realized that I'd just been existing with no passion or sense of purpose for months...? (kinda hard to tell when it actually started since these things tend to build up slowly and sneakily). I'd completely lost interest in the things and hobbies that made me happy. Nothing mattered. Everything felt pointless.
I stopped drawing, and not the I-need-a-break-to-recharge kind of thing that I do on a regular basis, I stopped thinking about drawing and I stopped daydreaming about future art projects. I just didn't care anymore...about anything.
And then things got worse when I began experiencing extreme mood swings at very inconvenient times and places, for example: I cried at work in my cubicle for no reason (on three separate occasions in the same morning), I almost punched a stranger for crowding me, and I basically overreacted to every minor inconvenience as if it were a life shattering apocalypse. At that point, I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. This was a very different experience from any previous downturns with my depression. I've been severely depressed in the past, but it was always for tangible reasons, reasons that I worked really hard to sort out and that eventually lead to major life improvements. I thought I'd be free after fixing my life and that depression wouldn't be as much of an issue going forward, but I was wrong, apparently. I just didn't know how to deal with an episode that had no actual cause (that I could think of).
So, I went to my doctor and I decided it was time to try medication, since doing all the usual non-medication methods of coping weren't cutting it anymore. The extreme mood swings stopped within the first month, but I still didn't care about anything. I still felt empty. I was seriously contemplating the idea of quitting drawing forever. The whole point of hobbies is to make you feel happy, so why would I want to spend hours of time and energy on something that didn't make me happy anymore?
It took five months of medication before even the slightest interest in art came back. And then in October, a little film about a depressed man partnering up with an intelligent semi-liquid space slug is what finally motivated me to attempt drawing again. # Hello, Muse. You've chosen a very weird outfit to come back in, and I appreciate that. :P
It's been seven months now, and I'm really only starting to recover from this episode. My returned interest in drawing (and creating in general) gives me hope tho, gives me a sense of purpose again. So, that's something at least. :)
TL;DR - I had a meltdown last May and I'm on anti-depressants now, which haven't cured my depression, BUT they at least lifted my mood enough to make me want to create stuff again. And Eddie Brock and Venom are what finally motivated me to get back into drawing after seven long months of drifting in a void.
Aight, time to make with my first batch of post-meltdown drawings!
So, after seeing Venom (2018) and being absolutely surprised and delighted by this gem of a superhero film, I finally opened up Photoshop, dusted off my tablet, got a little collection of stills from the movie as my references and sketched an Eddie. I had no particular goal in mind with this sketch other than I wanted to figure out how to stylize Tom Hardy's face. *shrugs*
W.I.P. Eddie:
Tumblr post is here.
I let this sketch simmer for a couple of weeks because I had no idea what else to do with it. Eventually I was inspired by various fanarts of the venom symbiote as this cute little sweater gremlin and it was right around Halloween (or shortly after), and that's when I finally knew how I wanted to finish this drawing:
Venom nom nom ALL THE CHOCOLATE!:
Tumblr post is here. DA post is here.
Drawing the goopy Venom tendrils is very therapeutic. <3
Next, I felt inspired by that lobster tank scene™, and since I'd never tried a screencap redraw before, it was time I had a go at it:
Lobster Bathbombs!!!:
Tumblr post is here. DA post is here.
This gif:
source
is where the screencap is from, specifically. His look of contentment/relief and the way his hands lovingly pet the sides of the tank and trail into the water just cracks me up every time! XD My speech bubbles aren't exact dialogue from the film. The waiter/restaurant manager/whatever speech bubble is actually a Nick Fury reference because I am a NERD!
And lastly, I wanted to draw a little slice of life kinda thing...
Grocery Shopping Can Be...An Ordeal:
Tumblr post is here. DA post is here.
Venom is basically me every February 15th when all the leftover Valentine's chocolates are 50-80% off. X'DDD
Anyhoo, I will hopefully continue to recover and draw (I've been thinking about my million-art-projects-that-are-forever-simmering-on-the-back-burner a lot again lately, so that's a good sign, right?).
Happy 2019! See you next spam!
Rachel