Stephenie Meyer vrs. JK Rowling
BADFIC GRADING RUBRIC
Title: Stephenie Meyer vrs. JK Rowling
Grade: Epic Fail
Victims: Mainly herself, as she does a better job of looking like an idiot than looking intelligent.
Summary: A frustrated Twihard tries to convince her readers that Meyer > Rowling. Blasphemy.
Offenses: Putting Twilight before Harry Potter. That's all that needs to be said.
Original text can be read here.
*door opens, Rytex, Xemyli, Dalen, and Exsan all enter*
Rytex: Huh, so it’s our debut on The Daily Insanity. Finally. What are we doing today?
Xemyli: Some idiotic drivel written by a Twihard that compares Meyer to Rowling.
Exsan: That’s like comparing Barcelona FC to a first-grade soccer team. I mean, there’s no comparison.
Dalen: Yeah, in terms of villainy, Meyer would probably be the Brazilian Men’s National Team.
Exsan: Who let you in here?
Dalen: I’m like Superman. I know when I’m needed.
Xemyli: We don’t need you.
Dalen: I beg to differ. If any article involves Meyer, I shall spork it to preach about how Meyer is the world’s greatest villain!
Rytex: Alive? Or all-time?
Dalen: Alive. Duh. Who can compare with Hitler?
Xemyli: Getting off the topic of racism, we have a classic America vs. Britain coming right up.
Rytex: Oh good god, not again. Let me guess, Twilight > HP, right?
Xemyli: Nope, this one’s called JK Rowling vrs. Stephenie Meyer.
Exsan: Do I even need to mention there’s no “r” in the abbreviation for versus?
Dalen: It’s a Twihard. What did you expect?
Exsan: Ouch.
Rytex: Let’s get this over with.
I don't know how many of you have read Harry Potter, but I love them. They are such a great idea, terrificly written, and funny. The characters are real and they move you.
Rytex: Something tells me this feeling of me agreeing with her won’t last.
Wow, I pretty much just described Twilight didn't I?
Rytex: I knew it.
Exsan: You did not just describe Twilight. None of the description for the characters sounds accurate, and the story is only funny if you compare it to a REAL story.
:) They're both best sellers, they're both being made into movies. They're both blockbuster hits (Twilight most likely).
Xemyli: Oh no she didn’t. Let’s see… *checks Box Office Stats* Harry Potter as a series has earned… let’s see… Breeding Spawn- I mean, Breaking Dawn- Part 1 grossed just over $696 million. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 grossed about $1.3 billion. And it’s the Number 3 Top Grossing Film EVER, after Avatar and Titanic. Breaking Dawn Part 1, well, it’s down at Number 47. After New Moon and Eclipse, might I add.
I think what makes the major difference between these amazing stories is the author.
Rytex: *snort* Correct, except that only one of these stories is amazing. And it rhymes with Larry Knotter.
I won't lie and say I know a lot about J. K. Rowling
Exsan: Then seriously, why judge? If you know little, there’s no point in it.
but I've seen one interview, and it was enough to convinse me that, no matter how good her books are, I hate her.
Rytex: You misspelled “Convince.” Not to mention, you base your opinion on one interview?
J.K. Rowling is richer than the royal family (a proven fact). And yet she's let fame and fortune go to her head.
Exsan: Granted, she is richer than Queen Elizabeth (God save the Queen), but what about the millions she donated to charities like Comic Relief?
I saw one interview with her, and she was a nasty, bitter, old, wrench. She did nothing but complain about the "bloody Americans" and how the adaptation of the HP movies weren't up to her standards.
Rytex: *snort* You do realize she was the one who could have corrected anything wrong with them, right? And multiple times, she did.
She was horrible! I dislike her so much that if I saw her on the street I wouldn't stop her for an autograph, even IF I was carrying one of her books with me at the time.
Exsan: Of course not. You are unworthy of an autograph from one as awesome as our dear Jo.
Dalen: I would. Then I would send it to this girl in the mail. *Evil cackle*
Rytex: Mind if I join you in that endeavor?
Stephenie Meyer on the other hand is so sweet! I haven't read one interview with her where she was being unkind. She answers the questions, dosn't say anything bad about anyone, she even completely supports the cast, and helps them to better adapt their characters.
Xemyli: What is there to adapt to? Edward sulks and stalks, Jacob stalks and imprints on little infants, and Bella moans and whines.
I would travel to see Stephenie.
Hands down, Stephenie Meyer is going to go farther than J.K. Rowling.
Dalen: She already has gone further down that road than Rowling. How many Satanic cults has Rowling made? None, so far as I know, except the Death Eaters. Meyer? The Twihards.
Stephenie has just finished the first in another book series (The Host) which so far has gotten wonderful reviews (from the blessed souls who were permitted to read it before it's release date, jerks lol).
Rytex: Those people are called Waste Management.
Exsan: Good one.
She doesn't place all her fame and popularity on one book series.
What else has J.K. Rowling wrote besides: How to be a Stuffy British Bitch with a Bad Attitude? (Oh she hasn't wrote that either? Too bad, she'd be great at it!)
Dalen: Why not you? Oh, right, you’re not British. Pity, you’d make a great authoress for it.
Nothing! She's wrote nothing else. Yeah Harry Potter may carry her until the end of time, but Stephenie is a true author, and she won't stop.
Dalen: A true author? If that’s a true author, I can puke on a page and be called a true author.
Rytex: Zing! Good one!
What I'd like to see, more than anything else, is the day the Twilight Series bumped Harry Potter 7 down to 2nd best seller.
Xemyli: Never has happened. Never will. End of story.
I want to be there watching J.K. Rowling pulling out her nasty bleach blonde hair and screaming about how Meyer is just a bloody American who is less than she because she's British.
Rytex: If Rowling hates Americans so much, why did she hire Chris Columbus to do the first and second movies?
Oh, bloody Hell Rowling, doesn't it suck to be second to an America? :) *Evil cackle*
Dalen: I’m sorry, but only I can do evil cackles here. Not to mention, I don’t think she’d know. She’s still sitting in that #1 spot. Where’s Meyer? Oh, right, she’s behind.
Rytex: Dude, you’re on fire today.
Dalen: I try.
(No offense to any of you British people, I love you guys! You're our Mother Land :).
Rytex: Then what do you call the above?
That and, honestly, most of us are desendants from England. Love your country, love your accents, love you guys. Hate J.K. Rowling. Long live the Queen! lol)
Rytex: *headdesk*
Exsan: *inserts gun into mouth*
Xemyli: *Heroic BSoD*
Dalen: *taking notes from this “critic” on what she did wrong in the Evil Dept.*
Rytex: Well, that’s all for today. I’m out of here. I need something hard to get over that.
Xemyli: At least you aren’t part of the Canon Crew doing My Immortal.
Exsan: Yes, that is true.
Rytex: *nods* Yeah, very true. Well, I’m off to the bar. Dalen, Exsan, you coming with?
Dalen: Duh. I’d never pass up an opportunity to out-drink Exsan.
Exsan: In your dreams.
Xemyli: *shakes head* Boys…
*All exit*