Introversion (or, Explaining the Hermit Urge...)
eddyfate wrote this for his journal. I understand it as a basic concept so well that it bears placing in here... where I can be reminded of it... and where friends who are occasionally confused by the rounds of 'hermitting' that last_bastion and I go through.
I am an introvert. Despite what dictionaries might tell you, it doesn't mean the same as "shy." People always seem to be surprised by the fact that I'm an introvert, because I don't shy away from social contact or act in any way that resembles the state known as shy. That's because I'm not shy. I'm an introvert.
I'm also not any of the other negative synonyms for "introvert." I do not brood as a matter of course; I tend to stay well within the amount of brooding legally allowed for creatives. I am not an egotist or a narcissist -- if anything, it's taken me years to get any measure of self-esteem. I don't think most people would classify me as a wallflower, a loner or solitary when they see me in social settings. (I'll cop to being a self-observer, though, else this entry would be extremely hypocritical.)
I defy and reject all of these other labels. The only one suitable -- nay, the only one remotely accurate -- is introvert.
So, what does introversion really mean? Here's a quote from one of the most standard personality tests, the MBTI:
I like getting my energy from dealing with the ideas, pictures, memories, and reactions that are inside my head, in my inner world. I often prefer doing things alone or with one or two people I feel comfortable with. I take time to reflect so that I have a clear idea of what I’ll be doing when I decide to act. Ideas are almost solid things for me. Sometimes I like the idea of something better than the real thing.
Carl Jung also had a different opinion on what the word "introvert" means.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extravert-and-introvert.asp
None of this is incompatible with being around people or being social. I like being around people. I like being social. But... I want all of the extroverts reading this to pay very close attention now. Ready?
Understand that I like you, extroverts. I do. But you're tiring. And not just you -- all people. Being around people is work for me. It might be pleasurable work, like designing games for a living. It might be miserable work, like trying to dig a hole in quicksand. But no matter what, I have to spend energy to do it.
I know, it sounds crazy, right? But it's true. When I'm around you, it takes an effort. It doesn't have anything to do with you personally, though. No, not at all. But being around another person that isn't me is an effort, and the more people that are around, the larger the effort is. Most times -- hell, nearly every time -- the effort is worth it to me. But it's still an effort, an expenditure of energy.
Which means I eventually run out of energy. Which means I have to recharge that energy. Now, if being around people takes energy, and I need to recharge that energy, what does that mean?
It means I need you to leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously. Just leave me alone.
I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm not down. I'm not depressed. I'm not angry. I'm not moping. I'm not moody. I'm not angsty. I'm not emo. I'm not frustrated. I'm not pissed at you. I'm not sick. I'm not trying to play games. I don't need to vent. The cold, hard reality is that there is absolutely nothing you can do.
Actually, there is one thing you can do. Leave me the fuck alone.
And I'm serious about this. No email. No phone calls. No IM. No Twitter. No blog comments. No text messages. No PMs. No forum requests. No letters. No singing telegrams. No skywriting. And please, please, please don't barge into my space and try to cheer me up.
I get it. You care about me, and you want to help. And I appreciate it, I really do. I love the fact that you care so much. But really, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm ducky. I'm awesome. I'm tip-top. I'm ace. I'm on top of the world.
In short, there is nothing for you to fix. Nothing is wrong. I just need to be alone for a while.
Where it breaks down is when I need to recharge and you poke at me. Then I am frustrated, angry, upset, emotional. You're fucking with my space. I need to recharge, and you're fucking with my space.
So pointing out that I'm obviously upset and need your help when you're the one making me upset is not the fucking answer. Please trust that I'll tell you when I need your help.
That's all. I just need y'all to understand one simple, elegant concept:
If I don't want company, assuming there's a problem will create one.
Understand that one truism, and we'll be golden.
*smiles* Philosophy for the inwardly turned. I'm not as bad about this as others... but I do like my days of 'do nothing' and 'no one around' (last_bastion doesn't count... and I would daresay he needs 'no one around' time much more than me). Its like a reset button... turn off all of the switches, turn off the world, and just be as you are.
Fortunately for me, I'm adept at doing this in the midst of a bustling group of people. When you've never lived alone it becomes second nature.
Anyway... I hope those of you who aren't on eddyfate's journal found this insightful... and maybe even useful when it comes to some of your introverted friends. If you have, I'm sure your introverted friends will appreciate it. *smiles*
I am an introvert. Despite what dictionaries might tell you, it doesn't mean the same as "shy." People always seem to be surprised by the fact that I'm an introvert, because I don't shy away from social contact or act in any way that resembles the state known as shy. That's because I'm not shy. I'm an introvert.
I'm also not any of the other negative synonyms for "introvert." I do not brood as a matter of course; I tend to stay well within the amount of brooding legally allowed for creatives. I am not an egotist or a narcissist -- if anything, it's taken me years to get any measure of self-esteem. I don't think most people would classify me as a wallflower, a loner or solitary when they see me in social settings. (I'll cop to being a self-observer, though, else this entry would be extremely hypocritical.)
I defy and reject all of these other labels. The only one suitable -- nay, the only one remotely accurate -- is introvert.
So, what does introversion really mean? Here's a quote from one of the most standard personality tests, the MBTI:
I like getting my energy from dealing with the ideas, pictures, memories, and reactions that are inside my head, in my inner world. I often prefer doing things alone or with one or two people I feel comfortable with. I take time to reflect so that I have a clear idea of what I’ll be doing when I decide to act. Ideas are almost solid things for me. Sometimes I like the idea of something better than the real thing.
Carl Jung also had a different opinion on what the word "introvert" means.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extravert-and-introvert.asp
None of this is incompatible with being around people or being social. I like being around people. I like being social. But... I want all of the extroverts reading this to pay very close attention now. Ready?
Understand that I like you, extroverts. I do. But you're tiring. And not just you -- all people. Being around people is work for me. It might be pleasurable work, like designing games for a living. It might be miserable work, like trying to dig a hole in quicksand. But no matter what, I have to spend energy to do it.
I know, it sounds crazy, right? But it's true. When I'm around you, it takes an effort. It doesn't have anything to do with you personally, though. No, not at all. But being around another person that isn't me is an effort, and the more people that are around, the larger the effort is. Most times -- hell, nearly every time -- the effort is worth it to me. But it's still an effort, an expenditure of energy.
Which means I eventually run out of energy. Which means I have to recharge that energy. Now, if being around people takes energy, and I need to recharge that energy, what does that mean?
It means I need you to leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously. Just leave me alone.
I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm not down. I'm not depressed. I'm not angry. I'm not moping. I'm not moody. I'm not angsty. I'm not emo. I'm not frustrated. I'm not pissed at you. I'm not sick. I'm not trying to play games. I don't need to vent. The cold, hard reality is that there is absolutely nothing you can do.
Actually, there is one thing you can do. Leave me the fuck alone.
And I'm serious about this. No email. No phone calls. No IM. No Twitter. No blog comments. No text messages. No PMs. No forum requests. No letters. No singing telegrams. No skywriting. And please, please, please don't barge into my space and try to cheer me up.
I get it. You care about me, and you want to help. And I appreciate it, I really do. I love the fact that you care so much. But really, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm ducky. I'm awesome. I'm tip-top. I'm ace. I'm on top of the world.
In short, there is nothing for you to fix. Nothing is wrong. I just need to be alone for a while.
Where it breaks down is when I need to recharge and you poke at me. Then I am frustrated, angry, upset, emotional. You're fucking with my space. I need to recharge, and you're fucking with my space.
So pointing out that I'm obviously upset and need your help when you're the one making me upset is not the fucking answer. Please trust that I'll tell you when I need your help.
That's all. I just need y'all to understand one simple, elegant concept:
If I don't want company, assuming there's a problem will create one.
Understand that one truism, and we'll be golden.
*smiles* Philosophy for the inwardly turned. I'm not as bad about this as others... but I do like my days of 'do nothing' and 'no one around' (last_bastion doesn't count... and I would daresay he needs 'no one around' time much more than me). Its like a reset button... turn off all of the switches, turn off the world, and just be as you are.
Fortunately for me, I'm adept at doing this in the midst of a bustling group of people. When you've never lived alone it becomes second nature.
Anyway... I hope those of you who aren't on eddyfate's journal found this insightful... and maybe even useful when it comes to some of your introverted friends. If you have, I'm sure your introverted friends will appreciate it. *smiles*