Almassy Legacy [5.3]: Brats in the Belfry
Hey, everybody! Welcome back! Get comfy, 'cause this update is a long one! Last time, Shima couldn't catch a break from Claus' grabby hands nor from the butthurt ghosts who wanted to kill her. Useless heir Israel forfeited his parenting responsibilities to practically anybody else but him. Finally, we said goodbye to Parvati and hello to Shima's girl triplets, which made generation five all female!
Well, the Almassy family is as big as ever again with four kids in the house. However, I've gotta start this update off with a bummer note. Sorry!
After being around for twenty whole updates, it's finally Claus' time to meet his maker. I thought that he was going to die at the same time Parvati did, but nope, he stuck around for a good five or six days afterwards. This guy is old as dirt by now.
HA! Oh Claus, only you. No, he won't be coming back as a zombie, he's been around for forever and ever! Boy needs a break.
Grim Reaper: I'm back for my daily photo-op! Oh, and for your granddad. That too.
Israel: NOOOOOOOOOOO BUT YOU CAN'T BAWWWWWWW
Shima: Ahem, what are all THESE girls doing here?
You know, it's the sexy hula dancer troup... you saw them before, remember?
Shima: ...think they look so good in their dumb coconut bras... hmph!
Calm your asspain, Shima.
Claus, do you really have to go? You could stay for another generation...or two... :(
Claus: That depends, does the afterlife come with complimentary drinks?
Grim Reaper: Hell yes it does!
Claus: I'M SOLD
GOODBYE, DARLING. God, he's such a little buttmunch, but I adored him. Claus is definitely one of my all-time favorite sims and it was really difficult to see him go. It's so unreal how attached you get to these little computer people. Embarrassingly, I kind of teared up a bit here. i'm a big baby... :(
That's two big deaths for Rain, and she's not even out of toddlerhood yet. Thankfully she hasn't had any active fears about death, otherwise she'd be bottomed out in the red forever.
Shima: BUT I MISS HIM SEXUALLY HARRASSING ME BOOHOOHOOOOOO
Oh, Shima... :<
Well, both of the generation two heirs are officially six feet deep. Here's hoping that Claus is a nicer ghost than Parvati is!
OMG STOP. MY HEART. EVEN THE ANIMALS ARE SAD. :( Now who will play with them for ten hours straight every day?
Miraculously, Georgia continues to pull her weight with the babies and actually take care of them. So maybe her parenting skills blossomed a whole generation too late, but at least she's helping out?...
Good timing too, considering the actual parents can't get their act together. Any good reason for the baby to be on the floor?
Israel: I've just realized that I have VERY URGENT BUSINESS to take care of!
And that is...
Israel: I AM VERY POOR AND SAD. WHAT KIND SOUL WOULD HELP ME BY PURCHASING ONE OF MY FINE CHILDREN?
Iz, I think they're a little too young for child slave labor yet.
Speaking of people being dumb, Ashley's new favorite hobby is to swing by the house every day and steal the newspaper. You'd think Israel would be right there with Calhoun yelling at the paper thief... but if it's being done to spite Georgia, he's totally okay with it. What happened to your newspaper morals?!
Ashley: lol what crawled up his ass??
Gee, I don't know. Maybe you should just go back home and fart around with dolphins or whatever it is that you do.
What winter season is complete without ALMASSY UNDERWEAR IN THE SNOW DAY!! :D Shima continues the fine tradition by refusing to wear pants and building a snowman.
Uh, oops! Baby on the loose! Does... does anybody notice? or care?
Rain: Wheeeee!!
Her parents are, predictibly, more engrossed in things other than her. At least she can survive off the snow if she gets left outside for several hours!
Israel and Shima: MMMMMMMMM SLURP SLURP KISS
Snowman: *judging you silently*
I was tired of Israel's warlock outfit so I gave him a makeover. Maybe looking like he came out of a J.Crew catalog will score him some more ass.
Random house penguin!!
Man, that's one cute penguin. I don't know why he felt compelled to take a detour through the living room, but I sure like having him in the house!
Ohhhhhh my god. Yep, birthdaypalooza incoming. While it's a pain in the butt to coordinate four whole birthdays on the same day, at least I get them out of the way.
Rain: SCARF
Now Rain can grow up and not eat cat food anymore! ...But then I'll have THREE toddlers around eating cat food. Sigh. :I
Folks, I'm proud to present: THE VERY FIRST ALMASSY CHILD TO GET POTTY-TRAINED YEEHAAAAAWWWW!! Of course this doesn't mean shit because she's aging up in a few hours, so my victory is short-lived. DON'T EVEN CARE THO
Shima: Dear diary, today I'm throwing a huge birthday bash for all of my children! But instead of celebrating it with them, I'm just going to sit here and write about gnomes.
Oh no... look, I didn't know it would be a bad idea to invite Ryan to the party! I guess seeing all of Iz's kids triggered some insta-family sim desperation and he went a little bananas. :(
Ryan: NOT TO WORRY, I'VE BROUGHT MY OWN CHILD WITH ME!!
That's... great?? Ahem, PAGING AYAKO'S THERAPIST
I finally placate him by letting him hold Poppy. Hopefully he won't run off with her or anything, I kinda need her for the party.
It turns out that giving him Poppy was a bad idea, because Ryan likes holding her so much that he refuses to put her down. It takes two whole hours to wrangle the baby away from him and over to the cake, ruining any hopes of me having a cute joint birthday photo. GOOD JOB, RYAN
Anyway, time to check out the kids! Rain is still a great blend of her parents.
I already did!! *BA-DUM-TSSSH*
...i'll see myself out
Errr, now onto the triplets. Azalea is the only kid who got Israel's nose. Very cute! My only gripe with her is that freakin' corpse skin she's got. Trust me, putting some blush on her helps A LOT.
I just love Poppy's teeny-weeny blue eyes and her cheeky smile! She just looks so feisty! She really reminds me a lot of Megan.
Violet looks the most... Almassy-ish to me? It must be the combo of freckles and Ayako's eyes that's giving me that vibe. She looks like a super put-together pageant baby here, which is either adorable or frightening depending on how many episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras you've seen.
Awww, aren't you cute. The kids as a whole are actually very nice; Azalea and Violet have ten and nine nice points respectively! Poppy is the exception with only three nice points, but every batch of children needs a bad seed.
Azalea: BLARF
Oh yeah, and Azalea randomly explodes cat food everywhere for no reason. She does this for her entire toddlerhood and it makes taking photos of her very awkward.
OMG. These bitchy-ass children. Rain was nice and sweet but the triplets never shut the hell up, thus waking each other up constantly with their terrible screeching.
Shima: EWWW. Why are children so smelly and loud? I want a refund.
It's because you're the perfect role model for that!
Azalea: Maybe we'd stop if you'd change us?
Shima: BUT DIAPERS ARE DIRTY AND GROSS, EWW
Azalea: :(
Israel: Hello, hot wife!
These two get mad and gripe about all the children smelling bad, but then they just flirt with each other instead of changing or bathing the kids. I'm all out of sympathy for you two!
Calhoun is finally realizing the hell that triplets bring upon a household, and he's not too happy about it. Thanks for being my childcare buttmonkey anyway!
Rain starts off her day by sleeping in until noon and missing school. Way to start off on the right foot, there!
Rain: Why would I want to go to school when I can play 'Skydiving Ponies'?
I can't wait to see your BA in Skydiving Ponies at university.
What's happened to George?? She fucking loves babies now. Violet is her fave and all Georgia wants to do is play with her and cuddle her all day.
Israel: Boohoo! Boohoohoo! But why doesn't my mommy love me?
Where did she go wrong with her own kids? I don't get it.
Shima: Wheeee! Carry ME instead! ♥
Is it just me, or is there direct correlation between time spent with Shima and continued neglect of the children? Just wondering.
Rain: I love you, grandpa! ♥
D'AWWWW. Rain gets along super well with everybody, but especially with Calhoun. He's spent so much time taking care of her that she's really attached to him.
Rain: I hope you never die! 'Cause no one else here is actually helpful.
Rain, you are more right than you know.
Shima: I'm standing right here so I can hear you... :(
Ugh, everything here gets so dirty now. Sorry, Wilford. :(
Aha, trying to escape off to the garden for some privacy, are you? You can't outsmart Toddler GPS! They'll follow you to the ends of the earth.
Poppy: Would you stop sucking face and pay attention to me? TODDLERS SHOULD NOT BE HAVING MIDLIFE CRISES
Israel: ALL THESE CHILDREN ARE SO DEMANDING!!
Now I really wish he was a family sim so he would just suck it up and do his job.
Here you can see me attempting to get the triplets potty-trained, but I don't even know why I bothered. If it was a miracle just to get Rain potty-trained, these kids have no hope.
What, their aspiration meter is in the toilet?? WELL I NEVER
You're seeing that right - it's Arthur!! And nope, he's not here for a visit, he's moving into the house! His appearance is a little sudden, but I'll show how he got here in the next spare update.
It's been a long time since Arthur was around a kid. Actually, since Brandon was only a kid for a nanosecond before I cheated him up, he hasn't really been around them period. So how does he fare?
Azalea: I love this doggy! ♥
Vivi: WHO THE HELL IS THAT
Pretty awesomely, I have to say! All the toddlers are all over him.
Plus he and Rain have a total blast together! Bless this dog.
So my pictures start getting scarce right around here. The triplets are so needy and trying to wrangle the family into actually raising them is a nightmarish affair. The second story is NOT baby-friendly in the slightest and my poor layout decisions makes childcare that much harder.
The fact that the house now has eleven inhabitants doesn't help matters, as they get themselves into dumb traffic jams constantly which I have to fix.
Oh yeah, and there are homicidal ghosts everywhere! The gameplay in this generation is definitely more punishing than the last, that's for sure...
Israel: GTFO BITCH, YOU HAD ENOUGH SCREENTIME ALREADY
Oh look it's Grim, blah blah, he's got Shima's soul but Israel gets it back, yadda yadda. DAMNIT, GHOSTS. HOW DO YOU EVEN MAKE DEATH BORING.
Grim Reaper: Tell me about it. Can I take the kid as a consolation prize?
HAHAHA! Uh, no. Come back and get her when she gets killed in college like everybody else.
I'm not even going to indulge your victory fistpump. How many of those memories do you have, like a dozen? No one cares at this point.
PARVATI!!! How dare you! I can understand you scaring Claus, but SHIMA? Really? You're not even a part of the Fatal Four!
Normally I hate it when the game bugs me like this, but these notices are honestly a lifesaver. There's so much stuff going on (like say, Shima dying for the trillionth time) that I forget that the kids need to eat.
Rain: Um, but this is burnt garbage. Do I have to eat this?
Hell yes you do! Chow down on that porkchop before CPS gets here!
And now, in News That Everyone Already Knows, Israel and Shima are constantly up each other's asses. Their marriage couldn't be better, but I'm still eyeing Israel's LTW (have twenty simultaneous lovers; currently at three). I want the best of both worlds: a completed LTW AND an intact marriage! Impossible? Probably... but I have a plan!
First: get Shima a freakin' job! She wanted to be a slacker (lol of course) so she got her wish. All I need is for her to get out of the house for a bit.
Calhoun: WHAT WAS THAT, PROFESSOR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU WITH ALL THESE CHILDREN SCREAMING IN MY EAR
Ugh, it looks like my plan is going to be derailed before I've even begun. Reason being? ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE IN THIS HOUSE! Observe:
Everyone almost starving to death because they can't manage to make themselves a damn sandwich!
Obscene amounts of child neglect and stank!
Ghosts killing everyone at all hours of the night!
Yeah yeah YEAH I know, everyone's always hungry, just let me--
--OH MY GOD YOU ARE ACTUALLY ALMOST DEAD.
Rain: snore
RAIN PLEASE GET UP AND EAT SOMETHING
Rain: snrk But I'm getting my beauty sleep...
THAT'S GONNA BE A DIRT NAP SOON ENOUGH, GET UP
No shit? All these tools can do is just pass out everywhere and complain about how ugly they are. Socialization is not high on their list of priorities, trust me.
And then the social worker lady shows up. LOL.
Wow, that was uncharacteristically generous of her. I was expecting to have all the kids carted off!
Poppy: NO, WAIT, COME BACK! DON'T LEAVE US HERE!
Although maybe that would have been for the best, really...
Georgia: I got woken up for THIS?? I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, just people trying to take away your grandchildren, no big deal.
Due to the whole SS debacle, Shima doesn't even make it to her first day at work. She must have the nicest employers ever because she keeps her job, amazingly enough.
I've never been so happy to give a sim food. You eat that omelette good, Rain!
AHHHHH! Wilford gave me a scare because I thought she exploded, but no, she was only growing old. Sheesh.
Both her and Vivi look pretty much the same, just a little greyer. I like how the game thinks that they were doing something other than sitting around and getting high on catnip all day.
ARTHUR BATHTIME SHOT. I love this dog.
We haven't seen Israel bust out some magic in a long time, huh? For whatever reason, he wants to freeze time. That sounds like a giant middle finger to the laws of the universe, so it's great in my book!
Israel Just stand back and watch the master warlock do his thing!
This is my first time seeing this spell, and it's actually really impressive! The whole screen starts shaking and Israel's hand crackles with magical energy. You can tell by the smugness on Iz's face that something cool is going down.
Then, as his magic ripples across the lot, everyone slows down and freezes in place! Just like a cool movie!! I'm having way too much fun with this.
Wand: *poot*
Israel: Huh? It... it didn't work?
Uh oh. The game wasn't joking about the spell being complicated, 'cause Israel couldn't get it to work, even after a few more attempts.
Israel: My wizard cred...!
Awww, it's okay, baby. I don't know what we'll use the spell for but we'll try it again another time!
Hey, today is the triplets' birthday! Did you remember? That's okay, Israel and Shima forgot too.
Israel: You mean I gotta stand here and watch my kid grow up? WOW, TALK ABOUT BORING. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
What a burden I've put on him. Paying attention to your children is just too difficult for poor, poor Israel.
Of course, all the girls grow up horribly. I don't think a birthday's been this bad since the quads hit childhood all the way back in the second gen.
Violet: Look, mommy! Look, I grew up! Aren't you proud of me?
Shima: SORRY, YOUR REQUEST CANNOT BE PROCESSED. CURRENTLY IN 'THINK ABOUT ISRAEL' MODE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.
Violet: How can mom not pay attention to ME, her most precious and adorable child?!
Hahaha! I suggest you get used to it. And now, here are the triplets, post-makeover:
Poppy!
Violet!
Aaaaaand Azalea!
Well, that's all there is for this update! Next time: angry children, cheating shenanigans, and DEATH!
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Hooooo, this generation is testing my patience. Things are going horribly wrong all the time now! As frustrating as it is, it's also damn entertaining. Let's see, I've got all the pictures for the next Almassy spare update lined up, plus another Morgan update whenever I get around to writing it. Lots of stuff coming up! But for now, I'm going to have a well-deserved weekend visit to my boyfriend's! :D WOOHOO! Anyways, thanks so much for reading! Have a good one, and I'll see you next time!