life...whatever that means
it still seems like everytime i turn around everyone i know is depressed and feeling empty, alone, confused, shitted on, stressed out, or afraid.
and although at this age everything is fucked up and confusing because most of us, or at least i, feel like we are dumped into this adult world where the pressures of decisions and relationships and time and money are these fucking constant attention grabing problems that i dont even start to pretend that i know where to start dealing with them.
the best i can do is go from a day to day problem solving, deciding what cant wait anymore, decide what would make me happy at this moment. but i was laying in my bed the other night thinking about what im going to have to accomplish in the next year, and where im going to be in the next year, and i got scared, really scared actually.
i dont know where any of this came from but on a side note 'everything will be ok' is really not what i want to hear right now
and im not complaining
i can think of a million situations that i cold be in that could be far far worse
its just i dont have anyone holding my hand anymore
its just me.. and thats not comforting
but anyway
andrew is feeling better, i love that boy...maybe too much. if boston was a person i would cut him.
but i really dont want to go anywhere near that situation right now.
poor jess is in an unhappy place right now, and when such a strong person can show that you know theres bad stuff going on. and i want you to know baby that im always here for you..always
i hung out with my lady sarah the other day..michael moore, vegan pizza, ddr...it was a good time. i love that girl
me and alden are seeing eachother very regularly now, which is very comforting to me. but frightening. i dont know how i can go about not fucking this one up. i really like this one, i actually found someone worth my time who may not even know what a bowstaff is let alone own one and store it at my house for over a goddamn month. he actually seems to honestly care about me, which makes me think he cant be trusted and that he will very soon betray me just to watch me hurt. i want to give credit to jon for installing that in me.....
oh and i had to do disection in lab this morning...a fetal pig...i was upset to say the least, my partner did the cutting. when we got to his little heart i rubbed it and almost went in to tears.
god damn
ok im done
really
and although at this age everything is fucked up and confusing because most of us, or at least i, feel like we are dumped into this adult world where the pressures of decisions and relationships and time and money are these fucking constant attention grabing problems that i dont even start to pretend that i know where to start dealing with them.
the best i can do is go from a day to day problem solving, deciding what cant wait anymore, decide what would make me happy at this moment. but i was laying in my bed the other night thinking about what im going to have to accomplish in the next year, and where im going to be in the next year, and i got scared, really scared actually.
i dont know where any of this came from but on a side note 'everything will be ok' is really not what i want to hear right now
and im not complaining
i can think of a million situations that i cold be in that could be far far worse
its just i dont have anyone holding my hand anymore
its just me.. and thats not comforting
but anyway
andrew is feeling better, i love that boy...maybe too much. if boston was a person i would cut him.
but i really dont want to go anywhere near that situation right now.
poor jess is in an unhappy place right now, and when such a strong person can show that you know theres bad stuff going on. and i want you to know baby that im always here for you..always
i hung out with my lady sarah the other day..michael moore, vegan pizza, ddr...it was a good time. i love that girl
me and alden are seeing eachother very regularly now, which is very comforting to me. but frightening. i dont know how i can go about not fucking this one up. i really like this one, i actually found someone worth my time who may not even know what a bowstaff is let alone own one and store it at my house for over a goddamn month. he actually seems to honestly care about me, which makes me think he cant be trusted and that he will very soon betray me just to watch me hurt. i want to give credit to jon for installing that in me.....
oh and i had to do disection in lab this morning...a fetal pig...i was upset to say the least, my partner did the cutting. when we got to his little heart i rubbed it and almost went in to tears.
god damn
ok im done
really