Change
I awoke to the shrill ringing of my cordless phone. I look over at my clock and notice it's 8:45!!! I NEVER sleep in this late. I sat right up as she spoke to me. Sorry I didn't call earlier, but I was still ok. Did I wake you? Wow, you never sleep late.
Yeah, I know mom, I've been really tired lately. I'll be there right after I take a quick shower.
I jumped out of bed, ran up the stairs and had my son get dressed and eat while I got ready. Within a 1/2 hour we were pulling into my mom's driveway. The rain was intense and very cold. We both ran across her yard and into the house while screeching cause we were getting soaked. It was fun.
I removed her dressings and found more blood. Each draining is getting bloodier and bloodier. I called and spoke to her nurse and she said that after doing so well for such a long time, my mother's disease ridden body has taken a turn for the worse. The blood in her fluid is the natural progression of disease. Horrific. They told me that even a small trickle of blood can look like a lot when it's mixed with other fluids. I can understand that.
As I'm sitting on her floor draining her, my cell phone rings. It's my husband. I can hear the desperation in his voice. Renee, what are you doing? I need you to come and get me....
Come and get you? What are you talking about? Arent' you still working?
No, Mike let me go.
WHAT ???? HE WHAT???? What do you mean?
Renee, not now, just come and get me please.
I finish what I'm doing in a complete panic, not paying as much attention to my mother as she deserves, and run out of her house without my son.( Preplanned, didn't abandon)\
I drove to where he worked, and as I get closer, I can see him sitting on the sidewalk on his tote of personal belongings with his head in his hands. He has been depressed lately, he's not much of a talker, not sure if my mom's health is the reason or not.
He got in the van and I turned to go home. I asked him what happened, and he tells me very little. I start to get angry, wanting to know it all. I know my husband, and I know I shouldn't push him, but was very upset myself.
I am shaking, and on the verge of a complete mental melt down. I can't handle much more.
I asked him what we were going to do, he told me to leave him alone. I asked him what the hell happened. His response is Renee I don't want to argue with you too, just leave me alone.
I can't. I want to know, I ask again. He opened the door as I was driving and yelled at me to stop. If I don't he's going to jump out!!!
I let him out and sit there, stunned. What is going on? Why is all of this happening to us? What did we do?
I let him walk, in the pouring rain. I drive away. Now I'm crying. Lots of tears, hot and burning.I get a few miles down the road and turn back. I find him and try to talk to him. He completely ignores me. Doesn't even look at me. I'm crushed. It hurts. He's shut me out....again. I hate when he does that. I can barely function when this happens. I feel worthless. Then it hits me. Worthless.... he must be feeling the same. His mind must be going a million miles a minute.
I drive to mom's beep and my son runs out. I drive home, completely wiped. I'm done for the day and it's only just begun. My head is banging, I crawl into my bed and cry myself to sleep,
My cell is ringing..It's Glenn !!! I shake as I try to flip it open. The first thing he said to me is I'm sorry. We've been together for 11 years and this is the first time he has ever ever said those words to me. He's upset, I can hear it in his voice.
Where are you?
I just passed mom's house about 10 minutes ago.
I'll be right there.
I found him. We don't speak the whole way home. I know not to say anything, I'm afraid he'll want out again. We get home and we go downstairs. He sits down in his chair, and I kneel before him and hug him. I tell him I love him, and he says he loves me too, then kisses the top of my head.
I'm scared.
He's scared.
Not sure what our future has in store for us. Change ....I hate change.
Yeah, I know mom, I've been really tired lately. I'll be there right after I take a quick shower.
I jumped out of bed, ran up the stairs and had my son get dressed and eat while I got ready. Within a 1/2 hour we were pulling into my mom's driveway. The rain was intense and very cold. We both ran across her yard and into the house while screeching cause we were getting soaked. It was fun.
I removed her dressings and found more blood. Each draining is getting bloodier and bloodier. I called and spoke to her nurse and she said that after doing so well for such a long time, my mother's disease ridden body has taken a turn for the worse. The blood in her fluid is the natural progression of disease. Horrific. They told me that even a small trickle of blood can look like a lot when it's mixed with other fluids. I can understand that.
As I'm sitting on her floor draining her, my cell phone rings. It's my husband. I can hear the desperation in his voice. Renee, what are you doing? I need you to come and get me....
Come and get you? What are you talking about? Arent' you still working?
No, Mike let me go.
WHAT ???? HE WHAT???? What do you mean?
Renee, not now, just come and get me please.
I finish what I'm doing in a complete panic, not paying as much attention to my mother as she deserves, and run out of her house without my son.( Preplanned, didn't abandon)\
I drove to where he worked, and as I get closer, I can see him sitting on the sidewalk on his tote of personal belongings with his head in his hands. He has been depressed lately, he's not much of a talker, not sure if my mom's health is the reason or not.
He got in the van and I turned to go home. I asked him what happened, and he tells me very little. I start to get angry, wanting to know it all. I know my husband, and I know I shouldn't push him, but was very upset myself.
I am shaking, and on the verge of a complete mental melt down. I can't handle much more.
I asked him what we were going to do, he told me to leave him alone. I asked him what the hell happened. His response is Renee I don't want to argue with you too, just leave me alone.
I can't. I want to know, I ask again. He opened the door as I was driving and yelled at me to stop. If I don't he's going to jump out!!!
I let him out and sit there, stunned. What is going on? Why is all of this happening to us? What did we do?
I let him walk, in the pouring rain. I drive away. Now I'm crying. Lots of tears, hot and burning.I get a few miles down the road and turn back. I find him and try to talk to him. He completely ignores me. Doesn't even look at me. I'm crushed. It hurts. He's shut me out....again. I hate when he does that. I can barely function when this happens. I feel worthless. Then it hits me. Worthless.... he must be feeling the same. His mind must be going a million miles a minute.
I drive to mom's beep and my son runs out. I drive home, completely wiped. I'm done for the day and it's only just begun. My head is banging, I crawl into my bed and cry myself to sleep,
My cell is ringing..It's Glenn !!! I shake as I try to flip it open. The first thing he said to me is I'm sorry. We've been together for 11 years and this is the first time he has ever ever said those words to me. He's upset, I can hear it in his voice.
Where are you?
I just passed mom's house about 10 minutes ago.
I'll be right there.
I found him. We don't speak the whole way home. I know not to say anything, I'm afraid he'll want out again. We get home and we go downstairs. He sits down in his chair, and I kneel before him and hug him. I tell him I love him, and he says he loves me too, then kisses the top of my head.
I'm scared.
He's scared.
Not sure what our future has in store for us. Change ....I hate change.