Just So It's Enough For Me
Title: Just So It's Enough For Me
Rating: PG-13
Even if the world were to curse and swear at me, i'm willing to give up everything i have in the space of a heartbeat just to be with you.
The moon outside was shining brightly, unto the soft features of a 23 year old boy, still physically young but with eyes that were filled with an unspeakable weariness not befitting someone of his age. A mop of soft brown hair was barely visible, just poking out of the thick layers of blankets wrapped around him. To anyone else he would have looked asleep, but his eyes were stubbornly open, glued to a certain bed belonging to a certain someone.
Sleep is definitely the last thing on his mind tonight.
His name is Lee Jinki, leader of SHINee, also better known as Onew. It's funny really, he had always wondered if Jinki and Onew were the same person. Perhaps, but perhaps not. There were times when even he himself did not know anymore. It was during nights like these, when all of his members were fast asleep in dreamland, that his thoughts were the most active, tossing and turning over and over in his mind. As he listened to the steady breathing of his members, he sometimes still wondered about the life that he could have had, had he not chosen to go down this path. Indeed, being a singer was a childhood dream of his, but sometimes, he does feel a tiny tinge of regret at the life he's lost, the life he's left behind.
He may have lost some, but yet, Heaven had been kind to him, blessing him with 4 younger brothers whom he could care for, and although they were quite a handful sometimes, they never failed to make him feel that what he was doing was worth any less. Every time he closed his eyes, aside from his parents' images flashing through his mind, it was always of these 4 other boys whom he's long come to regard as family. But one particular image stood out to him more strongly than any other.
Kim Kibum.
It should be disconcerting for Jinki to feel this way towards another male, but strangely enough, Kibum just had that aura about him which made everything seem right. Jinki chuckled wryly at this thought, berating himself for foolishly pining for something that was so unattainable, so beyond his reach.
Kibum is not nicknamed the Almighty Key for nothing, and although he may seem harsh and mean at times, Jinki knew that he really did have a heart of gold. Just like that, he found himself hopelessly attracted, hopelessly in love.
But it was never to be. Jinki's heart clenched painfully at this thought, at the thought that they were mere bandmates, friends perhaps, but nothing more. Soon enough, one day, they will all go their separate ways, and all this will become distant memories, beautiful ones, but mere memories nonetheless. A tear rolled down Jinki's cheek unknowingly.
"Hyung?"
Jinki started. He next felt his mattress sink a few inches as someone sat close to him, feeling soft slender fingers run through his hair.
"It's so late hyung, why aren't you asleep yet? Are you alright?"
That voice. It was this voice which filled the air at night, filled every single particle in him. It was like an uncontrollable virus, but never had a virus been this sweet, this addicting, this painful.
Jinki hurriedly wiped his wet cheek, before turning over to face Kibum and smile gently at him. Even with the eyebags under his eyes, he still looked beautiful under the tender glow of the moon outside.
"I'm fine Kibummie, just a little restless. Go back to sleep, we still have a schedule early tomorrow morning. Don't worry about me."
Kibum looked uncertain. "I-I don't know hyung, you seemed a little out of it lately, and i can't help but think that something is bothering you."
This was the Kibum Jinki fell in love with, always attentive to other's needs, even when he himself wasn't having such a good time either. Jinki smiled, feeling his heart quivering with overflowing tenderness and love. "Really Kibum, don't worry yourself over me. I'll be fine." Jinki didn't trust himself to say more, afraid that the words he so yearned to say would come tumbling out if he kept speaking.
There was silence for a few minutes, during which Kibum's fingers continuously massaged Jinki's scalp. Jinki let him. It felt just so right. At least let me enjoy this, Jinki thought. Let me bask in his attention while i still have it.
Suddenly, the massaging stopped and Jinki felt the weight from his mattress disappear. He closed his eyes, feeling as though a part of him had been taken away with those soft, slender fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut, to contain the tears that were threatening to spill out.
Before he knew it, he felt the blanket behind him being lifted up slightly, and a smaller, lithe body pressed up against his. Jinki's heart started to beat erratically in his chest. Kibum spoke up, so close that Jinki could feel the little puffs of air against the nape of his neck.
"I'm always here for you hyung. No matter what, i'll never leave your side. You can always count on me."
Hot, salty tears trickled down Jinki's cheeks, but these were tears of happiness.
Yes, this was enough. For the moment, this was enough for him.
It had to be.
Rating: PG-13
Even if the world were to curse and swear at me, i'm willing to give up everything i have in the space of a heartbeat just to be with you.
The moon outside was shining brightly, unto the soft features of a 23 year old boy, still physically young but with eyes that were filled with an unspeakable weariness not befitting someone of his age. A mop of soft brown hair was barely visible, just poking out of the thick layers of blankets wrapped around him. To anyone else he would have looked asleep, but his eyes were stubbornly open, glued to a certain bed belonging to a certain someone.
Sleep is definitely the last thing on his mind tonight.
His name is Lee Jinki, leader of SHINee, also better known as Onew. It's funny really, he had always wondered if Jinki and Onew were the same person. Perhaps, but perhaps not. There were times when even he himself did not know anymore. It was during nights like these, when all of his members were fast asleep in dreamland, that his thoughts were the most active, tossing and turning over and over in his mind. As he listened to the steady breathing of his members, he sometimes still wondered about the life that he could have had, had he not chosen to go down this path. Indeed, being a singer was a childhood dream of his, but sometimes, he does feel a tiny tinge of regret at the life he's lost, the life he's left behind.
He may have lost some, but yet, Heaven had been kind to him, blessing him with 4 younger brothers whom he could care for, and although they were quite a handful sometimes, they never failed to make him feel that what he was doing was worth any less. Every time he closed his eyes, aside from his parents' images flashing through his mind, it was always of these 4 other boys whom he's long come to regard as family. But one particular image stood out to him more strongly than any other.
Kim Kibum.
It should be disconcerting for Jinki to feel this way towards another male, but strangely enough, Kibum just had that aura about him which made everything seem right. Jinki chuckled wryly at this thought, berating himself for foolishly pining for something that was so unattainable, so beyond his reach.
Kibum is not nicknamed the Almighty Key for nothing, and although he may seem harsh and mean at times, Jinki knew that he really did have a heart of gold. Just like that, he found himself hopelessly attracted, hopelessly in love.
But it was never to be. Jinki's heart clenched painfully at this thought, at the thought that they were mere bandmates, friends perhaps, but nothing more. Soon enough, one day, they will all go their separate ways, and all this will become distant memories, beautiful ones, but mere memories nonetheless. A tear rolled down Jinki's cheek unknowingly.
"Hyung?"
Jinki started. He next felt his mattress sink a few inches as someone sat close to him, feeling soft slender fingers run through his hair.
"It's so late hyung, why aren't you asleep yet? Are you alright?"
That voice. It was this voice which filled the air at night, filled every single particle in him. It was like an uncontrollable virus, but never had a virus been this sweet, this addicting, this painful.
Jinki hurriedly wiped his wet cheek, before turning over to face Kibum and smile gently at him. Even with the eyebags under his eyes, he still looked beautiful under the tender glow of the moon outside.
"I'm fine Kibummie, just a little restless. Go back to sleep, we still have a schedule early tomorrow morning. Don't worry about me."
Kibum looked uncertain. "I-I don't know hyung, you seemed a little out of it lately, and i can't help but think that something is bothering you."
This was the Kibum Jinki fell in love with, always attentive to other's needs, even when he himself wasn't having such a good time either. Jinki smiled, feeling his heart quivering with overflowing tenderness and love. "Really Kibum, don't worry yourself over me. I'll be fine." Jinki didn't trust himself to say more, afraid that the words he so yearned to say would come tumbling out if he kept speaking.
There was silence for a few minutes, during which Kibum's fingers continuously massaged Jinki's scalp. Jinki let him. It felt just so right. At least let me enjoy this, Jinki thought. Let me bask in his attention while i still have it.
Suddenly, the massaging stopped and Jinki felt the weight from his mattress disappear. He closed his eyes, feeling as though a part of him had been taken away with those soft, slender fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut, to contain the tears that were threatening to spill out.
Before he knew it, he felt the blanket behind him being lifted up slightly, and a smaller, lithe body pressed up against his. Jinki's heart started to beat erratically in his chest. Kibum spoke up, so close that Jinki could feel the little puffs of air against the nape of his neck.
"I'm always here for you hyung. No matter what, i'll never leave your side. You can always count on me."
Hot, salty tears trickled down Jinki's cheeks, but these were tears of happiness.
Yes, this was enough. For the moment, this was enough for him.
It had to be.