Vec's a Memory/Piousbox a Remembrance
I had a dream about Vec last night, and he's been stuck in the back of my head all day. I have not thought about him in months. Maybe he's responsible for the fact that I called half a dozen friends this afternoon after work, talking to some and leaving messages for others. Usually when I take flights of fancy back to the past, I go further back than four years ago. But here I am, in Ann Arbor still, and some things still remind me of him.
I was thinking about it as I walked to work this morning, the dream still fresh in my mind. I don't remember it anymore, and I'm not sure I truly remembered it this morning after waking up at 8:15am. All I know is that a feeling... something that I only feel when I think of Vec, had settled on me. It's not a bad feeling because most of my memories are of the good times (there were probably more bad times than good, but that doesn't matter much anymore...things like that never do after so much time has passed). I have to walk past the PowerCenter, and it -always- reminds me of a rainy day in October four years ago when Vec took pictures in the glass. I may still have one of the ones he took.
I was lying on my couch, staring at the gray clouds and trying to keep the cat from crawling in my face, when it occurred to me (not for the first time) that I have no pictures of Vec and I. Well, not quite true. There is one horrible picture of us that I would never show anyone (taken one day when we were both looking particularly homely and when I just happened to be struck at the notion that we should take a picture). He has far too many of me (probably mostly bad, and no doubt he's lost them all). The pictures I have of him do not do him much justice...many were stolen from pictures other people had taken of him or ones he'd done himself. There is only one I like, which he gave me Sophomore year...in a hat, with his blue eyes staring sidelong at the camera lens.
I think of him with a smile. He was so very enigmatic to everyone else...to me, as well. But somehow I felt that his crazy, unpredictable spirit worked with my preoccupied, often overly-concerned soul.
I thought today how much I'd like to see him again, just to say "Vec!" and hug him. I'd like to tell him sorry for all the silly things I did Freshman year, but it's really not necessary. If he remembers those times at all, I'm sure he thinks we were stupid little children without any real knowledge of the world. No doubt he's progressed to far higher planes in far different directions from my own life's path. I think often (when I think of him) of something he said Freshman year, about how he wished we had met 5 years later in life...and how perhaps we will someday at some random coffee shop.
I guess what I want to say is that he was a companion. I haven't found anyone who makes me feel quite like that since. I am quite sure someone will come along that will be a better companion in the future (and I must not discount my good friends such as Jeff R and Dan), but no one has ever played that role in my life since Vec. Perhaps no one ever will. Perhaps he will always be the sunset of a memory that makes me smile in my soul while, in outer appearances, continuing on in daily life without a thought for the past.
Perhaps what I really want to say is "Thank you". But I think he knew that.
I was thinking about it as I walked to work this morning, the dream still fresh in my mind. I don't remember it anymore, and I'm not sure I truly remembered it this morning after waking up at 8:15am. All I know is that a feeling... something that I only feel when I think of Vec, had settled on me. It's not a bad feeling because most of my memories are of the good times (there were probably more bad times than good, but that doesn't matter much anymore...things like that never do after so much time has passed). I have to walk past the PowerCenter, and it -always- reminds me of a rainy day in October four years ago when Vec took pictures in the glass. I may still have one of the ones he took.
I was lying on my couch, staring at the gray clouds and trying to keep the cat from crawling in my face, when it occurred to me (not for the first time) that I have no pictures of Vec and I. Well, not quite true. There is one horrible picture of us that I would never show anyone (taken one day when we were both looking particularly homely and when I just happened to be struck at the notion that we should take a picture). He has far too many of me (probably mostly bad, and no doubt he's lost them all). The pictures I have of him do not do him much justice...many were stolen from pictures other people had taken of him or ones he'd done himself. There is only one I like, which he gave me Sophomore year...in a hat, with his blue eyes staring sidelong at the camera lens.
I think of him with a smile. He was so very enigmatic to everyone else...to me, as well. But somehow I felt that his crazy, unpredictable spirit worked with my preoccupied, often overly-concerned soul.
I thought today how much I'd like to see him again, just to say "Vec!" and hug him. I'd like to tell him sorry for all the silly things I did Freshman year, but it's really not necessary. If he remembers those times at all, I'm sure he thinks we were stupid little children without any real knowledge of the world. No doubt he's progressed to far higher planes in far different directions from my own life's path. I think often (when I think of him) of something he said Freshman year, about how he wished we had met 5 years later in life...and how perhaps we will someday at some random coffee shop.
I guess what I want to say is that he was a companion. I haven't found anyone who makes me feel quite like that since. I am quite sure someone will come along that will be a better companion in the future (and I must not discount my good friends such as Jeff R and Dan), but no one has ever played that role in my life since Vec. Perhaps no one ever will. Perhaps he will always be the sunset of a memory that makes me smile in my soul while, in outer appearances, continuing on in daily life without a thought for the past.
Perhaps what I really want to say is "Thank you". But I think he knew that.