Thoughts: My Personal Growth and Personal Growth as a General Topic for Consideration
So as I laid awake last night (not sleeping :P), I realized something.
I've grown. No, I mean, for a while I was feeling like I was back-sliding. I had a really rough ... what was it? I'd have to say at least a month's worth of time where I really felt that way. I was slipping back into wanting to be a kid, wanting to be free of responsibilities and new learning possibilities, wanting things to be easy and simple again.
Then yesterday I realized that I'm not feeling that way anymore. I'm feeling older (rather than wanting to regress back to being younger). I'm feeling taller and higher than before (which can only be a sign of growth, 'cause we grow UP. *Grins*) Not only do I feel settled and much more comfortable with the language (I won't say fluent...but I'll say much better at conversation than before), but I feel like mentally I've settled myself, some of my anxieties and some of the carry-over feelings from before coming here that had been plaguing me.
I know more of what I want now. I know more of what I want to do with the rest of my time here. I know more of who I can count on, who I have more of one-sided friendship with and who I don't need to keep in contact with anymore. I know what makes me smile, and I know why those things are important. I know that no matter who derides them, they will remain important. And I know that they are rather simple things, which makes me smile even more... I don't think you really appreciate the simple things in life until you reach a certain level of pensivity. (Haha, sooo not a word. :P)
But best of all, this isn't measured against anyone else. This is just what I know to be true for me. I was *points one way* over there, and now *points the other way* I'm here. And that's all that matters, because this walk of life is all about self-discovery. :)
They told us that we shouldn't expect to find ourselves while studying abroad. I think that's true. If you don't already have a pretty good handle on who you are, you're not going to figure it out amongst the many stresses and frustrations of studying abroad. But you will learn a great deal about yourself. Some things that you already guessed at and some things you never suspected. And this will happen in different ways for different people.
Evan and I were talking about this. He has more of "if it's success for one, that's the road for all" attitude (the cynical, Cornell psych-major that he is :P), but I look at it much more as everyone has their own road. Some people's roads look like mine, many people's don't. One is not necessarily better or worse than the other. As each person is a unique individual, so too their paths through life. And how they grow and what they grow towards will vary from person to person. Sometimes we'll say, "That doesn't look very much like growth." And sometimes we'll have to acknowledge we can't agree with the direction the person is growing in, and move ourselves apart from them. But that's life, isn't it? Figuring out what you believe, want, expect? As long as we're not judgemental about the variety of ppl's roads to follow (beyond the judgement of whether or not we want to keep near them or not), we can see a great more complexity in the world and the way people grow. And perhaps that's why I am an optimist. I just have a different outlook on the world. :) Can't say it's the right outlook, but it's the right one for me, and it certainly affects how I view people and interact with them... in a good way. :)
And now I'm going to lie down until dinner...maybe tonight I'll actually sleep. :P
I've grown. No, I mean, for a while I was feeling like I was back-sliding. I had a really rough ... what was it? I'd have to say at least a month's worth of time where I really felt that way. I was slipping back into wanting to be a kid, wanting to be free of responsibilities and new learning possibilities, wanting things to be easy and simple again.
Then yesterday I realized that I'm not feeling that way anymore. I'm feeling older (rather than wanting to regress back to being younger). I'm feeling taller and higher than before (which can only be a sign of growth, 'cause we grow UP. *Grins*) Not only do I feel settled and much more comfortable with the language (I won't say fluent...but I'll say much better at conversation than before), but I feel like mentally I've settled myself, some of my anxieties and some of the carry-over feelings from before coming here that had been plaguing me.
I know more of what I want now. I know more of what I want to do with the rest of my time here. I know more of who I can count on, who I have more of one-sided friendship with and who I don't need to keep in contact with anymore. I know what makes me smile, and I know why those things are important. I know that no matter who derides them, they will remain important. And I know that they are rather simple things, which makes me smile even more... I don't think you really appreciate the simple things in life until you reach a certain level of pensivity. (Haha, sooo not a word. :P)
But best of all, this isn't measured against anyone else. This is just what I know to be true for me. I was *points one way* over there, and now *points the other way* I'm here. And that's all that matters, because this walk of life is all about self-discovery. :)
They told us that we shouldn't expect to find ourselves while studying abroad. I think that's true. If you don't already have a pretty good handle on who you are, you're not going to figure it out amongst the many stresses and frustrations of studying abroad. But you will learn a great deal about yourself. Some things that you already guessed at and some things you never suspected. And this will happen in different ways for different people.
Evan and I were talking about this. He has more of "if it's success for one, that's the road for all" attitude (the cynical, Cornell psych-major that he is :P), but I look at it much more as everyone has their own road. Some people's roads look like mine, many people's don't. One is not necessarily better or worse than the other. As each person is a unique individual, so too their paths through life. And how they grow and what they grow towards will vary from person to person. Sometimes we'll say, "That doesn't look very much like growth." And sometimes we'll have to acknowledge we can't agree with the direction the person is growing in, and move ourselves apart from them. But that's life, isn't it? Figuring out what you believe, want, expect? As long as we're not judgemental about the variety of ppl's roads to follow (beyond the judgement of whether or not we want to keep near them or not), we can see a great more complexity in the world and the way people grow. And perhaps that's why I am an optimist. I just have a different outlook on the world. :) Can't say it's the right outlook, but it's the right one for me, and it certainly affects how I view people and interact with them... in a good way. :)
And now I'm going to lie down until dinner...maybe tonight I'll actually sleep. :P