Friday Doldrums
I'm going through a moment of unexplicable sadness. Maybe it's a Friday-thing. The last time it happened was back in January after a really great evening the night before. Or am I connected to something/someone, unbeknownst to me, so that when they're intensely sad I feel it? I don't have an explination for this.
Kate asked me in Spanish if I was tired...if I was depressed...if I was just a little off. I shrugged, gestured helplessly with my hands and articulated very common words in English and Spanish: "No sé" ("I don't know").
It's not sun deprivation. It's actually pretty nice weather out there...and I took a nap in the psuedo-sunshine (you could see the sun through the clouds, but it wasn't quiet enough to burn them all away)... but when I woke up from that nap and went to my tutorial, I was just really blah. Really out of it. Still am. It's not just tiredness. I know that this is something mental/emotional. But I don't know what.
I realized that this weekend is the first in a long time where I don't have any particular hopes for it.
My "rocks" are gone... one support is gone beyond reclaim for the weekend...and the other isn't back from work at the moment...or wherever. I'm sure ppl wonder why I go to that particular person. It's not...*thinks of what she wants to say* for comfort so much as a dose of "this is consistent...this doesn't change...this has been the same since the beginning". Sometimes I just get steadied by wiling an hour or so away with them, sometimes I get a laugh, sometimes there's an outlet to internal struggles through physical struggles (mock-wrestling), and sometimes it doesn't help at all and I come away wondering why I went. But more often then not it does me more good than bad.
I don't know...
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.
Kate asked me in Spanish if I was tired...if I was depressed...if I was just a little off. I shrugged, gestured helplessly with my hands and articulated very common words in English and Spanish: "No sé" ("I don't know").
It's not sun deprivation. It's actually pretty nice weather out there...and I took a nap in the psuedo-sunshine (you could see the sun through the clouds, but it wasn't quiet enough to burn them all away)... but when I woke up from that nap and went to my tutorial, I was just really blah. Really out of it. Still am. It's not just tiredness. I know that this is something mental/emotional. But I don't know what.
I realized that this weekend is the first in a long time where I don't have any particular hopes for it.
My "rocks" are gone... one support is gone beyond reclaim for the weekend...and the other isn't back from work at the moment...or wherever. I'm sure ppl wonder why I go to that particular person. It's not...*thinks of what she wants to say* for comfort so much as a dose of "this is consistent...this doesn't change...this has been the same since the beginning". Sometimes I just get steadied by wiling an hour or so away with them, sometimes I get a laugh, sometimes there's an outlet to internal struggles through physical struggles (mock-wrestling), and sometimes it doesn't help at all and I come away wondering why I went. But more often then not it does me more good than bad.
I don't know...
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.