(no subject)
*Curls up in a ball* Meh, it's one of those mornings. Actually, it's been one of those weekends.
I'm upset. Internally. Outwardly, not much is wrong. But I have a million things on my mind...I'm not so much stressed as preoccupied. Although, this morning after sleeping and dreaming, I guess I am slightly stressed.
Brianna asked me how things were going with...well, just how things are going. I told her she should have asked me earlier in the week. Earlier before JO'R started getting involved. Maybe it's just me, but he seems to (intentionally or unintentionally) mess up my life. He just talks so much....most of it's trash, but I don't know how much he influences people. I wish he'd just left me alone. It's probably my own fault, but if so I don't remember why.
James and I haven't talked much in the last few days. I think he went with JO'R or J'Her on Friday to see Gods and Generals. (J'Her's having a bad time because Katrina and he broke up...I really don't know the details...it's only been about 2 months for them...he mopes around the school alot, as I think I may have mentioned. I hope he'll be ok. I haven't seen much of Katrina because she's been sick a lot lately...~*~le sigh~*~) I saw him yesterday morning when we were singing for both services at V. He was there for second service...I actually saw his brother, Larry, first. I don't know what he was doing there...as far as I know, he never goes to V. Or PMC. Saw him again at Talent Night last night, as we talked a little, but the only thing he really told me was that he was going to spend all of today on his Research Comp paper since he has his editting appointment tomorrow.
I hate things feeling so awkward. *Thinks back* Since when? Wednesday evening? I dunno...maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm the only one that sees it that way. I'm sure if you asked him, he'd be like, "Rae and I? We're cool. . ." I never know. I never know what he's thinking. I hate that. I've never had a friend where they are so totally closed to me. Well, maybe Darrin when I first met him, but certainly no one recently. Half James' problem is that he's so ....oh, I don't know. Perhaps the word I want is indecisive! He can't make up his mind about anything, so he's not predictable. And I'm not sure if it's him changing his own mind, or outward forces influencing his decisions.
He's driving me nuts.
Why do I care? Because I don't like having a friend that I can't communicate with. Esp. one that sometimes I can and sometimes I can't.
I want summer to be here so badly. I want the beach. I want to be able to be outdoors in the warmth...letting the sun and water take away my worries. I want to be able to do...oh, so many things. I have so many plans...I just want this cold, awful winter to end. I hate the cold. Why the hell do I live here?
Grey skies and cold weather don't do anything to lift my spirit. It makes me just want to curl into an even tighter ball and hide away from the opressive season.
Hold me close
I'm so alone
I want you here
I'm so alone
I cannot feel
I'm so alone
Hold me close
I have no one
I'm upset. Internally. Outwardly, not much is wrong. But I have a million things on my mind...I'm not so much stressed as preoccupied. Although, this morning after sleeping and dreaming, I guess I am slightly stressed.
Brianna asked me how things were going with...well, just how things are going. I told her she should have asked me earlier in the week. Earlier before JO'R started getting involved. Maybe it's just me, but he seems to (intentionally or unintentionally) mess up my life. He just talks so much....most of it's trash, but I don't know how much he influences people. I wish he'd just left me alone. It's probably my own fault, but if so I don't remember why.
James and I haven't talked much in the last few days. I think he went with JO'R or J'Her on Friday to see Gods and Generals. (J'Her's having a bad time because Katrina and he broke up...I really don't know the details...it's only been about 2 months for them...he mopes around the school alot, as I think I may have mentioned. I hope he'll be ok. I haven't seen much of Katrina because she's been sick a lot lately...~*~le sigh~*~) I saw him yesterday morning when we were singing for both services at V. He was there for second service...I actually saw his brother, Larry, first. I don't know what he was doing there...as far as I know, he never goes to V. Or PMC. Saw him again at Talent Night last night, as we talked a little, but the only thing he really told me was that he was going to spend all of today on his Research Comp paper since he has his editting appointment tomorrow.
I hate things feeling so awkward. *Thinks back* Since when? Wednesday evening? I dunno...maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm the only one that sees it that way. I'm sure if you asked him, he'd be like, "Rae and I? We're cool. . ." I never know. I never know what he's thinking. I hate that. I've never had a friend where they are so totally closed to me. Well, maybe Darrin when I first met him, but certainly no one recently. Half James' problem is that he's so ....oh, I don't know. Perhaps the word I want is indecisive! He can't make up his mind about anything, so he's not predictable. And I'm not sure if it's him changing his own mind, or outward forces influencing his decisions.
He's driving me nuts.
Why do I care? Because I don't like having a friend that I can't communicate with. Esp. one that sometimes I can and sometimes I can't.
I want summer to be here so badly. I want the beach. I want to be able to be outdoors in the warmth...letting the sun and water take away my worries. I want to be able to do...oh, so many things. I have so many plans...I just want this cold, awful winter to end. I hate the cold. Why the hell do I live here?
Grey skies and cold weather don't do anything to lift my spirit. It makes me just want to curl into an even tighter ball and hide away from the opressive season.
Hold me close
I'm so alone
I want you here
I'm so alone
I cannot feel
I'm so alone
Hold me close
I have no one