You Put Your Arms Around Me And I Believe That It's Easier For You To Let Me Go
“Your girlfriend’s slipping away from you.” Caleb jokes as he tosses the People magazine down onto the table in front of Jared.
Jared glances down at it and then goes back to pretending to look through his phone. He knows what Caleb is showing him and he’s been trying to avoid it for the past week.
It’s of Leah and a guy, some young actor named Troy SomethingOrOther, in Bora Bora or some equally tropical and predictable vacation spot. They look happy and like they’re having fun and in love and she’s tanned and in a bikini in crystal clear water and he’s conventionally attractive and shirtless and the whole thing makes Jared want to throw up.
He’s been trying to avoid her completely for a month. They haven’t spoken or acknowledged each other’s presence since that night after the award show; when they fought.
He’s finding it difficult to face the day and she’s frolicking in paradise getting her picture taken to be put in a magazine under the headline ‘Leah Spencer engaged to up and coming star.’
When Jared doesn’t react to Caleb he knows that something’s wrong.
“You alright?” He asks as he carefully slides the magazine away.
“Totally fine.” He leans his head on his hand and stares deeper into the phone.
“You’re probably better off without her.”
“Yeah.” Jared takes a deep breath. “Sure…just…I don’t know, am I? Am I really better? I mean it’s not like we were even together, I know that we weren’t she sure as hell knows that we weren’t together so it’s really, really no big deal but I just.” He stops suddenly and takes another deep breath. He’s all worked up and he hates it. “I don’t know. It’s whatever, right?” He shrugs, trying to look disinterested. “I just need to get out of the country for a while I think.”
“That’s what tour is for. You can rebound in three separate countries.”
“Well thank god.” He gets up from the table and pockets his phone then runs his fingers through his hair. He rips the magazine out of Caleb’s hand as he walks out the door. “Shred all of these for me, okay?”
His journey to another country and various rebounds takes a dangerous detour through L.A.
Partly because he knows there’s a party that one of his west coast friends is having (he’s never been one to say no to a party) and mostly because he knows through a friend of a friend that Leah will be there.
He sets himself up by the bar; sitting by the corner of it he can see everyone coming in and going out the door. He already made several sweeps of the place trying to casually bump into her so he knows she’s not here yet. He’s waiting for her. The sensation is so familiar it almost makes him ache. He cures that feeling with more and more alcohol, making him more than a little buzzed when she finally comes strolling into the place.
She’s still tanned, still beautiful, and still just out of his reach. The only thing that’s changed is that her bikini has been changed to skin tight blue jeans, heals and a low cut v-neck white t-shirt.
He’s ready to slide off the barstool to confront her when Troy comes waltzing in behind her and Jared’s hand naturally grips onto the glass that he’s holding tighter.
It’s a wrench in the loosely knit plans that have been steadily unraveling since he began drinking.
But over the crowd she somehow manages to spot him, purely by accident or some horrible twist of fate, and their eyes meet for a second before Jared spins around on his stool. He’ll let her decide how the rest of the night will go.
A minute later she’s by his side.
Apparently she shares some of the same lose knit plans.
She doesn’t say anything for a long time but he’s highly in tune to everything that she’s doing.
Her hands are on the bar; fingernails drumming against the surface and she stands facing him, blocking him from the rest of the room and her breathing is a little ragged like she’s nervous and she covers up a particularly incriminating gasp by clearing her throat.
“Jared.”
“Hey.” He says loudly, holding his arms out. He’s even more drunk than he thought. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“Oh yeah?” She regards him with a hand to her hip and a raise of an eyebrow.
“No clue. It would be impossible for me to know anything about you because you haven’t spoken to me in a month.”
“Jared…”
“But I guess it would be hard to do since you’ve been so busy with Travis.”
“Travis? Who the…you mean Troy?”
“Troy. Whatever, god.” He scrunches up his face in disgust and takes a drink. “Troy. What kind of name is that? What is he, like, fourteen? Out of all the guys, Leah. And I guess congratulations are in order.”
“For what?”
“Your engagement.”
“God, you should know better than anyone not to believe those stories. We’re not engaged.”
“How would I know, haven’t spoken to you in a month. I have no clue what’s going on. You could be pregnant for all I know.”
“I’m not pregnant, I’m not engaged, and Troy is just my friend.”
“Just a friend? Like we’re just friends?” He gestures between them. “Or are you using a different definition?”
“Different.” She says quietly.
“So he’s just a friend that you go on vacation with and you make out with on beaches and shit?”
“I don’t make out with him.”
“I saw the pictures Leah.”
“Those weren’t anything. Just wrong place at the wrong time.”
“You were definitely at the wrong place with the wrong guy. Why didn’t you ever take me on vacation?”
“Because we don’t…”
“We don’t do that, yeah yeah yeah. I get it. He’s here right?” Jared stands up unsteadily. “I should probably meet him.” He pushes past her, rattling the ice in his glass.
“You don’t need to meet him; he’s got nothing to do with you.”
“No, I need to meet Trent.”
“Troy.”
“Don’t care. I have a lot in common with him. We are sharing a woman after all.”
“You’re not sharing me. Stop.” She grabs his arm, her fingernails digging into the black leather of his jacket. “Please don’t be a jerk.”
“A jerk? Darling, you must have me confused with some other guy you’re having sex with because I’m never a jerk.”
“I’m not having sex with him.” She whispers ‘sex’ and Jared laughs. “You know what; I don’t care what you think or what you do. I just don’t.”
“That’s not a new feeling for you Leah so I’m not going to react to it.” He finally sees the guy in the photos with her and shoulders his way through the small crowd at his table to get to him. “Trevor.” Jared puts his glass down on the table and puts a hand on Troy’s shoulder.
“Umm.” Troy looks at Leah nervously.
“I’m Jared.”
“No, I know who you are. And it’s Troy.”
“He knows that.” Leah tells him, shooting a warning look at Jared, to which he rolls his eyes.
“I thought I’d come over and get to know the other guy Leah is fucking.”
“Jared.” Leah groans, too used to the kind of guy he turns into when he’s had a few and Troy instantly looks defensive.
“It’s alright, Leah.” He reaches over and grabs at her hips, pulling softly at the material of her t-shirt. “There are no hard feelings or anything, I get it.”
“There’s nothing to get.” She insists and Jared just shakes his head and shrugs her off, his hand falling away from her hip and turning around to face Troy fully.
Troy glances up at Leah again and seems to shrink away from Jared. Which makes Jared smirk in delight; he likes having the upper hand and the power.
“So, how is she?” Jared asks with a sip of his drink and Troy shakes his head, not really knowing what he’s talking about. “Come on. We can share details. It’s like you’re the new coach that’s coming in for the team and I’m the old one and we’re comparing notes or whatever.” He takes another drink. “I don’t know. I would have a better analogy or whatever but I don’t really care. Just tell me how she fucks with you? She’s good right? Does she do that thing with her hips?”
“Jared.” Leah warns.
“You can’t talk about her like that.” Troy straightens his back and Jared is clearly amused.
“Calm down kid, it’s a compliment. It’s not like I’m saying she sucks or anything.” He smiles again and swivels back to look at Leah. “Although.” He pinches her side again and she pushes his hand away. “Sometimes she does that too and I gotta say, equally awesome.”
Troy must finally gain enough courage to do more than look kind of tough and actually does something about it when he shoves Jared. It’s harmless, almost comical and Jared laughs; high pitched and mocking as he catches himself on the chair.
“Careful. Almost made me spill my drink.” Jared says as he carefully repositions it in his hand then brings it up to his mouth to lick what splashed over off his skin.
“Troy, just ignore him.”
“But what he said…”
“He’s drunk and an idiot. He’s just doing it to be an ass. He’s trying to make you mad. Just ignore him.”
“I am not drunk.” Jared defends as he takes another sip.
“Yeah you are.”
“So what. Sometimes…” He leans towards Troy conspiratorially. “Sometimes being drunk helps. Get a couple of drinks in her and it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before.”
This time Troy’s eyes set hard and when he pushes Jared this time it’s with purpose and Jared drops his drink, the glass shattering at their feet and several people look their way which sets Leah into a controlled panic mode.
She quickly steps in between the two men with her back to Jared and her hands on Troy’s chest.
“I have to take him back to his hotel right now.” She tells Troy. “He’s drunk and stupid and I’m not going to have the two of you cause a scene because I cannot deal with that.”
“You’re just going to leave me here and take off with him? What the hell is that? I don’t trust him.”
“I just have to take him away. Trust me on that, okay?”
“So what do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know.” Leah snaps, completely losing patience with the whole situation. “Go back to your place and I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“The morning?”
Leah rolls her eyes knowing that she inadvertently picked the wrong word to say. “I’ll talk to you later. Alright? Don’t be so pissed about this, it’s no big deal. It’s better for everyone if he leaves right now and the only way he’s leaving is if I take him.”
“You’re giving him exactly what he wants you know.” Troy says as she starts to lead Jared away by the elbow like a scolded child.
She turns back over her shoulder to look at him. “I promise that I’m not.”
By some act of god she gets him back to the hotel that he’s staying at.
She shoved him into a cab and then fought against his wandering hands to work hers into the pocket of his jeans to find the key card with the hotel’s name on it.
Leah was hoping that the cab ride and the fresh air would have sobered him up a little but if anything it made him worse and by the time he’s in the elevator he’s all over her and she’s only partly putting up a fight.
It’s been over a month and she misses the feel of him. Of his hands and his lips on her skin. He feels a little different. A little stronger like he’s been working out and she can’t stop herself from pulling him by the hand with the doors slide open and leading him to his room.
She fumbles with the hotel key as she stands behind her kissing her neck with his fingertips tracing lightly up and down her side. When she gets the door open he runs his hand down her arm to her hand that’s holding the key and pulls it out of her hand and tosses it to the ground.
“You shouldn’t lose that.” She tells him.
“Don’t care. Want to get everything away from you. Your shirt goes next.” He says, totally drunk and suddenly not caring that she’s going to take off immediately after this whole thing is over and goes back to Troy, which is exactly what he was angry at her for doing.
And that’s exactly what happens. She gets up from the bed and starts to sort through the room for her things while he’s there watching her and silently fuming.
“Why do you do this?”
“I’ve told you a thousand times.” She pulls her jeans up to her hips.
“Then what makes me so different from Troy?”
“You finally got his name right.” She says lightly.
“This isn’t a fucking joke, Leah. I’m asking you a serious question. Why does he get to stay with you for more than a night? Why can’t I take you places? What makes me so different?”
“Do you do this with every girl that you sleep with?” She’s already got her shirt on and she’s scanning the room for the last remaining bits of
her; shoes, earrings, dignity. “What makes me so different from all those girls?”
“Everything. Everything makes you different. You’re beautiful and funny and crazy and a total bitch almost all the time and you’re so cold hearted that I can’t even…I don’t even understand how you can be like that because you don’t talk to me about anything ever but I don’t care.”
“That’s so sweet Jared, thanks for calling me a crazy cold hearted bitch.”
“I’m telling you the truth. It’s all true. Now you tell me. What the fuck does he have that I don’t have?”
“Nothing.” She shakes her head and drops down to peer under the bed. “Nothing separates you from him. You really want to know the truth Jared, the truth is that he’s the one I’ll go away with and you’re the one I won’t leave the bedroom with. That’s it. I like keeping those two things separate. I don’t want them all in the same guy. I don’t want a boyfriend.”
“But I want to be your boyfriend.”
She frowns deeply like his words had wounded a part of her. “Jared, I can’t.”
“I can’t watch you with other guys.”
“I see you with other girls. It doesn’t bother me.”
“That’s…” He sighs heavily. “I hate that.”
“I know. But I can’t give you anymore. You know this wasn’t what I thought you would be like; I thought you’d never care that’s why I got involved with you.”
“Sorry to disappoint you with my feelings.” He says harshly, his fingers gripping at the sheets in agitation.
“You’re not a disappointment Jared. You’re just not who I thought you would be and that’s probably my fault. We should have never of started this, this whole thing was a mistake. Ugh.” She groans and slips on her heels then stands up. “I had earrings; I don’t know where they are. If you happen to find them just mail them to me.”
“I’ll give them to you the next time I see you.” He waves his hand and leans back into the pillows.
“You’re not going to see me again. This is ending here. Just mail them.” She starts for the door and he springs up.
“What? This is it? You’re walking out on me and that’s the end?”
“Yes.” She stops with her hand on the door. “I might be a cold hearted bitch but I’m not going to string you along anymore. Go find someone to love on your own.”
“I love you. I don’t want some other girl.” He didn’t really mean to say that but he doesn’t regret it. Wrong place, wrong time, but it happened.
“I don’t love you.” She replies and he visibly shrinks back into the bed; beaten down. There’s a brief flash of regret and sorrow that passes across her face but he doesn’t see it because he’s staring down at the bed trying to disconnect from everything that he’s been feeling for her. Stupid feelings. Ones that he should’ve fought against or at the very least kept hidden.
“I hope you find someone, Jared. I really do.”
“Stop.”
“You’re not a bad guy; this has nothing to do with you. It’s my fault.”
“Just stop it.”
“You’re a good guy. You’re just not my guy.”
“Okay. Just shut up about it. I’ll get over it. It’ll fade and I don’t care about you if you’re going to just walk away.” His head pounds with a million different thoughts and the alcohol surging through his system again. Unfortunately the sex did nothing to alleviate the post drinking hangover. “You’re making everything worse the more that you talk so just shut up and get the hell out. And I’m keeping your earrings and I’m going to give them to some girl. The next one I have sex with.”
“Fine.” She snaps. “If that kind of stupid pettiness makes you happy then I guess you have to do what I have to do. I didn’t even like those earrings anyways so if this girl actually accepts them then she’s an idiot and you two will be perfect together.”
“It’s hard to insult me after you tell me that you don’t love me. That pretty much beats everything.”
They stare at each other for a moment before she sighs.
“You know it didn’t have to end like this.”
“Yup. And it’s all my fault because I was an asshole and had to actually love you. What a dick I am. You’re going to have to go find someone else to have meaningless sex with and I’m sorry for the extra work that it’ll cause you. But hey, don’t you have Troy? I’m sure he’ll be great with you and if that doesn’t work out I’m sure you can find someone else. There’s an endless supply of guys out there. Shouldn’t be too hard for you to get one that sticks or doesn’t. Up to you, you play the game.”
He dares to look up at her to see how his words are affecting her but she’s already gone. She slipped out somewhere in the middle of his rant without him even noticing; without a goodbye.
By the door he can see one of her earring shimmering in the pale light of the room.
He can’t look at anything or hers anymore and rolls over, closing his eyes against the dull ache in his head and the sharp one in his heart.
Chapter: 2/?
Song: Arms- Christina Perri
Word Count: 3,198
Jared glances down at it and then goes back to pretending to look through his phone. He knows what Caleb is showing him and he’s been trying to avoid it for the past week.
It’s of Leah and a guy, some young actor named Troy SomethingOrOther, in Bora Bora or some equally tropical and predictable vacation spot. They look happy and like they’re having fun and in love and she’s tanned and in a bikini in crystal clear water and he’s conventionally attractive and shirtless and the whole thing makes Jared want to throw up.
He’s been trying to avoid her completely for a month. They haven’t spoken or acknowledged each other’s presence since that night after the award show; when they fought.
He’s finding it difficult to face the day and she’s frolicking in paradise getting her picture taken to be put in a magazine under the headline ‘Leah Spencer engaged to up and coming star.’
When Jared doesn’t react to Caleb he knows that something’s wrong.
“You alright?” He asks as he carefully slides the magazine away.
“Totally fine.” He leans his head on his hand and stares deeper into the phone.
“You’re probably better off without her.”
“Yeah.” Jared takes a deep breath. “Sure…just…I don’t know, am I? Am I really better? I mean it’s not like we were even together, I know that we weren’t she sure as hell knows that we weren’t together so it’s really, really no big deal but I just.” He stops suddenly and takes another deep breath. He’s all worked up and he hates it. “I don’t know. It’s whatever, right?” He shrugs, trying to look disinterested. “I just need to get out of the country for a while I think.”
“That’s what tour is for. You can rebound in three separate countries.”
“Well thank god.” He gets up from the table and pockets his phone then runs his fingers through his hair. He rips the magazine out of Caleb’s hand as he walks out the door. “Shred all of these for me, okay?”
His journey to another country and various rebounds takes a dangerous detour through L.A.
Partly because he knows there’s a party that one of his west coast friends is having (he’s never been one to say no to a party) and mostly because he knows through a friend of a friend that Leah will be there.
He sets himself up by the bar; sitting by the corner of it he can see everyone coming in and going out the door. He already made several sweeps of the place trying to casually bump into her so he knows she’s not here yet. He’s waiting for her. The sensation is so familiar it almost makes him ache. He cures that feeling with more and more alcohol, making him more than a little buzzed when she finally comes strolling into the place.
She’s still tanned, still beautiful, and still just out of his reach. The only thing that’s changed is that her bikini has been changed to skin tight blue jeans, heals and a low cut v-neck white t-shirt.
He’s ready to slide off the barstool to confront her when Troy comes waltzing in behind her and Jared’s hand naturally grips onto the glass that he’s holding tighter.
It’s a wrench in the loosely knit plans that have been steadily unraveling since he began drinking.
But over the crowd she somehow manages to spot him, purely by accident or some horrible twist of fate, and their eyes meet for a second before Jared spins around on his stool. He’ll let her decide how the rest of the night will go.
A minute later she’s by his side.
Apparently she shares some of the same lose knit plans.
She doesn’t say anything for a long time but he’s highly in tune to everything that she’s doing.
Her hands are on the bar; fingernails drumming against the surface and she stands facing him, blocking him from the rest of the room and her breathing is a little ragged like she’s nervous and she covers up a particularly incriminating gasp by clearing her throat.
“Jared.”
“Hey.” He says loudly, holding his arms out. He’s even more drunk than he thought. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“Oh yeah?” She regards him with a hand to her hip and a raise of an eyebrow.
“No clue. It would be impossible for me to know anything about you because you haven’t spoken to me in a month.”
“Jared…”
“But I guess it would be hard to do since you’ve been so busy with Travis.”
“Travis? Who the…you mean Troy?”
“Troy. Whatever, god.” He scrunches up his face in disgust and takes a drink. “Troy. What kind of name is that? What is he, like, fourteen? Out of all the guys, Leah. And I guess congratulations are in order.”
“For what?”
“Your engagement.”
“God, you should know better than anyone not to believe those stories. We’re not engaged.”
“How would I know, haven’t spoken to you in a month. I have no clue what’s going on. You could be pregnant for all I know.”
“I’m not pregnant, I’m not engaged, and Troy is just my friend.”
“Just a friend? Like we’re just friends?” He gestures between them. “Or are you using a different definition?”
“Different.” She says quietly.
“So he’s just a friend that you go on vacation with and you make out with on beaches and shit?”
“I don’t make out with him.”
“I saw the pictures Leah.”
“Those weren’t anything. Just wrong place at the wrong time.”
“You were definitely at the wrong place with the wrong guy. Why didn’t you ever take me on vacation?”
“Because we don’t…”
“We don’t do that, yeah yeah yeah. I get it. He’s here right?” Jared stands up unsteadily. “I should probably meet him.” He pushes past her, rattling the ice in his glass.
“You don’t need to meet him; he’s got nothing to do with you.”
“No, I need to meet Trent.”
“Troy.”
“Don’t care. I have a lot in common with him. We are sharing a woman after all.”
“You’re not sharing me. Stop.” She grabs his arm, her fingernails digging into the black leather of his jacket. “Please don’t be a jerk.”
“A jerk? Darling, you must have me confused with some other guy you’re having sex with because I’m never a jerk.”
“I’m not having sex with him.” She whispers ‘sex’ and Jared laughs. “You know what; I don’t care what you think or what you do. I just don’t.”
“That’s not a new feeling for you Leah so I’m not going to react to it.” He finally sees the guy in the photos with her and shoulders his way through the small crowd at his table to get to him. “Trevor.” Jared puts his glass down on the table and puts a hand on Troy’s shoulder.
“Umm.” Troy looks at Leah nervously.
“I’m Jared.”
“No, I know who you are. And it’s Troy.”
“He knows that.” Leah tells him, shooting a warning look at Jared, to which he rolls his eyes.
“I thought I’d come over and get to know the other guy Leah is fucking.”
“Jared.” Leah groans, too used to the kind of guy he turns into when he’s had a few and Troy instantly looks defensive.
“It’s alright, Leah.” He reaches over and grabs at her hips, pulling softly at the material of her t-shirt. “There are no hard feelings or anything, I get it.”
“There’s nothing to get.” She insists and Jared just shakes his head and shrugs her off, his hand falling away from her hip and turning around to face Troy fully.
Troy glances up at Leah again and seems to shrink away from Jared. Which makes Jared smirk in delight; he likes having the upper hand and the power.
“So, how is she?” Jared asks with a sip of his drink and Troy shakes his head, not really knowing what he’s talking about. “Come on. We can share details. It’s like you’re the new coach that’s coming in for the team and I’m the old one and we’re comparing notes or whatever.” He takes another drink. “I don’t know. I would have a better analogy or whatever but I don’t really care. Just tell me how she fucks with you? She’s good right? Does she do that thing with her hips?”
“Jared.” Leah warns.
“You can’t talk about her like that.” Troy straightens his back and Jared is clearly amused.
“Calm down kid, it’s a compliment. It’s not like I’m saying she sucks or anything.” He smiles again and swivels back to look at Leah. “Although.” He pinches her side again and she pushes his hand away. “Sometimes she does that too and I gotta say, equally awesome.”
Troy must finally gain enough courage to do more than look kind of tough and actually does something about it when he shoves Jared. It’s harmless, almost comical and Jared laughs; high pitched and mocking as he catches himself on the chair.
“Careful. Almost made me spill my drink.” Jared says as he carefully repositions it in his hand then brings it up to his mouth to lick what splashed over off his skin.
“Troy, just ignore him.”
“But what he said…”
“He’s drunk and an idiot. He’s just doing it to be an ass. He’s trying to make you mad. Just ignore him.”
“I am not drunk.” Jared defends as he takes another sip.
“Yeah you are.”
“So what. Sometimes…” He leans towards Troy conspiratorially. “Sometimes being drunk helps. Get a couple of drinks in her and it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before.”
This time Troy’s eyes set hard and when he pushes Jared this time it’s with purpose and Jared drops his drink, the glass shattering at their feet and several people look their way which sets Leah into a controlled panic mode.
She quickly steps in between the two men with her back to Jared and her hands on Troy’s chest.
“I have to take him back to his hotel right now.” She tells Troy. “He’s drunk and stupid and I’m not going to have the two of you cause a scene because I cannot deal with that.”
“You’re just going to leave me here and take off with him? What the hell is that? I don’t trust him.”
“I just have to take him away. Trust me on that, okay?”
“So what do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know.” Leah snaps, completely losing patience with the whole situation. “Go back to your place and I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“The morning?”
Leah rolls her eyes knowing that she inadvertently picked the wrong word to say. “I’ll talk to you later. Alright? Don’t be so pissed about this, it’s no big deal. It’s better for everyone if he leaves right now and the only way he’s leaving is if I take him.”
“You’re giving him exactly what he wants you know.” Troy says as she starts to lead Jared away by the elbow like a scolded child.
She turns back over her shoulder to look at him. “I promise that I’m not.”
By some act of god she gets him back to the hotel that he’s staying at.
She shoved him into a cab and then fought against his wandering hands to work hers into the pocket of his jeans to find the key card with the hotel’s name on it.
Leah was hoping that the cab ride and the fresh air would have sobered him up a little but if anything it made him worse and by the time he’s in the elevator he’s all over her and she’s only partly putting up a fight.
It’s been over a month and she misses the feel of him. Of his hands and his lips on her skin. He feels a little different. A little stronger like he’s been working out and she can’t stop herself from pulling him by the hand with the doors slide open and leading him to his room.
She fumbles with the hotel key as she stands behind her kissing her neck with his fingertips tracing lightly up and down her side. When she gets the door open he runs his hand down her arm to her hand that’s holding the key and pulls it out of her hand and tosses it to the ground.
“You shouldn’t lose that.” She tells him.
“Don’t care. Want to get everything away from you. Your shirt goes next.” He says, totally drunk and suddenly not caring that she’s going to take off immediately after this whole thing is over and goes back to Troy, which is exactly what he was angry at her for doing.
And that’s exactly what happens. She gets up from the bed and starts to sort through the room for her things while he’s there watching her and silently fuming.
“Why do you do this?”
“I’ve told you a thousand times.” She pulls her jeans up to her hips.
“Then what makes me so different from Troy?”
“You finally got his name right.” She says lightly.
“This isn’t a fucking joke, Leah. I’m asking you a serious question. Why does he get to stay with you for more than a night? Why can’t I take you places? What makes me so different?”
“Do you do this with every girl that you sleep with?” She’s already got her shirt on and she’s scanning the room for the last remaining bits of
her; shoes, earrings, dignity. “What makes me so different from all those girls?”
“Everything. Everything makes you different. You’re beautiful and funny and crazy and a total bitch almost all the time and you’re so cold hearted that I can’t even…I don’t even understand how you can be like that because you don’t talk to me about anything ever but I don’t care.”
“That’s so sweet Jared, thanks for calling me a crazy cold hearted bitch.”
“I’m telling you the truth. It’s all true. Now you tell me. What the fuck does he have that I don’t have?”
“Nothing.” She shakes her head and drops down to peer under the bed. “Nothing separates you from him. You really want to know the truth Jared, the truth is that he’s the one I’ll go away with and you’re the one I won’t leave the bedroom with. That’s it. I like keeping those two things separate. I don’t want them all in the same guy. I don’t want a boyfriend.”
“But I want to be your boyfriend.”
She frowns deeply like his words had wounded a part of her. “Jared, I can’t.”
“I can’t watch you with other guys.”
“I see you with other girls. It doesn’t bother me.”
“That’s…” He sighs heavily. “I hate that.”
“I know. But I can’t give you anymore. You know this wasn’t what I thought you would be like; I thought you’d never care that’s why I got involved with you.”
“Sorry to disappoint you with my feelings.” He says harshly, his fingers gripping at the sheets in agitation.
“You’re not a disappointment Jared. You’re just not who I thought you would be and that’s probably my fault. We should have never of started this, this whole thing was a mistake. Ugh.” She groans and slips on her heels then stands up. “I had earrings; I don’t know where they are. If you happen to find them just mail them to me.”
“I’ll give them to you the next time I see you.” He waves his hand and leans back into the pillows.
“You’re not going to see me again. This is ending here. Just mail them.” She starts for the door and he springs up.
“What? This is it? You’re walking out on me and that’s the end?”
“Yes.” She stops with her hand on the door. “I might be a cold hearted bitch but I’m not going to string you along anymore. Go find someone to love on your own.”
“I love you. I don’t want some other girl.” He didn’t really mean to say that but he doesn’t regret it. Wrong place, wrong time, but it happened.
“I don’t love you.” She replies and he visibly shrinks back into the bed; beaten down. There’s a brief flash of regret and sorrow that passes across her face but he doesn’t see it because he’s staring down at the bed trying to disconnect from everything that he’s been feeling for her. Stupid feelings. Ones that he should’ve fought against or at the very least kept hidden.
“I hope you find someone, Jared. I really do.”
“Stop.”
“You’re not a bad guy; this has nothing to do with you. It’s my fault.”
“Just stop it.”
“You’re a good guy. You’re just not my guy.”
“Okay. Just shut up about it. I’ll get over it. It’ll fade and I don’t care about you if you’re going to just walk away.” His head pounds with a million different thoughts and the alcohol surging through his system again. Unfortunately the sex did nothing to alleviate the post drinking hangover. “You’re making everything worse the more that you talk so just shut up and get the hell out. And I’m keeping your earrings and I’m going to give them to some girl. The next one I have sex with.”
“Fine.” She snaps. “If that kind of stupid pettiness makes you happy then I guess you have to do what I have to do. I didn’t even like those earrings anyways so if this girl actually accepts them then she’s an idiot and you two will be perfect together.”
“It’s hard to insult me after you tell me that you don’t love me. That pretty much beats everything.”
They stare at each other for a moment before she sighs.
“You know it didn’t have to end like this.”
“Yup. And it’s all my fault because I was an asshole and had to actually love you. What a dick I am. You’re going to have to go find someone else to have meaningless sex with and I’m sorry for the extra work that it’ll cause you. But hey, don’t you have Troy? I’m sure he’ll be great with you and if that doesn’t work out I’m sure you can find someone else. There’s an endless supply of guys out there. Shouldn’t be too hard for you to get one that sticks or doesn’t. Up to you, you play the game.”
He dares to look up at her to see how his words are affecting her but she’s already gone. She slipped out somewhere in the middle of his rant without him even noticing; without a goodbye.
By the door he can see one of her earring shimmering in the pale light of the room.
He can’t look at anything or hers anymore and rolls over, closing his eyes against the dull ache in his head and the sharp one in his heart.
Chapter: 2/?
Song: Arms- Christina Perri
Word Count: 3,198