There Is Love In Your Body But You Can't Get It Out, It's Stuck In Your Head
Chapter: 15/?
Song: Hardest Of Hearts- Florence + The Machine
Word Count: 2,583
Summary: she wants things back to the way they used to be. Where it was complicated but at least she could begin and trick herself into believing that she understood it.
This is pretty messily thrown together.
Everything’s a little bit rougher with him now. His personality, his drinking, and the way he moves against her and into her when they’re in bed, if they even get to the bed. Bruises form on her arms and hips, which me immediately apologizes for when he sees them and she waves it off and calls it even with the fingernail marks on his shoulders and back that she made.
It turns out that he’s a pretty good actor because he does a damn good job at pretending that he’s fine with their new (old) arrangement. He’s
determined to bury any feelings that he has for her. He’ll push them down and cover them up with nights out with Andy and alcohol and supposedly meaningless sex with her. It’ll all work out. Love or whatever he thought that it was with her with surly fade and he’ll forget that he ever said it. They’ll eventually grow apart. Maybe she’ll find someone else or even better, he’ll find someone else and that’ll be the end of it and he’ll be fine with that. Just fine. One hundred percent fine. Until he thinks about her and the reality that he really did and does love her and the idea of anyone else makes him feel a little bit nauseas. He won’t be fine then. But he can pretend to be now.
Andy does his best to distract him from the eventual pain he knows he’ll feel. He keeps the beer and the constant invites for a quick hit or something illegal that Lee gave up a long time ago coming. He takes the former willingly and fights off the latter with all he has.
It’s easier to refuse Andy when Molly is there so that’s why he doesn’t mind when she decides to come out with them.
It makes her feel better too. She still doesn’t trust Andy with Lee. It’s like he’s waiting for the perfect moment, like when her back is turned, to drag Lee back down that dark path because Andy doesn’t want to be alone on it.
So she keeps a careful eye on the two of them which can sometimes be pretty painful. Apparently to Lee, or this new version of him that Molly is beginning to really not care for, just having casual sex means that he can flirt with whichever girl he sees while Molly is standing ten feet away from him. It’s infuriating. She selfishly (but not really selfishly because he’s always leaving with his hand wrapped around hers and his lips against her neck) wants all of his attention.
She has to work for it.
She flirts with other guys, bumping into Lee on her way to one of them or dragging one along behind her right in front of him. He hates that. But
has to react to get her back; he’ll be damned if he’s going to drive her into the arms of another man and he’s not going to just sit back and watch her shamelessly flirt with another guy.
Occasionally pulling her away will lead to an altercation. The other guy doesn’t know who he is or that he’s just being used as a ploy to get Lee jealous and he gets a little territorial, trying to be chivalrous and defend her honor and Lee will tell him to fuck off because this random guy
doesn’t know the situation and they’ll shove each other a little it always gets broken up before anything serious or entertaining or seriously entertaining happens and Molly and Lee stumble out onto the street, her yelling at him and him trying to explain until he can’t take it anymore and kisses her just to shut her up, pushing her against the building, lifting her up with his hand wandering under her skirt or over her hips until a cab pulls up to the curb and it’s a mess of tugging on clothing and hair until they get back to his place.
But then sometimes he’ll brood, silently watching her every move from across the bar. They’ll wait each other out. They’ll never leave with
anyone else but each other so they end up awkwardly talking to their own jealousy pawns, making them believe that they actually stand a chance until the bar starts to close and they’ll meet up with each other on the street and wordlessly get into a cab. Halfway through the ride and depending on how drunk they both are he’ll call her a bitch for making him jealous and she’ll call him a dick for trying to make her jealous and they’ll shift the blame back and forth until the cab starts and they’ll go upstairs and work out their frustrations in bed because they’re exclusively on sex.
They don’t talk at all. It’s not like it used to be in any way, shape, or form and she’s supposed to feel good about that but she doesn’t. It’s like they’re slipping away from each other, she’s letting go and being let go of the only person that really made her feel good since Brad died and no one cares. Shannon still refuses to get involved and Lee is practically forcing her out of bed at night making sure to let her know that he in no way expects or wants her to stick around.
She never thought that she’d long for the way things used to be where he had that look of love and hope in his eyes when he looked at her. She’d settle for him looking at her at all. He barely does that anymore.
She could work her way back to him. Be nicer and better to him. She could be the kind of girl that she thinks he deserves just for a little while. She’d like to have the taste of being loved again. And then maybe she’ll remember how terrifying that feels and she’ll be able to end it for good.
Now she wants to make him fall in love with her where before she was doing everything in her power to push him away. The irony of the situation hits her as she’s reapplying her lipstick in the dingy ladies room at some corner bar that she’s been taken to. She’s shockingly sober while everyone else is drunk, on their way to being annoying and belligerent.
She drops her lipstick back into her small, black, clutch which is already full with her cell phone, her small wallet, keys and Lee’s house keys.
He drunkenly tossed them to her about an hour ago as he and Andy were wandering up to the bar.
“Here, take these, I am too drunk to drive.” He said with a laugh while Andy howled.
She rolled her eyes and handed them back but he refused to take them. “You don’t have a car; you’ll need these to get into your apartment.”
“Oh, don’t tell me what I have and what I don’t have.” He slurred out as Andy broke ahead to get to the bar.
“What are you even talking about?” She asked him, shaking the keys at him.
He pushed her arm back and rushed after Andy. “Just take them.”
Now she sighs as she fits her lipstick next to him. She’s been hiding out in the bathroom for the past fifteen minutes and in that amount of time she knows that Lee is probably extra hammered and she’s not in the mood to deal with it.
She takes a deep breath and puts her shoulders back in confidence as she pushes open the door and goes back into the bar to look for him. She doesn’t have to look very hard, they’re all sitting at a table across the bar and the seat next to Lee, who is sitting facing the door of the bathroom, is empty. The table is filled with empty glasses and almost everyone in the bar that isn’t sitting at the table has at least one eye on them because they’re starting to get rowdy.
When Lee sees her he waves her over and when she gets close he pulls out the chair for her, the most chivalrous thing he’s done for her in a
long time. He drapes his arm around the back of the chair and pulls her closer so he can whisper in her ear.
“Are you okay?”
The smell of alcohol is strong on his breath and she wrinkles her nose.
“I’m fine.”
He pulls back and rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
“What?” She asks.
“Nothing, you just don’t seem fine.”
“I am.”
“You should drink.”
“I think you’re doing enough of that for the both of us.” She says under her breath and he takes his arm away from her and turns to the scantily
dressed girl next to him, putting one hand on her knee and leaning in close to whisper something that makes her giggle and Molly’s stomach tightens and she stands up without even thinking about it.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t really feel like being here anymore.” She shrugs her shoulders and walks off and can’t help but smile when she hears his chair scratch against the floor telling her that he’s coming after her.
“Hey.” He grabs her elbow gently. “I’m sorry, okay, I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry that I touched that girl like that and said something to her, I know what I was doing and I was trying to make you jealous and I’m sorry. That was immature.”
“Wow, for someone so drunk you manage a damn good apology.”
“It’s one of my many talents.” He laughs as he puts his hand son her hips and pulls her closer. “While I’m at it I might as well say that I’m sorry for everything stupid that I’ve done for the past few months. I’ve acted like a real dick to you and I don’t think that you deserve that.”
She’s cautious of this new attitude that he’s suddenly developed. It’s probably just a new drunk side to him that she wasn’t aware of yet.
He brings her back to the table and there’s another girl sitting in the seat that was meant for Molly and Molly’s about to tell her to get up and leave when Lee sits down and pulls her down onto his lap and she puts her arms around his neck. It’s like the first time they were out together except this time she feels more comfortable, it’s all more natural. Now he’s whispering into her ear, his breath is brushing against her skin making her laugh and it feels so good that she doesn’t even mind the smell of beer on his breath.
He gets her to relax; his fingers rubbing slow circle on the skin of her back where her shirt has risen up and his steady breathing in and out
against her back would be enough to put her to sleep but everyone else at the table is so loud that she help but be wide awake.
She has half a drink and starts to get involved in the conversation that Andy is having with some guy and Lee stays completely quiet the whole time.
“You alright?” She asks him, laughing at something Andy said as she leans back into him.
“Yeah.” He nods and pushes her hair away from her shoulder. “Let’s get married.”
Everyone at the table goes silent and stares at them and Molly clears her throat and drops her arms from around his neck.
“And that’s our cue to get you home, dammit, Lee; I was having a good time too.”
“Why do we have to go?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“What?”
“You just asked me to marry you; you’d only say that if you were too drunk.”
“Maybe I meant it.”
She shakes her head and stands up. “No you didn’t, now let’s go.”
“What’s stopping us? Is it because we’ve only known each other for less than a year? I don’t think that’s a short amount of time, it’s the longest relationship I’ve been in.”
“We are barely in a relationship.”
He ignores her. “How long did you know Brad before you married him?”
“Okay.” She puts her hands on her hips and can feel her face flush. “Now you’re just hammered. Let’s go, I’m serious.”
“So am I, marry me.”
“I am not going to marry you.”
They’re causing a scene and she’s still sober enough to care.
“Why not, give me one good reason.”
“I don’t love you.” It’s supposed to hurt him but it doesn’t have that affect. Instead he laughs.
“You’re still going with that, huh, Molly?”
“It’s the truth. I don’t love you.”
“You’re such a fucking liar, Molly.”
She needs to get out of there.
“I’m not going to stand here and let you talk to me like that, you have no idea how I feel.”
“I know that you got jealous.” He gets up and follows after her and she picks up her pace, hoping to shake him by the time she gets to the door but he’s right there behind her. “Why don’t you just admit that you love me?”
“Because I don’t and I know that you don’t either.” She sticks her hand out to hail a cab and he pulls it down and puts his arm around her waist to bring her in for a kiss but she fights back, pushing her hand against his chest making him step back. “No, you don’t get to kiss me to make it all better, that doesn’t work anymore. It never did.”
“What the fuck are we doing, Molly?” He asks as she starts to get into a cab that’s pulled up to rescue her.
“That same thing we’ve always been doing.”
“Well I’m getting sick of it.”
“Then…” She trails off. “I don’t know, Lee, what do you want to do?”
“I want you.” He steps to her and takes her arm and he can’t fight against it. “I love you and I want you to love me and I want you to marry me.”
“You’re drunk. Come on, we don’t do this.”
“We used to, weren’t we close to it? At some point? I told you that I loved you and you acted like that was okay.”
“I’m a good actress.” She says lightly, the tone of her voice going against the tone of the conversation.
“That’s not a good enough answer.”
“Well it’s the only one I have.” She snaps and he quickly closes in on her but doesn’t touch her and steps back.
“Just forget it, I’m sick of this. Go home.”
She laughs. “A minute ago you wanted to marry me, this is what I’m talking about, you’re drunk….”
“I might be drunk but I’m not afraid.”
“You think you’re the first one to say that to me? Like that’s supposed to make me feel bad?”
“Supposed to make you feel something.” He shrugs.
“I’m heartless and cold, yeah, I know.” She says sarcastically.
“Maybe you are, Molly.”
“Then why the hell would you want to love me?” She shouts, blinking back stupid, stupid tears.
He looks her over and backs up towards the bar, bumping into a few people as he goes and right before he swings the door open to go in she can hear him say ‘I don’t know.’
That makes her break down and sob inside of the cab.
Song: Hardest Of Hearts- Florence + The Machine
Word Count: 2,583
Summary: she wants things back to the way they used to be. Where it was complicated but at least she could begin and trick herself into believing that she understood it.
This is pretty messily thrown together.
Everything’s a little bit rougher with him now. His personality, his drinking, and the way he moves against her and into her when they’re in bed, if they even get to the bed. Bruises form on her arms and hips, which me immediately apologizes for when he sees them and she waves it off and calls it even with the fingernail marks on his shoulders and back that she made.
It turns out that he’s a pretty good actor because he does a damn good job at pretending that he’s fine with their new (old) arrangement. He’s
determined to bury any feelings that he has for her. He’ll push them down and cover them up with nights out with Andy and alcohol and supposedly meaningless sex with her. It’ll all work out. Love or whatever he thought that it was with her with surly fade and he’ll forget that he ever said it. They’ll eventually grow apart. Maybe she’ll find someone else or even better, he’ll find someone else and that’ll be the end of it and he’ll be fine with that. Just fine. One hundred percent fine. Until he thinks about her and the reality that he really did and does love her and the idea of anyone else makes him feel a little bit nauseas. He won’t be fine then. But he can pretend to be now.
Andy does his best to distract him from the eventual pain he knows he’ll feel. He keeps the beer and the constant invites for a quick hit or something illegal that Lee gave up a long time ago coming. He takes the former willingly and fights off the latter with all he has.
It’s easier to refuse Andy when Molly is there so that’s why he doesn’t mind when she decides to come out with them.
It makes her feel better too. She still doesn’t trust Andy with Lee. It’s like he’s waiting for the perfect moment, like when her back is turned, to drag Lee back down that dark path because Andy doesn’t want to be alone on it.
So she keeps a careful eye on the two of them which can sometimes be pretty painful. Apparently to Lee, or this new version of him that Molly is beginning to really not care for, just having casual sex means that he can flirt with whichever girl he sees while Molly is standing ten feet away from him. It’s infuriating. She selfishly (but not really selfishly because he’s always leaving with his hand wrapped around hers and his lips against her neck) wants all of his attention.
She has to work for it.
She flirts with other guys, bumping into Lee on her way to one of them or dragging one along behind her right in front of him. He hates that. But
has to react to get her back; he’ll be damned if he’s going to drive her into the arms of another man and he’s not going to just sit back and watch her shamelessly flirt with another guy.
Occasionally pulling her away will lead to an altercation. The other guy doesn’t know who he is or that he’s just being used as a ploy to get Lee jealous and he gets a little territorial, trying to be chivalrous and defend her honor and Lee will tell him to fuck off because this random guy
doesn’t know the situation and they’ll shove each other a little it always gets broken up before anything serious or entertaining or seriously entertaining happens and Molly and Lee stumble out onto the street, her yelling at him and him trying to explain until he can’t take it anymore and kisses her just to shut her up, pushing her against the building, lifting her up with his hand wandering under her skirt or over her hips until a cab pulls up to the curb and it’s a mess of tugging on clothing and hair until they get back to his place.
But then sometimes he’ll brood, silently watching her every move from across the bar. They’ll wait each other out. They’ll never leave with
anyone else but each other so they end up awkwardly talking to their own jealousy pawns, making them believe that they actually stand a chance until the bar starts to close and they’ll meet up with each other on the street and wordlessly get into a cab. Halfway through the ride and depending on how drunk they both are he’ll call her a bitch for making him jealous and she’ll call him a dick for trying to make her jealous and they’ll shift the blame back and forth until the cab starts and they’ll go upstairs and work out their frustrations in bed because they’re exclusively on sex.
They don’t talk at all. It’s not like it used to be in any way, shape, or form and she’s supposed to feel good about that but she doesn’t. It’s like they’re slipping away from each other, she’s letting go and being let go of the only person that really made her feel good since Brad died and no one cares. Shannon still refuses to get involved and Lee is practically forcing her out of bed at night making sure to let her know that he in no way expects or wants her to stick around.
She never thought that she’d long for the way things used to be where he had that look of love and hope in his eyes when he looked at her. She’d settle for him looking at her at all. He barely does that anymore.
She could work her way back to him. Be nicer and better to him. She could be the kind of girl that she thinks he deserves just for a little while. She’d like to have the taste of being loved again. And then maybe she’ll remember how terrifying that feels and she’ll be able to end it for good.
Now she wants to make him fall in love with her where before she was doing everything in her power to push him away. The irony of the situation hits her as she’s reapplying her lipstick in the dingy ladies room at some corner bar that she’s been taken to. She’s shockingly sober while everyone else is drunk, on their way to being annoying and belligerent.
She drops her lipstick back into her small, black, clutch which is already full with her cell phone, her small wallet, keys and Lee’s house keys.
He drunkenly tossed them to her about an hour ago as he and Andy were wandering up to the bar.
“Here, take these, I am too drunk to drive.” He said with a laugh while Andy howled.
She rolled her eyes and handed them back but he refused to take them. “You don’t have a car; you’ll need these to get into your apartment.”
“Oh, don’t tell me what I have and what I don’t have.” He slurred out as Andy broke ahead to get to the bar.
“What are you even talking about?” She asked him, shaking the keys at him.
He pushed her arm back and rushed after Andy. “Just take them.”
Now she sighs as she fits her lipstick next to him. She’s been hiding out in the bathroom for the past fifteen minutes and in that amount of time she knows that Lee is probably extra hammered and she’s not in the mood to deal with it.
She takes a deep breath and puts her shoulders back in confidence as she pushes open the door and goes back into the bar to look for him. She doesn’t have to look very hard, they’re all sitting at a table across the bar and the seat next to Lee, who is sitting facing the door of the bathroom, is empty. The table is filled with empty glasses and almost everyone in the bar that isn’t sitting at the table has at least one eye on them because they’re starting to get rowdy.
When Lee sees her he waves her over and when she gets close he pulls out the chair for her, the most chivalrous thing he’s done for her in a
long time. He drapes his arm around the back of the chair and pulls her closer so he can whisper in her ear.
“Are you okay?”
The smell of alcohol is strong on his breath and she wrinkles her nose.
“I’m fine.”
He pulls back and rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
“What?” She asks.
“Nothing, you just don’t seem fine.”
“I am.”
“You should drink.”
“I think you’re doing enough of that for the both of us.” She says under her breath and he takes his arm away from her and turns to the scantily
dressed girl next to him, putting one hand on her knee and leaning in close to whisper something that makes her giggle and Molly’s stomach tightens and she stands up without even thinking about it.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t really feel like being here anymore.” She shrugs her shoulders and walks off and can’t help but smile when she hears his chair scratch against the floor telling her that he’s coming after her.
“Hey.” He grabs her elbow gently. “I’m sorry, okay, I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry that I touched that girl like that and said something to her, I know what I was doing and I was trying to make you jealous and I’m sorry. That was immature.”
“Wow, for someone so drunk you manage a damn good apology.”
“It’s one of my many talents.” He laughs as he puts his hand son her hips and pulls her closer. “While I’m at it I might as well say that I’m sorry for everything stupid that I’ve done for the past few months. I’ve acted like a real dick to you and I don’t think that you deserve that.”
She’s cautious of this new attitude that he’s suddenly developed. It’s probably just a new drunk side to him that she wasn’t aware of yet.
He brings her back to the table and there’s another girl sitting in the seat that was meant for Molly and Molly’s about to tell her to get up and leave when Lee sits down and pulls her down onto his lap and she puts her arms around his neck. It’s like the first time they were out together except this time she feels more comfortable, it’s all more natural. Now he’s whispering into her ear, his breath is brushing against her skin making her laugh and it feels so good that she doesn’t even mind the smell of beer on his breath.
He gets her to relax; his fingers rubbing slow circle on the skin of her back where her shirt has risen up and his steady breathing in and out
against her back would be enough to put her to sleep but everyone else at the table is so loud that she help but be wide awake.
She has half a drink and starts to get involved in the conversation that Andy is having with some guy and Lee stays completely quiet the whole time.
“You alright?” She asks him, laughing at something Andy said as she leans back into him.
“Yeah.” He nods and pushes her hair away from her shoulder. “Let’s get married.”
Everyone at the table goes silent and stares at them and Molly clears her throat and drops her arms from around his neck.
“And that’s our cue to get you home, dammit, Lee; I was having a good time too.”
“Why do we have to go?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“What?”
“You just asked me to marry you; you’d only say that if you were too drunk.”
“Maybe I meant it.”
She shakes her head and stands up. “No you didn’t, now let’s go.”
“What’s stopping us? Is it because we’ve only known each other for less than a year? I don’t think that’s a short amount of time, it’s the longest relationship I’ve been in.”
“We are barely in a relationship.”
He ignores her. “How long did you know Brad before you married him?”
“Okay.” She puts her hands on her hips and can feel her face flush. “Now you’re just hammered. Let’s go, I’m serious.”
“So am I, marry me.”
“I am not going to marry you.”
They’re causing a scene and she’s still sober enough to care.
“Why not, give me one good reason.”
“I don’t love you.” It’s supposed to hurt him but it doesn’t have that affect. Instead he laughs.
“You’re still going with that, huh, Molly?”
“It’s the truth. I don’t love you.”
“You’re such a fucking liar, Molly.”
She needs to get out of there.
“I’m not going to stand here and let you talk to me like that, you have no idea how I feel.”
“I know that you got jealous.” He gets up and follows after her and she picks up her pace, hoping to shake him by the time she gets to the door but he’s right there behind her. “Why don’t you just admit that you love me?”
“Because I don’t and I know that you don’t either.” She sticks her hand out to hail a cab and he pulls it down and puts his arm around her waist to bring her in for a kiss but she fights back, pushing her hand against his chest making him step back. “No, you don’t get to kiss me to make it all better, that doesn’t work anymore. It never did.”
“What the fuck are we doing, Molly?” He asks as she starts to get into a cab that’s pulled up to rescue her.
“That same thing we’ve always been doing.”
“Well I’m getting sick of it.”
“Then…” She trails off. “I don’t know, Lee, what do you want to do?”
“I want you.” He steps to her and takes her arm and he can’t fight against it. “I love you and I want you to love me and I want you to marry me.”
“You’re drunk. Come on, we don’t do this.”
“We used to, weren’t we close to it? At some point? I told you that I loved you and you acted like that was okay.”
“I’m a good actress.” She says lightly, the tone of her voice going against the tone of the conversation.
“That’s not a good enough answer.”
“Well it’s the only one I have.” She snaps and he quickly closes in on her but doesn’t touch her and steps back.
“Just forget it, I’m sick of this. Go home.”
She laughs. “A minute ago you wanted to marry me, this is what I’m talking about, you’re drunk….”
“I might be drunk but I’m not afraid.”
“You think you’re the first one to say that to me? Like that’s supposed to make me feel bad?”
“Supposed to make you feel something.” He shrugs.
“I’m heartless and cold, yeah, I know.” She says sarcastically.
“Maybe you are, Molly.”
“Then why the hell would you want to love me?” She shouts, blinking back stupid, stupid tears.
He looks her over and backs up towards the bar, bumping into a few people as he goes and right before he swings the door open to go in she can hear him say ‘I don’t know.’
That makes her break down and sob inside of the cab.