Are you hurting the one you love, when they watch the walls and the ticking clock
Chapter: 13/?
Song: Are You Hurting The One You Love- Florence + The Machine
Word Count: 5,301
Summary: 'are you hurting the one you love and was it something you could not stop?'
She wakes up alone in the morning. It’s not something that’s foreign to her, she’s woken up alone for months and months but what is different, what does make her sit up in alarm and clutch the sheets to her chest is that she’s not in her own bed.
She knows where she is immediately, she wasn’t drunk or anything last night, it’s not a blur and the fact that she was sober is what makes her eyes scrunch closed and her head fall into her hand.
That was a mistake last night. She knows that above everything else. She wouldn’t say that she regrets it because it was amazing but it was the wrong thing to do. She feels like she just led him on. He told her he loved her and she took him home and slept with him, actually slept with him, spent the night with him and now he’s off somewhere doing something thinking that there’s a chance that she loves him back. What an unholy mess she’s gotten herself into.
The door of the bedroom opens and she holds the sheet tighter to her chest and just barely relaxes when she sees that it’s him.
“Morning.” He says as he pushes the door open further with his elbow, his hands full of a brown paper bag. “I…did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah. I did. Did you?” She doesn’t hear his answer because she’s too busy trying to figure out where her clothes wound up.
He sits down on the bed and puts the bag down between them. “I got us some breakfast.” He pulls out two small bottles of orange juice and two Styrofoam containers. “I wasn’t really sure what you liked so I got you pancakes because that’s what you ate at my moms.”
She takes the container from him with a tight smile then puts it down on the bed and reaches for her bra, which thankfully, ended up on her side of the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m getting dressed.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t eat naked.”
“Why not?”
“Because I just can’t.” She looks over her shoulder at him. He’s staring at her. “Can you close your eyes or something?”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve seen it all. A lot. Over and over.”
“I don’t care, just close your eyes or something.”
“Ugh, fine.” He makes a dramatic show of covering his eyes and she quickly pulls on her panties and scans the room for the rest of her clothes.
“Your shirt is in the living room.”
She turns to him, he’s looking at her again and she crosses her arms. “I told you not to look.”
“Sorry.” He says, sounding anything but. “Don’t go out there.” He nods to the bedroom door and then to his dresser in the corner of the room. “It’s the second drawer. Grab one.”
She huffs out a breath then walks over and opens the drawer and starts to pick through his shirts.
“It doesn’t have to match your eyes, Molly.”
She rolls her eyes and pulls on a light blue t-shirt. She wishes he were taller so it would go past her hips but it’s better than nothing and she accepts it. She moves back onto the bed and opens up the container. She doesn’t want to eat. She doesn’t want to be doing any of this. It wasn’t supposed to get to this point. She wasn’t supposed to be sleeping over at his place, waking up with him, eating breakfast in bed with him or having sex with him with more than friendly feelings involved. But she’s starving and the bed is comfortable and she can’t bring herself to leave right now.
“So…”
She doesn’t want to talk about this and knows that she needs to take control of the situation.
“Does your arm feel okay?”
“Oh.” He looks down at it. “Yeah, it feels fine. Those pain killers really kicked in after awhile so…”
“That’s good.” She digs her fork into her pancakes. “I’m glad that you feel okay.”
This sucks.
“Yeah.”
He clearly thinks that this sucks too.
“I should probably get going?” She closes the box and sets it down on the bed and starts to get up but he grabs her wrist to stop her.
“Why? You can’t stay and eat? Talk?”
“I….” She sighs. “I really have to get to work but I promise that we’ll get together tonight or something, okay?”
She can see the disappointment on his face and she feels like a bitch so she leans down and kisses his lips. He tastes like syrup.
“I’ll call you okay? Thanks for breakfast; I’m going to stick this in the fridge so I can have it later. Maybe I’ll stop by for dinner tonight or something. We’ll talk.” She waits for a nod from him before she backs off and gives him a smile then retreats. She keeps his shirt on and puts on her cotton shorts and flip flops then jams her pancakes into the fridge and basically flees from his apartment.
She gets to work later. She takes extended time at home in the shower, picking out what she wants to wear and whether or not she can change her name, get plastic surgery so Lee can’t find her when she runs away from all her problems.
When she finally gets to work Shannon’s behind the counter flipping through a fashion magazine but she takes the time to look up from it and give her a dirty look.
“Where the hell have you been? You didn’t answer your phone and you look like death warmed up, what the hell happened to you?”
“I guess this…” She gestures to her face. “Is what happens when you get woken up at three and have to go to a hospital.”
“What? Oh my god, are you alright?”
“It wasn’t for me. It was for Lee, he’s fine, don’t worry, he was just in a minor taxi accident but I had to go and get him.
“You had to?”
“He called me.”
“So you just jumped right out of bed and rescued him?”
“I didn’t…” She remembers how fast she got out of bed when she got the phone call. “I didn’t rescue him.”
“But you went and got him.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I’m getting at the fact that you dropped everything…”
“I was sleeping.”
“Exactly. You got right up and got him.”
“He needed someone.”
“He needed you and you were there. He could’ve called how many other people and you could’ve said no.”
“He’s my friend. I’m supposed to help a friend.”
“I’m your sister and you pitch a fit when I ask you to water my plants when I go out of town.”
“That’s different. Your plants aren’t at the hospital.”
“You’re lying to yourself if you think you don’t care about this guy.”
“Of course I care about him, Shannon. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have gone but what you’re really insinuating here is that I love him…”
“Your words, not mine.”
“Oh please, they are your not so subtle words. And they’re wrong so lay off.” She feels like she told her off properly enough and starts to walk back to the office.
“Mom called.”
That makes Molly stop dead in her tracks.
“What did she want?”
“To talk to you, she left a message.”
“But what did she want?”
“I wrote it down on a sticky note for you.”
“You can’t just tell me?”
Shannon smiles wide and shakes her head.
“I hate you.” Molly mumbles under her breath as she keeps walking.
She stares at the yellow sticky note from the door, her mind racing trying to figure out what it could say, for a moment before she takes a deep breath and walks to it.
‘Mom wants to meet your boyfriend. She’s excited about it. She’s got a whole meal planned and she invited me so I can watch your head explode. It should be fun…..sucker.’
She grabs the note and goes back to Shannon who is trying not to laugh.
“Did you tell her that he’s not my boyfriend?”
“I don’t remember.”
“This isn’t funny, Shannon.”
“Nothing is funny to you, how would you know what’s funny or not?”
“I know this isn’t funny. Now I have to figure out a way to get out of this.”
“That will never happen. You know how mom is. Whatever she wants she is going to get. Just bring him over for dinner and be done with it.”
“I’m not letting her win.”
“It’s not really up to you. She’s had 47 years of practice of getting what she wants. She’s got you beat. Just accept it.”
“This is going to suck.”
Shannon shrugs. “Are you going to call her now?”
“I guess I have to.”
“Can I listen, I’d like to hear how you think you’re going to work your way out of this.”
Molly frowns and takes out her cell phone and Shannon perks up but then Molly walks swiftly to the door and down the sidewalk so she can have a little privacy.
She sits on a bench a half block away from the store and dials her mother’s number. She annoyingly picks up on the first ring, her voice chipper.
“You got my message?”
“Yes, but…”
“I think you two should come over on Sunday, what do you think? Are you free?”
“Mom…”
“What does he like to eat? Is he picky? Vegetarian?”
“Mom…”
“Does he have any allergies?”
“Mom.” Molly almost shouts, but it’s enough to get her attention.
“What is it?”
“I don’t think we can go.”
“Is Sunday bad for you?”
“Well…”
“Did you ask him?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know that you can’t come?”
“Because…I think you think that he means more to me than he actually does.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s not really my boyfriend.”
“Haven’t you been going out with him?”
“Technically yes but he’s more of a friend.”
“You met his family didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” She says quietly. Any chance of getting out of this is quickly slipping away.
“Then why can’t I meet him?”
“I don’t….know.” She sighs and looks around at all the people passing her on the street, jealous that they’re not dealing with her mother like she is.
“Why don’t you ask him and then we can go from there but I am planning on you two showing up on Sunday. I’ll make lasagna.”
“Fine, okay, fine, I’ll ask him but I’m not promising that he’ll say yes. He could have other plans or not want to and I won’t make him.”
“Why wouldn’t he want to come meet us?”
“I don’t know and who is supposed to be coming? Who did you invite?”
“Me and your father and Shannon and I figured that I could ask your cousin…”
“No, no, no cousins or aunts or great uncles or anything like that, why would they come?”
“Because I want him to meet the family.”
“Yeah, the family, not extended family. I won’t ask him if they’re coming.”
“Then who would you like me to invite?”
“No one. I don’t want to go at all.”
“Who is acceptable, Molly?” She’s getting annoyed.
“Just you and dad. And maybe Shannon.” It might help to even the playing ground between who Lee knows and who he doesn’t.”
“Fine. Just us then but you need to come.”
“If he can. I told you, I’m not forcing this.”
“Okay, whatever. I’ll see you two on Sunday.” She says cheerily and hangs up before Molly can say anything else.
When Molly gets back to the store Shannon can tell by the look on her face and she lost the fight.
“So what day will they be meeting him?”
“Sunday.”
“Ha. I cannot wait for this.”
“I’m still holding out for a miracle that he’ll say that he won’t want to go.”
“That will never happen.”
“I know.” She says and she spends the whole day trying to figure out how to phrase the question to make him not want to go.
She comes up with nothing and decides that it’s probably better to just to ask him straight away and hope for the best.
So she goes over to his place when she gets out of work and pounds on his door. He takes about a minute to answer and when he sees her he smiles.
“Hey.”
“Sorry for not calling first.”
“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to. Come in.” He gently grabs her wrist and leads her in and she shuts the door. “Do you want to get dinner or something?”
“Yeah, maybe, but first I have to ask you something.”
He leans on the back of the couch. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“Well it’s nothing that bad but…” She takes a deep breath. “My mom kind of invited us over to have dinner with then on Sunday and I tried to get out of it but I couldn’t so I told her that I’d ask you and please don’t feel like you have to go or anything because you don’t, don’t feel pressured to say yes.”
“I’ll go.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. It’s no problem. Do you not want me to go?”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to go it’s just that my parents are kind of…difficult.”
“More difficult than my mom?”
“I don’t know. No. But still…”
“But nothing. I’ll go, it’ll be fun.”
She laughs. “You don’t have fun with my parents. You get judged by my parents.”
“Why would they judge me? I’m rich like them. My parents are anyways so they can’t bitch about that. It’ll be fine. Sometimes I think you worry too much.”
“You sound like my mother.”
“Then I’m guaranteed to get along with her.”
That’s what she’s worried about.
“Now let’s go eat, I’m starving.” He pushes himself off the couch and touches her side before he grabs his keys and holds the door open for her.
She never really accepts that he has to meet her family and when she goes over to his place on Sunday night to pick him up she already has a
huge chip on her shoulder, tapping her foot on the floor and her nails on the door frame as she waits for him to open it.
“I should really get you a key.” He says as he swings the door open and looks her over. “You look great.” She’s wearing a black dress that’s appropriate enough for dinner with her family, but just barely.
“I don’t need a key. Are you ready to go?”
“Yup.” He jams his wallet in his back pocket and grabs his keys and then freezes. “Am I underdressed?”
“You look fine.”
He’s wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a black button up shirt. He looks good.
“I don’t want to just look fine. I mean look at you, you’re all dressed up.”
“I am not dressed up.”
“You’re in a dress.”
“So what?”
“So I don’t want your parents to think that I’m some casual douchebag or something.”
“Neither one of my parents have never once said the word douchebag so I think you’re safe.”
“That doesn’t mean they don’t think it. I’m going to change.”
“Oh my god, are you serious?”
“I want to look good.” He calls from the bedroom and she scoffs.
“You do look good, god, are you a women or something?”
“Because I want to impress your parents, that makes me a women?”
“Because you’re changing from a perfectly good outfit. Stop caring so much.”
“It’ll only take me a second.”
She continues the foot tapping until he comes out wearing dark grey dress pants and a dark blue shirt with a black jacket.
“Are we going to a wedding?” She asks him and he looks down at what he has on.
“Is this too fancy now? Dammit Molly.”
“If you go back into that room to change I’m leaving without you. We’re going to be late. Let’s go.”
“Fine, but if they say anything…”
“They are not going to say anything.”
She leaves his place and waits for him by the elevator and they both get into it and ride it down without speaking. He hails a cab and she gets in first and as soon as the cab starts moving her grabs her hand in alarm.
“I have to get something.”
“What?”
“For your mom, flowers or something, I can’t go there empty handed.”
“Sure you can, I didn’t bring anything for your mom.”
“And she hated you.”
“Thanks a lot.” She says sarcastically as she rips her hand away. “You don’t need anything.”
“I have to get her something.” He leans up to the driver. “Can you stop at the next corner shop?”
“No.” Molly speaks up. “Just keep going to the address that I gave you.”
“Stop and I’ll give you a huge tip.”
“I’m not playing dirty like that, Lee.”
“That’s code for ‘I’m cheap and don’t want to pay him’.” He whispers as the cab comes to a slow stop outside a corner market. “I’ll just be a
second.” He announces and Molly settles back into the seat, completely annoyed with everything.
“How much would it take to get you to leave him here?”
“What are you willing to give?” He asks her and she doesn’t like his tone or the not so hidden meaning behind it so she looks away from the
rearview mirror and hopes that Lee will hurry the hell up.
When he finally does get back, more than a second later, he slides into the cab and places a bouquet of wildflowers between them.
“I feel better now.”
“We’re still going to be late.”
He gives her a dirty look but she doesn’t notice because she’s resumed her early position of staring out the window and ignoring him.
It’s still a silent ride up in the elevator to her parents tenth story apartment and after she knocks on the door he asks her if she looks okay one more time.
She rolls her eyes and shrugs. “You look the same as you did when we left the apartment.”
“But did I look good then?”
She stares at him hard. “I’m not answering you.” She says as the door opens and her mom pulls them both inside.
“It’s so nice to meet you.” She says, talking only to Lee. “These are beautiful, wasn’t it nice of him to bring me these?” She asks Molly and Molly nods as she tosses her bag on the couch. “I’m Nancy.”
“I’m Lee.” He puts out his hand but she blows right past it and kisses him on the cheek. “Oh, I know I know. Shannon didn’t tell me that he was
so handsome.” Nancy says, looking over at Molly from Lee’s shoulder.
“Shannon didn’t tell you a lot of things.”
“Well at least she told me some.” She waves her hand and dismisses her. “Such a private girl. Never tells anyone anything, likes to keep us all in the dark.” She brings Lee further into the apartment and Molly wanders after. “Come on, I have to introduce you to everybody.”
“Whoa. Who is everybody?” Molly asks in alarm. “It’s just supposed to be you, dad and Shannon. That’s what we agreed on.”
“I know but then Tina and Bill, they’re family friends.” She says to Lee. “Called and asked us to dinner and I just decided to invite them over,
didn’t think that it would hurt anything.”
“No, of course not.” Molly mumbles under her breath.
“Shannon is in the kitchen if you want to talk to her.”
Her mother is basically telling her to go play while she shows Lee around and Molly is just upset enough to go along with that. She lacks the energy right now to cause a scene. Maybe after dinner when she has her strength up.
Shannon is standing at the sink washing a dish when Molly walks in.
“Did you know who was going to be here?” Molly asks her but she doesn’t turn around.
“Oh, it’s just Tina and Bill. They’re so bland they couldn’t form an opinion on anyone if a gun was to their heads.”
Molly walks over to her and leans on the counter. “I keep trying to figure out what mom’s angle is on all of this.”
“Honestly, I think she just wants to meet the guy that makes you happy.”
“Do I look happy to you?”
“You’re not depressed; you’re not crying or spending everyday alone in your apartment. It’s a big improvement from the way that you used to be and you can’t tell me that you don’t give him the credit for that.”
Molly looks down at her shoes, agreeing with her but not wanting to say it out loud.
“I think she wants to thank him.”
There’s a loud burst of laughter from the living room.
“It sounds like it’s going well.”
“I’m sure that it is. I don’t think mom is out to get you this time.”
“But dad…”
“He’s not even here yet, had to work late, and should be here any minute actually and yeah, you might have to look out for him.”
“That’s great.” Molly says as Shannon takes her arm and leads her into the main room to join the others.
They’re all standing in a small group, clumped together by the table; the flowers that Lee brought are wedged into the already full vases of
flowers in the middle of the dining room table. Everyone is smiling and seems to be having a good time but that stops when the front door opens and her father walks in.
“Paul, come here.” Nancy ushers him over before he can takes his jacket off. “I want you to meet someone. This is Lee.” She nods to Lee and Lee confidently puts his hand out to shake her fathers.
“Is this Molly’s boyfriend?”
Everyone turns to look at her and she’s like a deer in the headlights. She knows she can’t explain this to her father, or to anyone else without facing a billion and one questions that she doesn’t have answers to. She simply nods her head and says yes and everyone turns back around, Lee with a huge smile on his face like he thinks she actually means it. It’s gonna suck to explain that to him later.
“Well then it’s nice to meet you, Lee.” Paul says as he strongly shakes his hand. “But if you’ll excuse me I’d like to get out of these works clothes. I’ll only be a minute.”
“You only have a minute. Dinner is ready.” Nancy tells him and he kisses her cheek like he really loves her before walking down the hall to their room.
“Your dad changes.” Lee tells her when he gets close, his hands closing around her waist like he really loves her too.
“My dad is changing into the same clothes that you took off.”
“Well then it’s a good thing I changed, wouldn’t want to be twinsies.”
Molly can’t help but smile and he laughs as he presses a kiss to her cheek which she squirms away from.
“Come on, let’s go eat.”
“I think this is going well.” He tells her, whispering into her ear and she nods.
“I guess so. But my dad hasn’t really gotten into form yet so….”
“He seems to like me.”
She shrugs and sits down at the table, pulling Lee down next to her.
Her father shows up a few minutes later wearing jeans and a t-shirt and Molly gives Lee a look that he laughs at.
Dinner actually goes shockingly well. Her dad is nice and doesn’t seem to care that Lee doesn’t have the steadiest or most conventional of jobs. Instead the blames gets put back on her when her mom asks her if she’s ever seen him play and she has to say no.
“She’s busy and I play at weird times.” Lee makes the excuse for her, trying to make her sound better than she actually is; it’s what he always does.
The dinner goes by fast and suddenly Molly is clearing plates, at her parent’s request so they can talk to Lee more because they obviously love
him.
“So what did you think of us?” Nancy asks him through a wide smile.
“I should be asking you that.”
Nancy looks over at Paul and he nods. “We think you’re great, what you’ve done for Molly is incredible.”
He sees Shannon sit up in her seat.
“What have I done for her?”
“She’s so different from the way that she used to be.”
“Hey.” Shannon speaks up, worry in her voice. “He doesn’t know.”
“Know what?”
“About Brad?”
“What about Brad?” Lee asks, his hands flat on the table wanting to know the truth. “What did that guy do to her? Is that why she is the way
that she is? Not that it’s a bad thing or anything but there’s something wrong? Is it about Brad?”
“Yes.” Paul says and Shannon groans.
“You guys, shut up, seriously, he doesn’t know and she doesn’t want him to know. Stop.”
“Well now you have to tell me. Do I have to kick his ass or something?” He tries to make a joke but it fails miserably when they all share a worried look.
“I told you he doesn’t know.” Shannon says. “Now you have to tell him.”
“What is the big deal?”
Nancy takes a deep breath and prepares herself. “Brad was Molly’s husband.”
Lee’s mouth drops open and his eyes widen. “She’s married?”
“She was. For three months and then he…” She looks around the room and back to the kitchen, trying to figure out if Molly will be ever to hear
this. “He passed away. Suddenly, without warning, he wasn’t even sick and she never really recovered.”
“Oh my god.” He’s speechless, his mind reeling and connecting the dots. Everything makes more sense now. It’s like he’s finally getting to
understand her.
“You’ve helped her so much, Lee, you really have, you don’t know what she was like before you came along.” Nancy says in a hushed tone. “I’m giving you a lot of credit for this and I want to thank you, you saved her.”
“I…” He doesn’t know what to say and he can’t really say anything because Molly walks out from the kitchen and sits back down at the table,
immediately noticing the quiet.
“What were you guys talking about?”
“Nothing really. It was nothing.” Lee blurts out and she narrows her eyes.
“Okay, you okay?” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “They didn’t say anything bad to you did they?”
“No, no, god, everything is fine, don’t worry.” He plasters on a smile and pats her leg and she gives him an unsteady look before Shannon
restarts the conversation.
As the night winds down Molly has an extra glass of wine so by the time they’re ready to leave she’s feeling pretty good. She hugs both her
parents and Shannon and clings onto Lee’s arm as they walk out the door. She’s drunk enough that she’s not picking up on his uncomfortable attitude as she pushes him against the wall of the elevator going up to his apartment. She was all over him in the cab and now that they’re alone it’s picked up.
“Are you alright?” She mumbles against his neck as she kisses him, getting only slightly annoyed that he’s not really doing anything back.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah? You’re usually a lot more enthusiastic than this.”
“I’m….” He trails off into a sigh when her fingers start to unbuttons his pants.
“I’ve decided that I like you in a suit, it looks nice.” The elevator door opens and she grabs his hand to pull him out. “But.” She lingers in the doorway. “It would look a lot better off.” She smiles a flirty smile and usually he’d be all over that but now he feels like he can’t touch her. It’s
not like he doesn’t want to because he really wants to but he feels funny. Like he’s the other man; he’s helping her cheat. He knows that’s not accurate but still…there was this other man that loved her and she loved him and that guy is gone and he’s taking his place. He doesn’t really want to be a placeholder.
“You’re not fine are you?” She asks him as he opens the door.
He shrugs and doesn’t look at her. “I don’t know. I think maybe I’m just tired.” When he finally looks over she’s nodding her head slowly.
“Alright. Maybe you need to relax or something, maybe meeting my parents was stressful and you need to relax.” She repeats, showing that she’s definitely been drinking.
“Yeah, maybe.” He says quietly as she ducks into the apartment and he follows after.
She sits down at the kitchen table and begins to absentmindedly flip through a guitar magazine that he left there, just wasting time until he
says he’s ready to have sex.
He’s nervous, a feeling that he’s not really used to and he feels like he has to do something with his hands or he’ll go crazy. So he wanders
over to the sink and picks up a glass that’s been left in there.
“I had fun tonight.” He says and she makes a humming sound. “Your parents are nice.”
“Mmmm.”
“Bill and Tina are….”
“Total dulls-o, I know.”
He laughs lightly. “They told me about Brad.” He suddenly says. He didn’t even know that he was going to consider telling her that but he doesn’t want to live in secrecy like she wants to. He dares a look at her. She’s stopped reading and is looking up at him, the color drained from her face.
“What did they tell you?”
“Everything. Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“They had no right to tell you that.” Her voice is cold and straight, she’s sobering up with her anger.
“I know, you should’ve told me.”
“Lee, this is none of your business.”
“It is my business, you were married and you didn’t tell me, you should’ve told me, you should tell your boyfriend that.”
“You’re not my boyfriend.”
He almost drops the glass in the sink and she regrets saying it but it wasn’t a lie. She wouldn’t take it back.
“I don’t want your pity.”
“I wouldn’t pity you.”
She watches him at the sink washing and rewashing that glass. She doesn’t know how many times she’s begged him to do the dishes instead of letting them pile up. She watches his back, his shoulders moving under her dress shirt.
“You’re washing dishes.”
“So?”
“You never wash dishes.”
Now he drops the glass into the sink and she flinches, she’s sure that it’s shattered. “Is that better?”
“No.” She says softly.
“I don’t know why you felt that it was better to keep me in the dark.”
“You don’t need to know.”
He already knows too much.
“Fuck. Molly.” He’s getting even more frustrated, his voice raising and she stands up.
“I should really go.”
“No.” He yells that too but then realizes his mistake and repeats it again in a softer tone.
“Yeah. I….” She shakes her head. “I just need to go.”
“No, I want you to talk to me about this, you should talk, I want to help you.”
“I don’t really want your help.” She’s already at the door and he’s not following her.
“Can I call you?” He asks, sounding completely desperate and pathetic.
She doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even turn around as she walks out of the door and closes it.
Song: Are You Hurting The One You Love- Florence + The Machine
Word Count: 5,301
Summary: 'are you hurting the one you love and was it something you could not stop?'
She wakes up alone in the morning. It’s not something that’s foreign to her, she’s woken up alone for months and months but what is different, what does make her sit up in alarm and clutch the sheets to her chest is that she’s not in her own bed.
She knows where she is immediately, she wasn’t drunk or anything last night, it’s not a blur and the fact that she was sober is what makes her eyes scrunch closed and her head fall into her hand.
That was a mistake last night. She knows that above everything else. She wouldn’t say that she regrets it because it was amazing but it was the wrong thing to do. She feels like she just led him on. He told her he loved her and she took him home and slept with him, actually slept with him, spent the night with him and now he’s off somewhere doing something thinking that there’s a chance that she loves him back. What an unholy mess she’s gotten herself into.
The door of the bedroom opens and she holds the sheet tighter to her chest and just barely relaxes when she sees that it’s him.
“Morning.” He says as he pushes the door open further with his elbow, his hands full of a brown paper bag. “I…did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah. I did. Did you?” She doesn’t hear his answer because she’s too busy trying to figure out where her clothes wound up.
He sits down on the bed and puts the bag down between them. “I got us some breakfast.” He pulls out two small bottles of orange juice and two Styrofoam containers. “I wasn’t really sure what you liked so I got you pancakes because that’s what you ate at my moms.”
She takes the container from him with a tight smile then puts it down on the bed and reaches for her bra, which thankfully, ended up on her side of the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m getting dressed.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t eat naked.”
“Why not?”
“Because I just can’t.” She looks over her shoulder at him. He’s staring at her. “Can you close your eyes or something?”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve seen it all. A lot. Over and over.”
“I don’t care, just close your eyes or something.”
“Ugh, fine.” He makes a dramatic show of covering his eyes and she quickly pulls on her panties and scans the room for the rest of her clothes.
“Your shirt is in the living room.”
She turns to him, he’s looking at her again and she crosses her arms. “I told you not to look.”
“Sorry.” He says, sounding anything but. “Don’t go out there.” He nods to the bedroom door and then to his dresser in the corner of the room. “It’s the second drawer. Grab one.”
She huffs out a breath then walks over and opens the drawer and starts to pick through his shirts.
“It doesn’t have to match your eyes, Molly.”
She rolls her eyes and pulls on a light blue t-shirt. She wishes he were taller so it would go past her hips but it’s better than nothing and she accepts it. She moves back onto the bed and opens up the container. She doesn’t want to eat. She doesn’t want to be doing any of this. It wasn’t supposed to get to this point. She wasn’t supposed to be sleeping over at his place, waking up with him, eating breakfast in bed with him or having sex with him with more than friendly feelings involved. But she’s starving and the bed is comfortable and she can’t bring herself to leave right now.
“So…”
She doesn’t want to talk about this and knows that she needs to take control of the situation.
“Does your arm feel okay?”
“Oh.” He looks down at it. “Yeah, it feels fine. Those pain killers really kicked in after awhile so…”
“That’s good.” She digs her fork into her pancakes. “I’m glad that you feel okay.”
This sucks.
“Yeah.”
He clearly thinks that this sucks too.
“I should probably get going?” She closes the box and sets it down on the bed and starts to get up but he grabs her wrist to stop her.
“Why? You can’t stay and eat? Talk?”
“I….” She sighs. “I really have to get to work but I promise that we’ll get together tonight or something, okay?”
She can see the disappointment on his face and she feels like a bitch so she leans down and kisses his lips. He tastes like syrup.
“I’ll call you okay? Thanks for breakfast; I’m going to stick this in the fridge so I can have it later. Maybe I’ll stop by for dinner tonight or something. We’ll talk.” She waits for a nod from him before she backs off and gives him a smile then retreats. She keeps his shirt on and puts on her cotton shorts and flip flops then jams her pancakes into the fridge and basically flees from his apartment.
She gets to work later. She takes extended time at home in the shower, picking out what she wants to wear and whether or not she can change her name, get plastic surgery so Lee can’t find her when she runs away from all her problems.
When she finally gets to work Shannon’s behind the counter flipping through a fashion magazine but she takes the time to look up from it and give her a dirty look.
“Where the hell have you been? You didn’t answer your phone and you look like death warmed up, what the hell happened to you?”
“I guess this…” She gestures to her face. “Is what happens when you get woken up at three and have to go to a hospital.”
“What? Oh my god, are you alright?”
“It wasn’t for me. It was for Lee, he’s fine, don’t worry, he was just in a minor taxi accident but I had to go and get him.
“You had to?”
“He called me.”
“So you just jumped right out of bed and rescued him?”
“I didn’t…” She remembers how fast she got out of bed when she got the phone call. “I didn’t rescue him.”
“But you went and got him.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I’m getting at the fact that you dropped everything…”
“I was sleeping.”
“Exactly. You got right up and got him.”
“He needed someone.”
“He needed you and you were there. He could’ve called how many other people and you could’ve said no.”
“He’s my friend. I’m supposed to help a friend.”
“I’m your sister and you pitch a fit when I ask you to water my plants when I go out of town.”
“That’s different. Your plants aren’t at the hospital.”
“You’re lying to yourself if you think you don’t care about this guy.”
“Of course I care about him, Shannon. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have gone but what you’re really insinuating here is that I love him…”
“Your words, not mine.”
“Oh please, they are your not so subtle words. And they’re wrong so lay off.” She feels like she told her off properly enough and starts to walk back to the office.
“Mom called.”
That makes Molly stop dead in her tracks.
“What did she want?”
“To talk to you, she left a message.”
“But what did she want?”
“I wrote it down on a sticky note for you.”
“You can’t just tell me?”
Shannon smiles wide and shakes her head.
“I hate you.” Molly mumbles under her breath as she keeps walking.
She stares at the yellow sticky note from the door, her mind racing trying to figure out what it could say, for a moment before she takes a deep breath and walks to it.
‘Mom wants to meet your boyfriend. She’s excited about it. She’s got a whole meal planned and she invited me so I can watch your head explode. It should be fun…..sucker.’
She grabs the note and goes back to Shannon who is trying not to laugh.
“Did you tell her that he’s not my boyfriend?”
“I don’t remember.”
“This isn’t funny, Shannon.”
“Nothing is funny to you, how would you know what’s funny or not?”
“I know this isn’t funny. Now I have to figure out a way to get out of this.”
“That will never happen. You know how mom is. Whatever she wants she is going to get. Just bring him over for dinner and be done with it.”
“I’m not letting her win.”
“It’s not really up to you. She’s had 47 years of practice of getting what she wants. She’s got you beat. Just accept it.”
“This is going to suck.”
Shannon shrugs. “Are you going to call her now?”
“I guess I have to.”
“Can I listen, I’d like to hear how you think you’re going to work your way out of this.”
Molly frowns and takes out her cell phone and Shannon perks up but then Molly walks swiftly to the door and down the sidewalk so she can have a little privacy.
She sits on a bench a half block away from the store and dials her mother’s number. She annoyingly picks up on the first ring, her voice chipper.
“You got my message?”
“Yes, but…”
“I think you two should come over on Sunday, what do you think? Are you free?”
“Mom…”
“What does he like to eat? Is he picky? Vegetarian?”
“Mom…”
“Does he have any allergies?”
“Mom.” Molly almost shouts, but it’s enough to get her attention.
“What is it?”
“I don’t think we can go.”
“Is Sunday bad for you?”
“Well…”
“Did you ask him?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know that you can’t come?”
“Because…I think you think that he means more to me than he actually does.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s not really my boyfriend.”
“Haven’t you been going out with him?”
“Technically yes but he’s more of a friend.”
“You met his family didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” She says quietly. Any chance of getting out of this is quickly slipping away.
“Then why can’t I meet him?”
“I don’t….know.” She sighs and looks around at all the people passing her on the street, jealous that they’re not dealing with her mother like she is.
“Why don’t you ask him and then we can go from there but I am planning on you two showing up on Sunday. I’ll make lasagna.”
“Fine, okay, fine, I’ll ask him but I’m not promising that he’ll say yes. He could have other plans or not want to and I won’t make him.”
“Why wouldn’t he want to come meet us?”
“I don’t know and who is supposed to be coming? Who did you invite?”
“Me and your father and Shannon and I figured that I could ask your cousin…”
“No, no, no cousins or aunts or great uncles or anything like that, why would they come?”
“Because I want him to meet the family.”
“Yeah, the family, not extended family. I won’t ask him if they’re coming.”
“Then who would you like me to invite?”
“No one. I don’t want to go at all.”
“Who is acceptable, Molly?” She’s getting annoyed.
“Just you and dad. And maybe Shannon.” It might help to even the playing ground between who Lee knows and who he doesn’t.”
“Fine. Just us then but you need to come.”
“If he can. I told you, I’m not forcing this.”
“Okay, whatever. I’ll see you two on Sunday.” She says cheerily and hangs up before Molly can say anything else.
When Molly gets back to the store Shannon can tell by the look on her face and she lost the fight.
“So what day will they be meeting him?”
“Sunday.”
“Ha. I cannot wait for this.”
“I’m still holding out for a miracle that he’ll say that he won’t want to go.”
“That will never happen.”
“I know.” She says and she spends the whole day trying to figure out how to phrase the question to make him not want to go.
She comes up with nothing and decides that it’s probably better to just to ask him straight away and hope for the best.
So she goes over to his place when she gets out of work and pounds on his door. He takes about a minute to answer and when he sees her he smiles.
“Hey.”
“Sorry for not calling first.”
“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to. Come in.” He gently grabs her wrist and leads her in and she shuts the door. “Do you want to get dinner or something?”
“Yeah, maybe, but first I have to ask you something.”
He leans on the back of the couch. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“Well it’s nothing that bad but…” She takes a deep breath. “My mom kind of invited us over to have dinner with then on Sunday and I tried to get out of it but I couldn’t so I told her that I’d ask you and please don’t feel like you have to go or anything because you don’t, don’t feel pressured to say yes.”
“I’ll go.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. It’s no problem. Do you not want me to go?”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to go it’s just that my parents are kind of…difficult.”
“More difficult than my mom?”
“I don’t know. No. But still…”
“But nothing. I’ll go, it’ll be fun.”
She laughs. “You don’t have fun with my parents. You get judged by my parents.”
“Why would they judge me? I’m rich like them. My parents are anyways so they can’t bitch about that. It’ll be fine. Sometimes I think you worry too much.”
“You sound like my mother.”
“Then I’m guaranteed to get along with her.”
That’s what she’s worried about.
“Now let’s go eat, I’m starving.” He pushes himself off the couch and touches her side before he grabs his keys and holds the door open for her.
She never really accepts that he has to meet her family and when she goes over to his place on Sunday night to pick him up she already has a
huge chip on her shoulder, tapping her foot on the floor and her nails on the door frame as she waits for him to open it.
“I should really get you a key.” He says as he swings the door open and looks her over. “You look great.” She’s wearing a black dress that’s appropriate enough for dinner with her family, but just barely.
“I don’t need a key. Are you ready to go?”
“Yup.” He jams his wallet in his back pocket and grabs his keys and then freezes. “Am I underdressed?”
“You look fine.”
He’s wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a black button up shirt. He looks good.
“I don’t want to just look fine. I mean look at you, you’re all dressed up.”
“I am not dressed up.”
“You’re in a dress.”
“So what?”
“So I don’t want your parents to think that I’m some casual douchebag or something.”
“Neither one of my parents have never once said the word douchebag so I think you’re safe.”
“That doesn’t mean they don’t think it. I’m going to change.”
“Oh my god, are you serious?”
“I want to look good.” He calls from the bedroom and she scoffs.
“You do look good, god, are you a women or something?”
“Because I want to impress your parents, that makes me a women?”
“Because you’re changing from a perfectly good outfit. Stop caring so much.”
“It’ll only take me a second.”
She continues the foot tapping until he comes out wearing dark grey dress pants and a dark blue shirt with a black jacket.
“Are we going to a wedding?” She asks him and he looks down at what he has on.
“Is this too fancy now? Dammit Molly.”
“If you go back into that room to change I’m leaving without you. We’re going to be late. Let’s go.”
“Fine, but if they say anything…”
“They are not going to say anything.”
She leaves his place and waits for him by the elevator and they both get into it and ride it down without speaking. He hails a cab and she gets in first and as soon as the cab starts moving her grabs her hand in alarm.
“I have to get something.”
“What?”
“For your mom, flowers or something, I can’t go there empty handed.”
“Sure you can, I didn’t bring anything for your mom.”
“And she hated you.”
“Thanks a lot.” She says sarcastically as she rips her hand away. “You don’t need anything.”
“I have to get her something.” He leans up to the driver. “Can you stop at the next corner shop?”
“No.” Molly speaks up. “Just keep going to the address that I gave you.”
“Stop and I’ll give you a huge tip.”
“I’m not playing dirty like that, Lee.”
“That’s code for ‘I’m cheap and don’t want to pay him’.” He whispers as the cab comes to a slow stop outside a corner market. “I’ll just be a
second.” He announces and Molly settles back into the seat, completely annoyed with everything.
“How much would it take to get you to leave him here?”
“What are you willing to give?” He asks her and she doesn’t like his tone or the not so hidden meaning behind it so she looks away from the
rearview mirror and hopes that Lee will hurry the hell up.
When he finally does get back, more than a second later, he slides into the cab and places a bouquet of wildflowers between them.
“I feel better now.”
“We’re still going to be late.”
He gives her a dirty look but she doesn’t notice because she’s resumed her early position of staring out the window and ignoring him.
It’s still a silent ride up in the elevator to her parents tenth story apartment and after she knocks on the door he asks her if she looks okay one more time.
She rolls her eyes and shrugs. “You look the same as you did when we left the apartment.”
“But did I look good then?”
She stares at him hard. “I’m not answering you.” She says as the door opens and her mom pulls them both inside.
“It’s so nice to meet you.” She says, talking only to Lee. “These are beautiful, wasn’t it nice of him to bring me these?” She asks Molly and Molly nods as she tosses her bag on the couch. “I’m Nancy.”
“I’m Lee.” He puts out his hand but she blows right past it and kisses him on the cheek. “Oh, I know I know. Shannon didn’t tell me that he was
so handsome.” Nancy says, looking over at Molly from Lee’s shoulder.
“Shannon didn’t tell you a lot of things.”
“Well at least she told me some.” She waves her hand and dismisses her. “Such a private girl. Never tells anyone anything, likes to keep us all in the dark.” She brings Lee further into the apartment and Molly wanders after. “Come on, I have to introduce you to everybody.”
“Whoa. Who is everybody?” Molly asks in alarm. “It’s just supposed to be you, dad and Shannon. That’s what we agreed on.”
“I know but then Tina and Bill, they’re family friends.” She says to Lee. “Called and asked us to dinner and I just decided to invite them over,
didn’t think that it would hurt anything.”
“No, of course not.” Molly mumbles under her breath.
“Shannon is in the kitchen if you want to talk to her.”
Her mother is basically telling her to go play while she shows Lee around and Molly is just upset enough to go along with that. She lacks the energy right now to cause a scene. Maybe after dinner when she has her strength up.
Shannon is standing at the sink washing a dish when Molly walks in.
“Did you know who was going to be here?” Molly asks her but she doesn’t turn around.
“Oh, it’s just Tina and Bill. They’re so bland they couldn’t form an opinion on anyone if a gun was to their heads.”
Molly walks over to her and leans on the counter. “I keep trying to figure out what mom’s angle is on all of this.”
“Honestly, I think she just wants to meet the guy that makes you happy.”
“Do I look happy to you?”
“You’re not depressed; you’re not crying or spending everyday alone in your apartment. It’s a big improvement from the way that you used to be and you can’t tell me that you don’t give him the credit for that.”
Molly looks down at her shoes, agreeing with her but not wanting to say it out loud.
“I think she wants to thank him.”
There’s a loud burst of laughter from the living room.
“It sounds like it’s going well.”
“I’m sure that it is. I don’t think mom is out to get you this time.”
“But dad…”
“He’s not even here yet, had to work late, and should be here any minute actually and yeah, you might have to look out for him.”
“That’s great.” Molly says as Shannon takes her arm and leads her into the main room to join the others.
They’re all standing in a small group, clumped together by the table; the flowers that Lee brought are wedged into the already full vases of
flowers in the middle of the dining room table. Everyone is smiling and seems to be having a good time but that stops when the front door opens and her father walks in.
“Paul, come here.” Nancy ushers him over before he can takes his jacket off. “I want you to meet someone. This is Lee.” She nods to Lee and Lee confidently puts his hand out to shake her fathers.
“Is this Molly’s boyfriend?”
Everyone turns to look at her and she’s like a deer in the headlights. She knows she can’t explain this to her father, or to anyone else without facing a billion and one questions that she doesn’t have answers to. She simply nods her head and says yes and everyone turns back around, Lee with a huge smile on his face like he thinks she actually means it. It’s gonna suck to explain that to him later.
“Well then it’s nice to meet you, Lee.” Paul says as he strongly shakes his hand. “But if you’ll excuse me I’d like to get out of these works clothes. I’ll only be a minute.”
“You only have a minute. Dinner is ready.” Nancy tells him and he kisses her cheek like he really loves her before walking down the hall to their room.
“Your dad changes.” Lee tells her when he gets close, his hands closing around her waist like he really loves her too.
“My dad is changing into the same clothes that you took off.”
“Well then it’s a good thing I changed, wouldn’t want to be twinsies.”
Molly can’t help but smile and he laughs as he presses a kiss to her cheek which she squirms away from.
“Come on, let’s go eat.”
“I think this is going well.” He tells her, whispering into her ear and she nods.
“I guess so. But my dad hasn’t really gotten into form yet so….”
“He seems to like me.”
She shrugs and sits down at the table, pulling Lee down next to her.
Her father shows up a few minutes later wearing jeans and a t-shirt and Molly gives Lee a look that he laughs at.
Dinner actually goes shockingly well. Her dad is nice and doesn’t seem to care that Lee doesn’t have the steadiest or most conventional of jobs. Instead the blames gets put back on her when her mom asks her if she’s ever seen him play and she has to say no.
“She’s busy and I play at weird times.” Lee makes the excuse for her, trying to make her sound better than she actually is; it’s what he always does.
The dinner goes by fast and suddenly Molly is clearing plates, at her parent’s request so they can talk to Lee more because they obviously love
him.
“So what did you think of us?” Nancy asks him through a wide smile.
“I should be asking you that.”
Nancy looks over at Paul and he nods. “We think you’re great, what you’ve done for Molly is incredible.”
He sees Shannon sit up in her seat.
“What have I done for her?”
“She’s so different from the way that she used to be.”
“Hey.” Shannon speaks up, worry in her voice. “He doesn’t know.”
“Know what?”
“About Brad?”
“What about Brad?” Lee asks, his hands flat on the table wanting to know the truth. “What did that guy do to her? Is that why she is the way
that she is? Not that it’s a bad thing or anything but there’s something wrong? Is it about Brad?”
“Yes.” Paul says and Shannon groans.
“You guys, shut up, seriously, he doesn’t know and she doesn’t want him to know. Stop.”
“Well now you have to tell me. Do I have to kick his ass or something?” He tries to make a joke but it fails miserably when they all share a worried look.
“I told you he doesn’t know.” Shannon says. “Now you have to tell him.”
“What is the big deal?”
Nancy takes a deep breath and prepares herself. “Brad was Molly’s husband.”
Lee’s mouth drops open and his eyes widen. “She’s married?”
“She was. For three months and then he…” She looks around the room and back to the kitchen, trying to figure out if Molly will be ever to hear
this. “He passed away. Suddenly, without warning, he wasn’t even sick and she never really recovered.”
“Oh my god.” He’s speechless, his mind reeling and connecting the dots. Everything makes more sense now. It’s like he’s finally getting to
understand her.
“You’ve helped her so much, Lee, you really have, you don’t know what she was like before you came along.” Nancy says in a hushed tone. “I’m giving you a lot of credit for this and I want to thank you, you saved her.”
“I…” He doesn’t know what to say and he can’t really say anything because Molly walks out from the kitchen and sits back down at the table,
immediately noticing the quiet.
“What were you guys talking about?”
“Nothing really. It was nothing.” Lee blurts out and she narrows her eyes.
“Okay, you okay?” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “They didn’t say anything bad to you did they?”
“No, no, god, everything is fine, don’t worry.” He plasters on a smile and pats her leg and she gives him an unsteady look before Shannon
restarts the conversation.
As the night winds down Molly has an extra glass of wine so by the time they’re ready to leave she’s feeling pretty good. She hugs both her
parents and Shannon and clings onto Lee’s arm as they walk out the door. She’s drunk enough that she’s not picking up on his uncomfortable attitude as she pushes him against the wall of the elevator going up to his apartment. She was all over him in the cab and now that they’re alone it’s picked up.
“Are you alright?” She mumbles against his neck as she kisses him, getting only slightly annoyed that he’s not really doing anything back.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah? You’re usually a lot more enthusiastic than this.”
“I’m….” He trails off into a sigh when her fingers start to unbuttons his pants.
“I’ve decided that I like you in a suit, it looks nice.” The elevator door opens and she grabs his hand to pull him out. “But.” She lingers in the doorway. “It would look a lot better off.” She smiles a flirty smile and usually he’d be all over that but now he feels like he can’t touch her. It’s
not like he doesn’t want to because he really wants to but he feels funny. Like he’s the other man; he’s helping her cheat. He knows that’s not accurate but still…there was this other man that loved her and she loved him and that guy is gone and he’s taking his place. He doesn’t really want to be a placeholder.
“You’re not fine are you?” She asks him as he opens the door.
He shrugs and doesn’t look at her. “I don’t know. I think maybe I’m just tired.” When he finally looks over she’s nodding her head slowly.
“Alright. Maybe you need to relax or something, maybe meeting my parents was stressful and you need to relax.” She repeats, showing that she’s definitely been drinking.
“Yeah, maybe.” He says quietly as she ducks into the apartment and he follows after.
She sits down at the kitchen table and begins to absentmindedly flip through a guitar magazine that he left there, just wasting time until he
says he’s ready to have sex.
He’s nervous, a feeling that he’s not really used to and he feels like he has to do something with his hands or he’ll go crazy. So he wanders
over to the sink and picks up a glass that’s been left in there.
“I had fun tonight.” He says and she makes a humming sound. “Your parents are nice.”
“Mmmm.”
“Bill and Tina are….”
“Total dulls-o, I know.”
He laughs lightly. “They told me about Brad.” He suddenly says. He didn’t even know that he was going to consider telling her that but he doesn’t want to live in secrecy like she wants to. He dares a look at her. She’s stopped reading and is looking up at him, the color drained from her face.
“What did they tell you?”
“Everything. Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“They had no right to tell you that.” Her voice is cold and straight, she’s sobering up with her anger.
“I know, you should’ve told me.”
“Lee, this is none of your business.”
“It is my business, you were married and you didn’t tell me, you should’ve told me, you should tell your boyfriend that.”
“You’re not my boyfriend.”
He almost drops the glass in the sink and she regrets saying it but it wasn’t a lie. She wouldn’t take it back.
“I don’t want your pity.”
“I wouldn’t pity you.”
She watches him at the sink washing and rewashing that glass. She doesn’t know how many times she’s begged him to do the dishes instead of letting them pile up. She watches his back, his shoulders moving under her dress shirt.
“You’re washing dishes.”
“So?”
“You never wash dishes.”
Now he drops the glass into the sink and she flinches, she’s sure that it’s shattered. “Is that better?”
“No.” She says softly.
“I don’t know why you felt that it was better to keep me in the dark.”
“You don’t need to know.”
He already knows too much.
“Fuck. Molly.” He’s getting even more frustrated, his voice raising and she stands up.
“I should really go.”
“No.” He yells that too but then realizes his mistake and repeats it again in a softer tone.
“Yeah. I….” She shakes her head. “I just need to go.”
“No, I want you to talk to me about this, you should talk, I want to help you.”
“I don’t really want your help.” She’s already at the door and he’s not following her.
“Can I call you?” He asks, sounding completely desperate and pathetic.
She doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even turn around as she walks out of the door and closes it.