"I Keep Falling For You And I'm Over All The Denial, Cause It's Always You"
Chapter 4/?
She takes him back through the apartment but lets go of his hand when she crosses into the bedroom. He stands in the doorway, not sure of what to do while she moves further into the room, over to his bed.
With her back to him she takes off her earrings and puts them down on the nightstand and the metal makes a clicking sound against the wood.
She steps out of her shoes and starts to take off her jeans and he tries to figure out what to do now.
He should leave but he doesn't want to, he shouldn't be watching this but she's not telling him to look away, she's drunk but she led him here, she didn't take him all the way into the room but she didn't close the door either.
That's what he's focusing on until she folds the jeans and tosses them on the end of the bed and her fingers go to the bottom of her shirt and his mind goes blank but then she puts her hands down and he takes a deep breath because he always thought that if her shirt was coming off in his room that he'd have something to do with it, he'd be helping in some way. Not that he thinks about it a lot. He doesn't, if he's going to lie about it. If he wants to tell the truth he thinks about it all the time.
She finally turns around and smiles, telling him that this is where she wants him to be and he takes an unsteady step into the room.
"I feel like I should take a shower, bars are gross. Are they all that gross?" She asks softly.
"Some are worse than others."
She hums a response to that. "I'm just so tired and thirsty."
"You should drink some water. And take an aspirin."
"Probably." She nods and pulls the covers back on his bed and then crawls over to the other side and lies down and Lee goes into the kitchen to get her water and aspirin and gives himself a minute to adjust to what's happening right now. He just wishes that she wasn't drunk because everything would feel more real if she were sober.
When he gets back to the bedroom she's under the covers completely, her head in his pillow but she's not asleep because her eyes open up when he gets close to the bed.
She sits up, the blankets pool around her waist as she takes the glass and the little white pills and then she hands the glass back to him empty and he sets it down on the table, next to her earrings and she lays back down and he kicks off his shoes and starts to pull back the covers on the other bed.
"What are you doing?" She asks him and he turns to her.
"It's late. We need to sleep, you especially."
"I know that. What are you doing over there?"
"Kelly." It comes out like a warning but she ignores it when she props herself up on one elbow and leans across the bed to grab his wrist and she pulls him over to her.
"C'mere." She lets him go when his knees hit the side of the mattress and looks up at him, waiting for him.
He gives in and starts to get into bed.
"Is that how you sleep? She questions, looking at his jeans and he sighs, gives in again and takes them off and puts them on the end of the bed next to hers and when he sees her smile, half hidden by the pillow, he blushes and tries to get back into the bed.
"Is that how you really sleep?" She asks again.
"Yeah."
"Is that how you sleep when there's a girl in your bed?"
"Kelly."
She takes that warning, mumbles 'fine' and takes his hand and pulls him all the way into the bed next to her and he's not sure what to do with himself but she knows.
She tucks her head under his chin and crosses one of her ankles over his and one of her hands is up between their chests and the other is thrown over his waist and he tries to get comfortable with with this feeling, the one that hes always felt but not always wanted to feel.
He moves his hand from her side to her back before he finally settles on her hip. He feels her take a deep breath and thinks about how easy it is to be comfortable with everything when there are a few drinks in your system.
"Am I going to be sick tomorrow?" She whispers and her breath hits his neck and he shivers but she doesn't notice that happening.
"Maybe."
"I'll still be glad that we went out. Even if you didn't like it."
"It was okay." He whispers back, and it was okay. It got him to this point.
"I don't like it when you don't talk to me." She sounds sad and his eyes close because he never wanted her to feel like that. "I hated that. I don't think that I could go two weeks not talking to you. It would be like, impossible for me to not talk to you. I think i'd start out mad but then something would happen, something stupid or funny or important or whatever and i'd have to talk to you. Because you're the only person that I want to tell things to. It's like you're the only one I care about and what if you're the only one I ever care about. Do you think that could be true?"
"I think you're drunk and you probably shouldn't be saying things like this when you are drunk."
"Do you think that i'm not going to remember it or say that I don't mean it in the morning?"
"Yeah." His voice is weak.
"That won't happen. I think the only things that i'll forget are the things that I didn't think about before tonight. And i've been thinking about all of this for awhile so when I tell you that I care about you and you're the only one that I do care about I mean that and when I tell you that I want to kiss you.."
His hand tightens and then loosens back up on her hip and she notices that because she smiles then moves her lips to his skin, just barely touching him. "I want to kiss you."
"This.." He swallows hard because he doesn't know what he's supposed to say. "I don't know."
"There's nothing to know. I just want to kiss you." She moves away from him slightly, her hand rest on his side and his hand slides off her hip. "What do you want?"
"I want." He's ready to go off into this big long explanation of what he wants for her and for him and for the two of them together, what he wants to do at this moment and then tomorrow and the next day and 5, 10 years from now but he catches himself. "We shouldn't be talking like this right now."
"Will you tell me in the morning?" She asks and he nods his head. "I want to know. Are you hoping that i'll forget about asking you to tell me because I won't. I've been wanting to know this." She sits up on the mattress, on her knees and the covers fall off her shoulders and he moves from his side to his back so he can see her and she puts her hands on his chest. "I wanna know if you think about the same things that I do. Like, what you think about when you think of me and how that matches up with what I think of you and do you want to see me all the time and do you miss me when you don't see me and do you think about what's going to happen when we don't have to sneak around and do you even want to sneak around with me or do you just....do you just not think about me at all and when you to think of me, if I ever cross your mind is is just in a friend way? I want to know."
"I want to tell you."
"But not now?"
"I can't do it now."
"I have to not be drunk." She says as she lays back down next to him, her head at his shoulder and his arm around her.
She falls asleep fast. It's the alcohol and her confession that puts her out.
He stays up. He still has to tell her all of that and he knows what he wants to say but actually saying it is going to be so hard.
He finally falls asleep to the sound of her steady breathing.
When she wakes in the morning she's alone and she stretches out, covering the bed with her long limbs, enjoying the feeling of touching where he slept the night before.
She feels okay until she stands up and then she almost has to sit back down because her head and her eyes and her ears all ache and that aspirin and water that he gaver he last night did nothing to help.
She somehow manages to get her jeans back on and makes it out to the kitchen where she finds him standing my the stove cooking something.
He's wearing the jeans that he had on last night and a grey shirt. Hes got a spatual in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other and she clears her throat, and then winces because that was too loud, to get his attention and he turns around.
"Hungover?" His voice is soothing and it's one of the only things that hasn't hurt her this morning.
"I guess."
"Sit down. Slowly, don't make any sudden movements or loud noises." He laughs quietly and gently sets down a mug with black coffee down infront of her.
"I don't really like coffee."
"Today you do. I'm making you pancakes." He goes back to the stove. "I don't know if it's supposed to help you feel better technically, but it helps me so.." He shrugs and she smiles.
"You know, I didn't forget."
He sighs. "You really want to know?"
"Yeah."
He taps his fingers a few times on the counter.
"I hope I think about the same things that you do. I have to. Its got to match up because if it doesn't, I don't know what i'll do and when I think about you I think that nothing makes sense and nothing works except for you. You're the only thing that makes sense to me because everything about you works because you're what I want and I want to see you all the time. I want to talk to you and know what it feels like to hold your hand and touch your back and your hair and i've missed you. I've missed talking to you when I was stupid and not talking to you, and I miss you when you're not next to me, and i think about what we're going to do after this, what's going to happen with us and I know that it's got to be something good because you make sense to me but I think that we make even more sense and i'd be more than willing to sneak about with you anytime you want me to and you're always crossing my mind and I don't think that I ever thought of you in just a friendly way, and I really, really, want to kiss yoiu."
There's just one beat of silence.
"Lee?"
"What?" He snaps, in complete disbelief that he just said all of that. When she doesn't say anything he turns around and leans back on the counter, stares at his feet for a moment before he raises his eyes to meet hers. "What?" He asks again.
"Come here and kiss me."
His eyes don't leave hers as she walks across the floor to her.
They stay locked until he puts his hands on the side of her face and his lips connect with hers and then both of their eyes close automatically.