Our Minds Pressed And Guarded While Our Flesh Disregarded, The Lack Of Space For The Lighthearted
Chapter: 6/?
Song: Accidental Babies- Damien Rice
Word Count: 7,250
At 10:34 Rachel is 90% sure that Jared has left the party with Claire.
She kept a subtle eye on them as they moved around the room. They went from standing by the stairs to sitting on the couch; their knees touching and his arm around the back of it, to the porch where they each had a cigarette. Rachel could see the warm glow from the end of the cigarette from inside of the house; taunting her. Jared must have been seriously stressed out for him to do that while his mother was inside the house. He was taking quite a risk but that’s not anything new for him.
The two moved back into the house and back to the couch and that was the last time that she saw them. Luke swept her away to talk to one of his cousins. By the time she managed to break away Jared and Claire were gone.
She scanned the room for them and them and even went as far as checking the upstairs bedrooms, which was terrifying because finding Jared in one of her beds with another woman would be unfathomable. But there weren’t there. She’s thankful but all that really means is that Jared took her home to his place and Claire’s taking her place in his bed.
She’s out of sorts thinking about it and even Luke’s warm embrace and kiss can’t center her.
The party is just winding down when she ducks out and slips upstairs. When Luke finds her later after everyone has left she tells him that she didn’t feel well and he kisses her cheek and pulls the covers up over her and tells her to feel better in the morning.
When she wakes up Luke doesn’t give her any information on Jared’s whereabouts after she lost sight of him. As they both get ready for work he doesn’t say anything and why would he? He probably doesn’t know anything. It’s still early and if Jared and Claire are still together---Jared’s not going to call him yet. Rachel definitely can’t ask him either. It’s not something she would do. She feels like she’s playing a character. Like she’s two separate people; one person when she’s with Luke and another when she’s with Jared. She just can’t figured out which is the real one.
When Luke calls her at lunch she’s already worked out a plan to find out what happened.
“You sound different.” Luke tells her. “Everything okay? You said you were feeling better this morning.”
“I’m fine. I’m just at work. This is how I sound when I’m at work.”
“Sad and depressed?”
“I am eating lunch alone in an empty classroom.”
“Aww baby. Could be worse. You could be eating in your car.”
“I’m pretty sure by the end of the year I will be. They’re gonna drive me out of the school.”
“It’ll get better.”
“You keep saying that and I keep eating alone.”
“Something’s take time-let’s talk about something happy. How ‘bout I take you out to dinner tonight? Anywhere you wanna go.”
“Actually.” She spins around in her chair so she can look out the window. It’s a beautiful day out and she’s distracted for a moment before she continues. “I was kind of thinking about going into the city after work.”
“On your own? Why don’t you wait for me and then we can go in there for dinner?”
“Because we’ve been down here for awhile and I still don’t know anything about the city because every time we go there all I do is follow you around. I learned New York because I did it on my own. That’s what I have to do.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“I’m not going to get hurt.” She laughs. “I’m street smart. I know not to talk to strangers and to park in well lit areas being careful to avoid vans with no windows, and I have pepper spray.” She jokes.
“It’s not funny Rachel. I worry about you.”
“You don’t need to. I’ll be fine. I’m just trying to embrace the city.”
“Okay, okay. Then what do you want to do for dinner? Want me to get something for when you come home? When will you be home?”
“I don’t know. Probably not too late. And food waiting for me would be great.”
She can tell that he’s not on board with her going but if she really wants to go he’s going to let her.
“Be careful. If you get lost--.”
“I’m not going to get lost.”
“If you get lost--.” He repeats with a stronger voice. “Don’t be too proud to call me. I can talk you home from anywhere. And call me anyways. I want to know that--.”
“I’m safe. I know, Luke.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. And I’ll call you.”
She has no intention of going into the city or embracing it. When she gets out of school she gets in her car and points it in the only direction that she knows. Straight onto Jared’s.
The gate still has the same security code as when she and Luke left so she pulls into his driveway without a problem. His car isn’t in a garage so she knows that he’s home right away.
The gate closes behind her just as she slams the car door and she sprints up the steps. By the times she gets to his door and knocks on it she’s breathing heavily and she makes a mental note to work out a little more and cut back on all the heavy southern food that Luke’s mother seems to force feed her every time they go over there.
She knocks again, harder this time, and steps away from the door when she hears footsteps coming towards her.
He’s barefoot and shirtless wearing only jeans and his lips pressed together.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” He raises his arm and leans on the doorframe.
“Ummm-I don’t really know what I’m doing here.” She runs her fingertips over the jagged edge of her car keys.
“Yeah you do.”
She nods and looks over his shoulder into his house. “Are you alone?”
“Yeah.”
She looks back to him and nods again. “Okay good.”
Rachel puts one hand on his chest to push him into the house while she lifts her bag off her shoulder and drops it and her keys on the floor. Once she clears the door he shoves it closed and pulls it closer, tugging at her shirt while she unbuttons his jeans in frenzy.
He lifts her up after something that’s between a whimper and a moan vibrates in the back of her throat and she wraps her legs tight around his waist.
He says her name in response to her fingernails digging into his shoulders. There’s a thought in her head that she’s going to leave a mark and if Claire should see it-it could lead to some trouble. But she doesn’t care. She wants to cause trouble; more trouble than she’s ever caused because what the hell? Everything is screwed up for her so why not screw everything up for him?
“Rachel.”
Her nails dig deeper and he kisses her harder.
“I’ve missed you.” She whispers when his lips slide down her neck.
“I---.”
She puts her mouth over his because she knows what he’s going to say. He’s going to tell her that he loves her.
“I know.” She mumbles as he goes through the living room and down the hall to his room. “I know.”
Afterwards he traces patterns on her back as she lies with her arms under a pillow with her head turned to face him.
She sighs and it sounds just a tad bit disgruntled and his finger stops moving and hovers above her skin. But then she smiles and its skin on skin again.
“I think.” She sighs again as she buries her face into the pillow. She looks so tired and what he wants for her (one of the many things) is for her to just go to sleep. He’ll shut off the lights and close the curtains and pull the covers up over their shoulders and they’ll both close their eyes. They’ll go to sleep and rest; wake up feeling better than they do right now because even though he loves her she won’t say it back but maybe with some sleep….
“You should’ve come over here a lot sooner.”
“Things are crazy, Jared. I couldn’t. We were settling in. I couldn’t get away.”
“Hmmm. You couldn’t or you didn’t want to?”
Her eye brows knit together and she shakes her head into the pillow. “Jared.”
He nods and bends his head down to kiss the spot where her neck smoothes into her shoulder.
“It’s never like that. It’s not about not wanting to.” She shifts so that she’s lying on her side and puts her hand flat on his chest. “It’s about not being able to.”
“Yeah.” His voice cracks; something that he’s immediately ashamed of but he doesn’t get why it’s so hard, why it has to be so hard. He knows it’s not a perfect world and everything is going to have a degree of complicated to it but dammit, he’d give anything to live in that perfect world. Where she’d admit to being in love with him and she’d leave Luke but he wouldn’t be hurt and no one would judge them and everything would be fine and they’d be happy.
But nothing is perfect and nothing about the two of them ever will be perfect. Not even close. She’s unsure of her feelings at best and not in love with him at worst. It hurts and he wants her to hurt too; just to feel for a second how he feels all the time.
He pulls himself up on an elbow and looks down at her with a deep breath.
“You know that girl I was talking to at your party?”
She swallows hard. “Claire.” She says her name with a sarcastic smile like it’s a joke but there’s fear in his eyes. She’s terrified for what he’s about to say. He’d take it back if he could but it’s way too late.
“I-well I kind of think we hit it off.”
She gives him a look and he cringes because he hates the way it sounds and how he’s edging around the point. He needs to just to this fast, rip it off like a band aid.
“I took her back here. You know, because I liked her.”
He’s such a fucking coward. He can’t even tell her the truth.
“Yeah.”
But she’s asking for it and he knows that she already knows what happened.
“I slept with her.”
There. It’s done and out.
She sits up; clutching the sheet to her chest as he hair moves over her shoulders and back.
“I want to be mad at you.” Her voice is cold and vacant. “But I don’t think I’m at the point of being that hypocritical yet so I think I’m just going to go.” She swings her legs over the edge.
“When you coming back?”
She scoffs. “I’m not.”
“Rachel don’t let what happened ruin this.”
She turns around with her arm leaning against the bed. “Are you fucking kidding me? Ruin this? Jared there is nothing to ruin.”
“Don’t be like that. I’m fucking tired of you acting like this is nothing”
“It is nothing.” She hooks her bra and starts to pull on her blouse.
“No it’s not.”
She sighs. “Okay fine. It’s something. If you want it to be something then it’s something.”
“I want you to think that it’s something.”
“Well you’re not going to get everything that you want.”
“Obviously.” His eyes flick towards her just as she stands to button her pants. “Why are you leaving?”
“Because you slept with another woman.”
“And you sleep with another guy every night.”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because you knew what you were getting into when we started this. I don’t want to drag someone else into this. I’m not going to come over here and sleep in this bed with you when some other girl was here an hour before.”
He pushes himself out of bed. “You don’t want to be the other women but you’re fine with me being the other man.”
“Whatever, Jared.” She ignores him and leaves the bedroom on a hunt for her shoes that fell off somewhere near the front door.
He follows after, walking quickly and stumbles against the wall as he tries to put his jeans back on.
“Rachel, can you just wait.”
“No.”
“Dammit.” He says under his breath as he picks up his pace to grab her arm. “Son of a bitch Rachel-you are the most difficult woman ever.”
“Then I hope for your sake that Claire is nothing like me.”
“She’s not.”
That hurts the worst and she yanks her arm away.
“Rach--.”
She’s got the door open but she’s tossing him a dirty look over her shoulder so she doesn’t see his mother standing there; arm raised and poised to knock on the door, until she turns around.
“Oh my god.” Rachel’s hand flies to her chest. “Betty Ann, oh god.” She laughs when Betty Ann smiles. She doesn’t suspect anything. Yet. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Oh-I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Rachel steps out of the way so she can come in. Jared looks nervous.
“I saw your car in the drive-is Luke here?”
“No. Umm--.” She adjusts her bag on her shoulder. “I just came here alone…” Her eyes shoot to Jared’s begging him for help but he offers nothing and she has to figure it out on her own. “To find a shoe.” She finishes.
Jared narrows his eyes and Betty Ann tips her head to the side.
“I’m missing a shoe. It’s one of my favorites and I can’t find it anywhere at home and I thought that maybe I left it here. But I uh-didn’t find it.” She holds out her empty hands as proof. “I looked everywhere.” She suddenly realizes the way she must look; flushed and messy like she just got out of bed and she runs her hand through her hair to fix it as she thinks of a way to add to her lie. “By myself mind you.” She glares at Jared. Now she’s begging him to play along. “Had to go through the whole house on my own because he wouldn’t help me.”
Betty Ann looks at him accusingly and Rachel raises an eyebrow.
“I tried to help her but she kept pushing me away.”
“Well you weren’t much help. You kind of half assed it.”
“Well you should probably expect that from me by now.”
“Yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She fires back and he drops her heated gaze. “I should really get going. I gotta get home. Luke has dinner waiting.”
“You tell him I said hi and that y’all should come on over for dinner sometime.”
“I definitely will and we would love to come over.” She squeezes her arm. “I really have to go.” She slips out of the door.
“She’s a sweet girl.” His mother ventures deeper into his house while he stays at the door watching Rachel walk down the steps to her car. She never looks back. “I know the two of you don’t get along, which is a real shame because she’s great, but Jared--.” She finally stops walking when she makes it to the kitchen and puts her purse on the counter. “If you could find a girl like her...”
“Mom.”
“Just let me finish. She’s a good girl. Your tastes aren’t always on point, honey. And you tend to go too fast and then you won’t slow down and it’s onto the next one and you repeat yourself.”
She sighs and he runs a heavy hand through his hair. He’s heard this before but the addition of Rachel is new.
“I love you Jared and I want you to be happy. You don’t look happy.”
“I look just fine.” He says a little offended.
“No you don’t. And you really haven’t for a long time. I can’t figure out what it is. I thought that when Luke moved back down here you’d be happier because you’d be getting your friend back.”
“What am I, in middle school? I don’t need a friend moving back home to make me happy.”
“Obviously. You still look miserable.”
Jared shakes his head and leans on the center island. Betty Ann puts her arm around him.
“What’s the matter? Is it--.” She stops and presses her lips together like she doesn’t really want to say it. “Are you lonely?” She finally mutters and Jared stands up straight so her arm falls off his back. “It’s just that everyone is getting married or having babies and now Doug.”
Jared rolls his eyes. Doug and Sarah got engaged the week before much to everyone’s disbelief. When Jared got the phone call from him he started to laugh and Doug got pissed off and hung up on him. Jared finally had to bite the bullet and call him back two days later to congratulate him.
“Are you jealous?”
“Doug and Sarah are nothing to be jealous of.” He laughs again at the thought. “They are not going to last and everyone knows it.”
“Jared.” She scolds. “That is a terrible thing to say about two people’s love.”
“They are not in love. They are crazy. Sarah is crazy. She probably dared him to do it and he couldn’t say no because he is stupid and crazy about her and honestly, I don’t see them lasting more than six months as a married couple. If they even get married. Luke and I both don’t have any faith in this lasting.”
“That is awful. He is your friend.”
“Yeah, and we’re trying to help him realize he’s making a huge mistake. Hell, even your precious Rachel doesn’t think this is a good idea. I know she’s been debating if she should step in but she doesn’t think Sarah is going to listen.”
“Well I hope everything works out for them. And I hope that everything works out for you. And soon. Don’t you want to fall in love?” She says dreamily and he scoffs. “It’s not funny. It’s wonderful.”
He’d debate that all day. He’s in love and it’s killing him.
“I hope you find it really soon.”
He has the sudden urge to tell her everything. Open his mouth and let the truth come out. He feels like confessing would lift a huge weight off his shoulders and maybe he would look a little bit better than just fine. She could probably help him too. She could tell him that if he really loves her then he needs to fight for her. But more than likely she’d freak out and demand that he stop everything now because it’s a marriage that he’s threatening. Maybe he’d actually listen to her. He knows what he’s doing is wrong but hearing it from someone else might make it more real.
Then his mom looks up and smiles and begins to talk about Lily and the baby and the moment is over. He can’t bring it up now. Instead he finds a way to work Claire into the conversation. He knows that’s where his head should be. He knows that he should be focusing on Claire because there’s potential there. He just met her (and slept with her) but he can tell. He’s always had instant pulls towards people. His friends, Rachel-although that was very different, it was an opposite kind of a pull but not quite a push, he could just tell that she was something special, and now Claire. He always knows when someone has staying power.
Betty Ann jumps right on board with Claire. She can see something in his eyes and hear something in his voice that lets her know that this is more than what Jared’s used to. She’s practically in love with her by the time Jared stops talking.
“When do I get to meet her?”
“Meet her?” Jared questions. He barely even knows her even though he just spent the last ten minutes talking about how great she is.
“Yes. You obviously like her so why wouldn’t I meet her. Nothing fancy or intense or anything, just a small get together. Oh!” She claps her hands together. “We can invite Luke and Rachel too. That way it won’t be like a scary meeting the parent’s kind of a thing. She knows Luke so maybe she won’t be nervous. Do you think she’d be nervous anyways?”
“I--.” Jared breaks off and laughs because he really has no idea but this is happening. If it’s his mother’s idea and if it’s what she wants then it’s going to happen and Luke, and more importantly, Rachel are going to be dragged into it. “I think she’ll be fine.”
“Alright. I like that. I like a girl that doesn’t let the little things bother her. That’s the kind of girl that you should be focusing on. Now what do you think I should make? What does she like? She’s not a vegetarian is she? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”
“Why don’t I ask her? I should probably find out when she’s free and if she actually wants to--.”
“Why wouldn’t she want to?” She sounds a little hurt.
“I’m sure she will love to. But let’s just take it slow. Like you said, why rush it? How ‘bout we give it a few weeks, alright?”
“She’ll still be here in a few weeks, won’t she?”
Jared sighs and leans back against the counter. “I hope she will be.”
Claire manages to live up to the hype that Jared created about her for the benefit of his mother and she does make it for more than a few weeks.
Claire is amazing. She’s everything that he told his mother that she was and he could very easily start something very serious with her. He could be her boyfriend and in a year or so they could be planning a wedding but there’s just something about Claire that makes it so she doesn’t shine as brightly as Rachel in his eyes. Rachel is always going to be there-in the back of his mind-as the one he’ll compare everyone else to. It’s not fair to Claire to keep her around and string her along and act like everything is fine when all he’s doing is thinking about another (married) woman but life’s not fair. That’s what he knows for sure, above all else. He knows that you have to take what you can get even though it’s not always what you want.
After a month of dating he finally thinks it’s time for Claire to go through the whole meeting the mother dinner. He asks her if she wants to go and she very enthusiastically agrees and tells him that she was worried that he’d never ask her. She’s all in. Jared gets the feeling that she could see herself being his girlfriend and in a year or so she’s going to be wearing a ring….
All he can do is kiss her and tell her what to expect when she meets his mother.
While Claire and Betty Ann are overjoyed about the dinner and Jared’s apprehensive, Luke’s looking forward to it while Rachel is fuming.
“I just don’t get why we have to spend the evening with them?” Rachel huffs as she tries to fasten her necklace. They’re already ten minutes behind schedule and Luke’s gently urging her to hurry up and she’s deliberately going slower because she just doesn’t care.
“Because Jared wants us to meet her. Betty Ann wants us to meet her.”
“You already know her.”
“Then he wants you to get to know her.”
“I don’t even want to know him.” She growls and Luke laughs. “He’s only doing this because he knows that I’ll hate it.”
“Nah, come on, not everything is a scheme.”
“This is Jared. It absolutely is a scheme.”
He chuckles as he makes his way towards her. “Then you should prove him wrong. Be really nice and enjoy yourself…if you know how to do that.” He jokes and Rachel elbows him in the stomach. “Sorry, sorry.”
“That was mean. That was something Jared would say.”
“He’s rubbing off on me.”
“I don’t like it.”
“Sorry. It won’t happen again.” He puts his arms around her waist and presses a kiss to her shoulder. “But I don’t really think it has anything to do with you. I think he just likes her.”
“Yeah right.”
“He does.”
“He’s wasting our time. Why should either of us get to know her any better? Why are we humoring him? We all know that this girl is just one of many. He’s going to hang around her for a little while and then he’s going to move on. Are we supposed to take the time to meet every one of these idiots?”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“They’re stupid if they think they’re special.”
“Claire is not an idiot. She’s smart and--.”
“And she’s funny and pretty and amazing and blah, blah, blah. So now we have to sit at dinner across from this perfect girl knowing that her days are numbered. I hate everything about this.”
“It’s already been a month. I think he’s really serious about her.”
“He’s serious about having sex with her for three to four weeks and then dropping her.”
“Hey.”He puts his hands on her hips and turns her around. “I know you don’t like him but he’s my friend. Probably my best friend and if he says that he’s serious about her then I have to believe it.”
“He said that?”
“He said he could see himself falling in love with her.”
“He said that?” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat to cover it up.
“Yes. This is new. It’s early, I know, but what if she sticks? Wouldn’t you rather be friends with her?”
No.
“I’ll tell you what.” He squeezes her waist. “If we go to this dinner and she turns out to be some kind of brain dead, delusional, gold digging floozy then you can rag on her all you want. Hell, I’ll even help you with it. But if at the end of this if you can’t look me in the eye and honestly tell me that she’s not a good person then you got to lay off. Okay?” He waits for her to answer and she folds her arms over her chest in protest. “Okay?” He repeats with more pressure applied to her waist.
“Why are you pushing this?”
“Because I’m a little tired of living in the middle of a war. I’ve accepted that you and Jared won’t ever click but if I have to deal with you and Jared and his girlfriend not clicking I’m going to go crazy. Plus she could be an actual friend. Aren’t you always saying you don’t have any of those down here?”
She sighs. There’s no way to argue against that. She’s been blaming her moodiness on being alone.
“Claire will be like a built in friend.”
That is the very last thing that she wants. Or at least it’s very high on the list of things that she doesn’t want. She doesn’t want to have to go shopping and go out to lunch with Claire acting like everything is okay while Claire goes on and on about her relationship with Jared. Rachel doesn’t want to know the details especially since she has firsthand knowledge of some of the details.
“Maybe having her around will calm Jared down a little bit. You might even like him more.”
He turns her back around and takes the necklace from her hand and drapes it around her neck.
“I have a hard time believing she’s going to stick around is all.”
“I think he’s tired of being alone.” He says softly as he concentrates on fastening the jewelry.
“He’s never really alone if he’s single.” She says even softer as she concentrates on containing her feelings.
Luke gets the necklace secured around her neck and rests his chin on her shoulder so he can look at them in the mirror.
“You look beautiful.” He snakes his arms around her waist and she covers them with her own.
“Being pissed about something must bring out my more stunning side.”
“Then baby.” He nuzzles her neck and she sways into him. “You must be pissed about something all the time.”
She smiles. “It’s true though. Most of the time I am.”
“And I think you’re beautiful.” He pauses as her smile warms her eyes. “Now can we please go? You know how I hate being late and we’re already…oh man, fifteen minutes late.”
Rachel twists around and takes his hand. “Alright, let’s go and get this over with.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Rachel was hoping that Betty Ann would over do it. She wanted a huge Followill family get together that would allow her to blend into the crowd and hang back and avoid Jared and Claire the whole night. Instead his mother kept it conservative and practical. It’s an intimate dinner, only Betty Ann, her husband, Jared, Claire, Luke, and Rachel are seated around the dinner table and Jared and Rachel are the only ones that can feel the tension in the room.
Except Jared is a pro at hiding it.
He’s relaxed with is arm draped around the back of Claire’s chair while she shakes her pretty blond head at something he said that makes everyone else laugh. He’s Mr. Personality and Rachel’s sitting there with a fake smile on her face giving half hearted answers to whatever questions Claire asks her.
It seems that Claire got the memo that she and Rachel are supposed to be best friends forever and bless her heart; she is really trying to make it happen. She’s sweetly asking Rachel about New York and her job and how she likes living in Tennessee and if she ever needs anything or wants to know anything about Tennessee she shouldn’t hesitate to ask because she could pretty much be on the Tennessee tourism board. Rachel replies with a luke-warm thanks and the conversation drops off. Jared effortlessly picks it back up again and once things start rolling again he glares at her over the edge of his glass. Rachel acts like she doesn’t notice.
The worst part about the whole dinner is how much Betty Ann seems to like Claire. She’s fawning over her and acting like she’s the best thing to ever happen to her son and it bothers Rachel. She always felt like Betty Ann liked her. She feels like not only is she losing Jared, who she knows that she never really had but still, she’s losing Betty Ann too. It’s like she’s being replaced for a position she was never even in.
After dinner Rachel is basically pushed out of the way so Betty Ann and Claire and slip into the kitchen and gossip or get to know each other better or whatever and she’s forced into the living room to mingle with the men. The guys quickly get into a fairly heated discussion about The Volunteers that Jared just as quickly disentangles himself from and walks out the front door unnoticed.
Rachel watches him never look at her as he goes and she taps her foot against the carpet a few times before she pushes herself out of the arm chair and follows him. She gets the door closed behind her without Luke missing a beat in his defense of the team.
She stands with her back against the door for a moment. He has to know that she’s out here with him but he doesn’t make any movement to acknowledge her. They haven’t spoken in awhile but she would like at least a shoulder shrug.
He’s on the steps, smoking and acting like he’s too cool for everything.
“You are just a chimney, aren’t you?”
The scene is reminiscent of the first Christmas she spent down here; where she and Jared talked out on the deck, him smoking and her sitting next to him, right before Luke interrupted and asked her to marry him.
“I’m pretty sure my mom knows about this.” He says as he rises the cigarette in the air then puts it back to his lips.
“So then I can tell on you?” She ventures closer to him with one eye on the house to make sure no one can see them.
“She won’t care. She’s too busy planning the wedding with Claire.”
She’s not sure if he said that meaning to hurt her or not. He’s not sure either.
“She really likes her.” Rachel eases herself down onto the step next to him, closer than she sat on that Christmas when she should be further away. “And you know what Jared? I really like her too.”
He rests his head in his right hand while his left is bent over his knee holding the cigarette gracefully between his fingers. His eyebrow pulls up in question.
“I do. I think she’s great. She’s everything that Luke said that she was and I think she’s really good for you.”
He narrows his eyes and takes another drag. “What’s the catch?”
“That catch?” She laughs a little and moves even closer. She’s taking a chance that no one comes busting through the door. “That catch is that I don’t like you with her. I don’t want you to date her.” She reaches out and straightens the collar of his shirt. “And I definitely don’t want you to fall in love with her.”
“Rachel.” He huffs in annoyance and stubs the cigarette out on the step.
“I know. I know it’s stupid and unfair and I suck as a human being because she bothers me but I can’t help it. I know that I said that I couldn’t be with you if you were with her but--.”
He kisses her. He throws all caution to the wind because it would be very easy for them to get caught; Luke could wonder where she went and come looking or Claire could come looking for Jared or Betty Ann could simply look out the kitchen window but he doesn’t care. She’s worth it.
He rests his forehead against hers and pushes his thumb against her cheek. “I will never love her like I love you.”
It’s a little backhanded and sad but it’s all he can say and she raises herself off the step and braces her hands at his shoulders.
Her eyes flick towards the kitchen window and then back down to him. “He works late on Wednesdays. You should come by.”
Jared bites his lips and nods. Rachel squeezes his shoulders then climbs the steps and reenters the house leaving him alone.
He feels bad for getting angry at her once he comes to her place on Wednesday. He finally gets and feels what she’s been going through all these months because he has someone waiting on him as well. It’s an awful feeling knowing that you’re betraying someone solely for your own personal gain but it doesn’t stop either of them form tearing off clothes and kissing and touching and forgetting about that other person for an hour or two.
It’s a shame and a waste because if he had to pick people that were more amazing and deserving of complete and faithful love than Claire and Luke he couldn’t. It’s his best friend and his girlfriend and Luke would do anything for him and Claire is steadily falling in love with him but he’s just fucking both of them over and they have no idea.
When Luke asks him to have lunch with him on a Saturday afternoon he thinks nothing of it. He notices that he’s a little quiet and not like himself even while Jared’s joking about the bachelor party that Doug is expecting the two of them to throw for him.
“It’s like he doesn’t get that we’re half a dozen states away and you have a job and I have something that’s like a job.” Jared laughs but all Luke does is stare at his burger and Jared feels like he’s missing something. Is he saying grace? Did he suddenly become that level of religious?
“Everything alright?” Jared asks as he pushes his chicken around his plate.
Luke looks up after he sighs. “I think--.” Another sigh and Jared’s hanging on his every incomplete thought.”I think Rachel’s cheating on me.” He rushes out and Jared gasps. “It’s a feeling that I have. I can’t explain it. It’s just…I got this feeling.”
“Oh my god. Luke--.”
“I know.”
Jared’s speechless. He doesn’t know how Luke managed to figure it out or what’s going to happen now. He knows that he has to try and talk Luke out of it though. He’s only running on a feeling. There’s no physical evidence to connect him to Rachel-at least he hopes there isn’t.
“Luke. How-what?” He can’t even form a sentence let alone reassure him. “You’re overreacting.”
“I don’t think that I am.”
“You’re going on a feeling. This is a pretty serious accusation that you’re making just based on a feeling. You don’t have any actual evidence-do you?”
“No. But it’s Rachel; she’s so smart. She’s not going to leave texts on her phone or anything. Not that I’ve checked her phone. Do you think I should check her phone?”
“No.” Jared’s voice borders on panic. “God, Luke, you’re losing it. I’m sure that it’s nothing.”
“It’s something. It’s the way that she’s acting. It’s off.”
“She’s always been a little off.”
“No Jared.” He huffs and leans back. “Dammit man. She’s my wife. I know exactly the way she is and how she’s supposed to be.”
“You’re jumping to conclusions.”
“I hope that I am but I can’t ignore this feeling. I thought that she was having trouble adjusting.”
“That’s probably what it is.”
“We’ve been down here almost three months and it’s more than that-what it used to be when we first moved down here. She’s always been a little on edge, okay? I’ll admit to that but lately I feel like I’m not making her happy.”
“What makes you think that?” Jared asks carefully.
“I don’t know. She doesn’t smile like she used to. I don’t make her smile. I don’t make her laugh and in bed--.”
Jared puts his hands up to stop him. He doesn’t need the details.
“It’s like she’s miserable but she’s hiding it. She used to tell me what was the matter but it’s like she’d rather not talk at all. You know…” He stops and sighs and Jared’s getting a little sick of all the hesitation. “You know I want to have a kid, that’s why we’re down here really, and I always thought she was on the same page. I know she used to be anyways. We started to seriously consider it, like start planning and everything and she said that we should start trying.”
“So?”
“So the other day I went into her purse to find the grocery list that she left in there and I couldn’t find it so I had to fish around a little bit and I found her birth control. She’s still taking it.”
“Are you sure? I mean, that thing is kind of confusing.”
“Yes I’m sure.” He snaps. “Why would she do that? She could have told me that she wasn’t ready.”
“Maybe she just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. She knows you really want this.”
“Or maybe she just doesn’t want to get pregnant by this other dude. I just don’t know who it is. That’s what’s bothering me the most.”
“It’s no one.”
“It has to be someone from work.”
“She hates work and everyone there because they hate her.”
“Maybe the principal or a gym teacher? Is that sexist to assume that they’ve both men?”
“You shouldn’t be assuming anything.”
“She’s cheating on me.”
“She’s not cheating on you.” The volume of his voice increases and the blatant lie to his best friend leaves him feeling cold. “I know she’s your wife and you know her but I know her too. I know exactly what kind of girl she is and she is not the kind of girl that would cheat. She’s faithful and loyal and she is so in love with you.” He says thickly, battling back emotions that Luke doesn’t even know about. “I could tell all of that the very first time that I saw her with you. When I was being a real dick to her in those first few months she pretty much told me to fuck off and that she wasn’t going anywhere. There is no one else for her but you.” That’s the truth and he knows it. Rachel is in love with Luke and as much as Jared doesn’t want it to be true it is.
“But everything--.”
“The way that she’s acting doesn’t mean that she’s cheating on you.”
“No, I guess it could mean that she’s sick of me. Is that any better?”
“Luke-she’s twenty five. She’s got a job where she’s not fitting in, she far away from where she grew up and where all her family and friends are. I don’t care how long you’re in a new place, that’s hard to adjust to. You got lucky; you fit right into your job and you made friends and everything is looking great for you but for her-it’s different. Plus if she got pregnant she’d have to take a bunch of time off and she already doesn’t feel like she fits in…” He trails off. That was the last of his arguments. He just has to hope that Luke believe him.
“Oh man.” He leans forward on his elbows and shoves his fingers through his blond hair. “I want you to be right.”
“I bet I am right.”
Luke drags his hands down his face and scrubs them against his chin. “I just worry. I’m going to be going away and who knows what’s going to happen.”
“Nothing is going to happen.”
“I should probably talk to her. There’s probably a logical explanation for everything, like you said. I should talk to her right?”
Jared takes a deep breath. Rachel is a magnificent liar. She does truly believe that she doesn’t love him but then again…he’s not buying it.
“Yeah. You should talk to her. There’s an explanation.” He has to hope that she can come up with a plausible one. Maybe he should warn her. His fingers touch his phone that’s in the front pocket of his jeans.
“But can you look out for her-while I’m gone? I don’t mean for you to spy on her or anything but just keep an eye on her.”
It’s almost like permission but not really.
“Yeah man, anything for you.”
Song: Accidental Babies- Damien Rice
Word Count: 7,250
At 10:34 Rachel is 90% sure that Jared has left the party with Claire.
She kept a subtle eye on them as they moved around the room. They went from standing by the stairs to sitting on the couch; their knees touching and his arm around the back of it, to the porch where they each had a cigarette. Rachel could see the warm glow from the end of the cigarette from inside of the house; taunting her. Jared must have been seriously stressed out for him to do that while his mother was inside the house. He was taking quite a risk but that’s not anything new for him.
The two moved back into the house and back to the couch and that was the last time that she saw them. Luke swept her away to talk to one of his cousins. By the time she managed to break away Jared and Claire were gone.
She scanned the room for them and them and even went as far as checking the upstairs bedrooms, which was terrifying because finding Jared in one of her beds with another woman would be unfathomable. But there weren’t there. She’s thankful but all that really means is that Jared took her home to his place and Claire’s taking her place in his bed.
She’s out of sorts thinking about it and even Luke’s warm embrace and kiss can’t center her.
The party is just winding down when she ducks out and slips upstairs. When Luke finds her later after everyone has left she tells him that she didn’t feel well and he kisses her cheek and pulls the covers up over her and tells her to feel better in the morning.
When she wakes up Luke doesn’t give her any information on Jared’s whereabouts after she lost sight of him. As they both get ready for work he doesn’t say anything and why would he? He probably doesn’t know anything. It’s still early and if Jared and Claire are still together---Jared’s not going to call him yet. Rachel definitely can’t ask him either. It’s not something she would do. She feels like she’s playing a character. Like she’s two separate people; one person when she’s with Luke and another when she’s with Jared. She just can’t figured out which is the real one.
When Luke calls her at lunch she’s already worked out a plan to find out what happened.
“You sound different.” Luke tells her. “Everything okay? You said you were feeling better this morning.”
“I’m fine. I’m just at work. This is how I sound when I’m at work.”
“Sad and depressed?”
“I am eating lunch alone in an empty classroom.”
“Aww baby. Could be worse. You could be eating in your car.”
“I’m pretty sure by the end of the year I will be. They’re gonna drive me out of the school.”
“It’ll get better.”
“You keep saying that and I keep eating alone.”
“Something’s take time-let’s talk about something happy. How ‘bout I take you out to dinner tonight? Anywhere you wanna go.”
“Actually.” She spins around in her chair so she can look out the window. It’s a beautiful day out and she’s distracted for a moment before she continues. “I was kind of thinking about going into the city after work.”
“On your own? Why don’t you wait for me and then we can go in there for dinner?”
“Because we’ve been down here for awhile and I still don’t know anything about the city because every time we go there all I do is follow you around. I learned New York because I did it on my own. That’s what I have to do.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“I’m not going to get hurt.” She laughs. “I’m street smart. I know not to talk to strangers and to park in well lit areas being careful to avoid vans with no windows, and I have pepper spray.” She jokes.
“It’s not funny Rachel. I worry about you.”
“You don’t need to. I’ll be fine. I’m just trying to embrace the city.”
“Okay, okay. Then what do you want to do for dinner? Want me to get something for when you come home? When will you be home?”
“I don’t know. Probably not too late. And food waiting for me would be great.”
She can tell that he’s not on board with her going but if she really wants to go he’s going to let her.
“Be careful. If you get lost--.”
“I’m not going to get lost.”
“If you get lost--.” He repeats with a stronger voice. “Don’t be too proud to call me. I can talk you home from anywhere. And call me anyways. I want to know that--.”
“I’m safe. I know, Luke.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. And I’ll call you.”
She has no intention of going into the city or embracing it. When she gets out of school she gets in her car and points it in the only direction that she knows. Straight onto Jared’s.
The gate still has the same security code as when she and Luke left so she pulls into his driveway without a problem. His car isn’t in a garage so she knows that he’s home right away.
The gate closes behind her just as she slams the car door and she sprints up the steps. By the times she gets to his door and knocks on it she’s breathing heavily and she makes a mental note to work out a little more and cut back on all the heavy southern food that Luke’s mother seems to force feed her every time they go over there.
She knocks again, harder this time, and steps away from the door when she hears footsteps coming towards her.
He’s barefoot and shirtless wearing only jeans and his lips pressed together.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” He raises his arm and leans on the doorframe.
“Ummm-I don’t really know what I’m doing here.” She runs her fingertips over the jagged edge of her car keys.
“Yeah you do.”
She nods and looks over his shoulder into his house. “Are you alone?”
“Yeah.”
She looks back to him and nods again. “Okay good.”
Rachel puts one hand on his chest to push him into the house while she lifts her bag off her shoulder and drops it and her keys on the floor. Once she clears the door he shoves it closed and pulls it closer, tugging at her shirt while she unbuttons his jeans in frenzy.
He lifts her up after something that’s between a whimper and a moan vibrates in the back of her throat and she wraps her legs tight around his waist.
He says her name in response to her fingernails digging into his shoulders. There’s a thought in her head that she’s going to leave a mark and if Claire should see it-it could lead to some trouble. But she doesn’t care. She wants to cause trouble; more trouble than she’s ever caused because what the hell? Everything is screwed up for her so why not screw everything up for him?
“Rachel.”
Her nails dig deeper and he kisses her harder.
“I’ve missed you.” She whispers when his lips slide down her neck.
“I---.”
She puts her mouth over his because she knows what he’s going to say. He’s going to tell her that he loves her.
“I know.” She mumbles as he goes through the living room and down the hall to his room. “I know.”
Afterwards he traces patterns on her back as she lies with her arms under a pillow with her head turned to face him.
She sighs and it sounds just a tad bit disgruntled and his finger stops moving and hovers above her skin. But then she smiles and its skin on skin again.
“I think.” She sighs again as she buries her face into the pillow. She looks so tired and what he wants for her (one of the many things) is for her to just go to sleep. He’ll shut off the lights and close the curtains and pull the covers up over their shoulders and they’ll both close their eyes. They’ll go to sleep and rest; wake up feeling better than they do right now because even though he loves her she won’t say it back but maybe with some sleep….
“You should’ve come over here a lot sooner.”
“Things are crazy, Jared. I couldn’t. We were settling in. I couldn’t get away.”
“Hmmm. You couldn’t or you didn’t want to?”
Her eye brows knit together and she shakes her head into the pillow. “Jared.”
He nods and bends his head down to kiss the spot where her neck smoothes into her shoulder.
“It’s never like that. It’s not about not wanting to.” She shifts so that she’s lying on her side and puts her hand flat on his chest. “It’s about not being able to.”
“Yeah.” His voice cracks; something that he’s immediately ashamed of but he doesn’t get why it’s so hard, why it has to be so hard. He knows it’s not a perfect world and everything is going to have a degree of complicated to it but dammit, he’d give anything to live in that perfect world. Where she’d admit to being in love with him and she’d leave Luke but he wouldn’t be hurt and no one would judge them and everything would be fine and they’d be happy.
But nothing is perfect and nothing about the two of them ever will be perfect. Not even close. She’s unsure of her feelings at best and not in love with him at worst. It hurts and he wants her to hurt too; just to feel for a second how he feels all the time.
He pulls himself up on an elbow and looks down at her with a deep breath.
“You know that girl I was talking to at your party?”
She swallows hard. “Claire.” She says her name with a sarcastic smile like it’s a joke but there’s fear in his eyes. She’s terrified for what he’s about to say. He’d take it back if he could but it’s way too late.
“I-well I kind of think we hit it off.”
She gives him a look and he cringes because he hates the way it sounds and how he’s edging around the point. He needs to just to this fast, rip it off like a band aid.
“I took her back here. You know, because I liked her.”
He’s such a fucking coward. He can’t even tell her the truth.
“Yeah.”
But she’s asking for it and he knows that she already knows what happened.
“I slept with her.”
There. It’s done and out.
She sits up; clutching the sheet to her chest as he hair moves over her shoulders and back.
“I want to be mad at you.” Her voice is cold and vacant. “But I don’t think I’m at the point of being that hypocritical yet so I think I’m just going to go.” She swings her legs over the edge.
“When you coming back?”
She scoffs. “I’m not.”
“Rachel don’t let what happened ruin this.”
She turns around with her arm leaning against the bed. “Are you fucking kidding me? Ruin this? Jared there is nothing to ruin.”
“Don’t be like that. I’m fucking tired of you acting like this is nothing”
“It is nothing.” She hooks her bra and starts to pull on her blouse.
“No it’s not.”
She sighs. “Okay fine. It’s something. If you want it to be something then it’s something.”
“I want you to think that it’s something.”
“Well you’re not going to get everything that you want.”
“Obviously.” His eyes flick towards her just as she stands to button her pants. “Why are you leaving?”
“Because you slept with another woman.”
“And you sleep with another guy every night.”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because you knew what you were getting into when we started this. I don’t want to drag someone else into this. I’m not going to come over here and sleep in this bed with you when some other girl was here an hour before.”
He pushes himself out of bed. “You don’t want to be the other women but you’re fine with me being the other man.”
“Whatever, Jared.” She ignores him and leaves the bedroom on a hunt for her shoes that fell off somewhere near the front door.
He follows after, walking quickly and stumbles against the wall as he tries to put his jeans back on.
“Rachel, can you just wait.”
“No.”
“Dammit.” He says under his breath as he picks up his pace to grab her arm. “Son of a bitch Rachel-you are the most difficult woman ever.”
“Then I hope for your sake that Claire is nothing like me.”
“She’s not.”
That hurts the worst and she yanks her arm away.
“Rach--.”
She’s got the door open but she’s tossing him a dirty look over her shoulder so she doesn’t see his mother standing there; arm raised and poised to knock on the door, until she turns around.
“Oh my god.” Rachel’s hand flies to her chest. “Betty Ann, oh god.” She laughs when Betty Ann smiles. She doesn’t suspect anything. Yet. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Oh-I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Rachel steps out of the way so she can come in. Jared looks nervous.
“I saw your car in the drive-is Luke here?”
“No. Umm--.” She adjusts her bag on her shoulder. “I just came here alone…” Her eyes shoot to Jared’s begging him for help but he offers nothing and she has to figure it out on her own. “To find a shoe.” She finishes.
Jared narrows his eyes and Betty Ann tips her head to the side.
“I’m missing a shoe. It’s one of my favorites and I can’t find it anywhere at home and I thought that maybe I left it here. But I uh-didn’t find it.” She holds out her empty hands as proof. “I looked everywhere.” She suddenly realizes the way she must look; flushed and messy like she just got out of bed and she runs her hand through her hair to fix it as she thinks of a way to add to her lie. “By myself mind you.” She glares at Jared. Now she’s begging him to play along. “Had to go through the whole house on my own because he wouldn’t help me.”
Betty Ann looks at him accusingly and Rachel raises an eyebrow.
“I tried to help her but she kept pushing me away.”
“Well you weren’t much help. You kind of half assed it.”
“Well you should probably expect that from me by now.”
“Yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She fires back and he drops her heated gaze. “I should really get going. I gotta get home. Luke has dinner waiting.”
“You tell him I said hi and that y’all should come on over for dinner sometime.”
“I definitely will and we would love to come over.” She squeezes her arm. “I really have to go.” She slips out of the door.
“She’s a sweet girl.” His mother ventures deeper into his house while he stays at the door watching Rachel walk down the steps to her car. She never looks back. “I know the two of you don’t get along, which is a real shame because she’s great, but Jared--.” She finally stops walking when she makes it to the kitchen and puts her purse on the counter. “If you could find a girl like her...”
“Mom.”
“Just let me finish. She’s a good girl. Your tastes aren’t always on point, honey. And you tend to go too fast and then you won’t slow down and it’s onto the next one and you repeat yourself.”
She sighs and he runs a heavy hand through his hair. He’s heard this before but the addition of Rachel is new.
“I love you Jared and I want you to be happy. You don’t look happy.”
“I look just fine.” He says a little offended.
“No you don’t. And you really haven’t for a long time. I can’t figure out what it is. I thought that when Luke moved back down here you’d be happier because you’d be getting your friend back.”
“What am I, in middle school? I don’t need a friend moving back home to make me happy.”
“Obviously. You still look miserable.”
Jared shakes his head and leans on the center island. Betty Ann puts her arm around him.
“What’s the matter? Is it--.” She stops and presses her lips together like she doesn’t really want to say it. “Are you lonely?” She finally mutters and Jared stands up straight so her arm falls off his back. “It’s just that everyone is getting married or having babies and now Doug.”
Jared rolls his eyes. Doug and Sarah got engaged the week before much to everyone’s disbelief. When Jared got the phone call from him he started to laugh and Doug got pissed off and hung up on him. Jared finally had to bite the bullet and call him back two days later to congratulate him.
“Are you jealous?”
“Doug and Sarah are nothing to be jealous of.” He laughs again at the thought. “They are not going to last and everyone knows it.”
“Jared.” She scolds. “That is a terrible thing to say about two people’s love.”
“They are not in love. They are crazy. Sarah is crazy. She probably dared him to do it and he couldn’t say no because he is stupid and crazy about her and honestly, I don’t see them lasting more than six months as a married couple. If they even get married. Luke and I both don’t have any faith in this lasting.”
“That is awful. He is your friend.”
“Yeah, and we’re trying to help him realize he’s making a huge mistake. Hell, even your precious Rachel doesn’t think this is a good idea. I know she’s been debating if she should step in but she doesn’t think Sarah is going to listen.”
“Well I hope everything works out for them. And I hope that everything works out for you. And soon. Don’t you want to fall in love?” She says dreamily and he scoffs. “It’s not funny. It’s wonderful.”
He’d debate that all day. He’s in love and it’s killing him.
“I hope you find it really soon.”
He has the sudden urge to tell her everything. Open his mouth and let the truth come out. He feels like confessing would lift a huge weight off his shoulders and maybe he would look a little bit better than just fine. She could probably help him too. She could tell him that if he really loves her then he needs to fight for her. But more than likely she’d freak out and demand that he stop everything now because it’s a marriage that he’s threatening. Maybe he’d actually listen to her. He knows what he’s doing is wrong but hearing it from someone else might make it more real.
Then his mom looks up and smiles and begins to talk about Lily and the baby and the moment is over. He can’t bring it up now. Instead he finds a way to work Claire into the conversation. He knows that’s where his head should be. He knows that he should be focusing on Claire because there’s potential there. He just met her (and slept with her) but he can tell. He’s always had instant pulls towards people. His friends, Rachel-although that was very different, it was an opposite kind of a pull but not quite a push, he could just tell that she was something special, and now Claire. He always knows when someone has staying power.
Betty Ann jumps right on board with Claire. She can see something in his eyes and hear something in his voice that lets her know that this is more than what Jared’s used to. She’s practically in love with her by the time Jared stops talking.
“When do I get to meet her?”
“Meet her?” Jared questions. He barely even knows her even though he just spent the last ten minutes talking about how great she is.
“Yes. You obviously like her so why wouldn’t I meet her. Nothing fancy or intense or anything, just a small get together. Oh!” She claps her hands together. “We can invite Luke and Rachel too. That way it won’t be like a scary meeting the parent’s kind of a thing. She knows Luke so maybe she won’t be nervous. Do you think she’d be nervous anyways?”
“I--.” Jared breaks off and laughs because he really has no idea but this is happening. If it’s his mother’s idea and if it’s what she wants then it’s going to happen and Luke, and more importantly, Rachel are going to be dragged into it. “I think she’ll be fine.”
“Alright. I like that. I like a girl that doesn’t let the little things bother her. That’s the kind of girl that you should be focusing on. Now what do you think I should make? What does she like? She’s not a vegetarian is she? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”
“Why don’t I ask her? I should probably find out when she’s free and if she actually wants to--.”
“Why wouldn’t she want to?” She sounds a little hurt.
“I’m sure she will love to. But let’s just take it slow. Like you said, why rush it? How ‘bout we give it a few weeks, alright?”
“She’ll still be here in a few weeks, won’t she?”
Jared sighs and leans back against the counter. “I hope she will be.”
Claire manages to live up to the hype that Jared created about her for the benefit of his mother and she does make it for more than a few weeks.
Claire is amazing. She’s everything that he told his mother that she was and he could very easily start something very serious with her. He could be her boyfriend and in a year or so they could be planning a wedding but there’s just something about Claire that makes it so she doesn’t shine as brightly as Rachel in his eyes. Rachel is always going to be there-in the back of his mind-as the one he’ll compare everyone else to. It’s not fair to Claire to keep her around and string her along and act like everything is fine when all he’s doing is thinking about another (married) woman but life’s not fair. That’s what he knows for sure, above all else. He knows that you have to take what you can get even though it’s not always what you want.
After a month of dating he finally thinks it’s time for Claire to go through the whole meeting the mother dinner. He asks her if she wants to go and she very enthusiastically agrees and tells him that she was worried that he’d never ask her. She’s all in. Jared gets the feeling that she could see herself being his girlfriend and in a year or so she’s going to be wearing a ring….
All he can do is kiss her and tell her what to expect when she meets his mother.
While Claire and Betty Ann are overjoyed about the dinner and Jared’s apprehensive, Luke’s looking forward to it while Rachel is fuming.
“I just don’t get why we have to spend the evening with them?” Rachel huffs as she tries to fasten her necklace. They’re already ten minutes behind schedule and Luke’s gently urging her to hurry up and she’s deliberately going slower because she just doesn’t care.
“Because Jared wants us to meet her. Betty Ann wants us to meet her.”
“You already know her.”
“Then he wants you to get to know her.”
“I don’t even want to know him.” She growls and Luke laughs. “He’s only doing this because he knows that I’ll hate it.”
“Nah, come on, not everything is a scheme.”
“This is Jared. It absolutely is a scheme.”
He chuckles as he makes his way towards her. “Then you should prove him wrong. Be really nice and enjoy yourself…if you know how to do that.” He jokes and Rachel elbows him in the stomach. “Sorry, sorry.”
“That was mean. That was something Jared would say.”
“He’s rubbing off on me.”
“I don’t like it.”
“Sorry. It won’t happen again.” He puts his arms around her waist and presses a kiss to her shoulder. “But I don’t really think it has anything to do with you. I think he just likes her.”
“Yeah right.”
“He does.”
“He’s wasting our time. Why should either of us get to know her any better? Why are we humoring him? We all know that this girl is just one of many. He’s going to hang around her for a little while and then he’s going to move on. Are we supposed to take the time to meet every one of these idiots?”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“They’re stupid if they think they’re special.”
“Claire is not an idiot. She’s smart and--.”
“And she’s funny and pretty and amazing and blah, blah, blah. So now we have to sit at dinner across from this perfect girl knowing that her days are numbered. I hate everything about this.”
“It’s already been a month. I think he’s really serious about her.”
“He’s serious about having sex with her for three to four weeks and then dropping her.”
“Hey.”He puts his hands on her hips and turns her around. “I know you don’t like him but he’s my friend. Probably my best friend and if he says that he’s serious about her then I have to believe it.”
“He said that?”
“He said he could see himself falling in love with her.”
“He said that?” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat to cover it up.
“Yes. This is new. It’s early, I know, but what if she sticks? Wouldn’t you rather be friends with her?”
No.
“I’ll tell you what.” He squeezes her waist. “If we go to this dinner and she turns out to be some kind of brain dead, delusional, gold digging floozy then you can rag on her all you want. Hell, I’ll even help you with it. But if at the end of this if you can’t look me in the eye and honestly tell me that she’s not a good person then you got to lay off. Okay?” He waits for her to answer and she folds her arms over her chest in protest. “Okay?” He repeats with more pressure applied to her waist.
“Why are you pushing this?”
“Because I’m a little tired of living in the middle of a war. I’ve accepted that you and Jared won’t ever click but if I have to deal with you and Jared and his girlfriend not clicking I’m going to go crazy. Plus she could be an actual friend. Aren’t you always saying you don’t have any of those down here?”
She sighs. There’s no way to argue against that. She’s been blaming her moodiness on being alone.
“Claire will be like a built in friend.”
That is the very last thing that she wants. Or at least it’s very high on the list of things that she doesn’t want. She doesn’t want to have to go shopping and go out to lunch with Claire acting like everything is okay while Claire goes on and on about her relationship with Jared. Rachel doesn’t want to know the details especially since she has firsthand knowledge of some of the details.
“Maybe having her around will calm Jared down a little bit. You might even like him more.”
He turns her back around and takes the necklace from her hand and drapes it around her neck.
“I have a hard time believing she’s going to stick around is all.”
“I think he’s tired of being alone.” He says softly as he concentrates on fastening the jewelry.
“He’s never really alone if he’s single.” She says even softer as she concentrates on containing her feelings.
Luke gets the necklace secured around her neck and rests his chin on her shoulder so he can look at them in the mirror.
“You look beautiful.” He snakes his arms around her waist and she covers them with her own.
“Being pissed about something must bring out my more stunning side.”
“Then baby.” He nuzzles her neck and she sways into him. “You must be pissed about something all the time.”
She smiles. “It’s true though. Most of the time I am.”
“And I think you’re beautiful.” He pauses as her smile warms her eyes. “Now can we please go? You know how I hate being late and we’re already…oh man, fifteen minutes late.”
Rachel twists around and takes his hand. “Alright, let’s go and get this over with.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Rachel was hoping that Betty Ann would over do it. She wanted a huge Followill family get together that would allow her to blend into the crowd and hang back and avoid Jared and Claire the whole night. Instead his mother kept it conservative and practical. It’s an intimate dinner, only Betty Ann, her husband, Jared, Claire, Luke, and Rachel are seated around the dinner table and Jared and Rachel are the only ones that can feel the tension in the room.
Except Jared is a pro at hiding it.
He’s relaxed with is arm draped around the back of Claire’s chair while she shakes her pretty blond head at something he said that makes everyone else laugh. He’s Mr. Personality and Rachel’s sitting there with a fake smile on her face giving half hearted answers to whatever questions Claire asks her.
It seems that Claire got the memo that she and Rachel are supposed to be best friends forever and bless her heart; she is really trying to make it happen. She’s sweetly asking Rachel about New York and her job and how she likes living in Tennessee and if she ever needs anything or wants to know anything about Tennessee she shouldn’t hesitate to ask because she could pretty much be on the Tennessee tourism board. Rachel replies with a luke-warm thanks and the conversation drops off. Jared effortlessly picks it back up again and once things start rolling again he glares at her over the edge of his glass. Rachel acts like she doesn’t notice.
The worst part about the whole dinner is how much Betty Ann seems to like Claire. She’s fawning over her and acting like she’s the best thing to ever happen to her son and it bothers Rachel. She always felt like Betty Ann liked her. She feels like not only is she losing Jared, who she knows that she never really had but still, she’s losing Betty Ann too. It’s like she’s being replaced for a position she was never even in.
After dinner Rachel is basically pushed out of the way so Betty Ann and Claire and slip into the kitchen and gossip or get to know each other better or whatever and she’s forced into the living room to mingle with the men. The guys quickly get into a fairly heated discussion about The Volunteers that Jared just as quickly disentangles himself from and walks out the front door unnoticed.
Rachel watches him never look at her as he goes and she taps her foot against the carpet a few times before she pushes herself out of the arm chair and follows him. She gets the door closed behind her without Luke missing a beat in his defense of the team.
She stands with her back against the door for a moment. He has to know that she’s out here with him but he doesn’t make any movement to acknowledge her. They haven’t spoken in awhile but she would like at least a shoulder shrug.
He’s on the steps, smoking and acting like he’s too cool for everything.
“You are just a chimney, aren’t you?”
The scene is reminiscent of the first Christmas she spent down here; where she and Jared talked out on the deck, him smoking and her sitting next to him, right before Luke interrupted and asked her to marry him.
“I’m pretty sure my mom knows about this.” He says as he rises the cigarette in the air then puts it back to his lips.
“So then I can tell on you?” She ventures closer to him with one eye on the house to make sure no one can see them.
“She won’t care. She’s too busy planning the wedding with Claire.”
She’s not sure if he said that meaning to hurt her or not. He’s not sure either.
“She really likes her.” Rachel eases herself down onto the step next to him, closer than she sat on that Christmas when she should be further away. “And you know what Jared? I really like her too.”
He rests his head in his right hand while his left is bent over his knee holding the cigarette gracefully between his fingers. His eyebrow pulls up in question.
“I do. I think she’s great. She’s everything that Luke said that she was and I think she’s really good for you.”
He narrows his eyes and takes another drag. “What’s the catch?”
“That catch?” She laughs a little and moves even closer. She’s taking a chance that no one comes busting through the door. “That catch is that I don’t like you with her. I don’t want you to date her.” She reaches out and straightens the collar of his shirt. “And I definitely don’t want you to fall in love with her.”
“Rachel.” He huffs in annoyance and stubs the cigarette out on the step.
“I know. I know it’s stupid and unfair and I suck as a human being because she bothers me but I can’t help it. I know that I said that I couldn’t be with you if you were with her but--.”
He kisses her. He throws all caution to the wind because it would be very easy for them to get caught; Luke could wonder where she went and come looking or Claire could come looking for Jared or Betty Ann could simply look out the kitchen window but he doesn’t care. She’s worth it.
He rests his forehead against hers and pushes his thumb against her cheek. “I will never love her like I love you.”
It’s a little backhanded and sad but it’s all he can say and she raises herself off the step and braces her hands at his shoulders.
Her eyes flick towards the kitchen window and then back down to him. “He works late on Wednesdays. You should come by.”
Jared bites his lips and nods. Rachel squeezes his shoulders then climbs the steps and reenters the house leaving him alone.
He feels bad for getting angry at her once he comes to her place on Wednesday. He finally gets and feels what she’s been going through all these months because he has someone waiting on him as well. It’s an awful feeling knowing that you’re betraying someone solely for your own personal gain but it doesn’t stop either of them form tearing off clothes and kissing and touching and forgetting about that other person for an hour or two.
It’s a shame and a waste because if he had to pick people that were more amazing and deserving of complete and faithful love than Claire and Luke he couldn’t. It’s his best friend and his girlfriend and Luke would do anything for him and Claire is steadily falling in love with him but he’s just fucking both of them over and they have no idea.
When Luke asks him to have lunch with him on a Saturday afternoon he thinks nothing of it. He notices that he’s a little quiet and not like himself even while Jared’s joking about the bachelor party that Doug is expecting the two of them to throw for him.
“It’s like he doesn’t get that we’re half a dozen states away and you have a job and I have something that’s like a job.” Jared laughs but all Luke does is stare at his burger and Jared feels like he’s missing something. Is he saying grace? Did he suddenly become that level of religious?
“Everything alright?” Jared asks as he pushes his chicken around his plate.
Luke looks up after he sighs. “I think--.” Another sigh and Jared’s hanging on his every incomplete thought.”I think Rachel’s cheating on me.” He rushes out and Jared gasps. “It’s a feeling that I have. I can’t explain it. It’s just…I got this feeling.”
“Oh my god. Luke--.”
“I know.”
Jared’s speechless. He doesn’t know how Luke managed to figure it out or what’s going to happen now. He knows that he has to try and talk Luke out of it though. He’s only running on a feeling. There’s no physical evidence to connect him to Rachel-at least he hopes there isn’t.
“Luke. How-what?” He can’t even form a sentence let alone reassure him. “You’re overreacting.”
“I don’t think that I am.”
“You’re going on a feeling. This is a pretty serious accusation that you’re making just based on a feeling. You don’t have any actual evidence-do you?”
“No. But it’s Rachel; she’s so smart. She’s not going to leave texts on her phone or anything. Not that I’ve checked her phone. Do you think I should check her phone?”
“No.” Jared’s voice borders on panic. “God, Luke, you’re losing it. I’m sure that it’s nothing.”
“It’s something. It’s the way that she’s acting. It’s off.”
“She’s always been a little off.”
“No Jared.” He huffs and leans back. “Dammit man. She’s my wife. I know exactly the way she is and how she’s supposed to be.”
“You’re jumping to conclusions.”
“I hope that I am but I can’t ignore this feeling. I thought that she was having trouble adjusting.”
“That’s probably what it is.”
“We’ve been down here almost three months and it’s more than that-what it used to be when we first moved down here. She’s always been a little on edge, okay? I’ll admit to that but lately I feel like I’m not making her happy.”
“What makes you think that?” Jared asks carefully.
“I don’t know. She doesn’t smile like she used to. I don’t make her smile. I don’t make her laugh and in bed--.”
Jared puts his hands up to stop him. He doesn’t need the details.
“It’s like she’s miserable but she’s hiding it. She used to tell me what was the matter but it’s like she’d rather not talk at all. You know…” He stops and sighs and Jared’s getting a little sick of all the hesitation. “You know I want to have a kid, that’s why we’re down here really, and I always thought she was on the same page. I know she used to be anyways. We started to seriously consider it, like start planning and everything and she said that we should start trying.”
“So?”
“So the other day I went into her purse to find the grocery list that she left in there and I couldn’t find it so I had to fish around a little bit and I found her birth control. She’s still taking it.”
“Are you sure? I mean, that thing is kind of confusing.”
“Yes I’m sure.” He snaps. “Why would she do that? She could have told me that she wasn’t ready.”
“Maybe she just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. She knows you really want this.”
“Or maybe she just doesn’t want to get pregnant by this other dude. I just don’t know who it is. That’s what’s bothering me the most.”
“It’s no one.”
“It has to be someone from work.”
“She hates work and everyone there because they hate her.”
“Maybe the principal or a gym teacher? Is that sexist to assume that they’ve both men?”
“You shouldn’t be assuming anything.”
“She’s cheating on me.”
“She’s not cheating on you.” The volume of his voice increases and the blatant lie to his best friend leaves him feeling cold. “I know she’s your wife and you know her but I know her too. I know exactly what kind of girl she is and she is not the kind of girl that would cheat. She’s faithful and loyal and she is so in love with you.” He says thickly, battling back emotions that Luke doesn’t even know about. “I could tell all of that the very first time that I saw her with you. When I was being a real dick to her in those first few months she pretty much told me to fuck off and that she wasn’t going anywhere. There is no one else for her but you.” That’s the truth and he knows it. Rachel is in love with Luke and as much as Jared doesn’t want it to be true it is.
“But everything--.”
“The way that she’s acting doesn’t mean that she’s cheating on you.”
“No, I guess it could mean that she’s sick of me. Is that any better?”
“Luke-she’s twenty five. She’s got a job where she’s not fitting in, she far away from where she grew up and where all her family and friends are. I don’t care how long you’re in a new place, that’s hard to adjust to. You got lucky; you fit right into your job and you made friends and everything is looking great for you but for her-it’s different. Plus if she got pregnant she’d have to take a bunch of time off and she already doesn’t feel like she fits in…” He trails off. That was the last of his arguments. He just has to hope that Luke believe him.
“Oh man.” He leans forward on his elbows and shoves his fingers through his blond hair. “I want you to be right.”
“I bet I am right.”
Luke drags his hands down his face and scrubs them against his chin. “I just worry. I’m going to be going away and who knows what’s going to happen.”
“Nothing is going to happen.”
“I should probably talk to her. There’s probably a logical explanation for everything, like you said. I should talk to her right?”
Jared takes a deep breath. Rachel is a magnificent liar. She does truly believe that she doesn’t love him but then again…he’s not buying it.
“Yeah. You should talk to her. There’s an explanation.” He has to hope that she can come up with a plausible one. Maybe he should warn her. His fingers touch his phone that’s in the front pocket of his jeans.
“But can you look out for her-while I’m gone? I don’t mean for you to spy on her or anything but just keep an eye on her.”
It’s almost like permission but not really.
“Yeah man, anything for you.”