Come On Skinny Love Just Last The Year, Pour A Little Salt We Were Never Here

[raeghan]

Part One

Song: Skinny Love- Bon Iver
Word Count: 9,908

Jamie lets herself into his apartment after midnight. She sheds her jacket and scarf, dropping them onto the kitchen island. The cold air still sticks to her skin and she realizes as she’s crossing the room that it’s not just her. The whole apartment is cold. He didn’t turn the heat up and she can’t feel much of a difference from the balmy December air and the room. But she might just be feeling the remnants of their bitter fight this morning, which was enough to cool off even the warmest of climates.

She passes the living room on the way to his bedroom and the seven foot Christmas tree is still lit in the corner. It’s supposed to make the room look cozy and inviting and warm but the golden glow it casts across the floor only serves as a contrast for how unglamorous they have become. They weren’t any of those things anymore, being warm and cozy and inviting were far in the past.

They are broken; fell so hard in the wrong direction and so far from where they started.

They met each other for the first time almost two years ago. She was moving into his apartment building, two floors up from him and the sound of the movers, who didn’t care that there were other people in the building that might be sleeping at eleven o’clock in the morning, were being noisy and irritating Jared to no end, to the point that he felt like he had to go out in the hall and tell them to shut the fuck up. But that would depend on how big the guys were and how scary they looked and how intimidating they seemed and by the time he actually had gotten to the door the big confrontation that he had built up in his head was going to be downgraded to a meek ‘hey guys, do you think you could maybe try and keep it down, you know, if you can?’ Jared Followill wasn’t really much of a fighter.

But even that got downgraded when he saw her there.

Jamie Bell. Probably not the name her parents gave her when she was born. She was yanking a suitcase up the stairs obviously struggling as the red plaid scarf what was wrapped around her neck under her black leather jacket also wrapped around her arm and was snaking around her leg. Her black hair was supposed to be pulled back in a high pony tail to get it away from her face was failing her and thick strands fell in front of her eyes.

She stopped on the landing in front of him and pushed her hair back and exhaled heavily. She was a little flushed from the six story walk up and she shook her head and she shimmied in her blue jeans to get them back up her hips. She met his eyes with a smile.

He knew who she was. Jamie Bell, singer, song writer, and two time Grammy winner and all at a hopelessly young age. He didn’t think she could be more than twenty, tops (she had actually just turned twenty one; the new, gorgeous apartment in New York had been a birthday present to herself.)

“Hey.” Her voice was bright and cheery, a stark contrast to the way that she looked. Even though he still thought she looked beautiful. She smiled until she really looked him over. He was in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a thin white t-shirt and his hair was rumpled and he quickly ran his hand through it to try and straighten it out. He wanted to try to make a good impression. “Oh god. I’m so sorry. Are we like, being too loud or something because I swear.” She looked up the stairs to make sure the movers were out of earshot. They were but her voice dropped to a whisper and she moved closer to him anyways. “Because I swear I told them that doing it this way was going to cause problems but then they said that this was the only way because I have this couch and it’s just a stupid couch but it was the first one that I got when I moved out of my parents place and I wanted to take it with me, I know it’s stupid but whatever.” She sighed. “But anyways they told me that it wouldn’t fit in the elevator and they said that they could just walk it up, it was their idea and then when I agreed they gave me some attitude. I mean, I am paying them right? I know that sounds kind of bitchy and awful but it’s true and I’m going to tip them big time but now I think they’re making all this noise on purpose just so I don’t make a good impression with the neighbors. It’s just a theory but still.”

He found her endearing and charming and so new.

“Oh god.” She wiped her hand on the back of her jeans and then held it out to him. “I’m sorry, I’m so rude. I’m Jamie. Jamie Bell.”

He took her hand. “I know who you are?”

“Oh.” She seemed taken aback. She should have been used to the fame but it was still taking some getting used to.

“Yeah. I know your music.”

“Oh really?” She narrowed her eyes. She knew that she usually skewed towards girls who were going through things; breakups, love, misery.

“You can’t really escape it.” He managed to accidentally make it sound like an insult and held her hand tighter. She pulled back and he let her go. “I mean I like it. You’re really good. I’m a fan.”

“Well thank you.” She looked grateful.

“I’m Jared.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Umm, look.” She turned her gaze back up the stairs. “I really have to let them into the apartment. They’re probably standing up their waiting getting more and more pissed. But it was really nice to meet you, I love meeting fans.”

His face dropped. He really thought that she would know who he was too. And that made him feel like a dick.

“I hope to see you around. Do you want an autograph or something? Maybe a signed CD?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks though.” He was downtrodden.

“Alright.” Another warm smile as she reached back for her suitcase. “I’ll see you around.”

“Sure.” He sighed and looked down at his feet as she climbed the stairs. He knew he should offer to help but he wanted to sulk and nurse his ego instead.

She only made it a few steps when she stopped and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Hey Followill.”

His eyes shot back up to her.

“True Love Way is my favorite.” She shrugged and gathered her hair back into the elastic. “You guys don’t play it enough.”

He laughed and mumbled an embarrassed ‘we’ll work on that for ya’ and she continued up the stairs and he ducked inside the apartment.

She pushes onto his bedroom; not quite their bedroom. She pauses at the door knowing that she shouldn’t even really be here right now. She ended things this morning. She yelled at him and stormed out and took off for the whole day. Calls and texts were ignored and she spent the day on the phone with her agent trying to figure out a way to get back to California as soon as possible. New York was tainted with him and the faster she gets out the better. She acted like a child that runs away from problems instead of facing them head on. But she supposes that they have both been doing that for awhile now. When it comes down to it they are in fact children. They’re not prepared to have this kind of relationship. They just can’t handle it.

With one more deep breath she opens the bedroom door. The blinds are still open and the lights of New York flood through the room and the television is on, the volume on Jimmy Fallon turned down low and between the two the light is enough to show him sprawled out in bed. She’s honestly surprised to see him here. She figured that after what happened between them he would have spent the whole day and night drinking his feelings away and then ended up in some other women’s bed. Jamie panics at the thought and her head whips around to the bathroom and is relived when the space between the bottom of the door and the floor is dark. He didn’t bring a girl home with him. The remote is on the bed next to him and she carefully reaches over the bed and turns the TV off. It’s darker now but she can still see him.  She loves him; there is no doubt in her mind that he’s one of the great loves of her life, or something like that, maybe something less corny. She always wanted to become something with him from the moment that she met him outside of his apartment.

But she had a boyfriend when she first moved to New York. A long time one from back in high school named Cameron. He was sweet and reminded her of home. He didn’t come to New York with her because he had his own job. Something that Jamie loved and respected about him. He didn’t rely on her for money and he wasn’t using her. They both believed that they could make a long distance relationship work because they were young and naive and in love. They had it all including privacy. Almost nobody knew about them except for their family and close friends. Nobody else knew including Jared. And it was best that he didn’t. He wouldn’t want to. When it came down to it Jared was the inadvertent reason that Jamie and Cameron’s relationship ended. Cameron accused her of being too distant and not giving him her all anymore and she couldn’t argue. She wasn’t in that relationship anymore and she was withholding things. At that time she had known and been friends with Jared for two months and Cameron knew nothing. She had never done anything with Jared physically that crossed a line but the emotional affair overwhelmed her innocence. She went to Jared for everything. If she had a problem and needed to talk that’s who she called. She rarely thought about sharing anything with Cameron. In the end it was in Jared’s best interest to know nothing about Cameron. He couldn’t take responsibility for ruining something he didn’t even know was happening. She wouldn’t even put it past him to pretend he didn’t know just to keep his hands clean. But, in defense of that evil genius plan from him she did a really good job at keeping Cameron hidden. No one really paid attention to her on the streets. She blended right into the New York City streets. There were very few paparazzi shots taken of her and none taken of her and Cameron. And she did everything in her power to prevent an accidental run in with Cameron and Jared in their building when Cameron came to visit her in New York. Cameron never questioned why she would pause three steps before Jared’s door each way. She’d stop and listen for him moving around near the door or for the sound of the door opening. Jamie never worked out what she would do if she and Cameron were coming up the stairs and Jared was coming down but maybe if she kept her head down and walked quickly she could have avoided him.

She kept her relationship away from him but he did not extend the same courtesy to her. Not that she would call what he had relationships.

It always happened the same way. She’d be coming up the stairs from a long night at the studio or very rarely, on her way back from hanging out with friends and while she was right in front of Jared’s door it would open, like he just waited for her, and he’d be kissing some girl goodbye. Never the same girl but always the same type of girl. Pretty and nicely dressed and a little tipsy.

Jamie gave a look of panic while she tried to decide if she should wait for the women to pass by her or if she should bolt up to her apartment or retreat down the stairs but by then Jared would have broken the kiss and gave Jamie a sympathetic smile and the women would flip shit at the sight of Jamie Bell standing in front of her.

“Oh my god.”

The women would squeal and go off onto a long tangent about how amazing her luck was to meet both Jared Followill and Jamie Bell on the same night and Jamie would give a fake smile and roll her eyes when the women looked away.

“My friends are just not going to believe this.”

The women would continue on and Jamie would always bet that her friends would believe it.  The women’s friends have probably all been in this exact same situation before; Jamie would even bet she had met a friend of theirs the night before. Then the women would stick her hand out and Jamie would stare down at it, never wanting to take it because she had a pretty good idea of where that hand had been that night and the thought made her cringe but the one of being called a bitch made her feel even worse and Jamie would shake the women’s hand. More often than not that would result in her being pulled into a hug while the women told her that her music meant so much to her and Jamie never felt like more of a snob when she realized that her music was not meant for women like that. Then she would tell Jamie that she had better get going because Jared, and at that point the women would look behind her and touch her hand to his chest and hold it there like she was afraid that he had disappeared, had an early morning and Jamie would have to hold back a laugh because Jamie always new for a fact that Jared was able to sleep until at least ten thirty everyday when he didn’t have to go into the studio. The women would leave with one last kiss goodbye, because there would never be another because he would never see her again, and Jared and Jamie would stand staring at each other as the women’s footsteps would dissipate down the stairwell. Jared would lean against the doorframe and she’d shift her weight from side to side until he would sigh and cross his arms over his chest and ask her ‘how was your night?’ and Jamie would laugh good naturedly and with a playful raise of her eyebrow tell him ‘obviously not as good as yours’ and then they would go their separate ways and never talk about it again.

Every time without fail or variation.

Except for one time.

Jamie went through all the motions except for the very end. There was no good natured laugh or playful raise of her eyebrow. She said her line with attitude in her voice and she rolled her eyes as she turned back up the stairs. He followed after her.

“What the hell is your problem?”

She turned, her hand on the banister a few stairs up from him. “What are you talking about?”

“Why were you such a bitch to her?”

She scoffed as she felt slightly overwhelmed. She had never heard an outburst from him that was directed at her. “I was not a bitch to her. Jared, god, what the hell is your problem?”

“You could have been nicer to her, she asked for a picture.”

“So what? They all ask for a picture and I never give them one. I treated her same as every other ran-do girl you bring home and then kick out.”

“So you just pretend to be nice to them to their face and but you’re really a bitch to them.”

“Stop calling me a bitch, that’s not alright.”

“Then quit acting like one.”

She rolled her eyes again and started back up the stairs. “Maybe I’m a great actress, I should take it up.” She pushed it an inch further. “Are any of your little friends trying to be actresses or models? I could go take a class with them. God, you really know how to pick ‘em.”

“Is that your problem? It’s that they’re not good enough?”

“No. I’m just….ugh.” Her fists balled at her sides in frustration. “I’m sick of it. I see the same thing with you over and over again and it’s boring.” She looks smug and pleased with herself at her word choice. “It’s incredibly dull. You’re predictable. It’s obnoxious.”

“What about the bar and what happened there? That had nothing to do with me.”

She thought he was too drunk to remember that. It was such an insignificant moment. She had been talked into going out with him and his friends and was packed into a booth at a bar with eight people she barely knew and Jared tucked in next to her and she was having a great time. His friends were drunk and hilarious and she was listening to conversations like ‘guess what this girl gave me.’ ‘Something that needed a prescription?’ and ‘How do they keep lighters from catching on fire? Flames are in them and they don’t catch fire. Are they like, flame retardant?’ ‘You’re retardant.’

She laughed at them and as she glanced around the bar she saw some girl that was only looking at Jared. Jamie hoped that she didn’t recognize her from one of those late night run in-s outside of his apartment. She wasn’t sure, all the women’s faces started to blend together into one woman. The way she was staring almost offended Jamie. Didn’t that woman read? Did she even have the ability to? Jamie and Jared were everywhere. Across every social media outlet online and in print. They were strongly rumored to be together. They weren’t, but nobody knew anything for sure. They always looked like they were and they especially did at that moment. She was pressed against him and both their hands were under the table. Of course they had to be sitting that close and their hands were placed safely and innocently in their own laps but still…that girl didn’t know. Jamie eyed her for a few more seconds before she looped her arm through Jared’s. He leaned back in the booth, disentangled his arm from hers and draped it around her shoulder as he pulled her closer. The woman immediately looked away and Jamie felt victorious.

But in the hallway she lied to him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Shut up, Jamie. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“You’re acting like a jerk and I’m done talking to you. Text me when this passes and I’ll see if I’m over it too.”

He kissed her for the first time that night with her back against the wall. The small of her back dug into the railing as he pressed his lips tight to hers; his fingertips digging into her hips. She had tried to walk away from him and he stopped her with the force of his own desires.

Her hands clawed to his shoulders as she pushed him off of her. He was off balance but caught himself on the other side of the stairwell.

“What the hell are you doing?” She yelled, her voice echoed through the stairs, as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. He had just kissed someone; she watched it happen.

“I don’t know.” He stumbled through the words and looked down at his feet.

“Well you should fucking know what you’re doing before you do something like that. What is wrong with you tonight, Jared?” She was furious as she continued to climb the stairs. She had spent four months being friends with him, being very good friends with him. They deserved a better moment than the one that he forced on them.

In the morning there wasn’t a message, voice or text on her phone. That pissed her off. He didn’t have a reason to be mad at her. He should have been apologizing over and over again.

As she left her apartment that afternoon and closed her door, still fuming with anger, a yellow post-it note fluttered to the ground.

‘So sorry about last night. Things got out of hand and I didn’t know what else to do. I hope you’ll forgive me. -Jared.’

She rolled her eyes and crumpled the paper. No way was that enough. A post-it? Come on Jared.

As she passed his door it swung open and she instinctively flinched as she expected to see some girl coming out of it. But it was just him already dressed and looking sheepish.

“Hey.” He ran a hand through his hair as he sighed.

“Hey.” The paper was between her fingers behind her back.

“James, I’m so sorry.” His fingers tugged at the ends of his hair. “I was way out of line last night. Just, way out of line. I’m sorry.”

She regarded him carefully. He wasn’t as put together as he normally was showing he didn’t get the best night’s sleep.

“It’s okay Jared.”

“It’s not though. It’s really not. I’m not like that, I mean, not really anyways. I would hate it if you thought that I was like that.”

“I don’t think that. Last night just sucked. I wasn’t at my best either.”

“You were fine.”

She waved the hand without the note in it. “Let’s call it even. We’re both awesome people that had an awful moment at the same time and in the same place. It’s over. We won’t let it happen again.”

“You really are awesome, Jamie.”

“Oh I know.” She rolled her eyes and smiled. “See you later Jared.”

“You want to have dinner tonight? My friends have been asking about you. You make a very good impression.”

“I know that too.”

They laughed off any tension between them and as she walked down the remaining flights of stairs she unfolded the post-it, working the wrinkles out. That post-it that used to mean nothing suddenly meant everything.

She still has that post-it. It’s tucked away in the top drawer of her dresser. Every time she opens that drawer to grab a bra she sees it and remembers that morning. It’s a reminder for how sweet and caring he can be.

The cold room is becoming too much for her. His bed and his body are warm. They always are. And she missed him. It’s stupid because it’s only been eighteen hours since she’s seen him. They’ve gone so much longer. She’s gone on tour without him; barely even speaking to him.

They were still not totally healed from the incident in the hall; the kiss. They acted like everything was back to normal but deep down they both felt the tension the long talks that lasted hours had been reduced to short chats, waves, and smiles in passing in the hallway. She no longer went to him with problems and he no longer solved them. They didn’t need each other anymore and it hurt. But when he caught her on the sidewalk stuffing suitcases into a cab outside of their building that killed. He thought she was leaving for good, slipping out without even saying a goodbye.

When she saw him her eyes darted around like she was looking for a way out, a clear path to sprint away from him. But she stood her ground and shot the cab driver a pleading look to hurry the hell up. He clearly didn’t understand it.

“Jamie?”

“Hey Jared.” She said nonchalantly enough to make her hate herself.

“What are you…” He trailed off with a finger pointing towards the cab.

“Tour.” She blurted out awkwardly. “Tour, I’m going on tour.”

“Oh, wow.” He was relieved and jammed his hands into his pockets as he leaned back on his heels. “I had no idea.”

“It’s just a short one. Just to generate some buzz about the new album coming out but tickets have been on sale for months so what kind of a friend are you?” She laughed and he studied the ground. Questioning friendship was not a smart move. “I’ll be gone around two months.”

He blew out a short breath and finally met her eyes. “But you’ll be back?”

A frown crossed her whole face and she held his onto his hand. “Yes, of course Jared. I’m not just leaving.”

“Oh, okay.” He thought he should say more but the driver had finished putting the bags into the trunk and began to get impatient.

“Okay well you better get going.”

She leaned in to give him a goodbye hug, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for them to hug, but he let go of her hand and she immediately leaned back.

“I’ll text you. Maybe you could come out for a show somewhere? I’d like that.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

They parted ways and both spent the first month of her tour completely cut off from one another. Neither one of them texted the other and an actual phone call were out of the question.  They didn’t even speak to each other over twitter which had fans of both of them very upset. They cried breakup. Jamie almost wished it was that simple. They definitely weren’t broken up because they were never even together. Truthfully she didn’t know what they were. Even calling them friends was too far fetched. Friendship was slipping away from them with every minute they spent in silence, disconnected from each other.

But then out of the blue a tweet from him came through on her phone.

‘@YoungFollowill: I don’t mean to get sappy, cuz I know she hates it, but I really miss @JamieBell.’

Jamie suddenly felt alive again. One little acknowledgement from him heated her face and made her heart beat faster.

‘@JamieBell: Sometimes it’s okay to be sappy.’ And then she tweeted again. ‘@JamieBell: But grow a pair Followill, jeeze.’

‘@YoungFollowill: No way. I got another month until you come back. It’s going to be a sap-fest.’

The twitter reunion had to happen while she was out with a guy that she met at the venue she played at earlier and as she slid her phone back into her bag and tried to refocus her attention on the man sitting across from her. It was a futile endeavor. Her mind kept wandering back to Jared and she couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to get back on twitter to see what people were saying about them and then she needed to call Jared. She wanted to talk to him.

She called him as soon as she got out of the restaurant and parted ways with her date. He picked up on the first ring and they talked all the way back to her hotel room and she laid on her bed, still fully dressed and done up as she listened to him tell her about finishing up the new album and how he’ll be spending sometime in Nashville and about the tour that they’re planning for early next year and what she had to say felt so boring to her in comparison to what he told her but he listened like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. He never made it to one of her shows but he did make it up to her by picking her up from the airport.

They were them again. She knows that was when she fell in love with him. Jared standing in that crowded airport early in the morning only waiting for her; that was all love.

She starts to undress; moving slowly like a sudden movement from across the room by her will wake him. Her clothes hit the floor. Jeans and her thick sweater look like they belong on his floor scattered with pieces of his own clothing. She kicks her things into a small pile and cringes when the metal on her belt scrapes against the hardwood. He doesn’t react and she carefully peels back the covers and slips beneath them.

She doesn’t touch him; her body is rigid and parallel to him. She would like to keep as much distance as possible.

His breath is shallow and even; his back rising and falling in a steady rhythm as he lies on his stomach with his arms under the pillow, clutching it. He’s just a boy and she fights the urge to kiss his forehead and smooth out his hair. The gentle sound of his breathing is like a lullaby and her eyelids get heavy but she stays awake so she can keep looking at him. She can’t tell if he’s blackout drunk or just exhausted and it’s a little disconcerting that it has to be one extreme or the other. Either way she’s never seen him this peaceful; this quiet.

‘Congratulations Jamie, you finally met someone that can talk as much as you can.’

That’s what her mom told her when she first met Jared. Oh god, her mom. Her mom will be crushed. Her mom and her dad will be. Jamie loves him but Sarah and Robert Bell are in love with him.

They met Jared for the first time last Thanksgiving but they’ve known about him since she moved to New York. Her mother had called him her boyfriend since the gossip magazines had first spotted them together. Jamie had pretty much given up on correcting her. Sarah had put all her hopes for grandchildren on Cameron and Jamie’s relationship so when that fell through she latched onto Jared. Jamie’s father, Robert, was more hesitant to the idea of Jared. ‘You know there’s a reason why he’s still single, Jamie.’ That was his favorite phrase and Jamie always rolled her eyes into the phone and said ‘Yes dad, I know’ to appease him.

Her mother had hope for the two of them and her father had some kind of soft disapproval but Jamie could handle it because they only watched them from a distance. Jamie never gave them the chance to meet him or be charmed by him. They could only read into feelings through the glossy pages of magazines. But reality and fiction collided the week before Thanksgiving.

She was trying to make it up the stairs, her arms full of grocery bags because she refused to make two trips down to the cab. He was coming down the stairs, his keys still in his hand and before she asked for help he grabbed the heaviest bag and bent a little under the unexpected weight.

“Oh my god, what the hell is in here?”

She sighed and leaned against the wall with the bags resting on the railing.

“A turkey. And can I just say that the fact that this building only has a freight elevator is fucking stupid and it’s making me want to move.”

“Why do you have a turkey?” He peered into the bags. “And all this other Thanksgiving stuff? Are you having dinner here? Oh god, Jamie, go home, that’s where you have Thanksgiving.”

She started back up the stairs with him following after. “I’m not having Thanksgiving dinner. I’m having pre-Thanksgiving dinner here on Saturday.”

“Two Thanksgivings? That’s why the rest of the world hates us you know.”

She rolled her eyes and shoved the rest of the bags into his arms so she could open the door. “It’s just going to be my parents. Put the bags on the counter please.”

“Why are you doing a pre-dinner?”

“Because. I have a big family and my parents and I kind of get lost in the mix during the real Thanksgiving so they’re coming down this weekend so I can spend some time with them.”

“That’s nice.” He leaned back on the counter. “So, when should I be over?”

“Jared.”

“What? You mean I don’t get to meet them? Do they even know who I am?”

“They know who you are.”

“Then we should meet. They’d love me.”

“Jared, why would you even want to?”

“Why wouldn’t I want to? You’re my friend and I like to know my friends families.”

There was a good chance that Jared meeting her parents would turn into a disaster. Her mother would be charmed by him and her father would either find another reason to dislike him for fall in love with him like her mother had and everything they had been telling her would be amped up.

But Jared was using one of his most devastatingly pathetic and pleading looks. “I can help you cook.”

“Help me or stand in the kitchen drinking while you watch me cook?”

“I will help. You can’t do this all on your own.”

“It’s really not that hard. I’ve done it before.”

“Do you really not want me to meet them?” He asked softly. “Because if you don’t its cool. No big deal. We can forget that I asked.”

She really hurt his feelings. “Oh Jared.” Everything in her life just had to have an aspect of him in it. “Be here at five to help me. We’ll eat at seven.”

Jared showed up at 4:30 dressed to kill in a soft grey sweater, dark jeans, un-scuffed boots and his glasses on his face. He couldn’t have looked more innocent.

“Are they here yet?” He handed over two big bouquets of flowers into her arms, one of her and one for her mother.

“No, you’re way early and thank you for the flowers.”

“Oh, you think that one is for you? I meant for one to go to your mom and the other to go to your dad.”

“Ha ha.” She laughed dryly and put them both onto the counter. “Now come here, you’re going to help.”

“Seriously? I thought that was just something I said and I wouldn’t have to actually do it.”

“You told me you were serious.”

“I don’t want to get my sweater dirty.”

“I can get you an apron.”

“One off your French maid uniform?”

She wrinkled her nose but laughed anyways and grabbed his arm. “Just roll your sleeves up.” She mumbled and with fingers wrapped around his wrist she slid the sweater up his forearms.  “There, now you don’t have any excuses.”

They were less than graceful in the kitchen. They got in each other’s way constantly, bumping elbows and shoulders and rolling eyes. But they never moved away from each other or gave up any space. Their elbows would knock and she’d sigh in frustration and he would let out an exasperated ‘god, Jamie’ under his breath but they’d lean closer to together.

Her parents showed up at the tail end of their cooking. The turkey was ready to be carved and the mashed potatoes needed to be put into a bowl and she still had a pie in the over.

Jared yanked down his sleeves and straightened his sweater as she answered the door.

Jamie was almost knocked over with the hug that her mother gave her and her father had to pry her off of Jamie just so he could get his turn.

“My baby. I’ve missed you so much.” Her mother coo’d as she smoothed out her hair and Jamie ducked away. She would have been a lot more loving if she didn’t have the task of introducing Jared to them weighing on her mind. Almost on cue Robert cleared his throat uncomfortably. He caught sight of Jared, standing in the kitchen rocking on his heels and rubbing his palms against the sides of his jeans.

Jamie nodded and stretched an arm towards him. “Jared, this is my mom Sarah and my dad, Robert. Guys, this is Jared.”

There was a beat of silence before Sarah and Jared sprang to life. Jared came forward to greet them just as Sarah stepped up and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you Jared, god, I feel like I already know you though.”

“Mom.” Jamie said her name like a warning. She could see the look in her mother’s eyes, the one that said ‘hello future son in law, father of my grandchildren.’ But Sarah simply hushed her and held Jared by the elbows.

“You know the pictures in the magazines just don’t you do any justice.”

“Aw come on.” Jared blushed and Jamie rolled her eyes. “I can see where Jamie gets her beauty from.”

“God.” Jamie said under her breath as her and her father made the same unimpressed noise.

When Sarah finally let him go he shook Robert’s hand. Everyone in the room could feel the tension as the two men eyed each other. Although, it was terribly one sided. Robert, who had about six inches and thirty pounds on Jared, made him look like a scared little boy and Jamie had to literally break through the hand shake to separate them.

“Okay, everyone.” She slowly started to usher Jared into the dining room. “The food is done, just some little things have to be put into bowls and whatever and dad, you can go carve the turkey if you want to,  I know how much you like to do that. So…” She trailed off as she jerked her head towards the kitchen. Her mother got the hint first and pulled Robert toward the kitchen doorway and when they disappeared behind it she turned to Jared and sighed.

“I could have thought of something better to say to your mother than the thing about you. I mean, it was alright but I could have done better. You know I could have done better. And your father makes me very nervous.”

“Trust me Jared; no one is more nervous than I am.”

“Why are you nervous? You know them.”

“Exactly. Jared, if something goes wrong tonight you get to walk away from it all. You don’t ever have to see them again. I will always have to see them.”

And, on the other side of it was the idea of things going really well. If her mom fell even more in love with him and her dad finally came around and they’d both be on her constantly to give it a go with him.

“You really think something is going to go wrong? It’ll get worse? I was hoping it was going to get better. How can it get worse?”

“Just relax. It’ll be okay.”

“I don’t really believe you when you say that and it’s unnerving. I need some support here, James.”

“Oh my god. I really cannot deal with your insecurities right now. Just sit down and relax.”

“I can’t just sit in here while they’re in there doing stuff. I have to help.”

“Jared.” She held his arms like her mom did but there was nothing affectionate about it. “Calm down. I’ll be right back.”

She paused at the entrance of the kitchen to look back at him. He had sat down but the line of his shoulders was tense and rigid as he fiddled with the silverware and glass at his place setting. He was so nervous and she felt so bad for him. She had never seen him like that. The Jared she was used to, the one that effortlessly commanded attention at bars and clubs while he downed a drink like a pro and checked out women one after another was gone. He had been reduced to a small mess of a man and Jamie felt like she was stuck between the two rooms. A part of her wanted to go to him and comfort him, tell him everything was going to be okay.

Sarah burst through the door holding bowls of food and caught Jamie off guard.

“Oh, sorry Hun.” Then she lowered her voice and leaned in. “Why don’t you go talk to your father. Help take the edge off of him. He’s acting like an idiot.”

“You want me to leave you alone with Jared?”

“I’ll keep my hands to myself, I swear.” She said with a cheeky grin that immediately morphed into a bright smile as soon she saw Jared.

“Mom sent me in here to make you stop acting like an idiot.”

Robert didn’t turn his back but he did stop carving for a moment. “Is that what she said?”

“Something like it.” She quipped then crossed her arms over her chest. “Why don’t you like him, dad? What did he ever do to you?”

“Nothing. It’s what he’s going to do to you.”

“Dad, nothing has happened. We’re only friends.”

“That’s how it all starts. You and Cameron started out as friends and look how that turned out.”

“That was different. I was young.”

“You are still young and he.” He pointed to the dining room with the knife. “Is too old for you.”

“Friendship doesn’t have an age limit.”

“Don’t get smart with me Jamie.” His words were scolding but his tone was joking and Jamie eased herself up onto the counter.

She could hear the conversation between Jared and her mother from her perch.

“I’m so glad she met you Jared. I think she really lucked out. She just moved out here on a whim, packed up her bags and took off because she turned twenty one and thought she was all grown up so we wouldn’t worry about her but that’s all we did. And then with what happened with Cameron….you do know about Cameron don’t you?”

Jamie’s feet hit the floor. She wanted to intercept the conversation but she knew that bursting into the room would incriminate her. She’d have to face the question of ‘why doesn’t he know about your boyfriend’ right away.

“She never mentioned him.”

“Really? Well, Cameron and Jamie started dating in high school and I really thought they were in it for the long haul, you know? They talked about marriage but they were so young but still….I thought they’d make it. But they broke up a few months after she came here and honestly Jared, I thought it had something to do with you.”

Jamie held her breath.

“I’m not accusing you or anything. They had distance against them and their ages finally caught up to them and I’m sure it was a hundred other things. You didn’t even know about him.”

“She never said anything.” He said.

“She was always a very private person. Cameron wasn’t very well known by anyone. I don’t think his picture was ever in a magazine. But she was alone and here when it happened and I think you really helped. That’s what I think now. You didn’t cause it, you helped her. Like a distraction. And I want to thank you for that. If she called us crying because things were done between them I don’t know what we would’ve done.”

Jared’s response was muddled by her dad pushing through the door while he exclaimed that dinner was ready.

Jared leaned back in his chair but didn’t look any more relaxed, especially when Robert took his seat at the head of the table in the chair closest to Jared and Jamie winced because she should have planned that better. She should have acted as the buffer between them.

So Jamie slid into the chair next to Jared and gave him her best smile. But he could see through it and frowned back at her.

“So Jared.” Robert cleared his throat and settled into his chair. “What is it that you do?”

“Ummm.” Jared stammered and his fingers drummed against the table cloth. Jamie put her hand on his arm.

“He knows what you do. He’s just trying to be funny or something.” She said through narrowed eyes. “His humor is sick.”

“Well I know what you do, Jared.” Sarah swooped in like a hero. “I’m such a fan. I was before Jamie even knew you. I was the one who introduced her to your music.”

“That’s not true.” Jamie interrupted.

“Is it too. Who found whose copy of Because Of The Times in whose car and stole it?”

“Your mom is so much cooler than you are.”

Everyone, including her father laughed and Jamie put her hand on his knee under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze; telling him that he did the right thing. His gaze found hers and he was smiling and the contact lingered for too long and she removed her hand, deeming the action as far too intimate.

Her father didn’t seem too happy with his luke-warmness to Jared because he quickly changed the subject. “What about you, James, how are you doing? How far along are you on the new album?”

“Not very far. I’ve just got a few songs done. There not very good.”

“I think they’re good.” Jared said softly.

“Wait. You’ve heard them? Jamie doesn’t let anyone hear anything until it’s completely finished.” Sarah wiggled her eyebrows at Jamie. She just got more ammunition for her Jamie loves Jared argument and was very excited.

“I just played him a few things. I was just fooling around. It wasn’t anything great.”

And she only played for him as the result of a few drinks. One minute she was conservatively taking sips from a glass and the next she was sitting cross legged on her living room floor with a guitar across her lap singing for Jared who was on his couch holding a beer. She never looked him in the eye while she was singing because she quickly realized that every word she was singing was about him.

“You think you got another Grammy winner on your hands?”

“I doubt it. I think lightning has already struck with that.”

“Twice.” Robert pointed out. “Lightning has already struck twice.”

“Still…”

“I think you can do it.” Jared nodded. “I mean, if what I’ve heard was just you fooling around then what you’ve got done seriously has got to be amazing.”

“Thanks Jared.”

“I really mean it.”

“I didn’t know you were a fan of hers.” Sarah said.

He tipped his head from side to side and took a drink of water. “I’m pretty much a fan of everything she does.”

Jamie rolled her eyes but tucked her chin into her shoulder in a show of bashfulness, Sarah swooned at his kind words and Robert scoffed.

But things did even out as the dinner went on. Her mother was already very much won over and she saw signs of her father softening. His brow un-furrowed and the judgment left his eyes as the ever present frown slowly dissolved off his lips when Jared began to talk about his family, something Jared did with the effortless grace and touch of a professional story teller.

Jamie waited until the conversation between the two men got rolling before she got up from the table and started to clear the plates. She wanted to slip out and then back in with dessert without being noticed, she didn’t want to interrupt the unsteady common ground they had just struck.

Jared had to notice her and asked her if she needed any help and started to get up from his chair. She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down.

“No, no. It’s fine. You stay; you practically cooked the whole thing. I’m just going to throw these in the dishwasher and get some dessert.”

“You sure you don’t need any help?”

“I told you its fine.” She leaned across him for her father’s plate and whispered ‘just stay, you’re doing well’.

“I’ll help her Jared but that’s really sweet of you to offer.” Sarah said as she stood up and started to collect plates. “You could learn something from him, Robert.” She joked as she started to push Jamie towards the kitchen.

Once the door shut behind her, Sarah leaned back on it and sighed.

“He is absolutely the reason that you and Cam didn’t work out, isn’t he?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jamie. Come on, I’m not even being funny now. What is going on with him?”

“There is nothing going on with him.”

“Jamie.” She shook her head and crossed the floor to stand next to Jamie. “He really likes you.”

“Of course he likes me, we’re friends.”

“But what if he wants to be more?”

Jamie laughed as she cut the pie. “I promise that he doesn’t.”

“And you don’t want anything more? You like him too, Jamie.”

“I know that I do. We’re friends. How many times do I have to say that?”

“You played for him. You feel comfortable with him.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time with him.”

“Have you spent time with any other man? Have you even tried to date someone or has all your time been spent on Jared?”

“I’ve been out a few times.”

“Then how come I haven’t heard anything about them? Why is it all about Jared all the time?”

“It is not like that.” She muttered. “The other guys just haven’t been worth mentioning.”

“Why not?”

“Because mom, not every guy is going to be like Cameron. Not everyone is going to be perfect and funny and interesting. I won’t always click with everyone and I won’t want to date every one for seven years and that’s okay. That’s good. I don’t even have to date. I was with Cam forever and it’s good to be single.”

“But you don’t have to be.”

“Maybe I want to be.”

“Do you?”

No. Truthfully she hated being single.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Sure it does. If he really likes you…”

“He doesn’t, mom. It’s not like that.”

“How do you know? Have you asked him?”

“That’s not something normal people do.”

“Then how do you really know?”

She weighed everything nice he ever did for her and the heated kiss in the hallway against the parade of women she had seen coming out of his apartment and how they never even talked about the kiss.

“Trust me mom, he doesn’t.”

Their sullen mood was broken by laughter from the other room. Ground was broken in their absence and then the women re-entered the room they saw the two men sitting on the couch totally relaxed and tension free.

“You didn’t tell me your dad liked classic cars.” Jared told her and Jamie nodded with wide eyed amazement.

“I thought all dads did.”

“Jared was telling me about this car show in Long Island tomorrow and we’re going to go.”

“Who is ‘we’re’?”

“Me and Jared.”

“You and Jared? You and Jared are going to Long Island.”

“Yeah. You can come if you want to?” Jared shrugged and Robert shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. You two go and have fun.”

They didn’t hear her because they were onto another topic.

For the next three hours Jared and Robert carried the conversation and Sarah and Jamie were only supporting players, needed only to chime in with details about past memories.

It looked like hell had frozen over because by the end of the night Robert was possibly even more in love with him than Sarah was.
She had to drag him away when it was time for them to finally go to bed.

Jamie made sure they were safely and comfortably tucked away in the guest bedroom then stood in the hallway and watched Jared gather up the glasses that had been left behind, most of them still half full of wine. His sleeves were rolled up again and he looked so much happier; like the kind of man she knew him to be.

She rested her shoulder against the wall and crossed her arms then cleared her throat to get his attention. “Have you ever thought about running for office, because if you can win over my father, then there is no telling what you can get the American public to do?”

He chuckled; the glasses clinked together in his hand. “I did it. You doubted me didn’t you?”

“I did. I really did. I doubted your charm and I never will again.”

“That’s right.” He slid the glasses onto the table. “I feel so accomplished.” He boasted and she shook her head as she made her
way to the couch, flipping off the lights as she went so only the lamp next to the couch was on and she sat down.

“Alright, calm down. You didn’t cure cancer or anything.”

“Got damn close.” He said as he sat down next to her. His body was twisted towards her with one leg crossed over the other. “I do have to go into Long Island tomorrow though.”

“You know you don’t have to do that. If something just happened to come up….”

“But I want to. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” She smiled too widely. “I like it I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It’s surprising. I didn’t really expect it.”

“I’m a wonder boy.”

Jamie smiled and with her eyes closed rested her head back against the couch. She heard him take a slow breath and felt him shift so his elbow was on the back pillow.

“I didn’t know about your boyfriend.”

She peeked at him through one eye. “Exboyfriend.”

“Well I didn’t know about him. Why not?”

“You didn’t know about him? Really?”

“You never mentioned him.”

“Not a lot of people knew about him. Don’t take it personally.”

“I’m not taking it personally. I just think it’s funny. I thought friends shared stuff like that.”

She sighed. “You’re taking it personally.”

“I am not. I’m trying to figure out why you didn’t tell me.”

“What would it have mattered? You obviously knew anyways.”

“I don’t know. I guess I just like knowing what’s going on with you.”

“I dated a guy and we broke up.”

“But you dated him for a long time. Why did it end?”

She rolled her head to him and opened both eyes. “Can we drop this?”

“You don’t want me to know?”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to know it’s that it was a long time ago and I’m over it and if we’re really friends you would understand that and drop it.”

He stared at her for a long moment before stretching his arms out in front of him.

“I think this pre-Thanksgiving was a huge success.”

She laughed loudly as her body relaxed into the couch.

“On Thursday we do it all over again for real.”

“Ugh. I’m going to get so fat.”

She scoffed. “I think you’ll be okay.”

“We should to this again next year. Or maybe you could come down to Nashville with me. Go through the wringer with my family.”

“Yeah right, next year.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah, next year. Why is that so funny?”

“Because Jared, you don’t really think there’s going to be a next year, do you?”

“The worlds not supposed to end until December 2012 so we’ll get a Thanksgiving. Unless you know something I don’t.”

“No, I’m talking about us. Do you really think what we’re doing is going to last another year?”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Because things change. Who you were a year ago is not who you are now. Nothing lasts.”

“So you’re going to stop being friends with me?”

She noticed his attitude and that the situation was disintegrating in front of her.

“That’s not it at all. I’m saying that we’re friends and it’s not always going to be like this.”

His crossed leg hit the floor and he leaned forward while she desperately and suddenly clung to his arm.

“This is coming out wrong. It’s not coming out the right way and it’s making me sound awful. I’m not saying that we’re not going to be friends but things are going to change. It won’t be like this forever. A year from now it might be the same but two or three years from now you won’t be having dinner with my parents and I won’t be stopping by your place whenever I feel like it.”

“Why not?” He said hotly and her fingertips dug into his skin further.

“I’m going to meet someone eventually. I want to get married at some point and it’s going to be different.”

“So you’re going to find someone else and forget about me?” He broke free of her grasp and stood up.

“You’re going to find someone too Jared. You really think your wife or girlfriend is going to be okay with you and me being what we are right now? Are you going to tell her that you can’t have dinner with her parents because you have to have dinner with mine instead? I’m trying to be realistic. Nothing lasts Jared.”

“It does if you want them to. I can’t believe this.”

“What can’t you believe?”

“That you think I’m disposable.”

“That’s not what I think.” She said defensively as he started to walk to the door. “Please don’t walk away.”

“I’m tired.”

“I hate when you do that. I hate when you make up some stupid excuse to get out talking to me.”

“It’s not talking, it’s fighting and I really don’t want to fight with you right now.”

“You want to do it in the morning when you pick my dad up?” She pointed out. “You know I’ll be here.”

He turned to face her at the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her father was up first in the morning, followed by her mother who was cooking breakfast when Jamie awoke.

“How long have you been up?” Jamie asked.

“For way too long.” Sarah said before Robert had a chance to. “It’s kind of cute. Like a kid waiting for Christmas morning.”

“A son waiting for his father to come home so he can take him fishing.”  Jamie added.

Robert rolled his eyes. “Jamie is he reliable? He said ten o’clock.”

“It’s nine forty-five.”

“I told him he could come by for breakfast.”

“Oh my god.” Jamie said softly and there was a knock at the door. “There. He’s early and he can eat breakfast with you and then you guys can go elope or whatever.”

She answered the door after a deep breath because she didn’t know what she was going to get.

He simply looked like crap.

“You didn’t get any sleep. You still look tired.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine. That’s fine. We’ll just ignore it and everything will be fine. That’s how it always is.”  With a roll of her eyes she walked away from him but he caught her wrist.

“I don’t want to talk about it because I know you’re right.” He said in a hushed voice. “I know things won’t always be the same and you’re going to get married someday. And I don’t want to talk about that.” He said briskly as he squeezed her wrist then walked off to meet up with her dad.