sleepy hubbys
I am visiting my husband for the weekend, and all he can do is sleep. Not like it's different from any other weekend. He's supposed to take me out to dinner for my birthday tonight... I'm in the mood for chinese.... Mmmmmm.
I feel like such a dumbass. I tried to call Jay this morning. In theory, it should be an easy enough thing to do. I've known him for a long time, even if there were years apart between us. Theoretically, the way I feel about him and his friendship should make it easy to just pick up and continue a friendship no matter how much catching up we have to do. The fact is, I was sooooo nervous, I had to gather courage to call him. In the end, I was relieved that he didn't pick up and that I could leave a message. It felt a lot less pressurefull. Baby steps, Rae... Baby steps.
It goes to figure that I don’t seemingly have as many friends as some. Seeing as how reserved in nature I am. But I think that the most important thing is that my friends, my real friends are friends of quality. I owe that to the simple fact of my nature - my reserved, observing nature. I don’t open up until I feel comfortable doing so, allowing time for me to figure out somebody before I allow them to figure me out.
I seem to be quite an oddity here in America -- with so many loud, and obnoxious people trying to gain attention and as many ‘friends’ as possible. Not that that doesn’t happen in other countries too… Only, in my experience, less so. I have a very, very Swedish personality that dictates that I don’t just go up to someone and start talking if I don’t know them or have business doing so.
In my life, everyone fits into one of five categories: Friends (the people that I truly care about - I care what they think of me, I care what goes on in their lives, I just plain care (or love whether it be romantically or otherwise.)), Family, Other Friends, Friendly Acquaintances, and Non-Friendly Acquaintances.
There are only five people that fit into my first category of “Friends:”
Jesse, Ulice, Annemieke, Jay, and Ben.
I have connected with these people at some point during our relationships, and no matter how long a time I may be out of contact with some of them (namely Jay and Ben), they still have a lifelong friend in me. It’ll take a lot for me to stop caring about any one of these people. There is only one person on the list that I have never had an argument or ill feelings toward, and she’s been my best friend for eight years. Every other one I’ve had at least one fight with… and one fight I had with Ben had me not talking to him for a year - but he’s still on my list.
Logically, Ben shouldn’t even be there. Ulice and Annemieke would tell you how much of a turd he is and how rocky our relationship was. … And how much they both disliked him. I can’t even explain it myself, there is just something there that makes me care. I cared so much that when he told me he wanted to kill himself slowly and painfully (because quickly is taking the coward’s way out) by smoking unfiltered cigarettes (Because it’s still faster to getting to cancer or whatever than filtered), I literally hit the roof. I was so pissed at him that he could even think of such a thing. It’s like he didn’t realize or think that there are people around that actually cared about him. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell him sooner. It still took me a good year and a half later for me to tell him that. And to tell him that’s why that incident pissed me off so much. I told him the last time I saw him… I haven’t seen him since June 2002. I’m also sorry that I never spilled the beans about Johanna (or whatever her name was) even though I had always felt like it was none of my business… He needed to know and his friends didn’t want to tell him… Thanks a lot for the guilt trip, Suzzie!
Annemieke, or “Micah,” as I called her, was just always a good friend to me. There’s not much else to say but that I had loads of fun with her, I was comfortable with her, and I knew that I could trust her.
Ulice has been my best friend for eight years. I met her first in Ethiopia, where we went to school together. We slowly became friends and then shortly before I moved to America for six months, we found out that we were both moving to Stockholm, and both would be going to Kungsholmen together. We got to know each other better after the move and we discovered that we are so compatible that we should be lovers… I have never, ever had a fight with her. The closest thing was once when I was pissy and she thought I was mad at her when all I was just in a plain ole pissy mood. I have never known any other person like her. (Besides me.)
During that six month stint in America, I met and dated Jay. I’m not sure I can explain him either. He at least has more place being there than Ben. We dated for only two months. He was a really sweet boyfriend, but then we broke up because we were both moving. I remember that we had a terrible fight after the breakup, but luckily we made up right before we moved. We then became email buddies. He is the only boyfriend I have ever been able to be friends with afterwards. My theory is that that’s because it was over email and that way it’s less awkward, and you have the time to build a friendship without having to actually be around the person and feel the awkwardness and all that a breakup entails.
He would always write to me asking for girl advice, or sending me poems or ideas, asking for my opinion. There’s also the fact that he normally wrote fairly long emails, which made me feel like he could make the time for me. That always made me feel valued and I appreciated that quality in him. That’s probably the main reason he got onto my list. It probably also helps that I think he was my first love. It’s like, mandatory, that you keep a place in your heart for your first love.
Then, of course, there’s Jesse. He’s my last love (hopefully), because he’s my husband. How can he not be on my list? I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t care about him… There’s not much else to say about that. I hadn’t even been attracted to him when I first met him. There’s just something endearing about that sweet, though exasperating, man. Jag älska dig, älskling.
There are about four people who teeter on the edge between “Friend” and “Other Friend.” (Kim, Amber, Suzzie, and Mahan.) Let’s hope that one day they, too, will fall over into something more.
I dunno if it's a curse or a blessing, but I have a very, very swedish personality. I am very reserved and I won't be comfortable opening up until I've had a chance to observe and get to know whoever. I have to get comfortable in my environment. I think that it was a curse as far as this morning trying to call Jay... no matter how comfortable I am writing emails, talking on the phone is a horse of a different color.
I think that's why I was more comfortable living in Sweden. my attitude and personality is expected. In America I'm not comfortable with the fact that people who have never met me will come up to me and comment on how quiet I am, how I should smile or whatever. People, I have heard it all! Your jokes are all the same and they were never funny. My entire life I've had people tell me I should be happy and smile (When i already am happy, I just don't look it to them I guess.) It irritates me now when my new boss tells me not to look 'bored.' and I just think, dude, you haven't seen me bored yet...
It also annoys me that throughout the duration of my life I've had literally thousands, maybe more, people tell me to talk, not be so quiet... what ever. I am not so obnoxious that I have to talk just to talk or be the center of attention. I talk when I have something to say, problem is, many of those who tell me to talk in the first place either cut me off while I'm talking - to continue to hear themselves talk, or make some joke such as "She Speaks!" Which is just plain not funny, nor is it original.
Actually, I think in a hidden way, my personality is a blessing. I wouldn't know who really matters to me if I were any other way.
Well, I gotto go.
Ses
I feel like such a dumbass. I tried to call Jay this morning. In theory, it should be an easy enough thing to do. I've known him for a long time, even if there were years apart between us. Theoretically, the way I feel about him and his friendship should make it easy to just pick up and continue a friendship no matter how much catching up we have to do. The fact is, I was sooooo nervous, I had to gather courage to call him. In the end, I was relieved that he didn't pick up and that I could leave a message. It felt a lot less pressurefull. Baby steps, Rae... Baby steps.
It goes to figure that I don’t seemingly have as many friends as some. Seeing as how reserved in nature I am. But I think that the most important thing is that my friends, my real friends are friends of quality. I owe that to the simple fact of my nature - my reserved, observing nature. I don’t open up until I feel comfortable doing so, allowing time for me to figure out somebody before I allow them to figure me out.
I seem to be quite an oddity here in America -- with so many loud, and obnoxious people trying to gain attention and as many ‘friends’ as possible. Not that that doesn’t happen in other countries too… Only, in my experience, less so. I have a very, very Swedish personality that dictates that I don’t just go up to someone and start talking if I don’t know them or have business doing so.
In my life, everyone fits into one of five categories: Friends (the people that I truly care about - I care what they think of me, I care what goes on in their lives, I just plain care (or love whether it be romantically or otherwise.)), Family, Other Friends, Friendly Acquaintances, and Non-Friendly Acquaintances.
There are only five people that fit into my first category of “Friends:”
Jesse, Ulice, Annemieke, Jay, and Ben.
I have connected with these people at some point during our relationships, and no matter how long a time I may be out of contact with some of them (namely Jay and Ben), they still have a lifelong friend in me. It’ll take a lot for me to stop caring about any one of these people. There is only one person on the list that I have never had an argument or ill feelings toward, and she’s been my best friend for eight years. Every other one I’ve had at least one fight with… and one fight I had with Ben had me not talking to him for a year - but he’s still on my list.
Logically, Ben shouldn’t even be there. Ulice and Annemieke would tell you how much of a turd he is and how rocky our relationship was. … And how much they both disliked him. I can’t even explain it myself, there is just something there that makes me care. I cared so much that when he told me he wanted to kill himself slowly and painfully (because quickly is taking the coward’s way out) by smoking unfiltered cigarettes (Because it’s still faster to getting to cancer or whatever than filtered), I literally hit the roof. I was so pissed at him that he could even think of such a thing. It’s like he didn’t realize or think that there are people around that actually cared about him. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell him sooner. It still took me a good year and a half later for me to tell him that. And to tell him that’s why that incident pissed me off so much. I told him the last time I saw him… I haven’t seen him since June 2002. I’m also sorry that I never spilled the beans about Johanna (or whatever her name was) even though I had always felt like it was none of my business… He needed to know and his friends didn’t want to tell him… Thanks a lot for the guilt trip, Suzzie!
Annemieke, or “Micah,” as I called her, was just always a good friend to me. There’s not much else to say but that I had loads of fun with her, I was comfortable with her, and I knew that I could trust her.
Ulice has been my best friend for eight years. I met her first in Ethiopia, where we went to school together. We slowly became friends and then shortly before I moved to America for six months, we found out that we were both moving to Stockholm, and both would be going to Kungsholmen together. We got to know each other better after the move and we discovered that we are so compatible that we should be lovers… I have never, ever had a fight with her. The closest thing was once when I was pissy and she thought I was mad at her when all I was just in a plain ole pissy mood. I have never known any other person like her. (Besides me.)
During that six month stint in America, I met and dated Jay. I’m not sure I can explain him either. He at least has more place being there than Ben. We dated for only two months. He was a really sweet boyfriend, but then we broke up because we were both moving. I remember that we had a terrible fight after the breakup, but luckily we made up right before we moved. We then became email buddies. He is the only boyfriend I have ever been able to be friends with afterwards. My theory is that that’s because it was over email and that way it’s less awkward, and you have the time to build a friendship without having to actually be around the person and feel the awkwardness and all that a breakup entails.
He would always write to me asking for girl advice, or sending me poems or ideas, asking for my opinion. There’s also the fact that he normally wrote fairly long emails, which made me feel like he could make the time for me. That always made me feel valued and I appreciated that quality in him. That’s probably the main reason he got onto my list. It probably also helps that I think he was my first love. It’s like, mandatory, that you keep a place in your heart for your first love.
Then, of course, there’s Jesse. He’s my last love (hopefully), because he’s my husband. How can he not be on my list? I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t care about him… There’s not much else to say about that. I hadn’t even been attracted to him when I first met him. There’s just something endearing about that sweet, though exasperating, man. Jag älska dig, älskling.
There are about four people who teeter on the edge between “Friend” and “Other Friend.” (Kim, Amber, Suzzie, and Mahan.) Let’s hope that one day they, too, will fall over into something more.
I dunno if it's a curse or a blessing, but I have a very, very swedish personality. I am very reserved and I won't be comfortable opening up until I've had a chance to observe and get to know whoever. I have to get comfortable in my environment. I think that it was a curse as far as this morning trying to call Jay... no matter how comfortable I am writing emails, talking on the phone is a horse of a different color.
I think that's why I was more comfortable living in Sweden. my attitude and personality is expected. In America I'm not comfortable with the fact that people who have never met me will come up to me and comment on how quiet I am, how I should smile or whatever. People, I have heard it all! Your jokes are all the same and they were never funny. My entire life I've had people tell me I should be happy and smile (When i already am happy, I just don't look it to them I guess.) It irritates me now when my new boss tells me not to look 'bored.' and I just think, dude, you haven't seen me bored yet...
It also annoys me that throughout the duration of my life I've had literally thousands, maybe more, people tell me to talk, not be so quiet... what ever. I am not so obnoxious that I have to talk just to talk or be the center of attention. I talk when I have something to say, problem is, many of those who tell me to talk in the first place either cut me off while I'm talking - to continue to hear themselves talk, or make some joke such as "She Speaks!" Which is just plain not funny, nor is it original.
Actually, I think in a hidden way, my personality is a blessing. I wouldn't know who really matters to me if I were any other way.
Well, I gotto go.
Ses