Time and healing
Regardless of what happened or how it happened or why it happened...it happened. I know that not all of my actions were the best, and that I failed to trust. I am so grateful for what I learned, but I am tired of the drama. Is it so much to ask to be in a loving, passionate, monogamous, mutually beneficial relationship? I guess for some it is. I love him, but I have to be my first priority. I'm tired of going to a source to get my needs met who so obviously can not meet them. Even when I ask for those specific needs to be met. How do you let something like Valentine's Day come and go with absolutely no contact to the person who you are supposedly with? I can't do this with him anymore, its just not healthy. I don't know whether to confront him, or just stay silent and let my silence speak for me. I need some time to make sure that I am ready to walk away from him once and for all. Right now I am hurting, and still loving him too much. I need to be sure to walk with a clear conscience, a certainty of mind, and a strength of heart. I am not choosing to stop loving him ( can't do that), I am just choosing to start loving me as I deserve to be loved.