we're not going to stand down
I tried going to sleep tonight and it just wouldn't happen. I think it's the mood this book I've been reading has put me in: Douglas Coupland's 'Girlfriend In A Coma' - and no it's not a Smiths reference even though that's all I've heard from people ("Oh like the Smiths song?"). It's about aging and losing your way, or perhaps not really having a way to begin with. Then some insanity happens. But it was the stuff about youth and loss and confusion that really put me in a tizzy.
Just philosophy about life in the modern world. It's strange. Technology has me so spooked lately. But I feel so wired into it, like a J-tube that's attached to my belly. [Haha, I steal everything.] Why are we so content with progress for the sake of progress? Where is the underground bohemian culture that isn't tied in with technology? Why can't a 'normal' person function without the use of a cellphone? Why does the Internet make life better? Is the ability to know everything about everything in an instant really make us evolved? Again, I have the same thoughts but I don't know if they're useful or not. I want to do something.. but..
More problems with motivation. And there's this nagging issue of what I'm doing here. What am I doing? But never these questions during the day. With the night come doubts and perceived failings. On the other hand, I haven't really succeeded at anything since I was in high school. It's a new feeling.
"I didn't realize then that so much of being adult is reconciling ourselves with the awkwardness and strangeness of our own feelings. Youth is the time of life lived for some imaginary audience." ~Douglas Coupland
But I'd like to do my part. So many people in this world simply do not care about it or even regard their lives as being part of something larger then themselves. If I can see that I am part of a greater humanity then I can see how terribly stunted that humanity's growth is right now. And I should want to help to change it for the better. And I do. And I'll try.
I just wonder how it's going to happen when I'm on this seemingly dead end path I've beaten for myself.
No one wants to read this kind of insular self-pity, but by writing it I really feel it helps me out. It's like I'm beating myself with reeds to make a point. As long as I continue to do it, maybe it'll begin to leave a mark instead of just wearing off.
Just philosophy about life in the modern world. It's strange. Technology has me so spooked lately. But I feel so wired into it, like a J-tube that's attached to my belly. [Haha, I steal everything.] Why are we so content with progress for the sake of progress? Where is the underground bohemian culture that isn't tied in with technology? Why can't a 'normal' person function without the use of a cellphone? Why does the Internet make life better? Is the ability to know everything about everything in an instant really make us evolved? Again, I have the same thoughts but I don't know if they're useful or not. I want to do something.. but..
More problems with motivation. And there's this nagging issue of what I'm doing here. What am I doing? But never these questions during the day. With the night come doubts and perceived failings. On the other hand, I haven't really succeeded at anything since I was in high school. It's a new feeling.
"I didn't realize then that so much of being adult is reconciling ourselves with the awkwardness and strangeness of our own feelings. Youth is the time of life lived for some imaginary audience." ~Douglas Coupland
But I'd like to do my part. So many people in this world simply do not care about it or even regard their lives as being part of something larger then themselves. If I can see that I am part of a greater humanity then I can see how terribly stunted that humanity's growth is right now. And I should want to help to change it for the better. And I do. And I'll try.
I just wonder how it's going to happen when I'm on this seemingly dead end path I've beaten for myself.
No one wants to read this kind of insular self-pity, but by writing it I really feel it helps me out. It's like I'm beating myself with reeds to make a point. As long as I continue to do it, maybe it'll begin to leave a mark instead of just wearing off.