yesterday was dramatic, today is okay
i almost emailed you today.
Subject: none
Text:
i miss you.
-k
i paused for a thousand years, mouse over the send button, remembering you. remembering us.
every day lately is only a shadow of the past: a birthday, an anniversary, a thanksgiving, a death -
a reminder
a reminder
a reminder.
elliot smith plays in my head and everything reminds me of you.
is this what i need? am i finally grieving a love i lost months ago? or is it years now...
like a stubborn child, i refuse to let go. i stomp my feet, cross my arms, shake my head. if i close my eyes tight enough i can still see your face, can hear your voice in my ear. we were everything. we were air.
we danced and life was new.
it hurt. oh, jesus it hurt so bad just to breathe, but we were breathing together. my lungs felt about to collapse near the end - but still, its hard to think that miserable with you was any worse than happy without you.
it is. i know that. life is better now. without you.
i think.
you told me that we were forever and i didn't believe you. this is one bet i never wanted to win.
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
and now, as i sit satisfied, loving, joy-filled
as i watch myself grow in love and life
as i live out each day with my heart fuller
as i greet every morning with renewed hope and happiness
as i look toward the future
my heart breaks just a little to know that you won't be a part of it.
and the only reason i don't call
the only reason i don't write
the only reason i dont drive through the night just to see you, is because
i think your life might be better now. without me.
i think.
my lungs deflate, then slowly fill again. huh - i can breathe after all.
i wasn't sure for a second.
i had no idea what i was getting into.
but now, time has passed, and i am breathing. the sun comes up and goes down again, i watch it leave knowing it will return in the morning. always.
reading your entry made me tired.
there were reasons i didnt hit send in the first place. if i thought that fighting for us would do us any good, could resurrect us, could make us new again, i would.
but you let mirah speak for you in ways your own cryptic words refused - we can never go home again.
you win. i quit.
Subject: none
Text:
i miss you.
-k
i paused for a thousand years, mouse over the send button, remembering you. remembering us.
every day lately is only a shadow of the past: a birthday, an anniversary, a thanksgiving, a death -
a reminder
a reminder
a reminder.
elliot smith plays in my head and everything reminds me of you.
is this what i need? am i finally grieving a love i lost months ago? or is it years now...
like a stubborn child, i refuse to let go. i stomp my feet, cross my arms, shake my head. if i close my eyes tight enough i can still see your face, can hear your voice in my ear. we were everything. we were air.
we danced and life was new.
it hurt. oh, jesus it hurt so bad just to breathe, but we were breathing together. my lungs felt about to collapse near the end - but still, its hard to think that miserable with you was any worse than happy without you.
it is. i know that. life is better now. without you.
i think.
you told me that we were forever and i didn't believe you. this is one bet i never wanted to win.
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
and now, as i sit satisfied, loving, joy-filled
as i watch myself grow in love and life
as i live out each day with my heart fuller
as i greet every morning with renewed hope and happiness
as i look toward the future
my heart breaks just a little to know that you won't be a part of it.
and the only reason i don't call
the only reason i don't write
the only reason i dont drive through the night just to see you, is because
i think your life might be better now. without me.
i think.
my lungs deflate, then slowly fill again. huh - i can breathe after all.
i wasn't sure for a second.
i had no idea what i was getting into.
but now, time has passed, and i am breathing. the sun comes up and goes down again, i watch it leave knowing it will return in the morning. always.
reading your entry made me tired.
there were reasons i didnt hit send in the first place. if i thought that fighting for us would do us any good, could resurrect us, could make us new again, i would.
but you let mirah speak for you in ways your own cryptic words refused - we can never go home again.
you win. i quit.