escape from mount cock
So, it started innocently enough. I was at work, working, like I do, and my 2 of my co-workers come to me and say "We are going to a teachers development meeting for the night and will come back tomorrow and the vice-principal wants to know if you'd like to come too". Of course, I thought, who I am to turn down a free stay at a hotel and free food as well, not to mention that it could be a culturally enlightening experience, so I said yes. A decision I am ruing as we speak.
So, eight people including myself get into the van, but before we hit the road we stop off for some eel soup. Here, I am informed that eating eel will improve the performance of my wang, and that I should eat it at least twice a week. This seemed like innocent advice, but little did I know how UTTERLY awkward it would get after that.
Next thing I know, we are in out third hour into a 4 hour road trip. The mood was pleasant, as we were listening to a Korean performer with a very nice voice accompanied by a guitar. It was simple, and seemed to fit the scenery of the crag-like mountains falling into the sea. Well, all that was ruined by the suggestion of my co-teacher, Mr. Seol, that we listen to something that I can understand. "I'm fine", I said. They wouldn't take no for an answer. All I can say is the cd they offered me featured the most homosexual array of 1994 gay club hits. I felt like I was in a cult movie; Priscilla, Queen of South Korea, or To Wang Fu, except Wang Fu was a man in the van innocently bobbing his head along with beat of a bad club mix of "Sisters Doing it For Themselves" immediately followed by "YMCA". Then all hope was lost as they screamed "YOU LIKE ENGLISH MUSIC?!"
It didn't get much better, as the development seminar was apparently becoming an excuse for everyone to drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol and eat raw fish. So, 'dinner' lasted from 5:30 till 9, most of that was spent making bombs with soju. Then we finally made it to the hotel to continue drinking of course. Here I was:
-Carrying people to the bathroom so they could vomit.
-Being groped by the gym teacher who actually went under my shirt at one point.
-forced to do karaoke.
After a couple choruses of Edelweiss and Country Roads, I was feeling like sleep was the best thing, so I made a nest on the floor and slept the night away. All my fellow teachers woke up 5 am to go the sauna and be naked around each other. I just slept.
Now, here's where the story gets weird. We stop off for lunch, and I am told that next we were going to a park with statues shaped like 'trees'. Turns out I misunderstood; they actually said 'penises'. So, we stop off at Haesindang Park, famous for its giant phalluses, and with the eagerness of a four year old running to a playground, all my male co-teachers run up and have their photo taken with the giant bronze cock that was the centerpiece of the main fountain. As one progressed up "Cock Mountain", they could see a variety of happy, sad, and completely fucking elated giant wooden penises. Then when you reach the top of the mountain, after the masturbated boys and sodomizing mushrooms carved into wood, there is the high-council of cock. Giant stone meat-whistles, within carved very foreboding zodiac animals, all positioned in such a way to resemble Stonehenge or Chichen Itza. I felt like I was to be a sacrificial lamb to the giant stone man-piece. Then, after all the excitement of mount cock is over, we all load into the van and make it back to Sokcho, and act like it never happened. (for reference: http://www.rjkoehler.com/2007/11/08/park-of-really-big-penises/)
These past two days have been so weird. Kind of like a really bad fever dream where you don't realize that you are hallucinating. I don't know how I am going to ever look into my co-workers faces ever again. And as far as Korea being one of the more homophobic countries in Asia, these events leave a LOT to debate.
So, eight people including myself get into the van, but before we hit the road we stop off for some eel soup. Here, I am informed that eating eel will improve the performance of my wang, and that I should eat it at least twice a week. This seemed like innocent advice, but little did I know how UTTERLY awkward it would get after that.
Next thing I know, we are in out third hour into a 4 hour road trip. The mood was pleasant, as we were listening to a Korean performer with a very nice voice accompanied by a guitar. It was simple, and seemed to fit the scenery of the crag-like mountains falling into the sea. Well, all that was ruined by the suggestion of my co-teacher, Mr. Seol, that we listen to something that I can understand. "I'm fine", I said. They wouldn't take no for an answer. All I can say is the cd they offered me featured the most homosexual array of 1994 gay club hits. I felt like I was in a cult movie; Priscilla, Queen of South Korea, or To Wang Fu, except Wang Fu was a man in the van innocently bobbing his head along with beat of a bad club mix of "Sisters Doing it For Themselves" immediately followed by "YMCA". Then all hope was lost as they screamed "YOU LIKE ENGLISH MUSIC?!"
It didn't get much better, as the development seminar was apparently becoming an excuse for everyone to drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol and eat raw fish. So, 'dinner' lasted from 5:30 till 9, most of that was spent making bombs with soju. Then we finally made it to the hotel to continue drinking of course. Here I was:
-Carrying people to the bathroom so they could vomit.
-Being groped by the gym teacher who actually went under my shirt at one point.
-forced to do karaoke.
After a couple choruses of Edelweiss and Country Roads, I was feeling like sleep was the best thing, so I made a nest on the floor and slept the night away. All my fellow teachers woke up 5 am to go the sauna and be naked around each other. I just slept.
Now, here's where the story gets weird. We stop off for lunch, and I am told that next we were going to a park with statues shaped like 'trees'. Turns out I misunderstood; they actually said 'penises'. So, we stop off at Haesindang Park, famous for its giant phalluses, and with the eagerness of a four year old running to a playground, all my male co-teachers run up and have their photo taken with the giant bronze cock that was the centerpiece of the main fountain. As one progressed up "Cock Mountain", they could see a variety of happy, sad, and completely fucking elated giant wooden penises. Then when you reach the top of the mountain, after the masturbated boys and sodomizing mushrooms carved into wood, there is the high-council of cock. Giant stone meat-whistles, within carved very foreboding zodiac animals, all positioned in such a way to resemble Stonehenge or Chichen Itza. I felt like I was to be a sacrificial lamb to the giant stone man-piece. Then, after all the excitement of mount cock is over, we all load into the van and make it back to Sokcho, and act like it never happened. (for reference: http://www.rjkoehler.com/2007/11/08/park-of-really-big-penises/)
These past two days have been so weird. Kind of like a really bad fever dream where you don't realize that you are hallucinating. I don't know how I am going to ever look into my co-workers faces ever again. And as far as Korea being one of the more homophobic countries in Asia, these events leave a LOT to debate.