school house rap
School House Rap: The Declaration of Independence
Male Singer: As your rhymes start flowing.
Female Singer: The beat gets louder.
Both: It’s great to rap!
Boy: Cause rapping is power… Bitch!
Both: School House Rappy, here he comes, OH SNAP! With your favorite School House. School House Rap!
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(Music cue: Yankee Doodle in rap style with beats, bass notes, and record scratches)
(SFX: knock on the door, door opens)
John Adams: Yo!
British Delivery Man: Here you are John Adams. Your shipment of sugar, tea, and tobacco.
(SFX: crates dropped on floor.)
B.D.M.: And here’s your bill.
(SFX: parchment unrolling)
Adams: Ah, what the fuck!!!
B.D.M.: Ah yes, there ARE new taxes and tariffs.
Adams: This is bullshit!
B.D.M.: Well don’t take it out on me. Take it up with your king!
(SFX: door slam)
Adams: Son of a bitch!!! Hey John Hancock! Check this shit!
John Hancock: MOTHER FUCKER!!! Sugar act? Stamp act? What the fuck?
Adams: Yo, Ben Franklin! Give me that cell phone you just invented.
Ben Franklin: It ain’t gonna be long distance is it, dog?
Adams: You better believe it is! I’m hittin’ King George up right now to give em a piece of my mind!
(SFX: speed dial)
King George: This is King Gizzle the thirdizzle. What’s the dilly, yo?
Adams: Yo, King George! WHAT THE FUUUUCK!!!
King: Why you be trippin’, John Adams?
Adams: What’s with all these taxes and tariffs and shit? Now you hittin’ us up fo twice as many bones as da last time?
King: Cool out, dog! We’s jus doin’ what we’s gots ta do to pay the bills. Tell ya what, homeslice. How’s bouts we catch ya’ll back next millennium. Hahaha. Peace, bitch!
(SFX: phone hangs up)
(Music cue: rap beat begins)
Adams: Mother fuck! King George just hung up on my shit!
Ben: What we gonna do?
Adams: Give me that fucking parchment!
(SFX: parchment being ruffled and scratching of quill to paper)
Adams: I think it’s time that the America colonies told King George to step off!
Hancock: We gonna start our country, bitches!
Adams: Fuckin’ A right! And it all starts with four little words!
(Music cue: rap music comes in full as rap begins)
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
Hancock: Can you hear the cries for freedom throughout this new nation?
Adams: When in the course…
All: WHEN IN THE COURSE!
Adams: …of human events, men must stand against their tyrants, raise their voice and dissent. ‘Cause all men should be made equal with unalienable rights to pursue happiness, liberty, and a bomb-ass life. But King George says…
All: NO!
Hancock: I’m gonna tax yo’ shit! So bend over grab ya ankles and just deal with it!
Adams: Well fuck that! (echoes)
Ben: Drop it like a wood burnin’ stove, yo.
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
Hancock: Can you hear the cries for freedom throughout this new nation?
Adams: Yo, Ben Franklin! You invented electricity. Electrify these mother fuckers!
Ben: B-E-N-F-R-A-N-K-L-I-N. And I’m here today to do a little signing. Put my signature on the declaration, to bring freedom to this new nation. Let’s throw a tea party. Everyone’s an invitee. George Washington’s coming and he’s bringing the weed. His shit’s the cronic, it’s sonic. And everyone knows, Thomas Jefferson’s rollin’ in with some quality ho’s.
Hancock: For a fortnight, we gonna tap that shit! Prolly get some bitches pregnant ‘cause they ain’t invented condoms yet!
Ben: I’m workin’ on it dog. Shiiit. So tonight, let’s take this mother fucker down and give the boot to every red coat in the whole damn town. Cause if King George wants to tax our shit, King George can get bent!
All: WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT!!!
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
Hancock: Can you hear the cries for freedom throughout this new nation?
Adams: ?????????????????
Hancock: Knock knock! Open up bitch! Hey what’s wrong? Ain’t you never seen a statesman with a 3 foot schlong? When bitches see my shit, they wanna get their freak on. I was endowed by my creator with a python! John Hancock in your house and you best believe it. Wrote my name 3 fucking feet tall so your wrinkled old ass can read it! Sugar Act, Stamp Act, Townsend Act too? You think just ‘cause you wear a crown we gotta listen to you?
All: FUCK THE MONARCHY! FUCK, FUCK THE MONARCHY!!!
Hancock: ???????????
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
Hancock: Can you hear the cries for freedom throughout this new nation?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
All: WHAT?!?
Adams: No taxation without representation!
Hancock: Can you hear the cries for freedom? OPEN UP YER EARS BITCH!
Adams: John Hancock. Ben Franklin. And ya boy, John Adams. King George, check your mail. We out. We out.