Jan 22, 2004 09:23
there is something rather serious choking my soul. in one word...regret. i always say that you shouldn't regret anything...but it's not true. i regret half of my life.
secondly, i hate everything. spam, reality television, egotism, stupid tattoos, racing cars on the highway, coffee that's too hot, fake people, hee hee's, money, everything.
i miss aaron. or at least the thought of aaron has been weighing heavily on me. i miss the way that he was and the way that he treated me. i can't find a decent guy. they are either bad off on drugs, they are drunks, or they don't know how to treat me. it's not like it's that hard, just a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. i am beginning to lose faith that good one's exist.
i am doing awful in school. i don't care and i can't force myself to care. i have completely lost my motivation. i don't want to look back in four years and go...wow...i just paid a lot of money and studied my ass off to become a powerful force of 'the man.' and i know that that's where i am headed. hating things more...if that is entirely possible.
on the surface everything in my life is awesome. get along with my family, friends are great, taking the occasional roadtrip, go to class, get to bed early...but deep down i am just going through the motions. i don't care about anything anymore. nothing. it's all plastic and i hate it.
so there you go...that's what i have been up to.