A Date with myself
I've been reading a book called “The Boyfriend Within.” Its about paying attention to that still small voice inside you. That perfect boyfriend (or girlfriend) that dwells within each of us. It talks about how we often project that fantasy onto the people we date and how in comparison to our deepest desires the people we date will almost always fall short. The fact of the matter is what we want is often right inside of us.
The book is full of exercises and activities that are designed to get you in touch with “The boyfriend within.” Some of them seem (to me) a bit involved and I will have to do them when I get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. In the mean time I came up with my own exercise, a date with myself.
There is actually a really funny song from my favorite recording artist Jason Mraz. The song is called “Conversation with Myself.” Its basically a well disguised song about masturbation that at one point describes what it is I'm doing today.
There is a guy in my life right now that is interested in me. His name is Cory and he is a really nice guy. We had our first date last Monday and seemed to make a connection. We played mini golf, had dinner and despite the restaurant being entirely overrated and overpriced had a wonderful time together. I got a goodnight kiss and didn't get home until after midnight. Despite his best efforts to keep me engaged and interested during what is for him a very busy week I have found myself bored and feeling neglected.
I've voiced this opinion to him and seem to keep coming up with the same answer. I need to CHILL! Today I began to internalize the way I feel and look inward for the answers. It's amazing how the boyfriend within is always there to give me the answer even if I don't wanna hear it. I need to learn to love myself and appreciate the boyfriend within and not expect some beautiful stranger to all of a sudden be everything I desire after one date.
It's funny, I was almost subconsciously expecting that from him. I find blogging so therapeutic because once you get your own thoughts down on paper you begin to realize how crazy you actually are! How could I even begin to put that kind of pressure on someone I just met? I think its a deep longing for him (or any attractive guy for that matter) to posses all the qualities of “the boyfriend within.”
While you may at points in your life find people that are close to what you want in a partner. The simple fact remains that you wont ever find anyone who is exactly what you want. Because the image you have inside of the perfect man is impossible for anyone to reach...but you.
Did I say that? Yes, only you can achieve all the qualities you are looking for in a man. The “boyfriend within” is actually YOU. All of those qualities you are looking for in a partner are often a combination of all of the qualities you love about yourself and all the qualities you wish you could bring out of yourself. The reality is, you do posses them...you just have to find them within yourself.
This brings me to my date with myself. I have been in a serious struggle over the last few weeks to keep myself busy. Job hunting (as you may know) is not a cardiovascular intensive activity. It can be and often is very boring and involves a lot of patience and persistence. The latter is one of my best professional attributes, the former is one of my worst. Having to wait for anything is enough to make me rip my hair out. This is also one of my biggest problems in my love life...ask anyone who's ever dated me.
Today I am slowing myself down. I'm taking a moment to stop and smell the roses. To analyze all of the things that make me wonderful. You have to treat yourself the way you want a boyfriend to treat you. I often neglect my own true needs because I'm too busy concentrating on keeping myself busy and keeping things moving along romantically.
This afternoon I took myself out to lunch at Johnny Rockets and started this blog. I now find myself at Borders at Winter Park Village enjoying a pot of chamomile tea and putting my thoughts down on (digital) paper. I was going to take myself out to a movie and then I remembered that its good to be with the people who truly love you unconditionally and share your thoughts with them. My cousin Barbara will be joining me for a movie in an hour.
The fact is that in this instant gratification world of Blackberry's, GPS, Laptops, WiFi and online dating we often forget to stop for a moment and let our hearts catch up. Maybe we need to let ourselves get lost every now and then. Lost to our own thoughts, our own dreams, our own wants, our own pain, our own tears, our own desires and then find a way to fulfill ourselves before we look to others for comfort.
I want to fall in love again. I remember how love feels and I want it badly. But I look at the difference in myself now and myself then and I find one thing. When I first fell in love I let it happen. I met a beautiful man...sparks flew and love came knocking. Today I feel as though I'm desperately reaching for something I want, and may not be noticing that it was right here all along. Love yourself and you'll be amazed that others will notice...and love you too.
The book is full of exercises and activities that are designed to get you in touch with “The boyfriend within.” Some of them seem (to me) a bit involved and I will have to do them when I get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. In the mean time I came up with my own exercise, a date with myself.
There is actually a really funny song from my favorite recording artist Jason Mraz. The song is called “Conversation with Myself.” Its basically a well disguised song about masturbation that at one point describes what it is I'm doing today.
There is a guy in my life right now that is interested in me. His name is Cory and he is a really nice guy. We had our first date last Monday and seemed to make a connection. We played mini golf, had dinner and despite the restaurant being entirely overrated and overpriced had a wonderful time together. I got a goodnight kiss and didn't get home until after midnight. Despite his best efforts to keep me engaged and interested during what is for him a very busy week I have found myself bored and feeling neglected.
I've voiced this opinion to him and seem to keep coming up with the same answer. I need to CHILL! Today I began to internalize the way I feel and look inward for the answers. It's amazing how the boyfriend within is always there to give me the answer even if I don't wanna hear it. I need to learn to love myself and appreciate the boyfriend within and not expect some beautiful stranger to all of a sudden be everything I desire after one date.
It's funny, I was almost subconsciously expecting that from him. I find blogging so therapeutic because once you get your own thoughts down on paper you begin to realize how crazy you actually are! How could I even begin to put that kind of pressure on someone I just met? I think its a deep longing for him (or any attractive guy for that matter) to posses all the qualities of “the boyfriend within.”
While you may at points in your life find people that are close to what you want in a partner. The simple fact remains that you wont ever find anyone who is exactly what you want. Because the image you have inside of the perfect man is impossible for anyone to reach...but you.
Did I say that? Yes, only you can achieve all the qualities you are looking for in a man. The “boyfriend within” is actually YOU. All of those qualities you are looking for in a partner are often a combination of all of the qualities you love about yourself and all the qualities you wish you could bring out of yourself. The reality is, you do posses them...you just have to find them within yourself.
This brings me to my date with myself. I have been in a serious struggle over the last few weeks to keep myself busy. Job hunting (as you may know) is not a cardiovascular intensive activity. It can be and often is very boring and involves a lot of patience and persistence. The latter is one of my best professional attributes, the former is one of my worst. Having to wait for anything is enough to make me rip my hair out. This is also one of my biggest problems in my love life...ask anyone who's ever dated me.
Today I am slowing myself down. I'm taking a moment to stop and smell the roses. To analyze all of the things that make me wonderful. You have to treat yourself the way you want a boyfriend to treat you. I often neglect my own true needs because I'm too busy concentrating on keeping myself busy and keeping things moving along romantically.
This afternoon I took myself out to lunch at Johnny Rockets and started this blog. I now find myself at Borders at Winter Park Village enjoying a pot of chamomile tea and putting my thoughts down on (digital) paper. I was going to take myself out to a movie and then I remembered that its good to be with the people who truly love you unconditionally and share your thoughts with them. My cousin Barbara will be joining me for a movie in an hour.
The fact is that in this instant gratification world of Blackberry's, GPS, Laptops, WiFi and online dating we often forget to stop for a moment and let our hearts catch up. Maybe we need to let ourselves get lost every now and then. Lost to our own thoughts, our own dreams, our own wants, our own pain, our own tears, our own desires and then find a way to fulfill ourselves before we look to others for comfort.
I want to fall in love again. I remember how love feels and I want it badly. But I look at the difference in myself now and myself then and I find one thing. When I first fell in love I let it happen. I met a beautiful man...sparks flew and love came knocking. Today I feel as though I'm desperately reaching for something I want, and may not be noticing that it was right here all along. Love yourself and you'll be amazed that others will notice...and love you too.