my incoherent ramblings of anger and frustration and exhustion...
funny how things work...
my job at M&I is pretty much a nightmare. my boss is a horrible beast. the works itself is boring.
and i know i should be relieved. now i have insurance (which is important) and decent pay (which is supposedly important).. i guess i don't mean to bitch since i did complain for so long about not having a job. i guess i was hoping for something better since i did fucking graduate college. i shouldn't be in a dead end job that i hate at 23. maybe i was expecting too much.
i usually do.
especially in people.
and i seem to let people disappoint me again and again. maybe that's because i'm expecting too much from them. if you lower your expectations, they can't hurt you as much? who knows.
all i know is that i'm moving in with justin and i should be ecstatic. i'm not. i'm happy to be getting out of my current living situation... where my roommate doesn't exist. and as far as she's concerned i don't exist either.
but to the point... every weekend is the same. that in part is because of my job(s).
monday - friday 8am to 5pm i sit in my cubicle thinking of ways to possibly get workers comp. or kill myself. friday and/or saturday 8pm or 9pm until around 3:30am or 4am i bartend where i get demanding annoying fuck bags who think that their drink order should come before the 600 people that were standing in front of them. if you want a fucking drink that fast, let me give you a couple tips... don't order fucking complicated drinks when there's 1100 people on the patio. maybe have a beer or a simple mixed drink. don't sit and wave your fucking money in my face and then when i ask what you want, stumble over your words like your retarded.
i got sidetracked again.. anyway somewhere in that mix of dates and times comes my relationship. which consists of us making dinner, watching movies, et cetera during the week (since we're both employeed full time) and the weekend ALWAYS consist of drinking. and that's what's driving me crazy. i CAN'T STAND coming home from working at the bar (especially when it's a stressful night) and having justin's drunk ass mumbling jibberish. i don't think it's asking too much to maybe lay off. we're not in college anymore so is it necessary to drink that much every fucking weekend.
on a side note, there was no "hello" when i let him into my apartment at 4am. there was just a stumble and pass out on my bed. so i showered. and cried. and can't understand why at 23 my life has this rigid schedule of horrible events... all of them contributing to my demise.
i guess it'd just be nice to get home from work and have someone to talk to. because i was so frustrated tonight... and i have no one.
it's not even that he got drunk. it's that he said he wasn't even going out. and he always says that. and every single weekend ( i think since we've been together) he gets retarded drunk one of the nights... go ahead and kill all your brain cells. you don't seem to be using them
i just need someone to vent to... i guess my select people who read this, and who i do a terrible job keeping in touch with, can just listen to my ramblins and be thankful that your lives aren't like mine.
i'll leave you with these song lyrics- they depict my feelings lately:
And then like a locomotive
The sound of your sorrow comes
I’m tired of the way that it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better
But I think I’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater
I’d rather be alone
You’re about as reliable as paper shoes in bad weather
my job at M&I is pretty much a nightmare. my boss is a horrible beast. the works itself is boring.
and i know i should be relieved. now i have insurance (which is important) and decent pay (which is supposedly important).. i guess i don't mean to bitch since i did complain for so long about not having a job. i guess i was hoping for something better since i did fucking graduate college. i shouldn't be in a dead end job that i hate at 23. maybe i was expecting too much.
i usually do.
especially in people.
and i seem to let people disappoint me again and again. maybe that's because i'm expecting too much from them. if you lower your expectations, they can't hurt you as much? who knows.
all i know is that i'm moving in with justin and i should be ecstatic. i'm not. i'm happy to be getting out of my current living situation... where my roommate doesn't exist. and as far as she's concerned i don't exist either.
but to the point... every weekend is the same. that in part is because of my job(s).
monday - friday 8am to 5pm i sit in my cubicle thinking of ways to possibly get workers comp. or kill myself. friday and/or saturday 8pm or 9pm until around 3:30am or 4am i bartend where i get demanding annoying fuck bags who think that their drink order should come before the 600 people that were standing in front of them. if you want a fucking drink that fast, let me give you a couple tips... don't order fucking complicated drinks when there's 1100 people on the patio. maybe have a beer or a simple mixed drink. don't sit and wave your fucking money in my face and then when i ask what you want, stumble over your words like your retarded.
i got sidetracked again.. anyway somewhere in that mix of dates and times comes my relationship. which consists of us making dinner, watching movies, et cetera during the week (since we're both employeed full time) and the weekend ALWAYS consist of drinking. and that's what's driving me crazy. i CAN'T STAND coming home from working at the bar (especially when it's a stressful night) and having justin's drunk ass mumbling jibberish. i don't think it's asking too much to maybe lay off. we're not in college anymore so is it necessary to drink that much every fucking weekend.
on a side note, there was no "hello" when i let him into my apartment at 4am. there was just a stumble and pass out on my bed. so i showered. and cried. and can't understand why at 23 my life has this rigid schedule of horrible events... all of them contributing to my demise.
i guess it'd just be nice to get home from work and have someone to talk to. because i was so frustrated tonight... and i have no one.
it's not even that he got drunk. it's that he said he wasn't even going out. and he always says that. and every single weekend ( i think since we've been together) he gets retarded drunk one of the nights... go ahead and kill all your brain cells. you don't seem to be using them
i just need someone to vent to... i guess my select people who read this, and who i do a terrible job keeping in touch with, can just listen to my ramblins and be thankful that your lives aren't like mine.
i'll leave you with these song lyrics- they depict my feelings lately:
And then like a locomotive
The sound of your sorrow comes
I’m tired of the way that it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better
But I think I’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater
I’d rather be alone
You’re about as reliable as paper shoes in bad weather